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My Dom Hates Me - 10/1/2016 12:53:11 AM

FezzigSubmissive

Posts: 4
Joined: 9/30/2016
Status: offline

Everyday I get worse and worse and so does he. He hates me, he treats me like I'm nothing and I get angry about it and I can't submit. I want to because I love him so very much but he hates me. I don't know what I can do to change his mind and he obviously doesn't want to train me. I'm scared because I hate failing, and he said just because I do good doesn't mean I was right but he won't ever tell me? How am I supposed to know ? How can I learn. Fuck I'm so angry and sad I can hardly breathe.

RE: My Dom Hates Me - 10/1/2016 2:51:45 AM

Kana

Posts: 6674
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

Can't means won't.

Just sayin'

Question: Why would you want to be with a dominant you can't satisfy? And why the fuck would a dominant want a slave/sub that can't please?

And HTF do you know He "hates you?"

Nothing personal, but this sounds like high school drama shit.

Point blank, here's the only advice you need-if you have a problem with Him, ask Him, because while we can speculate and blather, He's the only one with the real solid answers.
So ask. Say something like, "I keep fucking up. I feel like I never satisfy. What can I do to get things right for you?"
And then fucking do it.
Be a champ. Not a chump.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to FezzigSubmissive)

RE: My Dom Hates Me - 10/1/2016 4:06:52 AM

Posts: 1245
Joined: 1/9/2016
Status: offline

have to agree with Kana on this one.

ps also who said he is an actual Dominant? Just because he said he is doesn't mean he is.

(in reply to Kana)

RE: My Dom Hates Me - 10/1/2016 5:22:01 AM

Greatlilbabygirl

Posts: 786
Joined: 9/9/2016
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FezzigSubmissive

Everyday I get worse and worse and so does he. He hates me, he treats me like I'm nothing and I get angry about it and I can't submit. I want to because I love him so very much but he hates me. I don't know what I can do to change his mind and he obviously doesn't want to train me. I'm scared because I hate failing, and he said just because I do good doesn't mean I was right but he won't ever tell me? How am I supposed to know ? How can I learn. Fuck I'm so angry and sad I can hardly breathe.

Leave. You can't change his mind.

(in reply to FezzigSubmissive)

RE: My Dom Hates Me - 10/1/2016 5:26:10 AM

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Can't means won't.

Just sayin'

Question: Why would you want to be with a dominant you can't satisfy? And why the fuck would a dominant want a slave/sub that can't please?

And HTF do you know He "hates you?"

Nothing personal, but this sounds like high school drama shit.

Point blank, here's the only advice you need-if you have a problem with Him, ask Him, because while we can speculate and blather, He's the only one with the real solid answers.
So ask. Say something like, "I keep fucking up. I feel like I never satisfy. What can I do to get things right for you?"
And then fucking do it.
Be a champ. Not a chump.

So... I'm quoting that bit, for awesomeness.

But I'll add this...

Fundamentally, if he's not moving you to submit, then he's not dominating you.

You have a choice. You can commit to it. Then you need to read Kana's post over and over.

Or you accept that he is not the dom for you and you are not the sub for him. It's not about failure, it's about discovering. If that's the conclusion then you bail, get over it, and find a dom who does inspire you to submit.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to Kana)

RE: My Dom Hates Me - 10/1/2016 6:48:05 AM

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Leave. And next time don't submit till both of you are in love.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to crazyml)

RE: My Dom Hates Me - 10/1/2016 7:08:26 AM

Greatlilbabygirl

Posts: 786
Joined: 9/9/2016
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Leave. And next time don't submit till both of you are in love.

Meeeehhhhh.....what's love got ta do got ta do with it?

I'd say avoid love, use your head.

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: My Dom Hates Me - 10/1/2016 7:11:29 AM

FezzigSubmissive

Posts: 4
Joined: 9/30/2016
Status: offline

Kana,
I asked him that? I ask him all the time and he doesn't have any answers, he tells me stuff like what do you want so I tell him, so then I ask him and he doesn't have a defined answer, no likes or dislikes. No conversations about anything, I try to ask him about his day, things that happen, and engage and learn. And yesterday I said I try to be good, I want to be better and he said, doesn't matter that you do good, it needs to be done right. So then I ask him what I do wrong and he won't explain, he just goes back to ignoring me.
How am I supposed to know the difference between right and good when the communication gets cut off.
Right now he's read all my messages and not responded to me.
I sent a message after not hearing from him for 6 hours I said so are we not talking today. He told me to stop stop stop, stop needing attention because it wasn't becoming on me. That's all I asked. So then I asked why are you ignoring me? I sent last night and he said his phone was off and he was at the bar, and went home and didn't want me to ruin it for him.
I try to learn. It's not a matter of can't or won't on my end.

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: My Dom Hates Me - 10/1/2016 7:19:42 AM

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FezzigSubmissive
I try to learn. It's not a matter of can't or won't on my end.

Then learn this - he's NOT the one for you.

Dump him. Kick him to the kerb.
Find someone more receptive and more suitable for you.

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to FezzigSubmissive)

RE: My Dom Hates Me - 10/1/2016 7:23:33 AM

Kana

Posts: 6674
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

Cool.
So we go back to my question, why do you want to be a with a person that you feel you cant satisfy? and, moreso,
why be with a person that can't fill you but rather leaves you empty and questioning?

It's my experience that the first few months lots of"consequences or punishments or beatings or whatever the fuck you want to title the act occurs, then, as she gets to know me and my wants, y likes/dislikes and needs and tastes, she starts meeting my expectations and desires, things slide into place and the consequences diminish and eventually pretty much go away.
Here's a hint-if this is happening, communication is the answer.
If its past the few months mark, then likely one of two things is happening:
1-She is fucking obtuse or rebellious or for whatever reason incapable of meeting orders. This on rare occasion occurs, but it's more likely that:
2-He isn't a dominant and/or capable of training her properly due to lack of communication, consistency, vagueness and or general lack of keeping his house in order.

Despite what the guys say, my experience is that likely 9 times out of 10 its the latter (Because if it really was the former He'd have fired her worthless ass ages ago)

So why stay?
What are you getting out of this that makes you want to remain?

PS-Purely as an aside, I know a few chicks that love it when their guy hates them. They want nothing good, just blackness poured into and on them. That shit can be fucking fun.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to FezzigSubmissive)

RE: My Dom Hates Me - 10/1/2016 7:24:27 AM

FezzigSubmissive

Posts: 4
Joined: 9/30/2016
Status: offline

i won't drop him. I want to know what I.can do to fix it or learn.

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

RE: My Dom Hates Me - 10/1/2016 7:31:51 AM

FezzigSubmissive

Posts: 4
Joined: 9/30/2016
Status: offline

I am not in capable of meeting orders, if he tells me to do them, usually I will. Sometimes I don't which I've been punished for.
But this mental game playing isn't fun, I am so over it. But it's been a month. Everyday I say something about learning, everyday it's the same old answer cool beans. No praise, not even blackened hate, he ignores me.
What can I do to stop the mental torture. I don't want it, why hurt me if I am willing to submit? Why carry out with it?
I just don't understand, he is using the one thing he knows will break me

(in reply to FezzigSubmissive)

RE: My Dom Hates Me - 10/1/2016 7:41:37 AM

Greatlilbabygirl

Posts: 786
Joined: 9/9/2016
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FezzigSubmissive

i won't drop him. I want to know what I.can do to fix it or learn.

You can't.
All you can do is leave.
Trust me, just went through something similar. I was stubborn too, didn't think I could leave, but I did this week and I feel so much better.

Unless you are enjoying the misery, then whine away.

(in reply to FezzigSubmissive)

RE: My Dom Hates Me - 10/1/2016 7:44:37 AM

Greatlilbabygirl

Posts: 786
Joined: 9/9/2016
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greatlilbabygirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: FezzigSubmissive

i won't drop him. I want to know what I.can do to fix it or learn.

You can't.
All you can do is leave.
Trust me, just went through something similar. I was stubborn too, didn't think I could leave, but I did this week and I feel so much better.

Unless you are enjoying the misery, then whine away.

P.s. sounds like he's over you and too chicken shit to break it off because he'd rather keep you around as back up. If you are sexually active with him, he's using you to get his dick sticky until he finds someone he likes better.

(in reply to Greatlilbabygirl)

RE: My Dom Hates Me - 10/1/2016 7:51:06 AM

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FezzigSubmissive

i won't drop him. I want to know what I.can do to fix it or learn.

He isn't being receptive, so he won't learn.
You aren't getting answers, so you can't learn.

There is nothing there to "fix". It's empty.

Seen all this before in recent threads.
Perhaps you ought to do some reading on here and learn something.
Stubbornness isn't going to make the situation any better.
If anything, it's going to make it bitter and toxic.

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to FezzigSubmissive)

RE: My Dom Hates Me - 10/1/2016 7:52:02 AM

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FezzigSubmissive

i won't drop him. I want to know what I.can do to fix it or learn.

You can't fix anything if he won't/can't tell you what is broken.
So, don't drop him and continue to be miserable in your attempts to read his mind.

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to FezzigSubmissive)

RE: My Dom Hates Me - 10/1/2016 8:00:37 AM

Greatlilbabygirl

Posts: 786
Joined: 9/9/2016
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

quote:

ORIGINAL: FezzigSubmissive

i won't drop him. I want to know what I.can do to fix it or learn.

He isn't being receptive, so he won't learn.
You aren't getting answers, so you can't learn.

There is nothing there to "fix". It's empty.

Seen all this before in recent threads.
Perhaps you ought to do some reading on here and learn something.
Stubbornness isn't going to make the situation any better.
If anything, it's going to make it bitter and toxic.

Yes, I was one of those threads. And I apologize for resembling this OP. It looks utterly pathetic from the other side:(

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

RE: My Dom Hates Me - 10/1/2016 8:06:35 AM

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greatlilbabygirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

quote:

ORIGINAL: FezzigSubmissive

i won't drop him. I want to know what I.can do to fix it or learn.

He isn't being receptive, so he won't learn.
You aren't getting answers, so you can't learn.

There is nothing there to "fix". It's empty.

Seen all this before in recent threads.
Perhaps you ought to do some reading on here and learn something.
Stubbornness isn't going to make the situation any better.
If anything, it's going to make it bitter and toxic.

Yes, I was one of those threads. And I apologize for resembling this OP. It looks utterly pathetic from the other side:(

But have you learnt from it?
That's the question!

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to Greatlilbabygirl)

RE: My Dom Hates Me - 10/1/2016 8:11:03 AM

Greatlilbabygirl

Posts: 786
Joined: 9/9/2016
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greatlilbabygirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

quote:

ORIGINAL: FezzigSubmissive

i won't drop him. I want to know what I.can do to fix it or learn.

He isn't being receptive, so he won't learn.
You aren't getting answers, so you can't learn.

There is nothing there to "fix". It's empty.

Seen all this before in recent threads.
Perhaps you ought to do some reading on here and learn something.
Stubbornness isn't going to make the situation any better.
If anything, it's going to make it bitter and toxic.

Yes, I was one of those threads. And I apologize for resembling this OP. It looks utterly pathetic from the other side:(

But have you learnt from it?
That's the question!

So far so good, but it's been less than 72 hrs and I've deleted several messages I almost sent him. But I didn't send them so that's progress. :p

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

RE: My Dom Hates Me - 10/1/2016 9:21:59 AM

Posts: 167
Joined: 9/24/2016
Status: offline

Sounds to me this isn't a D/s issue -- its a relationship issue. To me, if I thought a man hated me, I sure the heck would end the relationship.

But are you sure the problem is all him? I don't know and no one else here does -- we only have what you are telling us. I'm hearing a lot of what he is doing wrong but not a whole heck of a lot on what you feel you are doing to add to the issue. Maybe you aren't, maybe you are. Maybe he has told you things over and over and you are the one who hasn't listened so now he's reciprocating -- again, I don't know -- some things to consider.

This didn't happen overnight, so maybe you need to look back and see where it started.

It sounds like you two have a lot of major issues that have nothing to do with D/s so maybe stop trying to fit into that and fix the issues of the lack of connection between the two of you --- i.e., lack of actual communication. From your posts, it sounds like a lot of freaking out and upsetness, not talking. If he doesn't want to talk then, you have to make some decisions on what is best for you in the long run.

Its not a situation that's easy nor are there any answers that strangers can give youo because we don't know the whole story. I am sorry for anyone who isn't happy in their relationships.

Best of luck.

(in reply to Greatlilbabygirl)

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