julietsierra
Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: NastyDaddy
Perhaps it's me, but it seemed like your post opened saying you are not an emotional masochist, yet closed with expressed pride of being one.
I said I'm a masochist but I am not needing to be hurt that way. Does it happen? Absolutely. Do I learn from it, and ultimately grow from it? Again, absolutely. Do I think my life has been better for it? Oh yes. And would I change a thing with him if I could? Not in a million years.
He's a sadist. He plays with emotions. Instead of running from him, I embrace him - all of him and instead of taking a negative view of what he does, and blame my feelings and fear on him, I have learned that most of what I fear is myself. He just does a lovely job of bringing those fears to the surface. I don't pick and choose amongst his traits or try to avoid any of what he does. I take him as he is.
Am I a masochist? Absolutely. However, if he'd beat me instead of play with my emotions, I assure you, I'd probably be better at what I do. As far as what I need, though...marks on my ass definitely take longer to fade than the marks on my psyche. I just don't learn as much about me from those marks on my ass - so...rather than need, I embrace - not just tolerate, but embrace.
As far as being gone if I didn't like the pain... maybe. But from this side of the fence, for me, what's more true is that I like my reactions to the pain. I like seeing what I can take, embrace and grow from. I like the feeling of awe that comes about when I find my fears are groundless and I can put them away. Perhaps it'd be better to say I like the fear. Because that is my need - to feel fear, face it and come out on top.
Oh! I know! In vanilla terms, it's like this: take someone who's afraid of the water. She is really terrified that one day, she'll drown. But her man LOVES the water. He's a good man - the best she's ever known. He fishes, he swims, he does everything on the water. So, the woman, takes her fear in hand and goes out on the water. She learns to fish; she learns to swim; and most of all, she learns to enjoy herself. It doesn't mean she's over her fear of the water, but in her mind, that man who loves to fish is her man, and if he wants to do it, then by god, she's going to go do it, and learn to love it, and be right there beside him, because he's her man and she'll do what he wants. If he said he wanted to climb Mt. Everest, she'd buy rope.
My man is an emotional sadist. And by god, I will embrace all of him - including the emotional sadism and find what's good in it...and I have.
Course, maybe this is just splitting hairs in my own mind. I don't know. I don't know you well enough (not at all actually) to fuck with your head. I've just done the best I could to explain what's happening with emotional sadism in our lives and how it affects me.
juliet
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RE: Sadistic tastes - 
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