quote:

knowing someone knows ME well enough to fuck me over like that.

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

I like the changes that emotional masochism bring about in me. For some reason, I feel stronger, more centered, more... able. I like the things I've learned through it. I like the fact that my emotions no longer control me. I control them...and he controls me. Knowing one thing leads to another and he's at the center of it all...I absolutely love it.
 
Ah...i feel this...i feel i can understand myself better.

In our case, emotional sadism is wh
a) I'm not allowed masturbation  -  for years - and no amount of begging will change that. If I'm having difficulties with that, it's MY difficulty, not his.
b) I'm not allowed to ask for things I want - yep, that means when I really want to be spanked or whatever, I get to wait for him to want it. And I wait... sometimes in a significant amount of not so nice feelings.. but when he finally decides to do this, I understand perfectly why he waited so long. It's like those kisses you see on television when the guys come home from war. You just KNOW that kiss is the sweetest kiss in the whole wide world. When he withholds, to the point of me being crazed and feeling like I just need to throw in the towel...and then out of the blue, is no longer withholding...it's the sweetest feeling to me in the whole wide world.  (And my personal growth from that is the development of patience without feeling resentful. I find it so satisfying - even when I'm wishing he'd just spank the crap out of me right then and there.)
c) I am upset about something he thinks is utterly silly, and instead of giving me this insincere expression of concern and caring, he laughs his head off. I used to be hurt beyond words. These days, I have begun to see the humor in it all. This has centered me and helped me to realize that the mountains I'm climbing are of my own design and that I really should be giving those molehills back to their occupants, cause I really AM  being silly.
 
Yes!  THIS is how i feel, perfectly....i am glad to hear this :)  Master has taught me in this way how to laugh and not be as serious as i used to be.  But for me, it has been an emotional ride, the depths of the wait...the height of the receipt, and since i am just begining to understand this area better, there times when i think i may burst and have reached a limit, and then he just keeps steady on the path, and all i can do at thatpoint is  keep up.  i guess i am learning to find my rhythym in all of it, but not quite there yet.  :)

d) I get upset over some perceived hurt and he absolutely refuses to give in...to make me feel better...to cave to my demands - even when I'm just positive they're not demands but needs. And then I realize that in every single other relationship in my life, when the man has acquiesced, I've lost all respect for him. In this one, he does not concede, compromise or anything like that. He says it. It happens. He says no. It's no. Sometimes it hurts like hell because I keep wondering if he really cares...and then he does something that shows he does - without caving. And yet, if he's wrong, he corrects his actions. He doesn't apologize, but he corrects. I'd rather have the actions than the words. But again, it's only on his time - not just cause I'm upset.
 
Ah...okay, i have noticed that also,  while your master doesn't cave, but is not cold, it just his way of teaching, and he sees the potential and strength in you, to both follow and learn, and capably process it and receive it.  Master tells me i know how to receive it, and i say that i don't know how at times, for i feel a mess, but then i see growth in me, after reading this, it hits me that maybe i do know how to receive what he desires to give afterall. *smile  He says i am a quick study, and i think oh really? For at times i am left feeling so dense. LOL

e) he tells me to do something and doesn't explain why. Either I choose to do it or I choose not to...and that's that...no nicey nicey explanations, no helping me to understand what he's doing and/or where he's coming from.
 
Master calls this being able to obey without hesitation and just trust, even through my more fearful times, where i really believed i had to absolutely know and understand the why of it...lol...and he would laugh at me while i desperately begged and pleaded my case!...LOL...He doesn't stop me until he had his share of amusement first.   Oddly enough, aside from a dark humor lesson on life, *grin...this has fostered an even deeper trust and mutual respect between us.  i never considered this to be part of it before though, i just recently began to see it.  However there are situations that involve my deeper emotions and having the resolve to stick it out, then learn, is difficult at times.  It is not the same as obeying with daily things, it is often a much greater or heavier situation.  Is it that way for you at times?

For everyone involved in emotional sadism/masochism, the way they interact can be different. In our case, he finds the thing that hurts me the most and then... uses it against me - because he cares and mostly, because he can.
 
Yes, and it is in the way he does it, that connects with the thing in you that can see it.  That is how i know to describe what i feel within that concept. *smile

And he never ever ever lets up.
 
Ah, i hope you can understand my thoughts.  You are growing from it.  i do understand at least that much about it, like Master at times, who pushes and prods, and pokes, and twists me up in a pretzel, but always teaches me how to "unwind" and gain control to twist back out of it.  Not always with kid gloves either :)  In the beginning when we were first introduced, i immediately knew something was different about him.  i knew he was a sadist, and i get off on medium amounts of pain, but i never believed i had a truly emotional masochist side to me, at least if i did i did not realize it as that. *grin  So this is kind of a new territory for me.

Thank you juliet! *smile



< Message edited by raiken -- 8/31/2006 7:00:10 PM >

(in reply to julietsierra)

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

d) I get upset over some perceived hurt and he absolutely refuses to give in...to make me feel better...to cave to my demands - even when I'm just positive they're not demands but needs. And then I realize that in every single other relationship in my life, when the man has acquiesced, I've lost all respect for him. In this one, he does not concede, compromise or anything like that. He says it. It happens. He says no. It's no. Sometimes it hurts like hell because I keep wondering if he really cares...and then he does something that shows he does - without caving. And yet, if he's wrong, he corrects his actions. He doesn't apologize, but he corrects. I'd rather have the actions than the words. But again, it's only on his time - not just cause I'm upset.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

I can be very dark when that sort of thing washes over me. If I really want to strip off armor and bite, I just need to know someone well enough. It's something I resist these days, so I cannot tell you much more than this.

When you feel your very core being twisted until you feel as if you guts are going to come up out of your throat-and the feeling just goes on and on, that's emotional sadism showing it's effect. And we too often do it to ourselves. 

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ORIGINAL: raiken

quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

I can be very dark when that sort of thing washes over me. If I really want to strip off armor and bite, I just need to know someone well enough. It's something I resist these days, so I cannot tell you much more than this.

When you feel your very core being twisted until you feel as if you guts are going to come up out of your throat-and the feeling just goes on and on, that's emotional sadism showing it's effect. And we too often do it to ourselves. 

He has caused me to feel like that at a very deeply troubling level three times since i have been serving him.  Of course there are daily things, but this depth, was excrutianingly twistingly painful, tearful, heaving sobs and shaking and trembling, and deep moanings...i never knew i could receive that kind of feeling before and the right way for his giving, and yet... i found myself on the verge during those three times, of wanting to walk...and the first time i did...but then i found myself begging him to let me come back, and so he did...and i have been serving him for two years, and if our master/slave thing goes awry, we both know it will only have served to deepen an already good and loving friendship.  We had been good friends for several years prior.  i never knew this side of him that deeply, but i guess he saw that side in me also, and invited me into this area of his life, to be his slave in this sense. 
 
You are right, we DO often do it to ourselves...that is part of why i am still sorting things out in all of what i am discovering about who i am.*smile  It does help me grow, the pain reminds me of the joy and without the pain...well...i would forget and not appreciate the joy, and begin to take it for granted.  Perhaps the trick for me is, that i need a balance of both to feel whole, pain and joy so need each other,  i believe this to be true for myself. *smile 

quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

The ultimate in emotional sadism is to whisper to you in the aftercare cuddling.......One day, when it's really important, I'm going to tell you a lie. And you will believe me. And it's going to be an absolute bitch.

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ORIGINAL: Mavis

quote:

ORIGINAL: Homestead

The ultimate in emotional sadism is to whisper to you in the aftercare cuddling.......One day, when it's really important, I'm going to tell you a lie. And you will believe me. And it's going to be an absolute bitch.

OMG. You're horrible!  

and the last line of His profile says "I am not a sadist".   LMAO

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I have sadistic fantasies that emotionally involve deprivation of sex, food, and pleasure from things I am looking forward to that I've been promised I can have that are suddenly taken away from me. I also have a deep appreciation for humilation, and have never found it unappealing. Physically, my sadistic fantasies involve whipping to the point of bleeding - but I have no experience with any real sadists or sadistic activity, so there might be more added as time goes on, for me, in that area.

In all of my sadistic fantasies, the Master or Dominant is fairly gentle with me, except he just won't give in when it comes to these specific things he is doing to me. He is otherwise affectionate, and I do feel valued by him. If I didn't - I doubt I could or would want to do any of this. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I have no idea why I have these fantasies - any more than anyone  else at CM has an idea why they have theirs.
For me, I think delving into feeling masochistic has to do with wanting to feel a deeper level of trust in someone else, perhaps.

But - if they didn't trust themselves to do that, or doubted my motives or stability for simply requesting this kind of activity, then I wouldn't want them to do it. There is simply too much room for misunderstanding and damage.

- Susan