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RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/28/2016 4:21:44 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Sometimes, love just isn't enough. If you aren't compatible, there's no magic cure.

_____________________________

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(in reply to Aquanerd1983)
Profile   Post #: 201
RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/28/2016 4:21:45 PM   
Aquanerd1983


Posts: 245
Joined: 8/27/2016
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quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1


quote:

ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983


quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983
She has baggage. At least half a dozen bags. Don't get that twisted.

No, actually, not from what you've said earlier.
She has many random sex partners - that isn't baggage.

You are a married woman (with kids) and a huge jealousy issue.
That's baggage. Very serious and ugly baggage.

We aren't saying HE is doing anything wrong at all.
The problems are all stemming from YOU, not him or the other girl.
Asking to give him space for the other girl is the wrong emphasis.
What you need is for him to give YOU space to sort yourself out.
That's a very different proposition completely.


Well she's in love with at least one of them, and they are regular not random. She's seen most of them for years.


It's still NOT baggage.
Whether she loves them or just loves them for what they give her is immaterial.
She doesn't have baggage - you do.

She is a free agent and untied.
You are married.


He chose to be with me knowing my marital status from the start. Does that mean nothing?

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)
Profile   Post #: 202
RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/28/2016 4:22:07 PM   
LilJuly76


Posts: 1245
Joined: 1/9/2016
Status: offline 		I'm pretty sure the fact that she is terrified, is creating the jealousy and the issues in her head, she doesn't want him to leave so she's creating it.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 203
RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/28/2016 4:24:05 PM   
Aquanerd1983


Posts: 245
Joined: 8/27/2016
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LilJuly76

I'm pretty sure the fact that she is terrified, is creating the jealousy and the issues in her head, she doesn't want him to leave so she's creating it.

You are probably right. I'm trying to overcome it. Fear shouldn't hold me back.

(in reply to LilJuly76)
Profile   Post #: 204
RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/28/2016 4:25:29 PM   
freedomdwarf1


Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983

Ok, I'll tell him I can't handle it, I'm jealous and I don't want to see him anymore so I can work on myself


Every one else is happy and I'm still miserable. Great solution.

If you work on your jealousy, you'll be happy and not miserable.
The jealousy is your achiles heel.

And to be honest, given your replies here, no, you can't handle it.
You need to step away for a bit and fix your problem.
I've already explained all that so I'm not to repeat it all again.


And your last post says it all - all pouting and stubborn and flouncing.
That is a very immature attitude to take.

And he accepted that you were married.
What did didn't know was that green monster stirring aggro for the relationship.
That's what you need to fix.


< Message edited by freedomdwarf1 -- 8/28/2016 4:28:28 PM >

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”
George Orwell, 1903-1950


(in reply to Aquanerd1983)
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RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/28/2016 4:26:12 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983

Ok, I'll tell him I can't handle it, I'm jealous and I don't want to see him anymore so I can work on myself


Every one else is happy and I'm still miserable. Great solution.

Bullsh^t! That's not the f^cking answer.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Aquanerd1983)
Profile   Post #: 206
RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/28/2016 4:26:16 PM   
LilJuly76


Posts: 1245
Joined: 1/9/2016
Status: offline 		you're miserable because you are jealous and like freedomdwarf has pointed out you are the one with baggage, you are a married woman with a family and you decide to have your cake and eat it to by taking a Dominant on the side but in your vision it has to be the way you want it to be, doesn't mean it's going to happen that way especially if you let the green eyed monster take over.

(in reply to Aquanerd1983)
Profile   Post #: 207
RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/28/2016 4:29:38 PM   
Aquanerd1983


Posts: 245
Joined: 8/27/2016
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1


quote:

ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983

Ok, I'll tell him I can't handle it, I'm jealous and I don't want to see him anymore so I can work on myself


Every one else is happy and I'm still miserable. Great solution.

If you work on your jealousy, you'll be happy and not miserable.
The jealousy is your achiles heel.

And to be honest, given your replies here, no, you can't handle it.
You need to step away for a bit and fix your problem.
I've already explained all that so I'm not to repeat it all again.


And your last post says it all - all pouting and stubborn and flouncing.
That is a very immature attitude to take.



I'm not trying to make y'all think I'm not listening. I am. I just don't understand how leaving him helps my jealousy. All it shows him is I'm willing to give up on him when things get tough. He hasn't given up.on me. How does not being with him fix my jealousy? I can't confront it if I simply remove the source and not actually deal with it.

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)
Profile   Post #: 208
RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/28/2016 4:31:06 PM   
Aquanerd1983


Posts: 245
Joined: 8/27/2016
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983

Ok, I'll tell him I can't handle it, I'm jealous and I don't want to see him anymore so I can work on myself


Every one else is happy and I'm still miserable. Great solution.

Bullsh^t! That's not the f^cking answer.




That's what everyone is telling me to do.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 209
RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/28/2016 4:33:41 PM   
LilJuly76


Posts: 1245
Joined: 1/9/2016
Status: offline 		you missed what we were all saying again.

you are extremely jealous, jealous of another submissive, which makes the relationship toxic, it's going to turn on you if you don't fix your insecurities and you can't do that when you are involved with him because you are unable to fix your insecurities without help, I mean professional help.

if you stay with him, and the other submissive that you are jealous of is still in the picture, you're still going to be that way and both of them are going to know it.

(in reply to Aquanerd1983)
Profile   Post #: 210
RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/28/2016 4:36:36 PM   
Aquanerd1983


Posts: 245
Joined: 8/27/2016
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LilJuly76

you missed what we were all saying again.

you are extremely jealous, jealous of another submissive, which makes the relationship toxic, it's going to turn on you if you don't fix your insecurities and you can't do that when you are involved with him because you are unable to fix your insecurities without help, I mean professional help.

if you stay with him, and the other submissive that you are jealous of is still in the picture, you're still going to be that way and both of them are going to know it.

Not if I work on it. Why that has to involve not seeing him, that's the part I don't understand or agree with.

(in reply to LilJuly76)
Profile   Post #: 211
RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/28/2016 4:38:02 PM   
Aquanerd1983


Posts: 245
Joined: 8/27/2016
Status: offline 		And I've looked into kink friendly therapists. There aren't any in my area. There is one sex therapist, but my issue isn't sex.

(in reply to Aquanerd1983)
Profile   Post #: 212
RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/28/2016 4:40:36 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983
That's what everyone is telling me to do.


That's not what *I* told you to do.

In case you missed it, I'm saying settle your own sh^t. "Cause that's what this is really about, isn't it?

Like it or not, your Daddy is not responsible for your own insecurities. He didn't create that. YOU DID.

I'm just asking you to own it.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Aquanerd1983)
Profile   Post #: 213
RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/28/2016 4:41:42 PM   
LilJuly76


Posts: 1245
Joined: 1/9/2016
Status: offline 		ah geeze I'll let Freedomdwarf explain it, I'm logging off, I got work tomorrow. hopefully when I look at the responses in the morning you'll have a better understanding of what people are saying.

IMO if you see him when you are jealous it's going to hurt the relationship even more than what it is now because you aren't grown in the head like I told you before to handle a real poly relationship. You are letting jealousy and insecurity take over.

my suggestion go and seek out a kink friendly therapist and work on those jealousy's and insecurities.

just saw your other post about not having a kink friendly therapist near you.

well you can't handle it yourself because it's a mental issue, you can't work on a mental issue by yourself when you can't even own the mental issue which is causing the problem to begin with.

< Message edited by LilJuly76 -- 8/28/2016 4:44:54 PM >

(in reply to Aquanerd1983)
Profile   Post #: 214
RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/28/2016 4:42:58 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983

And I've looked into kink friendly therapists. There aren't any in my area. There is one sex therapist, but my issue isn't sex.

In Tennessee? You are full of sh^t.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Aquanerd1983)
Profile   Post #: 215
RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/28/2016 4:43:45 PM   
Aquanerd1983


Posts: 245
Joined: 8/27/2016
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983
That's what everyone is telling me to do.


That's not what *I* told you to do.

In case you missed it, I'm saying settle your own sh^t. "Cause that's what this is really about, isn't it?

Like it or not, your Daddy is not responsible for your own insecurities. He didn't create that. YOU DID.

I'm just asking you to own it.



Yes. I am working on that. Thank you

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 216
RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/28/2016 4:44:52 PM   
Aquanerd1983


Posts: 245
Joined: 8/27/2016
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983

And I've looked into kink friendly therapists. There aren't any in my area. There is one sex therapist, but my issue isn't sex.

In Tennessee? You are full of sh^t.


Memphis area. I'm serious. I looked it up. One listed in Germantown Tennessee and she's a sex therapist. I promise, no bullshit

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 217
RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/28/2016 4:45:47 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14414
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983
That's what everyone is telling me to do.


That's not what *I* told you to do.

In case you missed it, I'm saying settle your own sh^t. "Cause that's what this is really about, isn't it?

Like it or not, your Daddy is not responsible for your own insecurities. He didn't create that. YOU DID.

I'm just asking you to own it.



I've been telling her the same thing.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 218
RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/28/2016 4:54:18 PM   
freedomdwarf1


Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983


quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1


quote:

ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983

Ok, I'll tell him I can't handle it, I'm jealous and I don't want to see him anymore so I can work on myself


Every one else is happy and I'm still miserable. Great solution.

If you work on your jealousy, you'll be happy and not miserable.
The jealousy is your achiles heel.

And to be honest, given your replies here, no, you can't handle it.
You need to step away for a bit and fix your problem.
I've already explained all that so I'm not to repeat it all again.


And your last post says it all - all pouting and stubborn and flouncing.
That is a very immature attitude to take.



I'm not trying to make y'all think I'm not listening. I am. I just don't understand how leaving him helps my jealousy. All it shows him is I'm willing to give up on him when things get tough. He hasn't given up.on me. How does not being with him fix my jealousy? I can't confront it if I simply remove the source and not actually deal with it.


Because, hon, you are not able to deal with the jealousy issue while you are wrapped up in this dynamic. Duh!!
By removing the source of the irritation is the first part of coping with it and solving it.

No, it doesn't show you are giving up when the going gets tough.
Taking time out isn't giving up.
Telling him you fucked up and need to deal with your green monster AWAY from it all is something he should understand and accept.
If you find he's not there when you are ready again, c'est la vie, it wasn't to be.
As Oside has said, don't work on talk, actions are what matter.
You have already screwed up by not being open with your daddy.
And I have already suggested finding a kink-friendly therapist.
Google is your friend.
And yes, there will be one somewhere in your area.
You just need to look for it.

I've explained it all before.
Just take time out to fix your jealousy issue.
I didn't say to leave him permanently.
But, if the green monster shows up again, this sort of dynamic may not be your bag.
If you can only function without that green monster by being in a dynamic where you are the only sub in the relationship, so be it.
As I suggested before, you may have to pick a different type of dynamic.
But so far, you can't cope with the one you're in right now; that's blatantly obvious.

Being stubborn and digging your heels in won't solve the issue.
So far, all I've seen is a temper tantrum worthy of a two year old.
Deal with it in an adult way - not with a teenager brain and metality.
We've told you how.
All you need to do is to get your head out of sub frenzy and start thinking clearly.
You are still too wrapped up in this dynamic with your daddy.
Step back. Take time out. Clear your head.


_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”
George Orwell, 1903-1950


(in reply to Aquanerd1983)
Profile   Post #: 219
RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/28/2016 5:06:19 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983
Memphis area. I'm serious. I looked it up. One listed in Germantown Tennessee and she's a sex therapist. I promise, no bullshit

Cut the crap. You don't NEED a therapist.

(I found one, if you really did, in less than fifteen seconds. Google-fu.)

Do you know what your problem is, OP? The problem is that poly works for you when it's in your favor. You're perfectly happy when you have a husband and a Daddy. But, when Daddy spreads his wings... Different story, huh? <Paraphrased> I can be the ONLY babygirl. "Cause, that's MY place. "She" can't have it and I don't want to share!!

Sorry for not kissing your ass and all.




_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Aquanerd1983)
Profile   Post #: 220
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