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Dominants that are sexual prudes - 10/25/2016 9:00:10 AM

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I got a dominant at first messaged me to express interest. And then, after he read that I have casual sex on my journals. He got upset and called me a slut lol.

I don't get it!

Sometimes, there is no hope for equality for women and men when it comes to having sex for sex, when even in the BDSM world, ya got men who can't stand women who enjoy sex for sex. BTW, just for context, I haven't even replied him. He first messaged me telling me he likes my profile and is interested in me. Then came this second message. I haven't even replied to his first message. So I said nothing at all to him yet. So I don't know why he is talking about marriage. Is he crazy?? Who the hell talks about marriage at first talk!

You are very smart....probably too smart for this website. But after digging through your journal I find that we definitely, are not compatible. I have ONE attitude on sex....conservative and committed. I would NEVER marry a slut like you. NEVER. Sorry. You go have your fun. But don't expect a man like me to want to marry you. However, I do appreciate your honesty about your lifestyle. You'd probably be one hell of a great friend to hang with. But for me......you have too much dick history.

RE: Dominants that are sexual prudes - 10/25/2016 9:06:03 AM

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I wouldn't call it prudish.

But you have to understand that a lot of men don't like women who just put it about.
I agree, it's not sexual equality and probably never will be.
But that's how a lot of real life is I'm afraid.

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Dominants that are sexual prudes - 10/25/2016 9:09:38 AM

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That is incredibly rude. It is one thing to say "I am monogamous LTR oriented person" and another to get bent out shape when some one else is poly, sex positive, etc. One is setting boundaries, determining compatibility, etc. The other is slut shaming. It's not really about you. It's about them and their insecurities. They are probably worried you will think of them as inexperienced, bad in bed, etc.

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Dominants that are sexual prudes - 10/25/2016 9:10:10 AM

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I think it's prudish, considering the man claims to have a whole dungeon in his home, with whips, chains, and basically everything. So is he looking for a virgin to enslave?

I totally understand this from vanilla guys, especially the religious ones. I come from a country where men prefers virgins after all.

But totally don't understand this from people into kink! The fact that one is into kink gotta be some what sexually mature about sex but it's just amazing. And I think I will always be amazed at it.

Too many dicks into a pussy, is the most ridiculous things I ever heard. What is too much? Lol, what is his number? He needs a virgin.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 10/25/2016 9:11:41 AM >

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

RE: Dominants that are sexual prudes - 10/25/2016 9:18:11 AM

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His sexuality and expectations on a woman are unrelated. Just because he enjoys the kinky stuff doesn't mean he has to have a sexually liberated view on everyone.

He doesn't just want a virgin, he wants a newb. Someone who will not judge them for their inadequacies, true or perceived.

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Dominants that are sexual prudes - 10/25/2016 9:18:57 AM

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I understand that even people who are into kink can still be very emotional, romantic people. It would be the hypocrisy that would bother me...the idea of multiple sex partners being acceptable for men, but not for women. I would not worry about this one guy. He is a jerk. There are probably lots of men who can be ethical sluts* who communicate honestly and openly, have clear boundaries and expectations, etc. just consider your self one jerk closer to finding a nice sexy guy or three of them or what ever works for you.

(Slut meant in a completely nice sex positive way)

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Dominants that are sexual prudes - 10/25/2016 9:22:02 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MoxieMcfly

That is incredibly rude. It is one thing to say "I am monogamous LTR oriented person" and another to get bent out shape when some one else is poly, sex positive, etc. One is setting boundaries, determining compatibility, etc. The other is slut shaming. It's not really about you. It's about them and their insecurities. They are probably worried you will think of them as inexperienced, bad in bed, etc.

I'm beginning to think he is a 50 shades dom. Dungeon in his home. Looking for a committed and conservative woman. Isn't the woman in 50 shades a virgin too?
Does he even have experience!! Oh well, I will never know.

(in reply to MoxieMcfly)

RE: Dominants that are sexual prudes - 10/25/2016 9:29:28 AM

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I don't see anything in his message that says that he is expecting a virgin or that he doesn't also apply to himself the same standards of conservatism and commitment with sexual partners.

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Dominants that are sexual prudes - 10/25/2016 9:30:29 AM

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Is it the word slut that bothers you? Would you feel the same if he had just said that he's not compatible with women who enjoy casual sex?

Because you can be sex positive and still only enjoy sex inside a committed relationship.

From what you've quoted I see nothing that says he only wants inexperienced women.

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(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Dominants that are sexual prudes - 10/25/2016 9:37:01 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Is it the word slut that bothers you? Would you feel the same if he had just said that he's not compatible with women who enjoy casual sex?

I think slut is an intentionally derogatory word yes. Because, there is no equivalent negative word for a man who enjoys sex for sex. He should have said, "I am a conservative man who believes sex should only be reserved for the person you love. So unfortunately, I think our morals are not compatible." That would be have better.

quote:

Because you can be sex positive and still only enjoy sex inside a committed relationship.

The way I see it. There is no way I will know IF I can enjoy sex with the man UNLESS I actually have sex with him first! And I can't be committed in a relationship IF I don't enjoy sex with the man! It's a chicken and egg problem.
My goal is not to end up with a man I hated sex with. I was married to one for 9 years! That's enough of gritting sex for me. And I did it the traditional way. Find love first, then have sex. He was my first. It was a damn bad idea!

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 10/25/2016 9:45:03 AM >

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: Dominants that are sexual prudes - 10/25/2016 9:43:48 AM

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One of the funniest things that has ever been said about me was by RS several years ago. He really did. He called me a prude. We've laughed about it a few times since. (At one time, I actually had to remind him that he did, which was also funny.) I wasn't offended by it in any way. It was just a realization that we have different ways of looking at casual sexual encounters.

So, yes, it is entirely possible for some "prudes" to have a dungeon in their house. I do. LOL.

I'm not saying that what this guy who emailed you couldn't have put it in a nicer way or something like that. It is kind of messed up that he took the gender angle on it. (I've never really understood that. People see it as perfectly cool if men have a lot of casual sex partners. Exactly who do they think those guys are having sex with?) Had he just said you were incompatible, that should have been fine. Heck, I prefer poly-fidelity people because I feel that's what best matches with me, so it's hard for me to say something against that.

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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Dominants that are sexual prudes - 10/25/2016 9:53:26 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Heck, I prefer poly-fidelity people because I feel that's what best matches with me, so it's hard for me to say something against that.

But to me, if you are okay with a man who have multiple lovers. You aren't a prude. The only difference is, he has regular multiple lovers that he exclusively see. But end of the day also, with poly, there is always the possibility of bringing another to increase the numbers and then continue seeing these group of people over and over again. The key is "multiple".

To me, it's practically the same thing. I have regular fuck buddies that I see regularly. One for 4 years, one for 2 years. A few for 1 or 2 years until they relocated. Reoccuring people. I just don't process it as poly as we don't have exclusivity clause I guess.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 10/25/2016 9:54:11 AM >

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: Dominants that are sexual prudes - 10/25/2016 9:55:03 AM

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From: Apple County NY
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Whereas demisexual like me don't put sex first. We know through conversation about what we enjoy if we are sexually sufficiently compatible. We don't have to actually engage in it.

And I feel the same way about foods I haven't tried. I don't need to try everything. I already know that I don't enjoy smooth textures or layered flavors. In exactly that same way I don't have to try dishes, I can just read the menu description and know if I'll enjoy it, I don't have to have a one night stand to know if I'll enjoy sex with someone.

Because he operates in a way you don't, you have chosen to engage in name calling. Claiming he's a prude, claiming he seeks only inexperienced partners because of underlying insecurities, etc. instead of simply agreeing that you see the world from a totally different pov and are therefore incompatible.

Why do you feel that anyone who differs from you is lesser? Because putting others down doesn't make you better. The opposite instead.

_____________________________

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Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: Dominants that are sexual prudes - 10/25/2016 10:00:01 AM

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I dont believe you are a...I will leave that one there dont address that i deleted a whole sentence for my mood is kind this eve and sundown is upon my lands sooneth 5.49pm and next week 4.38pm cock fiddlers

Quality not quantity which is why my total is zero this year.
And, I await a screaming nymphomaniac for duality: who soul I will devour, and her mines, as it should be.

So I wait time time time https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxrwImCJCqk Unforgivable I know, I prefer the bangles version of hazy shades of winter) and it actually make a lonely existence; me I, my hot water bottle, and three cats.

Debate rages on what sites I exist on:
1. The main dating site fishee..rarely okc perhaps the worst site I have ever been on
2. This fetish site...yeye sometime that other one but barely as i am not fan of bad moderation and enables/enablers and dammed are the rest at their misinformation.
3. UK swingers site fab - the good one, there is only one.

I dislike holes intently (vaccuous caverns Ive found or broken minds and souls) and any person who would engage such a whole or enable them - is my point I think

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Dominants that are sexual prudes - 10/25/2016 10:00:44 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Whereas demisexual like me don't put sex first. We know through conversation about what we enjoy if we are sexually sufficiently compatible. We don't have to actually engage in it. And I feel the same way about foods I haven't tried. I don't need to try everything. I already know that I don't enjoy smooth textures or layered flavors. In exactly that same way I don't have to try dishes, I can just read the menu description and know if I'll enjoy it, I don't have to have a one night stand to know if I'll enjoy sex with someone.

I disagree with you about food too! I don't know if I will like how a food will taste until I have tasted it. Simple as that. IF I never tasted crocodile meat, I'd never know it taste like a hybrid between chicken and fish. IF I never tasted frogs. I never knew it taste exactly like a chicken. If I never tasted Tuna, I never knew I hate the taste of it! After all I expect all fish to taste similar to each other! Same with oysters and clams and mussels. If I never tasted them, how would I know if I hate them or love them?

quote:

Because he operates in a way you don't, you have chosen to engage in name calling. Claiming he's a prude, claiming he seeks only inexperienced partners because of underlying insecurities, etc. instead of simply agreeing that you see the world from a totally different pov and are therefore incompatible.

I called him a prudish dominant. But I never said anything about his insecurities. I simply said, he has double standards towards women and men enjoying sex. My definition of a prude is someone who HAS ISSUES with people who enjoys sex for sex. He called me a slut, I called him a prude! I think I have a kinder word for him.

quote:

Why do you feel that anyone who differs from you is lesser? Because putting others down doesn't make you better. The opposite instead.

I will always hold people into kink higher standards of maturity towards sex.
He can't imagine putting his dick into a pussy that has other dicks in it. He practically said that.
I used to be married for gawd's sake. And right in my profile, I also clearly stated that I am not suitable for men who have issues with women who enjoy sex for sex.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 10/25/2016 10:06:46 AM >

(in reply to DesFIP)

RE: Dominants that are sexual prudes - 10/25/2016 10:06:03 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WickedsDesire
I dont believe you are a...

Yes yes yes, you have verified that I am actually not female! Good on you!

(in reply to WickedsDesire)

RE: Dominants that are sexual prudes - 10/25/2016 10:30:07 AM

MAINEiacMISTRESS

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For some of us it's an actual fetish, DE-sexualizing our submissives, but obviously that's not what's going on in your situation. It seems to Me this fellow who wrote to you probably has a hard time meeting women in real life and has turned to online sites in an effort to find Ms. Right. Probably his mom is upstairs yelling at him to do something with his life and give her some grandchildren. He had stars in his eyes when he first came upon your profile but OOPS, according to your journals you aren't the virtuous angel he had dreamt of, and since he has so little self control he decided to blame you and lash out with a letter voicing his frustration.

Just brush it off. We've ALL had letters from closet weirdos at some point.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

I got a dominant at first messaged me to express interest. And then, after he read that I have casual sex on my journals. He got upset and called me a slut lol.

I don't get it!

Sometimes, there is no hope for equality for women and men when it comes to having sex for sex, when even in the BDSM world, ya got men who can't stand women who enjoy sex for sex. BTW, just for context, I haven't even replied him. He first messaged me telling me he likes my profile and is interested in me. Then came this second message. I haven't even replied to his first message. So I said nothing at all to him yet. So I don't know why he is talking about marriage. Is he crazy?? Who the hell talks about marriage at first talk!

You are very smart....probably too smart for this website. But after digging through your journal I find that we definitely, are not compatible. I have ONE attitude on sex....conservative and committed. I would NEVER marry a slut like you. NEVER. Sorry. You go have your fun. But don't expect a man like me to want to marry you. However, I do appreciate your honesty about your lifestyle. You'd probably be one hell of a great friend to hang with. But for me......you have too much dick history.

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Dominants that are sexual prudes - 10/25/2016 10:39:30 AM

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I have no problems with men who prefer virgin or who prefer women who will only have sex when love is involved. Because I respect all preferences.
All he needed to say is, that after reading my journals, he realizes our moral values are not align with each other, thus we will not be compatible. And that's it! No need to insult or put down someone with different morals and values from him.
To me, the whole sexual purity bullshit, is a form of oppression of women. Because sexual purity only applies to women most of the time historically.

So few cultures ever preaches sexual purity for men.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 10/25/2016 10:41:57 AM >

(in reply to MAINEiacMISTRESS)

RE: Dominants that are sexual prudes - 10/25/2016 11:02:12 AM

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I realise you greta75 and the glock carrying fuking idiot are men - from moment one. And not one person anywhere would vouch for either of you two being a women. You are an Amercian even I know that.

I feel sorry for any genuine men emailing depravity that is thee, or anyone who enables your non existance. Only cints like you enable other cunts like you

I am cock, and my mind is a true marvel - women you should visit that one day

not from me you haven't MAINEiacMISTRESS why would i email you slabber or an enabler of fakes galore.

Shouldt all of you be forum owners on fetlife or greeters - you are of no worth on this place to my kindred. Observe how their non realities beg to differ with not one atom of fact

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Dominants that are sexual prudes - 10/25/2016 11:34:54 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WickedsDesire
I realise you greta75 and the glock carrying fuking idiot are men - from moment one. And not one person anywhere would vouch for either of you two being a women. You are an Amercian even I know that.

I find it hilarious you think I am American.
Be careful there, alot of Americans will be insulted. Lol!
As for your women spotting spider senses. You really suck at detecting real women. Probably why you haven't found any real women yet. And we have men in this forum who have met their wives on here!

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 10/25/2016 11:37:10 AM >

(in reply to WickedsDesire)

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