Never ceases to amaze me how things plummet into the swamps of what is or is not a Twue Dominant and submissive. The Forums are littered with it even. I've been using this website on/off for a long long ass time now.
On the matter of control. Soon as somebody has you frog or hog tied up. You have zero control as long as you are tied up. It's not some illusion either. Sure you have control over your thoughts, feelings and emotions. But you have literally Zero control physically. This is part of the thrill and joys of bondage is the loss of control.
The same applies to consent to none consent situations even. Ironically, it's not about sex, use and abuse as it is experiencing not not being in control. Loss of Control and experiencing it, is perhaps one of the main conversation points which a great deal of subs, switches and such have expressed to me over the years.
Also being forced to do things that they actually hate or dislike. Now, I'm not some complete bastard. I very much take an interest in things the other enjoys and likes. especially mutual and over lapping interests. This does not make them some do-me submissive.
But since the whole damn topic of do-me submissive has popped up here. Above all else, the context of it needs to be clearly established when talked about. If it's a complete Do-Me personality type or mindset within a D/s relationship. That can lead to problems, although in some dynamics like a Daddy/Little girl that is workable. Depending upon the personality of both Dom and submissive.
Just because somebody has the Do-me mindset, does that mean the Dominant has to cater to it? Some girls enjoy being told "NO!". LOL. But seriously, these kind of relationships require getting to know and understand each other. Communication is important.
But one damn thing I know, a good number of activities I got involved with... started off with some submissive type.. literally and specifically offering themselves up specific activity use. Some of these things challenged the notions I had of my own limits, and what I was or was not willing to do. Some of this stuff I was all over. Some took me a bit to warm up to the notion of selling my soul to devil to do before doing. There was some things which I passed up and didn't warm up to until years later. All and all, I will express this much. They did not have "Do-me" bossy personalities at all.
Being a Dominant also means you are the granter of wishes too. I'm not speaking in the context of a M/s relationship where center attention is upon the Master/Mistress/Owner. Although even slaves are human beings too. A lot of this stuff again, there is no one true one wayism involved in things.
Pay attention to how a submissive phrases things.. "you can (insert activity here) with/to me" or "I want you to (insert activity here)". It's ultimately the Dominants decision to do or not to do. I might sit there and make somebody rephrase it. This is all if it's at the beginning to get to know somebody or not. If there's any kind of D/s involved in things or not. If there's no D/s involved, I'd still sit there for a moment and debate about the kind of crazy they just offered up for me to do to or with them. You only live once in life you know. Some times just doing something for the thrill of it works. But this is all centered around activity experience and not D/s relationships. Context is and always is exceptionally important here.
Relationship bossy do me type..those kinds of women though, I won't give an inch with right away, even if I'm into things. It's when they openly realize and enjoy the fact they can't boss me around... is when I've dealt with their bad behavior enough that it's got through to them. I'm speaking purely on the dating or getting to know one another stages of things too. Not as 24/7 or some other involved relationship. Women will quickly figure it out, if you are or are not right for them. Just because a Women comes off all bossy or demanding, doesn't mean you should quickly shut them down. Some like to test to see if they can walk over a guy, or wrap them around their pinky.
I've been called hard headed, I've been called asshole, I've been called selfish, I've been called other things too. But not in the completely bad way either. Hard to translate the tones of voice used here on the message boards. Put it this way, I wasn't such an asshole, head headed or many other things... that they didn't want to see me again. If anything the exact opposite happened.
I had a girl one night, which I just met. She pulled out a cigarette and placed it to her lips.. making the physical gestures in a demanding sort of way for me to lit for her. She was exceptionally hot looking. I really don't like that kind of attitude or behavior in general. I knew exactly what she was trying to do too. Rude bitch, didn't politely ask for light. I pulled the lighter from my pocket and tapped in down on the table standing up right in front of her. My friend at the time about lost his mind that I would treat a women so rudely. Anyways, it stunned her for a moment. She eventually reached down and picked it up and lit her own smoke. Kind of gave me a bit of a look, me I was just as friendly as I could be, save perhaps a brief smirk or something.
When I went to the bathroom, my friend cornered me down. Man, that's no way to treat a woman what the fuck is wrong with you. I tried to explain it to him. Her behavior and demanding attitude is bad behavior and I'm not going to be treated like all the men drooling over her ass in the club. Especially by a girl which has weaponized herself with self sexual objectification to have that control over men.
Yes, I was that asshole which didn't play along too. Ironically, over the course of a few weeks, when ran into her. She come over and sit with us and hangout. I didn't sink money into buying her drinks, or none of that. What's funny, is that she said what she enjoyed was feeling safe sitting with me. The guy which was least all over or after her in the club. She tossed me her phone number one night even.
Which brings me to another point I want to make, being Dominant does not mean trying hard to get the girl either. Some times, you almost need to ignore them. All depends if they are playing the game of weaponize self sexual objectification and those control games or not. Also nothing that guarantee's anything. If the girl is truly not into you, she's just not into you. Being Dominant does not mean every women is going to fall and keel over for you, or that you are going to get their attention. actually if it worked like that, I think I'd stay home and never leave the damn house.
I lost where I was going with all this now. Oh yeah, just because somebody has a do-me attitude about anything does not mean they won't submit or not worthy of D/s relationship material.
If you blow somebody off too quickly without getting to know one another, and actually go through the motions and testing one another. One might be passing something good up. Just my thoughts on this.
Although on the other side here, it's rather brutal. Back to the wires crossed as previously mentioned in this thread by Needles.