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RE: Most annoying behaviors of kink males. - 1/10/2018 8:11:54 PM

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Number 1 pet peeve. Ask me questions that are all already answered in my profile.

Of course the type who greets you with , "Hi Slut!", "Hi Slave". Does not deserve a respond.

Just basically people who seem clueless.

And of course the number 1 annoying message is, "You are a dominant, not a submissive."

Like, okay, did they just message me just to admit I am their alpha, despite them being self-proclaim dominants?

(in reply to NoirMetal)

RE: Most annoying behaviors of kink males. - 1/11/2018 7:20:09 AM

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No,they are just saying you are bossy.

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RE: Most annoying behaviors of kink males. - 1/11/2018 8:08:48 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2
I think he’s looking to hone his own messages using our input for more successful results.

If that's correct (and I'm not saying whether it is or not) wouldn't that be the smart thing to do?

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RE: Most annoying behaviors of kink males. - 1/11/2018 9:39:03 AM

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I find it entirely deceptive myself. I think he (and all of us) should write our profiles and messages ourselves, because then they will be honestly reflective of our real selves.

For example, if some man thinks attaching a picture of his penis in an opening message to me is a great idea, I absolutely want to know that about him at the start. I don’t want him camouflaging his real nature using tips from someone else. IMO.

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RE: Most annoying behaviors of kink males. - 1/11/2018 10:14:07 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2
I find it entirely deceptive myself. I think he (and all of us) should write our profiles and messages ourselves, because then they will be honestly reflective of our real selves.

For example, if some man thinks attaching a picture of his penis in an opening message to me is a great idea, I absolutely want to know that about him at the start. I don’t want him camouflaging his real nature using tips from someone else. IMO.

I agree that each of us should write our profiles ourselves. However, that doesn't mean that people might not want input or to have some ideas of what works for other people.

The thing is, it might not BE a person's real nature. It literally might be a case of just plain not knowing better. Sometimes, they think, "oh, kink and sex site, so the focus in messages should be kink and sex". You and I know that tends to go over like a fart in church where most women are concerned, but the person initiating the message thinks that's what other people do, so they do that. It's valid to point out that might not be a good idea.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)

RE: Most annoying behaviors of kink males. - 1/11/2018 10:40:01 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2
I think he’s looking to hone his own messages using our input for more successful results.

If that's correct (and I'm not saying whether it is or not) wouldn't that be the smart thing to do?

Maybe he's worried about scaring people off and is hoping that other people's research may provide some helpful pointers?
Obviously a reprehensible and disgusting level of entitled thinking that shouldn't be allowed...

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RE: Most annoying behaviors of kink males. - 1/11/2018 11:45:53 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2
I find it entirely deceptive myself. I think he (and all of us) should write our profiles and messages ourselves, because then they will be honestly reflective of our real selves.

For example, if some man thinks attaching a picture of his penis in an opening message to me is a great idea, I absolutely want to know that about him at the start. I don’t want him camouflaging his real nature using tips from someone else. IMO.

I agree that each of us should write our profiles ourselves. However, that doesn't mean that people might not want input or to have some ideas of what works for other people.

The thing is, it might not BE a person's real nature. It literally might be a case of just plain not knowing better. Sometimes, they think, "oh, kink and sex site, so the focus in messages should be kink and sex". You and I know that tends to go over like a fart in church where most women are concerned, but the person initiating the message thinks that's what other people do, so they do that. It's valid to point out that might not be a good idea.

That bit in bold, not that I'd want to be sat anywhere near the person doing this, but reading that made me laugh SO HARD. Perhaps because things are more than a little tough here right now, and I needed something.

The cock shot in the first pm, nope, not funny. Although some are fugly

Needles

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RE: Most annoying behaviors of kink males. - 1/11/2018 1:42:20 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2
I find it entirely deceptive myself. I think he (and all of us) should write our profiles and messages ourselves, because then they will be honestly reflective of our real selves.

For example, if some man thinks attaching a picture of his penis in an opening message to me is a great idea, I absolutely want to know that about him at the start. I don’t want him camouflaging his real nature using tips from someone else. IMO.

I agree that each of us should write our profiles ourselves. However, that doesn't mean that people might not want input or to have some ideas of what works for other people.

YThe thing is, it might not BE a person's real nature. It literally might be a case of just plain not knowing better. Sometimes, they think, "oh, kink and sex site, so the focus in messages should be kink and sex". You and I know that tends to go over like a fart in church where most women are concerned, but the person initiating the message thinks that's what other people do, so they do that. It's valid to point out that might not be a good idea.

And though I know I’m repetitive here, how a person chooses to conduct themselves on a sex and kink site, without “helpful” tips and coaching, reveals information about that person. That is the whole point of messages and profiles; giving out information about ourselves that may lead to compatible people contacting us or responding to us. People want to put their best foot forward, but personally I’d at least like to see their own feet, not the amalgam of coaches’ feet. Deception abounds online and in real life and coaching abets that.

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(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: Most annoying behaviors of kink males. - 1/11/2018 1:58:30 PM

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Is everything that you are truly you, or the sum of what you were taught by your teachers at school, your parents, your peers, your friends, your co-workers, the dominants in your life, and everything else that has been in it? I assume you didn't just step out of the womb as you are?

Needles

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(in reply to Spiritedsub2)

RE: Most annoying behaviors of kink males. - 1/11/2018 2:36:24 PM

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Obviously we are all products of the influences on us growing up. I am speaking only for myself, that I would rather meet a person who is captaining his own profile and messages and behavior than a man who still needs to ask other adults how to behave.

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~ Rumi

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(in reply to needlesandpins)

RE: Most annoying behaviors of kink males. - 1/11/2018 2:51:12 PM

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Well, actually he hasn't said that this is what he is doing, however, as so many of us have complained extensively about what we hate about receiving as first messages from men, I'm curious as to just how you'd expect any of them to learn otherwise? I mean, we've tried telling certain misogynistic idiots in here what we don't like, only to have them ignore us, and tell us just how wrong we are, then mansplain to us exactly why we're supposed to accept this crap with grace, and give a polite 'thank, but no thanks' whilst constantly being under fire. Now here we have a guy asking us what we hate, and giving us the chance to have a voice, for whatever reason that maybe, so if he, or any other guy may learn from that, I just don't see what your issue is.

Talk about can't do right for don't wrong.

Needles

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I deserved better. Not than you, but from you.

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)

RE: Most annoying behaviors of kink males. - 1/11/2018 4:01:16 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I agree that each of us should write our profiles ourselves. However, that doesn't mean that people might not want input or to have some ideas of what works for other people.

The thing is, it might not BE a person's real nature. It literally might be a case of just plain not knowing better. Sometimes, they think, "oh, kink and sex site, so the focus in messages should be kink and sex". You and I know that tends to go over like a fart in church where most women are concerned, but the person initiating the message thinks that's what other people do, so they do that. It's valid to point out that might not be a good idea.

While all of this is true and stuff I agree with, it's worth pointing out that there's a lot more to being good than just not being bad. I see this from my side of searching all the time. People who aren't offensive or obvious scammers (quite a few of whom I'm confident are very real), but who still don't know to communicate more than "I'm kinky looking for a kinky partner". They aren't bad, but they don't have what it takes to stand out either.

Sometimes, the real point to advice isn't to point out what should be obvious to any thinking person at first glance. It's to point out the counterintuitive truisms and/or the stuff that seems obvious at first glance but practice reveals to be less than effective.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Onerat1

Edited to add I have deleted most of my profile. Kept the not meeting so the age range local only etc is not there. When I had it filled out I had not meeting and all mail will be deleted unread. As women know it didn't stop some men from writing. Even those that viewed my profile before they wrote. Again and again read and wrote.

Messaging from the profile is behavior that's trained from most other sites. Just because they viewed your profile is no guarantee that they actually read any of it.

In fact, messaging in a way that clearly shows that you haven't read their profile is pretty archetypal for this sort of issue. It's annoying, it's a sort of annoyance you can do little to stop, and while doing the converse (reading their profile and writing something germane and personalized) is pretty important, it's not a thing that guarantees success either.

(in reply to LadyPact)

RE: Most annoying behaviors of kink males. - 1/11/2018 10:48:16 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NoirMetal

No,they are just saying you are bossy.

In another words, they are admitting to me that I am capable of bossing them around. Which is confessing to me that they are my beta.

Seriously, if you are a dominant. Nobody is bossy to you. You boss people around like a champ.

And the thing is, to me, a natural leader, just leads. Nobody is bossy to him. He just naturally can take the rein, take control of the situation and lead.

The moment you go like, "Oh you are bossy to me, wah wah wah!" The dude lost control and it's kinda in a way, whining about it. Boo Hoo Hoo, I can't control you, so he is basically saying you are a dominant because I am INCAPABLE of controlling you.

(in reply to NoirMetal)

RE: Most annoying behaviors of kink males. - 1/12/2018 5:56:01 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

ORIGINAL: NoirMetal

No,they are just saying you are bossy.

In another words, they are admitting to me that I am capable of bossing them around. Which is confessing to me that they are my beta.

Seriously, if you are a dominant. Nobody is bossy to you. You boss people around like a champ.

And the thing is, to me, a natural leader, just leads. Nobody is bossy to him. He just naturally can take the rein, take control of the situation and lead.

The moment you go like, "Oh you are bossy to me, wah wah wah!" The dude lost control and it's kinda in a way, whining about it. Boo Hoo Hoo, I can't control you, so he is basically saying you are a dominant because I am INCAPABLE of controlling you.

No,they just mean you are not worth talking to. You did not win.

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RE: Most annoying behaviors of kink males. - 1/12/2018 9:41:47 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

ORIGINAL: NoirMetal

No,they are just saying you are bossy.

In another words, they are admitting to me that I am capable of bossing them around. Which is confessing to me that they are my beta.

Seriously, if you are a dominant. Nobody is bossy to you. You boss people around like a champ.

And the thing is, to me, a natural leader, just leads. Nobody is bossy to him. He just naturally can take the rein, take control of the situation and lead.

The moment you go like, "Oh you are bossy to me, wah wah wah!" The dude lost control and it's kinda in a way, whining about it. Boo Hoo Hoo, I can't control you, so he is basically saying you are a dominant because I am INCAPABLE of controlling you.

Bossy doesn't necessarily mean that you are commanding anyone's respect, obedience or deference.
I am pretty sure that in your case, they merely found you really annoying.

I can honestly picture it too-- you pretending to have no control while telling your 'dominant' exactly what to do.
Just like a spoiled, selfish bitch.

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Most annoying behaviors of kink males. - 1/12/2018 9:52:13 AM

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domineering isnt dominating,

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(in reply to heavyblinker)

RE: Most annoying behaviors of kink males. - 1/12/2018 10:10:50 AM

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NoirMetal, Nobody can full predict the personality of anybody they are reaching out to in first contact messages. This also is assuming you are actually responding to a profile of somebody that is legit to begin with.

Write whatever is on your mind at the time, be authentic about it and own it. Owning it includes accepting whatever response, negative or favorable. If you find you are constantly double thinking and double questioning the type of responses you are making all the time. You are tripping up in your own self doubts about how to not come across sounding like an asshole.

Ironically, some girls love seeing somebody's inner asshole up front right away. Others ones don't and wish to be treated with a high level of respect. All else fails, come across as the polite respectful asshole. Oh hell, just make certain to know which head you are using when responding to a profile. Ironically, in some cases if a sub/slave thinks she/he/it holds too much sexual power or control over things... it's an instant turn off for them. So being all extremely sexual and up in their face about things, may just very well backfire on you.

You might need to mentally desexualize whomever you are responding to, before responding to them. There is no one sure fire way of going about things. If you have to do massive amounts of double thinking about a lot of things, up may end up talking yourself out of having written a killer response and talked yourself into some lame ass response.

One thing to really think about, is that if you are filtering your own true thoughts a lot, you are in a sense not being fully open and honest. It's a bitch. The world is complex like this. So many different personalities to interact with. Everybody having different desires, wants, and all this they are seeking.

Be true to yourself and what you are, Own it, be authentic. Tends to work out best that way. You don't have to try and squeeze into some stereotype of whatever Label you are wearing either. Actually, think about the things which set you apart from those stereotype and roll with it. Think of yourself as a human being responding to another human being on this website.

(in reply to NoirMetal)

RE: Most annoying behaviors of kink males. - 1/12/2018 4:54:34 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75
The moment you go like, "Oh you are bossy to me, wah wah wah!" The dude lost control and it's kinda in a way, whining about it. Boo Hoo Hoo, I can't control you, so he is basically saying you are a dominant because I am INCAPABLE of controlling you.

Inherent in that is also "because I can't Dominate you, no one else must be able to, so you're not actually a submissive." The arrogance and lack of self-awareness is staggering.

(in reply to Greta75)

RE: Most annoying behaviors of kink males. - 1/12/2018 5:00:22 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloverodella

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75
The moment you go like, "Oh you are bossy to me, wah wah wah!" The dude lost control and it's kinda in a way, whining about it. Boo Hoo Hoo, I can't control you, so he is basically saying you are a dominant because I am INCAPABLE of controlling you.

Inherent in that is also "because I can't Dominate you, no one else must be able to, so you're not actually a submissive." The arrogance and lack of self-awareness is staggering.

excellent point

_____________________________

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<) )╯SUCH
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\(•_•)
( (> A NASTY
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(•_•)
<) )> WOMAN
/ \

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Dont Hate Love

(in reply to cloverodella)

RE: Most annoying behaviors of kink males. - 1/12/2018 5:38:44 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloverodella
Inherent in that is also "because I can't Dominate you, no one else must be able to, so you're not actually a submissive." The arrogance and lack of self-awareness is staggering.

Clearly that is not true. Just because some random online self proclaim dominant feels intimidated by me, doesn't mean I haven't met my alphas who can control me. For someone to control me, I actually need to feel respect for him first. So if he makes me lose respect for him from first PM, clearly, that is never gonna happen. He doesn't know how to inspire respect. He demands respect. That's the difference.

To me, if a man can't control me. He is my beta. It's as simple as that. I become the one controlling him. And it makes it worst when he admits it to me that he is unable to control me. I lose respect for him.

This whole, "you are not a submissive" bullshit always comes from online dominants. I can just imagine they been saying this to like at least hundreds of chick online who they cannot control.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 1/12/2018 5:48:00 PM >

(in reply to cloverodella)

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