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Never Been Collared - 8/21/2006 1:51:04 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I was wondering how many submissives here have never received a collar (Im talking about a full collar)? If you haven't is it because you are not anxious for one, have never had a power dynamic, or because you are in the process of building one?

Personally, I am not in a rush for that level of commitment, and wouldn't mind being never collared at all rather than be collared to the wrong one. I have heard many submissives that have been collared talk about what it means to them, etc, and I was just wondering a little about people like me, those who never have been collared.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 8/21/2006 1:52:34 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt
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RE: Never Been Collared - 8/21/2006 2:07:52 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		I've never been collared. Never had the relationship to get one, except once and he was long distance so it wouldn't of worked out anyway.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Never Been Collared - 8/21/2006 2:08:40 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Since my pet never actually posts, I can actually answer this from his perspective.  He has never ben collared, and we are waiting.  We both know this is going to be long term, but the level of commitment we both personally attach to it we are going to wait until I am living closer by and we are about ready to move it to a 24/7 relationship.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Never Been Collared - 8/21/2006 2:19:09 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		While I have worn a collar in the past year, I have not been owned/collared for a year now.

I wish subs and doms would wait at least 6 months before making any serious commitment once they get into "the scene."

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Never Been Collared - 8/21/2006 2:31:05 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I've never received a collar. Maybe it's because my first and only Dominant thought the whole "collar" thing was kind of silly. He used them, just not as a symbol of "commitment". He just said: "Christ, if you love someone, why not just marry them?" I wonder about that as well, but do realize it's a "special symbol" in the bdsm world. I also realize that in some bdsm relationships, and Poly ones, sometimes the partners are already married - just to someone else, maybe. I also realize that some people (maybe myself included, at this point), don't care to become married.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/21/2006 3:08:58 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Never Been Collared - 8/21/2006 2:32:03 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

While I have worn a collar in the past year, I have not been owned/collared for a year now.

I wish subs and doms would wait at least 6 months before making any serious commitment once they get into "the scene."


You know how when you are reading a sentence you expect it to end a certain way, I expected the last couple of lines as "I wish subs and doms would wait at least 6 months before making any serious commitment to each other"... I was thinking relationship instead of scene. I guess because for me (and I know everyone has different ideas) it is about the Ds relationship, not the scene, because the scene doesn't live with you everyday.

I have great respect for your attitude about collars LA, and about rushing into them as a status symbol (if I have read previous posts of yours correctly). I do not know how much this occurs in the scene, but I seem to read a bunch of it online, furthering my resolve not to rush into it myself. It is hard enough to get over submitting to the wrong person without a collar, much less feeling I had failed in a huge commitment.


I am looking forward to hearing more responses

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 8/21/2006 2:33:20 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Never Been Collared - 8/21/2006 2:35:19 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I've never received a collar. Maybe it's because my first and only Dominant thought the whole "collar" thing was kind of silly. He used them, just not as a symbol of "commitment". He just said: "Christ, if you love someone, why not just marry them?" I wonder about that as well, but do realize it's a "special symbol" in the bdsm world. I also realize that in some bdsm relationships, and Poly ones, sometimes the partners are already married - just to someone else, maybe. 

- Susan


My Dom does not think that collaring and marriage are incompatible and wants to make both commitments to the same person. He does think that both commitments serve different purposes, although if I understand him correctly they are not mutually exclusive, but instead complimentary

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Never Been Collared - 8/21/2006 2:37:29 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Well, I do agree that collaring referes to a bdsm relationship.
I know many vanilla married couples who would never realize what a collar means to many.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Never Been Collared - 8/21/2006 2:42:36 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Personally, I think that a collar and a marraige can work together. In our case, its an idea we have also batted around, albeit not quite as much as just the collar idea. Its a symbol, after all, like any other. What it means to you and your partner is the important interpretation.  What the outside world understands or thinks about how you've decided to express your feelings for one another is fairly irrelavent. Anyone can wear a ring that people will assume means they are partnered. They symbols are all that people see.  What they mean to YOU is whats important.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Never Been Collared - 8/21/2006 2:42:50 PM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		I have never been collared either.  I consider it a huge commitement and in the same league as marriage.  There are a lot of velcro ones out there and I will have nothing to do with them.  I have had doms offer me a collar within a week, or even hours of starting to talk to them.  To me, they have no clue what one means, so why would I take it?  Would I like to be collared someday?  Yes, I would..but the sun will still rise and set even if I'm not.  I would rather take my time and give myself that fully to the right one, than to have one after another, after another. 

~Andrea

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Never Been Collared - 8/21/2006 2:43:26 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		A lot of BDSM couples miss what a marriage can be too...smiles. I have read many that find the "collar" to be superior to a wedding ring, for them this is true. I have witnessed one too many vanilla marriages that were long lasting and deep enough that when one passed away the other followed shortly after.

I think that they are just symbols of what the relationship is after all.


I did not mean to infer collaring was necessary as a statement of commitment, just as a marriage license isn't necessarily a measure of commitment...



_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Never Been Collared - 8/21/2006 2:50:43 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Well, I think that whatever that couple in question thinks will symbolize thier commitment appropriately for them is what they should do (I know you meant this too, I wasn't inferring anything by what you said). I just think you and Sinergy make such a cute couple!

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Never Been Collared - 8/21/2006 3:31:29 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

I did not mean to infer collaring was necessary as a statement of commitment, just as a marriage license isn't necessarily a measure of commitment...


Yep, people make things their own.  Even marriages.  At least with marriage, you have the understanding that it is a legally binding commitment (if nothing else).  A collaring isn't quite that, although it signifies something like that to many people.  Some people do not get excited over civil and/or religious ceremonies, so marriage doesn't mean much to them. 

The main thing would be only go into a collaring if both partners understand what it means to them.  Otherwise there will be trouble. 

To me a collar means "ownership".  And that can mean different things to different people as well.


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“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Never Been Collared - 8/21/2006 3:52:41 PM   
Hohoho


Posts: 135
Joined: 3/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I've never received a collar. Maybe it's because my first and only Dominant thought the whole "collar" thing was kind of silly. He used them, just not as a symbol of "commitment". He just said: "Christ, if you love someone, why not just marry them?" I wonder about that as well, but do realize it's a "special symbol" in the bdsm world. I also realize that in some bdsm relationships, and Poly ones, sometimes the partners are already married - just to someone else, maybe. 

- Susan


My Dom does not think that collaring and marriage are incompatible and wants to make both commitments to the same person. He does think that both commitments serve different purposes, although if I understand him correctly they are not mutually exclusive, but instead complimentary


No collar here.

JuliaO, I'm tilting toward your Dom's way of thinking. When I learned of the institution of collaring, I equated it with marriage. I take it very seriously. I would not be interested in collars and contracts unless it was deemed a lifetime committment.
Once a Dom asked me to keep his collar at home with me to wear in his absence. At first, I thought, oh how endearing, but I could tell, he was getting at something.... It was a gesture I would not consider. I am glad I made that decision as I know this slightly used collar has been passed on quickly, too quickly in my opinion as a status symbol.

I'll hold out for the big one. The one I intend to wear once and for all. No rush. No friendship collar, promise collar or velcro. I have my own, will travel.

_____________________________

"Official Kilt Inspector"

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Never Been Collared - 8/21/2006 4:08:28 PM   
jonathan


Posts: 196
Joined: 8/5/2004
Status: offline 		i've never had a 'permanent' collar/symbol, just one for a long period of consideration many years ago. Now, after all this time, i am on a path clearly defined by my Goddess and for my training collar, wear a piece of my own jewelry as a symbol of Her Ownership. She adheres to total TPE and contracts as well, as i'm sure some of the respondents to this thread know. Which works just fine for us, as we both desire the Owner/owned type of relationship. As we progress and i continue with preparations to move West in the coming months, i wear that symbol all the time. i will always wear one from now on, whether that in public or a real collar in private.

i'm also of the school mentioned here, that a symbol is what you make of it. For me, my collar defines my committment to Her just as a marriage certificate/ceremony would define it to society. What matters is what meaning the two of you invest in it.

BTW, Hohoho, You'll have to ask my Goddess' permission to inspect my Utilikilt. <smiles>


_____________________________

jonathan
http://www.slaveregister.com/000-515-587

"But in purple, i am stunning!"
"Before You slip into unconsciousness, i'd like to have another kiss, another flashing chance at bliss, another kiss, another kiss"

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Never Been Collared - 8/21/2006 4:13:51 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		I only intended to be collared once i waited  well it did not last he died.  So again i went looking to see if i could find another Master i could truely submit to.  Fate smiled on me once again and i found a Master to whom i could submit to totally with every part of me.  I finally said to myself THIS was what was wanting with my first Dom i cared for him yes but never felt this bone deep feeling that this is the one  i was meant to be with.  Master told me he felt it too.  Even though we knew we waited 5 months brfore he slipped the collar around my neck it is just a symbol he had collared my mind and heart long before.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to Hohoho)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Never Been Collared - 8/21/2006 4:31:18 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Perhaps we should start a club! (just kidding of course) littleone, that is a lovely story. Hohoho, my Daddy has collared two other submissives prior to meeting me. The first one he was a newbie and he did not understand the significance that a collar could mean. The second one he meant to keep, but she had other ideas. He is in no hurry, and I can't say I blame him, if it works between us, it does, and if it doesn't...well then we shall both be glad we did not take that step.

And Sleezybutterfly this is exactly how I feel
quote:

but the sun will still rise and set even if I'm not.  I would rather take my time and give myself that fully to the right one, than to have one after another, after another. 





_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Never Been Collared - 8/21/2006 4:45:19 PM   
BrokenDoll


Posts: 106
Joined: 8/15/2006
Status: offline 		Iv never been collard and not because I never wanted too its because Im only 22 and very new to the life so i havent had the opertunity to be

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Please take care of your toys treat them with Love and respect, For broken toys are no fun at all!

-doll-

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Never Been Collared - 8/21/2006 6:31:05 PM   
SweetSarijane


Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline 		I've never been collared either and won't be until it's right. That's a huge step to me and not one I'll take lightly. It has deep meaning and significance. I'd rather never be collared than accept one just for the sake of having one

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

(in reply to BrokenDoll)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Never Been Collared - 8/21/2006 7:03:21 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I spent 2.5 years getting to know my sub before I collared him. I wanted to make sure that we both knew each other well enough to be compatible for a lifetime committment. Yep you read the word correctly LIFETIME.

I think sometimes people hand collars out to easily or accept them before they are ready. These are afterall relationships and they take time to build if they are going to stand. My current sub is only the second collar I've ever given. I've had subs in between relationships but there were red flags and so I never offered.

~Lashra and slutjack 

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






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Profile   Post #: 20
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