RE: Orgasm T&D and relationships

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RE: Orgasm T&D and relationships - 5/10/2016 10:13:55 PM

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Joined: 2/23/2016
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@Oside:
I am not supporting the use of devices to substitute the relationship dynamics between dominant and submissive. I DO believe that the use of devices CAN enhance the relationship. One can read into my posts whatever they want but please try to remember the intent of what was originally posted and where I'm trying to go with this discussion.
Thanks
D.A.

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: DeliciousAche

Men are much easier to control and dominate when you deny them orgasms.

Bull shit. That's a cop out. If you really want to obey and serve, you obey and serve. You shouldn't have to be forced or tortured to do what you've agreed to do.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: Orgasm T&D and relationships - 5/10/2016 11:04:46 PM

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Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DeliciousAche

@Oside:
I am not supporting the use of devices to substitute the relationship dynamics between dominant and submissive. I DO believe that the use of devices CAN enhance the relationship. One can read into my posts whatever they want but please try to remember the intent of what was originally posted and where I'm trying to go with this discussion.
Thanks
D.A.

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: DeliciousAche

Men are much easier to control and dominate when you deny them orgasms.

Bull shit. That's a cop out. If you really want to obey and serve, you obey and serve. You shouldn't have to be forced or tortured to do what you've agreed to do.

Please try to remember that we can and do have the ability to respond to specific posts. My post stands in reply to the posting of that link and a definitive statement from the author of that site....who is a fraud.

You do the community a disservice by posting the fantasies of a man posing as a woman to make money off of wank material as truth.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 5/10/2016 11:16:17 PM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to DeliciousAche)

RE: Orgasm T&D and relationships - 5/11/2016 10:16:38 AM

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Joined: 9/25/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: DeliciousAche

Men are much easier to control and dominate when you deny them orgasms.

Bull shit. That's a cop out. If you really want to obey and serve, you obey and serve. You shouldn't have to be forced or tortured to do what you've agreed to do.

And yet, it turns out that I don't do a good amount of what I've agreed to do. Because it just isn't that easy. Example: I'm not supposed to get up and go into the living room to pet the cat or read on the couch when I wake up in the middle of the night and can't fall back to sleep. I"m supposed to roll over, close my eyes, and go back to sleep. I didn't get the hang of this for a long time. My body and, frankly, my brain wouldn't cooperate. I'd lie there in a tizzy wondering what I should do to get myself back to sleep and then wind up building up my anxiety even more, thereby making it even more difficult to go to sleep. (Don't analyze me!) In this instance, you know what? I had to be forced. (Had/have...sometimes I'm good at this, sometimes I still struggle.)

It's not a cop out. It's hard.

Another example: growing out my bangs. Call me vain, childish, whatever...I am still in this God-awful, hundred-year process of growing out my bangs and I. Hate. It. I'm obedient in that I'm not cutting them back in, but I struggle with keeping my mouth shut about it every morning when I get ready. More than anything else, my hair has always been what defines me, physically, anyway. So to have it not looking exactly how I want it to look, but instead, how he wants it to look, is kind of a big deal in my world. I honestly don't really want to obey here. At all. So it's a genuine struggle for me.

(These are fluffy instances...on purpose.)

So yes, I absolutely agree (but with less of a wank feeling about it than maybe where this thread could be headed) that being denied orgasm can help with obedience. Is it necesssary? Of course not. But in my experience and knowledge of others who refrain from orgasm, it is a genuine method to ...well, do all those things that I mentioned in my earlier post about why I do it. It definitely helps because no, I can't "just obey." Even when I want to do nothing else but obey, I'm fighting decades of learned responses and behaviors that won't be suddenly corrected or changed just because he said so. It's a process that, for me, is lubricated by orgasm T&D. (See what I did there?)

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: Orgasm T&D and relationships - 5/11/2016 1:23:41 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko
Example: I'm not supposed to get up and go into the living room to pet the cat or read on the couch when I wake up in the middle of the night and can't fall back to sleep. I"m supposed to roll over, close my eyes, and go back to sleep. I didn't get the hang of this for a long time. My body and, frankly, my brain wouldn't cooperate. I'd lie there in a tizzy wondering what I should do to get myself back to sleep and then wind up building up my anxiety even more, thereby making it even more difficult to go to sleep. (Don't analyze me!)

We have the same rule and I suffer from insomnia too....so you have my sympathy.

I understand it's hard. If it was easy and it was always things we liked....would it really be submitting?

quote:

In this instance, you know what? I had to be forced.

I think the difference from my point of view is that quote was speaking about force being a constant 24/7 thing to ensure obedience. Rather than an incident by incident method of dealing with it. (No one is perfect and God knows we've all messed something up)

The quote from "Elise" is essentially saying that to get all male submissives to behave they need 24/7 coercion.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 5/11/2016 2:15:36 PM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Kaliko)

RE: Orgasm T&D and relationships - 5/12/2016 7:51:41 AM

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Joined: 2/23/2016
Status: offline

I do not know if that "person" is male or not.
I am not trying to deceive anybody here either.
Let's stick to the topic of orgasm tantalism and denial and how they impact relationships.

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: DeliciousAche

@Oside:
I am not supporting the use of devices to substitute the relationship dynamics between dominant and submissive. I DO believe that the use of devices CAN enhance the relationship. One can read into my posts whatever they want but please try to remember the intent of what was originally posted and where I'm trying to go with this discussion.
Thanks
D.A.

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: DeliciousAche

Men are much easier to control and dominate when you deny them orgasms.

Bull shit. That's a cop out. If you really want to obey and serve, you obey and serve. You shouldn't have to be forced or tortured to do what you've agreed to do.

Please try to remember that we can and do have the ability to respond to specific posts. My post stands in reply to the posting of that link and a definitive statement from the author of that site....who is a fraud.

You do the community a disservice by posting the fantasies of a man posing as a woman to make money off of wank material as truth.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: Orgasm T&D and relationships - 5/13/2016 9:56:22 PM

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Joined: 2/23/2016
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I've checked and don't see anything suggesting Elise Sutton is male. Would you please share information on this matter, Oside?
thanks

(in reply to DeliciousAche)

RE: Orgasm T&D and relationships - 5/14/2016 5:39:33 PM

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Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline

If it's what you want to do, it's great. If it ain't, it blows.

Kinda like most things. Pinochle included.

_____________________________

Frosted Flake
simul justus et peccator
Einen Liebhaber, und halten Sie die Schraube

"... evil (and hilarious) !!" Hlen5

(in reply to daydazed82)

RE: Orgasm T&D and relationships - 5/14/2016 8:17:22 PM

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Joined: 2/23/2016
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That is true.
As it is with various lifestyle interests, it's great to have a partner who shares your interests.
I've found that most who try T&D have "enjoyed' it at least to some extent
.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FrostedFlake

If it's what you want to do, it's great. If it ain't, it blows.

Kinda like most things. Pinochle included.

(in reply to FrostedFlake)

RE: Orgasm T&D and relationships - 5/17/2016 5:40:20 PM

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Joined: 5/11/2016
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Tease and delay is great way to bring about a stronger orgasm, building the arousal in increments, delaying the Orgasm until she begs, is playful, it gives a time for playful intimacy. I have told my Sub to not orgasm and I have used Hypnosis to delay and build it up to a more powerful level, sort of Amping up the Orgasm.

Denial sounds like that would have the opposite effect in a relationship. For training, Not sure how that would be a positive thing. Training comes through communication, and positive motivations.
Denial sounds like that would be a punishment of sorts, maybe for something similar to pain and degradation.

Not really a positive thing to try if just for playtime!!!

(in reply to daydazed82)

RE: Orgasm T&D and relationships - 5/17/2016 5:54:42 PM

DannyIsNotWelcom

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Joined: 8/7/2015
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It is really training like in soccer practice. I used to think that I couldn't ejaculate without my master's permission any more (which was fine for me.) Then he made me come four times in a row.

If it's just for playtime there are a lot of things that I would not recommend ...

< Message edited by DannyIsNotWelcom -- 5/17/2016 6:02:39 PM >

(in reply to OldArmyRanger)

RE: Orgasm T&D and relationships - 5/17/2016 8:56:38 PM

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Joined: 2/23/2016
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Regarding "denial" ...
Please allow me to define "denial" as I stated it in my post.
Denial means to refrain from allowing certain specified action(s) from occurring. Dominance and Submission are featured here.
Deny the orgasm. Deny the ability to orgasm. Not as though as punishment but rather as training, to learn submission..

quote:

ORIGINAL: OldArmyRanger

Tease and delay is great way to bring about a stronger orgasm, building the arousal in increments, delaying the Orgasm until she begs, is playful, it gives a time for playful intimacy. I have told my Sub to not orgasm and I have used Hypnosis to delay and build it up to a more powerful level, sort of Amping up the Orgasm.

Denial sounds like that would have the opposite effect in a relationship. For training, Not sure how that would be a positive thing. Training comes through communication, and positive motivations.
Denial sounds like that would be a punishment of sorts, maybe for something similar to pain and degradation.

Not really a positive thing to try if just for playtime!!!

(in reply to OldArmyRanger)

RE: Orgasm T&D and relationships - 6/2/2016 3:58:24 PM

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Joined: 2/23/2016
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Have any of you folks heard of Sarah Jameson?
She is married to a man whom she keeps in extremely long term T&D.
From what I understand, he initially suggested it to her and she became intrigued by it.
Such total control! Such a total power exchange on the sexual level!
They tell us that their relationship is much more intimate. So much so that she wrote a book called "Be Careful for what You Ask For" (you just might get it).
Do a search on it - interesting read!

(in reply to DeliciousAche)

RE: Orgasm T&D and relationships - 6/11/2016 8:37:58 PM

DannyIsNotWelcom

Posts: 177
Joined: 8/7/2015
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From my perspective I can say that I can have almost everything that I want but I must often really crave it, so much so that I'd be willing to go on my knees and say pretty pretty please Sir master - while I'm normally a proud man, so it wouldn't be easy for me and I am strictly forbidden to do that so that I risk punishment on top of not getting what I want. Master can see it in my eyes, when I'm close to tears then I'm ready for it. That includes ice cream and occasionally even going to the toilet. As for orgasms I am often required to stimulate myself but it is a hard rule that I must not come without permission. (Pants should be moist but not wet.) That requires some exercise, I can stay at a point for hours where as a sixteen year old boy literally nothing could have kept me from finishing myself off. At this point I always like to add a word of warning, while this is very attractive and I like it very much the punishment for failure needs to be extremely hard (not as in you fantasies hard but the actual stuff of your nightmares.)

(in reply to DeliciousAche)

RE: Orgasm T&D and relationships - 6/13/2016 4:56:50 PM

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Joined: 2/23/2016
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DannyIsNotWelcom

From my perspective I can say that I can have almost everything that I want but I must often really crave it, so much so that I'd be willing to go on my knees and say pretty pretty please Sir master - while I'm normally a proud man, so it wouldn't be easy for me and I am strictly forbidden to do that so that I risk punishment on top of not getting what I want. Master can see it in my eyes, when I'm close to tears then I'm ready for it. That includes ice cream and occasionally even going to the toilet. As for orgasms I am often required to stimulate myself but it is a hard rule that I must not come without permission. (Pants should be moist but not wet.) That requires some exercise, I can stay at a point for hours where as a sixteen year old boy literally nothing could have kept me from finishing myself off. At this point I always like to add a word of warning, while this is very attractive and I like it very much the punishment for failure needs to be extremely hard (not as in you fantasies hard but the actual stuff of your nightmares.)

Age certainly does factor into T&D. Young, verile males tend to orgasm easier than older men. That may or may not be an advantage. I'd tend to think younger men have greater tendency to have quick ejaculations than older men.

(in reply to DannyIsNotWelcom)

RE: Orgasm T&D and relationships - 6/20/2016 10:12:17 PM

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Joined: 2/23/2016
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Preparing the male for permanent chastity:

http://malechastitylifestyle.net/preparing-him-for-permanent-male-chastity/

From male chastity lifestyle:

Let’s face it, locking him up forever is one damn erotic
sexual fantasy…. for both him and her. But for most couples, permanent male chastity remains just that, a far-fetched fantasy.

However, times are a changin’ and as male chastity becomes more popular, some couples are turning to permanent male chastity to not only enhance but to
actually resurrect and sometimes even save their relationship.

Permanent male chastity is certainly not for every couple and is a decision that should never be taken lightly. After all, it’s permanent!

Preparing him for permanent male chastity is a process. It’s something that needs to be thoroughly discussed and planned out in order for it to work out.

The first step, once you have a well-fitting and reasonably comfortable chastity device locked in place, is to have him go 30 days of continuous chastity;
absolutely no removal of the chastity device and obviously, no orgasms.

(in reply to DeliciousAche)

RE: Orgasm T&D and relationships - 6/21/2016 12:39:09 PM

DannyIsNotWelcom

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Joined: 8/7/2015
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DeliciousAche

Let’s face it, locking him up forever is one damn erotic
sexual fantasy…. for both him and her.

I can't see why. What is the advantage? As concerns chastity devices, they look great but can be very cumbersome. If you tell your slave to not play with himself and he does it anyway ... he's probably not really your slave.

(in reply to DeliciousAche)

RE: Orgasm T&D and relationships - 6/21/2016 11:35:37 PM

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Bolded for emphasis, this is the principal crux of the matter. Being owned in submission is not mood-optional; it's a commitment entered into regardless of how *subbly* one happens to be feeling or not at any given moment.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DannyIsNotWelcom

quote:

ORIGINAL: DeliciousAche
Let’s face it, locking him up forever is one damn erotic sexual fantasy…. for both him and her.

I can't see why. What is the advantage? As concerns chastity devices, they look great but can be very cumbersome. If you tell your slave to not play with himself and he does it anyway ... he's probably not really your slave.

FFS, neither can I. I personally don't find chastity devices visually appealing either--not a lady boner inducer, by any means.

Coincidentally, the only dudes I know and know of, who get into this, are ones who are not anywhere near well-endowed... I'd like to see poll results on this informal factoid.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DeliciousAche
Preparing him for permanent male chastity is a process. It’s something that needs to be thoroughly discussed and planned out in order for it to work out.

The first step, once you have a well-fitting and reasonably comfortable chastity device locked in place, is to have him go 30 days of continuous chastity;
absolutely no removal of the chastity device and obviously, no orgasms.

Sounds as unhygienic as rotting dick syndrome.

Permanent chastity by default of cultivating leprous breeding grounds, hardly seems like a valid lifestyle choice.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to DannyIsNotWelcom)

RE: Orgasm T&D and relationships - 6/22/2016 7:54:27 AM

DannyIsNotWelcom

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That's precisely the point. I love serving my master most of the time but even if I don't there is a whip waiting for me. Many people just don't seem to understand the meaning of the words "for real."

(in reply to FieryOpal)

RE: Orgasm T&D and relationships - 6/22/2016 8:10:29 AM

DannyIsNotWelcom

Posts: 177
Joined: 8/7/2015
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
Being owned in submission is not mood-optional; it's a commitment entered into regardless of how *subbly* one happens to be feeling or not at any given moment.

That's normal for a subbie who is green behind the ears. Obeying your dominant with no questions asked is really not easy.

(in reply to FieryOpal)

RE: Orgasm T&D and relationships - 6/22/2016 8:16:36 AM

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Joined: 8/16/2011
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I'm no expert, and I don't think I'm sexist, but I think this questions pertains to females in a totally different way than it does to males. In my (gay) male experience, T & D only makes a guy more horny, more submissive and putty in the hands of his Dom(me). From what the female subs and slaves here have said it is a very different dynamic for them.

(in reply to daydazed82)

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