RE: Confessions

RE: Confessions (Full Version)

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proudsub -> RE: Confessions (8/6/2006 3:26:06 PM)
(fast reply) Wow there are some pretty powerful and sad stories on here. Thank you all for sharing. I'm sorry for those of you that have had such a tough time. I feel very fortunate to have led a pretty normal life, with the exception of a brief affair when i first wanted to experience bdsm.

leakylee -> RE: Confessions (8/6/2006 3:26:26 PM)
I understand the butterfly for your grandmother. I just had an angel done on my ankle at the two year mark of my god son's death. I am beating the hell out of myself because somehow in working in the yard last week, I lost the angel pendant that he adored. When he came home from the hospital the last time, his little body was ate up with cancer. He hurt so bad. I had a guardian angel pendant that he held onto everyday. He would wrap it around his little hand and just hold it. He always talked about how the he was going to go fyling with the angels when he went home. You feel guility wanting them to stay and you feel guility wanting to let them ease out of this world. I dont know which is the right choice. I am crying again. I cant stay away from this thing. Butterfly, I know how the days of not wanting to go on feel. They suck. There really is no other word for it. They hound you. But you are loved. And the more you talk and the more you reach the easier it is to bare. I hate crying. I am gonna go now. Lee

enigmabrat -> RE: Confessions (8/6/2006 4:12:38 PM)
Ok I desided to repost this... and NOT chicken out this time... You alll were so brave and I feel that I should be too... Ok i stare at this blank little box again and know what I want to say and can not bring myself to say but i will start small and works up... I sit friday after friday in a therapists office I play with the toys she has on the side table for the young children that she sees (yes at 22 Im still seeing a child psycologist) I do not talk to her, she drags small details from me i tell her as little as I can get away with. I dont like to talk about what made me what I am now not with her she is pacient i am, draining.... When i was 4 my mom and aunt went back to school to save the printing busyness my parents owned becuase my uncle died and they needed to learn to run the presses my dad was left at home with my older brother me and my newborn sister he could not deal he lost his brother and best friend... he would never hit my brother he was always his favorate and he could not hit a newborn.. I was emotional always and week he picked on me... he beat me when my brother made him mad he beat me when my sister cried one time i cried so hard I threw up he shuved my face in it and made me eat it.. I do not hate him for this nor do I blaim he we are actually very close now even though he is stilll very mean and verbaly abusive at times, he no longer hits me. My wounds from this are still open but i will not adress them they are better left ignored.... My aunt remarried and braught a new man into the house when I was 5... this man loved me more then was apropriate... he molested me for 15 years... my parents knwo and he still lives with us, this hurts me more then the molestation did... I do not remeber all the things he did to me. I fermly beleave some things are better left forgotten for there was a reason we forgott them in the first place... these wounds also still open and i will not adress them they will also be ignored. My mom has always needed to controll what I ate not what my brother or sister ate only me.. when I was 13 she locked the food up from me I wasnt over waight at the time i am now my siblings were aloud to get food whenever they wanted I needed to be supervised, this ingrained a deep shame for me when asosiating with food, I am bulimic with anerexic tendinsises I eather eat way to much or I eat nothing at all... Last year i was hospitalised because I hadnt eaten in three weeks and my medication was eating away at me because of the lack of food I am terrafied of people I can barely leave the house without a panic attack from people though Im medicated and its better now then it was... Im am so scared of people as I never had friends growing up i was tormented in school torn apart by my peers when I was 17 I had a breakdown and ended up in a mental hospital for a while this was a safe place and i have to admit I never wanted to leave it.... there was structure and safety there... When i got home I did not return to school i was home schooled!! My younger sister has a real temper problem and takes it out on me only me... It sucks beeing the punching bag in the house in the last year she has given me a black eye and one time in the parking lot of a place she attacked me tearing my shirt completly off of me she calls me awfull things that really hurt... its sad but we are actually very close despite how poorly she treats me at times... Its so hard because mt family is so close and yet so abusive I was never discaplined growing up (beatings for no reason dont count) I now crave it I need Lots of rules and consaquenses which is more then a lot of Doms want to give... I am a virgin and the idea of sex scares me to no end I may be a virgin forever. I have no job no money and no way out of my situation I cant work retail because of my social fobia though i am in school i want to be a teacher I love kids and i want my own more then anything My bigest confetion is I just want to be loved I just want to be held and loved but sometimes I feel that maybe that is too much to ask.. there is so much more that I dont dare write i cant bear to write and some things Iv just blocked out...

cheshireboy -> RE: Confessions (8/6/2006 4:16:10 PM)
i don't remember anything before i was 10...only a glimpse here or there, and none of them important. i am socially inept....in public places i have issues carrying a conversation.....the voice restriction is more self imposed than anything else.... i have a secret fetish where i want to dress up as a priest, and have a "girl" confess her sins to me and i get to inflict the antonement upon her, to cleanse her soul. cheshire

enigmabrat -> RE: Confessions (8/6/2006 4:24:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SavageFaerie Here in my confession for the moment or more of a plea. I know people inside and outside of this community that need serious financial help, a leg up if you will. Most being a short term need, they need to be given a break. I know many people are reading this thread. I simply ask this of you. I have a paypal account, I am asking for any donations where I could help people on a person by person basis. I would use it carefully and wisely. I do what little I can. I would only expect one thing.....to pay it forward for those I may can help, or when they are at the point to give back to a fund to help others. If you read this and would like to contribute....please email me on the others side. I can give you valid and true references to my character. Thank you for listening. Deb My dear sage.. i dont have much money at all i dont have an income but I want to help... I can maybe give $10 here maybe $20 there but I cant afford a large sum at one time I wish I could do more... I have another confession comeing on.. well more of a question.. ever feel so helpless when you cant do things to help the people you care about but really want to help and when what you can give seems to be so little that it wont help at all I confess im frustrated!!!!!!!

enigmabrat -> RE: Confessions (8/6/2006 4:26:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cheshireboy i have a secret fetish where i want to dress up as a priest, and have a "girl" confess her sins to me and i get to inflict the antonement upon her, to cleanse her soul. cheshire I must confess chesire this is a hot fetish/fantasy!!!! and Im jewish [:)]

enigmabrat -> RE: Confessions (8/6/2006 4:32:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level quote: ORIGINAL: SavageFaerie Same here Sweetone....I think that was the first time I have showed my true name I changed my last name...it is my own.....I wear it proudly. I almost signed mine on a post once, was midway through writing it when I went "hey!" lol. LOL Iv now legaly changed my name to bratling to avoid confustion hehehe

MySweetSubmssive -> RE: Confessions (8/6/2006 4:33:06 PM)
Is it better or worse that I'm Catholic and find that hot? (grinning)

enigmabrat -> RE: Confessions (8/6/2006 4:35:41 PM)
LOL I dont know if religon even matters hehe its a hot sounding r/p scene hehehe

proudsub -> RE: Confessions (8/6/2006 4:36:30 PM)
quote: i have a secret fetish where i want to dress up as a priest, and have a "girl" confess her sins to me and i get to inflict the antonement upon her, to cleanse her soul. You and enigmabrat might enjoy this thread: http://www.collarchat.com/m_332826/mpage_1/key_priest/tm.htm (a priest)

MySweetSubmssive -> RE: Confessions (8/6/2006 4:40:22 PM)
Thank you, proudsub. Somehow the spiciness of this fantasy was made better by the person who shared it. (winking)

enigmabrat -> RE: Confessions (8/6/2006 4:42:01 PM)
HEHE thanks proud sub LOL

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Confessions (8/6/2006 4:50:40 PM)
covers eyes NO priest fantasies... I just rejoined the church...

MySweetSubmssive -> RE: Confessions (8/6/2006 4:53:20 PM)
It's OK, DV, we'll cover your ears when we get to those parts.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Confessions (8/6/2006 4:56:16 PM)
As I was typing "My virgin ears", my yunger brother laughed and said "Well, we all knew something still had to be." Now I know why I am so tolerant of it in my boy.. my brother is just as bad!

Tamerofwild1s -> RE: Confessions (8/6/2006 5:18:47 PM)
walks in adjusting my father collar .. now who needed some confession and retribution

enigmabrat -> RE: Confessions (8/6/2006 5:21:54 PM)
awwwww almost as hot as the loincloth Sir

crouchingtigress -> RE: Confessions (8/6/2006 5:28:28 PM)
gosh....i know it can be painful...but it is WONDERFUL!!!please dont skip this amazing experiance because of th e pain the pain is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo worth it. trully. quote: ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa I will confess that my ass is a virgin. Big deal, I havent tried it, probably never will. I hate pain lol I love to give it, but receive it? No way. Oh wait, was this supposed to be just a fun thread? lol Ok, never mind, I have nothing to confess <eg>

spankmepink11 -> RE: Confessions (8/6/2006 5:42:26 PM)
I confess to having some mighty hot crushes on some Male forum posters..(ok and maybe a Female or two ) I also confess that i believe i may be fated to the single life....an even bigger fear is that it's a self fullfilling prophecy

crouchingtigress -> RE: Confessions (8/6/2006 5:49:55 PM)
i confess: that i sit around all day watching TV and i should be working that i eat ding dongs more then is healthy that i dont see my family enough that i dont take good care of my teeth because i am terrified of the dentist that i dont want a relationship but that scarres me because i dont want to be alone either. and this is the biggie for me to say publicly as i have never done so....that i have a form of OCD that picks open wounds and leaves scars.

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