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RE: In your head. - 7/19/2016 12:05:25 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lookin4Lace

Fine if you want to be technical about it let me rephrase that for you all, sheesh ok a Dom instructs , a sub is acting or rather living in service to the Dom/Master,

It was expressly implied in that type to show segregation between the one controlling and the one controlled in the above replies their dynamic is correct in the gorean lifestyle mine is correct

The reason for my reply is that many throw out fantasy based ideas of how their D/s relationship will function, when in reality it's an unrealistic expectation that adds stress to relationship when it doesn't work.

Real life happens.

and i dont disagree with you one bit Osidegirl, but we are all living our own version of 50 shades of grey, the difference is for those that, THAT lifestyle doesnt work for might for another and the dynamics are what lead to the end result, for me its not about imposing my will as.much as it is finding a compatible relationship one that works for both parties involved , some relationships are vanilla in everyday life but once behind closed doors its a very different story, where as others may have a 24/7x365 slave Master dynamic in play , others may be just content with just a HOH relationship as in the Christian faith You see armysgt this is what i am speaking of here , in other websites people will nod thier heads and chime in with great fantasy stories , here well as you can plainly see , depending on whos view you associate with everyone has their field of expertise, and they will call you on your knowledge, or they will just call you full.of shit, either way you look at it this full of devout proffesionals if you will,

< Message edited by Lookin4Lace -- 7/19/2016 12:15:00 AM >

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: In your head. - 7/19/2016 3:38:27 AM

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ok I bite I will say something.

OsideGirl speaks wisely again the same with a lot of the others as well. Many of us have been in the BDSM lifestyle for years. I have been in it 22 years, but the bulk of those years have been strictly D/s or M/s, I didn't even get into S & M stuff until 9 years ago.

It's not a fantasy for many of us, it's life. And I think a lot of us shun 50 shades of grey, it's a bunch of crap.

(in reply to Lookin4Lace)

RE: In your head. - 7/19/2016 5:02:02 AM

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is with ThatDizzyChick and pretty much everyone else.

ArmySGTI am looking for some fresh perspectives on drawing a submissive out of her (his?) just thrash it out of her and she will thank you for it and thrash them some more for that is the way things are done, apparently, by the many, is what they think.

But you actually have a good point, knowing another's mind. I like to try pry them open. as opposed to implanting them with malarkey and stereotypical folderol

(in reply to LilJuly76)

RE: In your head. - 7/19/2016 9:46:02 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LilJuly76
And I think a lot of us shun 50 shades of grey, it's a bunch of crap.

50 Shades of Grey is a kink relationship with an emotionally stunted male and insecure female.

It's a terrible representation of D/s.

_____________________________

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(in reply to LilJuly76)

RE: In your head. - 7/19/2016 11:22:31 AM

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50 shades is just a really long Harlequin style romance novel with some BDSM thrown in to make it spicey.

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(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: In your head. - 7/19/2016 1:46:58 PM

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yes it is, all my relationships in D/s have always been strong

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: In your head. - 7/19/2016 2:24:55 PM

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I am rainbow to be more accurate electromagnetic spectrum -and handsome loon to boot - what off it?

(in reply to LilJuly76)

RE: In your head. - 7/19/2016 3:08:32 PM

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WD if anyone accuses you of being vain just smile and nod your head

< Message edited by LilJuly76 -- 7/19/2016 3:13:24 PM >

(in reply to WickedsDesire)

RE: In your head. - 7/19/2016 7:52:23 PM

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OK. Lets take a GIANT step backwards.

Some of us ARE in bedroom only relationships.

In what way is my relationship not "real"? Just because I'm into S&M over M/s or D/s?

All this stuff sounds dangerously close to "one twue way".

OP- I'm bedroom only, I "scene". HE decides. I don't like deciding. That's kinda the whole point. He knows my likes, and dislikes, and he knows what actions would terminate the relationship. After that I'm at his mercy.

(in reply to LilJuly76)

RE: In your head. - 7/19/2016 8:01:05 PM

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quote:

All this stuff sounds dangerously close to "one twue way".

Really? Ya think?

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(in reply to shiftyw)

RE: In your head. - 7/19/2016 9:02:38 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

OK. Lets take a GIANT step backwards.

Some of us ARE in bedroom only relationships.

In what way is my relationship not "real"? Just because I'm into S&M over M/s or D/s?

All this stuff sounds dangerously close to "one twue way".

OP- I'm bedroom only, I "scene". HE decides. I don't like deciding. That's kinda the whole point. He knows my likes, and dislikes, and he knows what actions would terminate the relationship. After that I'm at his mercy.

Your relationship IS real. But, does the scene define who you are? (which is what the OP suggested) Or is it how you live your life that is who you are?

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to shiftyw)

RE: In your head. - 7/19/2016 10:03:10 PM

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Eh.
I don't think he's on the right track either.

I'll elaborate- if that's what we are gonna harp on...(Although I think OP was just asking what will make girls panties drop, a la P.U.A. tips etc.)- My true identity is probably a bit of both. Sex is important to me. I'm not going to be with a man who wants me to dominate him. I'm not going to be with someone unwilling to spank my ass. But I'm also not about to go like...to my job...and present that aspect of myself. Although sex work is something I would do if I had the body and mind to do it.

So what if someone wants to role play? wants a sub who tops from the bottom? Its alllllllllll a part of you? is it not?

Like also I get that OP's assumption that a sub might need another person to be them "true" or "whole" selves is probably really misguided. His wording was pretty poor, but again, I feel as though we all get what he meant.

But...I guess the day to day life of this lifestyle isn't what "makes it real" either. Shits real...whether its incense and silk ties, or scrubbing dishes and making dinner. OP SHOULD have phrased it as "what gets you in the mood"- but he wanted to seem deeper than that.

Like folks can have a few aspects to them. The "scene" doesn't define "me" anymore than my job, or my hair color... its the whole picture.

I'm gonna go ahead and do something i never thought would happen... but wickeddesire is onto something with that "I am a rainbow"

OP- Just because your sex is more difficult- doesn't make it better, or superior. JUST like because the rest of these folks find that D/s works for them- doesn't mean it will for everyone or that they have a deeper relationship.

If you want to ask what makes someone feel submissive/"in the mood"- I think that first response you got was pretty spot on with the "this varies from person to person"

Ironically- for me- sitting at someone's feet while watching a flick is sexy as fuck. Doing his dishes doesn't fill me with anything but resent. So you know...different strokes and all that.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: In your head. - 7/19/2016 10:27:46 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

Eh.
I don't think he's on the right track either.

My true identity is probably a bit of both. Sex is important to me. I'm not going to be with a man who wants me to dominate him.

That's precisely it. Who I am in the bedroom having kinky sex isn't my "true identity". If sex defined that, there were quite a few guys in my 20's that I'm madly in love with...

By the same note, my submission to M doesn't define my entire identity either. It's part of who I am, but not the entirety of who I am. I get that the OP wants the women he's with to open up about their sexuality, but he's not going to be able to do that until he understands where that facet of life fits...and that it's only a facet.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to shiftyw)

RE: In your head. - 7/20/2016 3:32:11 AM

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we all have many facets of life. My D/s or M/s relationships are only one facet. I prefer them than vanilla, vanilla male or female bore me to tears.

sex is another topic, where most people have to have it in their lives, I can't have it in mine something that the newbie Dominants seem to not understand when they send me messages saying I'm hot do you want to "fuck."

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: In your head. - 7/23/2016 3:37:43 PM

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Joined: 9/3/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

Eh.
I don't think he's on the right track either.

I'll elaborate- if that's what we are gonna harp on...(Although I think OP was just asking what will make girls panties drop, a la P.U.A. tips etc.)-

No.... not looking for that. Just looking for some fresh perspectives on subs fantasies. The current relationship is bedroom only.

So far the advice has been underwhelming........

(in reply to shiftyw)

RE: In your head. - 7/23/2016 3:41:51 PM

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So be the subs.......... serial rapist, beat and hurt her, and treat her like a dog? Did some of you proof read that before hitting the enter key?

Carry on. I don't think there is anything here I can use.

(in reply to armysgt)

RE: In your head. - 7/23/2016 3:52:20 PM

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oh you hit the key word fantasy, many of us are in D/s or M/s relationships like OsideGirl said as one facet of our lives, we are not one dimensional, we are three dimensional and we are submissives in our relationships, male or female.

(in reply to armysgt)

RE: In your head. - 7/23/2016 3:59:54 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: armysgt

quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw

Eh.
I don't think he's on the right track either.

I'll elaborate- if that's what we are gonna harp on...(Although I think OP was just asking what will make girls panties drop, a la P.U.A. tips etc.)-

No.... not looking for that. Just looking for some fresh perspectives on subs fantasies. The current relationship is bedroom only.

So far the advice has been underwhelming........

I have a novel idea: why not ask her?
If she is reluctant to express her fantasies to you, then maybe give her an assignment to write them out.

Seriously,
A) if that was the specific advice you were seeking then why didn't you specifically ask that.

B) we have no idea what will turn your submissive partner on.

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(in reply to armysgt)

RE: In your head. - 7/23/2016 4:07:35 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: armysgt
Carry on. I don't think there is anything here I can use.

I agree you didn't get much here. In my assessment that's partly because of the way you phrased the question and partly just because you ran afoul of at least one of the hot buttons here on collarchat (no worries on that... newcomers to any community are bound to not know all the little unstated idiosyncrasies and will stumble over them -- you're doing better than my first few dozen posts).

Knowing what I know of the community here, I might've phrased it more like this:

Hi Subs:

I understand that everyone is unique but I'd love to hear your individual experiences and viewpoints to help broaden my own repertoire. What sorts of things help draw your mind out of the humdrum of bills and jobs and clogged garbage disposals and into a more sexy, scene oriented mind set? How did/does your master/owner/whatever help you "get in the mood"?

There's no need to be graphic and provide wank-fodder. I have an excellent imagination and have managed to wank all by myself for quite a few years now :)

Thanks for your help

In this formulation, the trap of "true self" is totally avoided. The context is clearly set at "bedroom scene". And I've clarified that I'm not looking for erotic porn but rather genuine insight.

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I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
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(in reply to armysgt)

RE: In your head. - 7/23/2016 4:39:11 PM

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I think we understood what he meant and many of us pointed out it's not a bedroom scene for us. it's one part of our life.

my example for me:

my M/s relationship
work
my family
the few close friends I have
my interests

there is no fantasy in regards to my M/s life.

(in reply to JeffBC)

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