Coming out

Coming out (Full Version)

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prettiekitten -> Coming out (9/25/2006 8:06:11 PM)
I am nervous to post this, because I think I will get a lot of answers that I do not want.. .but here goes. Any tips on "coming out" to a partner who may or may not be so vanilla? Any ideas on how to get the conversation going?

DelRey -> RE: Coming out (9/25/2006 8:10:09 PM)
oh man, this has been posted so many times but still new answers keep coming out. Its a sink or swim kind of thing... I still think a surprise roll play works, put on a collar attach a leash and hand him the other end. If he just stands there and looks confused or shocked, pop in a DVD that will give him the idea as you knee at his feet. good luck.

prettiekitten -> RE: Coming out (9/25/2006 8:11:15 PM)
oops. sorry, I didn't realize it was such a hot topic. Thanks for the advice... I wish I was brave enough to do that!

MasterC46910 -> RE: Coming out (9/25/2006 8:15:30 PM)
Just ask, or show them a article you found interesting about the lifestyle and ask them what they think.

DelRey -> RE: Coming out (9/25/2006 8:15:45 PM)
If your unhappy and needing it, then you have nothing to lose. You may even be surprised...

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Coming out (9/25/2006 8:16:51 PM)
When my very vanilla husband and I considered playing, he thought that handcuffing himsef to the bedframe would be a sexy enough starter for a good playdate. It wasnt a bad idea, though he didnt remember where he put the keys afterwards, which was a barrel of laughs. However, I have had a few partners come out in vanila relationships wanting to submit. Most of them had no idea I was domme, so they were shocked by my enthusiasm. Usually, taking about wanting to play at something is a good starting point. You can gauge their reactions from how open they are to the hypothetical idea. Then, take it form there. DV

diamonddreamlove -> RE: Coming out (9/25/2006 8:24:02 PM)
Leaving a good bdsm book laying where they can find it was an easy way for me. It brought up the topic with ease and didn't take long to know he was not into it.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Coming out (9/25/2006 8:37:57 PM)
Reposted: First, this is a lot like the coming out process that homosexuals have to deal with as well. Secondly, make sure that you are prepared to handle questions and reactions that might come at you. Sometimes they might be ok with it, sometimes they might be confused, or angry or worried or other things- make sure you can handle whatever is going to be thrown at you. Next, decide whether you think they are ready for you to come out to them. I'm out to my sister but not to my mother. I doubt I ever will come out t my mom. It's not so much about my own privacy, but about her comfort level. I don't need her to know about me being owned property in order for my relationship to be healthy with her. Next, on a person by person basis, pick good timing. Holidays are not good. If you're telling casual friends, then do it at a party or some place where youa re being casual. If you are telling a best friend or relative, leave privacy and space to talk. Your OWN attitude will shine through more than anything you actually say. Keep it simple, keep it generic, keep it nilla-friendly at first, and show that you are happy with this choice. Make sure that you project an attitude of confidence and sincerity. They don't have to understand the relationship as long as they understand it makes you happy. And give it time. Coming out is a PROCESS, it rarely happens all in one bunch. The more practice you get at coming out, the easier it gets. http://www.collarchat.com/m_594649/mpage_1/key_coming/tm.htm#594704 Telling Family http://www.collarchat.com/m_552712/mpage_1/key_coming/tm.htm#552726 real world acceptance http://www.collarchat.com/m_500172/mpage_1/key_coming%252Cprocess/tm.htm#500695 So I came out... http://www.collarchat.com/m_191844/mpage_1/key_coming%252Cprocess/tm.htm#192641 family http://www.collarchat.com/m_87719/mpage_1/key_coming%252Cprocess/tm.htm#87743 Talking to vanilla people

BD123 -> RE: Coming out (9/26/2006 11:00:33 PM)
Many of the form members in their profile specify honesty. My suggestion sit-down with the other half and discuss your desires respectfully and calmly.

mons -> RE: Coming out (9/27/2006 1:53:24 AM)
greetings just as him what he thinks of being spanked, it is a easy question not to hards then see what he say i would like to know after you talk with him ok mons good luck

Dnomyar -> RE: Coming out (9/27/2006 4:51:17 AM)
I would go with MasterC reply. Don't try to make it complicated.

DOM33416 -> RE: Coming out (9/27/2006 5:18:00 AM)
I think a way to ease into it would be to watch a movie together that you picked out with a relevant theme or just a scene. You can just guage his interest from conversation after leading into it , at least you will have some idea of where you stand.

MasterSpanker47 -> RE: Coming out (12/8/2006 1:23:57 PM)
Hello put some bd/sm magazines around the table.

drawntothedark -> RE: Coming out (12/8/2006 1:45:38 PM)
Not trying to Hijack the thread on another topic but earlier today I posed sort of the same question in another thread. I'm torn. I applaude people who put their pic out there for the world to see. I really want to find that bravery. When I go to post mine........all the "What if's" come out. So I'm torn.....feeling I'm not really "out there" like I should be. I'm not ashamed of who I am. I am scared of the simple minded world around me. I have no idea how I will come out to the people around me. But I know one day I will be looking that choice in the face.

ScooterTrash -> RE: Coming out (12/8/2006 4:06:24 PM)
I'd suggest just casually bringing the subject up...like ask "so, you got any odd fantasies that haven't been fullfilled"? Worst case..you call a swat team, best case...well you can figure that one out...lol.

Daddysredhead -> RE: Coming out (12/8/2006 8:08:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ScooterTrash Worst case..you call a swat team giggles wildly [:D]

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