Never Been Collared (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive



Message

juliaoceania -> Never Been Collared (8/21/2006 1:51:04 PM)

I was wondering how many submissives here have never received a collar (Im talking about a full collar)? If you haven't is it because you are not anxious for one, have never had a power dynamic, or because you are in the process of building one?

Personally, I am not in a rush for that level of commitment, and wouldn't mind being never collared at all rather than be collared to the wrong one. I have heard many submissives that have been collared talk about what it means to them, etc, and I was just wondering a little about people like me, those who never have been collared.



FelinePersuasion -> RE: Never Been Collared (8/21/2006 2:07:52 PM)

I've never been collared. Never had the relationship to get one, except once and he was long distance so it wouldn't of worked out anyway.



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Never Been Collared (8/21/2006 2:08:40 PM)

Since my pet never actually posts, I can actually answer this from his perspective.  He has never ben collared, and we are waiting.  We both know this is going to be long term, but the level of commitment we both personally attach to it we are going to wait until I am living closer by and we are about ready to move it to a 24/7 relationship.

DV



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Never Been Collared (8/21/2006 2:19:09 PM)

While I have worn a collar in the past year, I have not been owned/collared for a year now.

I wish subs and doms would wait at least 6 months before making any serious commitment once they get into "the scene."



SusanofO -> RE: Never Been Collared (8/21/2006 2:31:05 PM)

I've never received a collar. Maybe it's because my first and only Dominant thought the whole "collar" thing was kind of silly. He used them, just not as a symbol of "commitment". He just said: "Christ, if you love someone, why not just marry them?" I wonder about that as well, but do realize it's a "special symbol" in the bdsm world. I also realize that in some bdsm relationships, and Poly ones, sometimes the partners are already married - just to someone else, maybe. I also realize that some people (maybe myself included, at this point), don't care to become married.

- Susan



juliaoceania -> RE: Never Been Collared (8/21/2006 2:32:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

While I have worn a collar in the past year, I have not been owned/collared for a year now.

I wish subs and doms would wait at least 6 months before making any serious commitment once they get into "the scene."


You know how when you are reading a sentence you expect it to end a certain way, I expected the last couple of lines as "I wish subs and doms would wait at least 6 months before making any serious commitment to each other"... I was thinking relationship instead of scene. I guess because for me (and I know everyone has different ideas) it is about the Ds relationship, not the scene, because the scene doesn't live with you everyday.

I have great respect for your attitude about collars LA, and about rushing into them as a status symbol (if I have read previous posts of yours correctly). I do not know how much this occurs in the scene, but I seem to read a bunch of it online, furthering my resolve not to rush into it myself. It is hard enough to get over submitting to the wrong person without a collar, much less feeling I had failed in a huge commitment.


I am looking forward to hearing more responses



juliaoceania -> RE: Never Been Collared (8/21/2006 2:35:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I've never received a collar. Maybe it's because my first and only Dominant thought the whole "collar" thing was kind of silly. He used them, just not as a symbol of "commitment". He just said: "Christ, if you love someone, why not just marry them?" I wonder about that as well, but do realize it's a "special symbol" in the bdsm world. I also realize that in some bdsm relationships, and Poly ones, sometimes the partners are already married - just to someone else, maybe. 

- Susan


My Dom does not think that collaring and marriage are incompatible and wants to make both commitments to the same person. He does think that both commitments serve different purposes, although if I understand him correctly they are not mutually exclusive, but instead complimentary



SusanofO -> RE: Never Been Collared (8/21/2006 2:37:29 PM)

Well, I do agree that collaring referes to a bdsm relationship.
I know many vanilla married couples who would never realize what a collar means to many.

- Susan



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Never Been Collared (8/21/2006 2:42:36 PM)

Personally, I think that a collar and a marraige can work together. In our case, its an idea we have also batted around, albeit not quite as much as just the collar idea. Its a symbol, after all, like any other. What it means to you and your partner is the important interpretation.  What the outside world understands or thinks about how you've decided to express your feelings for one another is fairly irrelavent. Anyone can wear a ring that people will assume means they are partnered. They symbols are all that people see.  What they mean to YOU is whats important.

DV



sleazybutterfly -> RE: Never Been Collared (8/21/2006 2:42:50 PM)

I have never been collared either.  I consider it a huge commitement and in the same league as marriage.  There are a lot of velcro ones out there and I will have nothing to do with them.  I have had doms offer me a collar within a week, or even hours of starting to talk to them.  To me, they have no clue what one means, so why would I take it?  Would I like to be collared someday?  Yes, I would..but the sun will still rise and set even if I'm not.  I would rather take my time and give myself that fully to the right one, than to have one after another, after another. 

~Andrea



juliaoceania -> RE: Never Been Collared (8/21/2006 2:43:26 PM)

A lot of BDSM couples miss what a marriage can be too...smiles. I have read many that find the "collar" to be superior to a wedding ring, for them this is true. I have witnessed one too many vanilla marriages that were long lasting and deep enough that when one passed away the other followed shortly after.

I think that they are just symbols of what the relationship is after all.


I did not mean to infer collaring was necessary as a statement of commitment, just as a marriage license isn't necessarily a measure of commitment...




SusanofO -> RE: Never Been Collared (8/21/2006 2:50:43 PM)

Well, I think that whatever that couple in question thinks will symbolize thier commitment appropriately for them is what they should do (I know you meant this too, I wasn't inferring anything by what you said). I just think you and Sinergy make such a cute couple!
[:)]
- Susan



KatyLied -> RE: Never Been Collared (8/21/2006 3:31:29 PM)

quote:

I did not mean to infer collaring was necessary as a statement of commitment, just as a marriage license isn't necessarily a measure of commitment...


Yep, people make things their own.  Even marriages.  At least with marriage, you have the understanding that it is a legally binding commitment (if nothing else).  A collaring isn't quite that, although it signifies something like that to many people.  Some people do not get excited over civil and/or religious ceremonies, so marriage doesn't mean much to them. 

The main thing would be only go into a collaring if both partners understand what it means to them.  Otherwise there will be trouble. 

To me a collar means "ownership".  And that can mean different things to different people as well.



Hohoho -> RE: Never Been Collared (8/21/2006 3:52:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I've never received a collar. Maybe it's because my first and only Dominant thought the whole "collar" thing was kind of silly. He used them, just not as a symbol of "commitment". He just said: "Christ, if you love someone, why not just marry them?" I wonder about that as well, but do realize it's a "special symbol" in the bdsm world. I also realize that in some bdsm relationships, and Poly ones, sometimes the partners are already married - just to someone else, maybe. 

- Susan


My Dom does not think that collaring and marriage are incompatible and wants to make both commitments to the same person. He does think that both commitments serve different purposes, although if I understand him correctly they are not mutually exclusive, but instead complimentary


No collar here.

JuliaO, I'm tilting toward your Dom's way of thinking. When I learned of the institution of collaring, I equated it with marriage. I take it very seriously. I would not be interested in collars and contracts unless it was deemed a lifetime committment.
Once a Dom asked me to keep his collar at home with me to wear in his absence. At first, I thought, oh how endearing, but I could tell, he was getting at something.... It was a gesture I would not consider. I am glad I made that decision as I know this slightly used collar has been passed on quickly, too quickly in my opinion as a status symbol.

I'll hold out for the big one. The one I intend to wear once and for all. No rush. No friendship collar, promise collar or velcro. I have my own, will travel.[sm=wave.gif]



jonathan -> RE: Never Been Collared (8/21/2006 4:08:28 PM)

i've never had a 'permanent' collar/symbol, just one for a long period of consideration many years ago. Now, after all this time, i am on a path clearly defined by my Goddess and for my training collar, wear a piece of my own jewelry as a symbol of Her Ownership. She adheres to total TPE and contracts as well, as i'm sure some of the respondents to this thread know. Which works just fine for us, as we both desire the Owner/owned type of relationship. As we progress and i continue with preparations to move West in the coming months, i wear that symbol all the time. i will always wear one from now on, whether that in public or a real collar in private.

i'm also of the school mentioned here, that a symbol is what you make of it. For me, my collar defines my committment to Her just as a marriage certificate/ceremony would define it to society. What matters is what meaning the two of you invest in it.

BTW, Hohoho, You'll have to ask my Goddess' permission to inspect my Utilikilt. <smiles>



littleone35 -> RE: Never Been Collared (8/21/2006 4:13:51 PM)

I only intended to be collared once i waited  well it did not last he died.  So again i went looking to see if i could find another Master i could truely submit to.  Fate smiled on me once again and i found a Master to whom i could submit to totally with every part of me.  I finally said to myself THIS was what was wanting with my first Dom i cared for him yes but never felt this bone deep feeling that this is the one  i was meant to be with.  Master told me he felt it too.  Even though we knew we waited 5 months brfore he slipped the collar around my neck it is just a symbol he had collared my mind and heart long before.

Matt's littleone



juliaoceania -> RE: Never Been Collared (8/21/2006 4:31:18 PM)

Perhaps we should start a club! (just kidding of course) littleone, that is a lovely story. Hohoho, my Daddy has collared two other submissives prior to meeting me. The first one he was a newbie and he did not understand the significance that a collar could mean. The second one he meant to keep, but she had other ideas. He is in no hurry, and I can't say I blame him, if it works between us, it does, and if it doesn't...well then we shall both be glad we did not take that step.

And Sleezybutterfly this is exactly how I feel
quote:

but the sun will still rise and set even if I'm not.  I would rather take my time and give myself that fully to the right one, than to have one after another, after another. 






BrokenDoll -> RE: Never Been Collared (8/21/2006 4:45:19 PM)

Iv never been collard and not because I never wanted too its because Im only 22 and very new to the life so i havent had the opertunity to be



SweetSarijane -> RE: Never Been Collared (8/21/2006 6:31:05 PM)

I've never been collared either and won't be until it's right. That's a huge step to me and not one I'll take lightly. It has deep meaning and significance. I'd rather never be collared than accept one just for the sake of having one



Lashra -> RE: Never Been Collared (8/21/2006 7:03:21 PM)

I spent 2.5 years getting to know my sub before I collared him. I wanted to make sure that we both knew each other well enough to be compatible for a lifetime committment. Yep you read the word correctly LIFETIME.

I think sometimes people hand collars out to easily or accept them before they are ready. These are afterall relationships and they take time to build if they are going to stand. My current sub is only the second collar I've ever given. I've had subs in between relationships but there were red flags and so I never offered.

~Lashra and slutjack 



Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.03125