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The real 24/7 life - 1/21/2004 8:13:53 AM

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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I see many who are all caught up in the hearts and flowers of the lifestyle and just needed to put the reality out there.
When living the life 24/7 there are still bills to be paid, laundry to wash, kids to deal with, life decisions to be made.
In many cases you deal with each other on an even basis.
Is the Master of the house always in control? Sure, but that doesnt mean that the slave is in a cage or on its knees waiting for the next task to do.
I am the Master of my house and let me tell you its not easy. It is a ton of work. I think most masters who have never been in a long term, not even 24/7 relationship dont understand that.
Trust me it isnt all about having someone wait on you hand and foot. you have to be atuned to the slaves mental place, thier health, thier happiness in short everything.
It is a huge responsiblity, one that most dont get from what I have seen.
many sub out there only seem to be looking for a spouse. They have a ton of conditions on what they want adn when you cut through all the rhetoric they are looking for a kinky marriage.
I see unrealistic expectations on both sides of the coin. But if I was pressed to point a finger at the major culprit it would be the masters.
I have seen few that understand that this lifestyle is more then the kind words and play. They dont have a concept of what it means to own someone and the responibilities that come with it.
This is a positive lifestyle, not a negative one.
Oh well I just wanted to get this off my chest.

William

RE: The real 24/7 life - 1/21/2004 12:09:30 PM

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I understand totally what you are talking about when you say everday life is always there Sir. It's funny, most of totally vanilla friends think that *I* am the one that wears the pants in the house. ::laughing:: pants? I try to wear as little as possible :)

Buy why would they think that? Because I am the one that handles the bills, sets appointments, plans functions ect. They don't understand that in the dymamic of our relationship, Master wants someone who makes his life easier. He works hard, and expects to not have to deal with all the little things.

What they don't *see* is at night me giving him a concise accounting of what's up.

There is also the fact that many feel that 24/7 means constant play. Don't I wish! Master is out of the house 50-70 hours a week traveling to/at work. We moved into a house late November that needs a lot of work, and Master is doing most if it. We have taken custody of our 18 month old godson, who, after being with us for 4 months, still has abondenment issues and needs to spend time with his *daddy*.

All of these things are *real life* issues, and come before play. But that doesn't mean they come before our lifestyle choices. I still remember my place, and do the best I can to please Master, even if it's the little things like not trying to make him feel guilty because *we* have so much less personal time now than we did a year ago. Or 4 months ago for that matter. Because, he is a human and can be made to feel guilty.

But he is a wonderful Master and man, and our relationship works well 24/7.

Sandy

(in reply to trnmastr)

RE: The real 24/7 life - 1/21/2004 1:06:35 PM

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I see truths in what both sandy and William have said. I guess it really all boils down to the fact that what 24/7 means to Me may not exactly match what it means to William, and what he sees as 24/7 may not match sandy's definition, which might not agree with someone else's. I think it means something different to each and every person one will talk with about it.
It seems to Me that sometimes there are unrealistic ideations as to what a 24/7 is all about as William said. If you're single, no kids, independantly wealthy and without any responsibilities, then yes you might be able to spend all day everyday nude and in cuffs, or stay home with your sub micromanaging her life right down to the "t", but that won't work for Me.
I was raised to beleive that a Man is the head of the household. It is My job to work, provide for My family and protect them in every way, educating the children for the future, preparing them for life while at the same time relying on My wife/sub to take care of Me.
Does this mean I cannot wash clothes? Does it mean I am above cooking? sewing? Grocery shopping? Tidying up the house? Fuck no. My sub works too. A D/s relationship is not supposed to be an excuse for a Dom to sit on his ass watching TV and barking orders. In a family such as ours, we all have to pitch in and help. she serves Me but I take care of her by trying to lighten her load where I can.
Does this mean I am less of a Dom? I don't think it does. But thats MY definition...yours may be entirely different. And yours works for you, Mine works for Me. Isn't that okay?
I guess to Me 24/7 means that a submissive gives her Dom control full time, trusting and relying on Him to guide and protect her, provide for the family and remain true. It doesnt mean you have sexual interaction 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. There is so much more to D/s than sex. For those who haven't discovered that, I pity them.
But that's just My opinion, I could be wrong.
~Doc

(in reply to EStrict)

RE: The real 24/7 life - 1/21/2004 1:13:45 PM

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Wisely spoken and refreshing to read. :)

(in reply to DocHolliday)

RE: The real 24/7 life - 1/21/2004 2:47:09 PM

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Hello Sir,

::smiles:: please do not take this wrong, but I would appreciate you refering to me the same way I do. I am Sandy. I follow proper english in my name, and would prefer to be refered to the same way.

Thank you,

Sandy

(in reply to DocHolliday)

RE: The real 24/7 life - 1/21/2004 3:12:36 PM

SubmissiveOphelia

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From: NYC
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if i may share...

i was Owned on a 24/7 basis to Steven, and it was a lot of work in a way, but imho it also was not.

He was my Owner and i kept house for Him, did many chores, and everything and anything He wanted...
i also had a job driving a motorcoach bus and still was Owned by Him at all times. Yes, we both did our shares of work.

But, He always was and will be Master, Dom, Owner......and yes, He wore the pants even though i wore pants as part of my uniform.....i knew who was in charge...

Oh did i enjoy the 24/7 ;-)

Steven was a busy man, and still is, and i could not always every second be on my knees...but i think you catch my drift.

Yes, imho 24/7 is possible given that two people are compatible for one. it takes a certain match. imho, one cannot just do it...it takes a spark in a way

-ophelia
My Site

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< Message edited by SubmissiveOphelia -- 1/21/2004 3:12:52 PM >

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(in reply to EStrict)

RE: The real 24/7 life - 1/21/2004 3:14:13 PM

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Joined: 1/16/2004
From: Magick and then some
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It still amazes me that we feel the need to label everything. I've yet to see a (( vanilla)) person specify, a 24/7 relationship... Unless you live together is cannot be 24/7 anything. No more or less than any other couple in the world. Why can't we accept that we are not really that much different from he rest of the world...Everyone is different.. some like light bondage, some like heavy, some don't like it at all , but like something else. Who gives anyone the right to define who and what we are to each other or for each other? and why is that couple that goes to the play parties any more kinky that the ones who only play at home? And if they aren't, then what makes any of those couples more kinky that the couple who've never been to a play party, have no idea about the lifestyle and think they are living wildly just by having some furry handcuffs and blindfolds?
The "people of the Lifestyle" for the most part, remind me very much of certain Americans and others who work their butts off to be respected as equals only to go out of their way to facilitate by word and deed the separate treatment ect...
((( I'm certain that there are many who take exception to my post , there was no personal offense meant, this is simply my .02)))

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< Message edited by masokissed -- 1/21/2004 7:14:53 PM >

_____________________________

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BDSMTraditionalist
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/positivechoices

"All men desire a woman true to her devotion,
strong in her beliefs and grounded in her honor,
but few are worthy of her.-"

(in reply to EStrict)

RE: The real 24/7 life - 1/21/2004 3:54:50 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: EStrict

Hello Sir,

::smiles:: please do not take this wrong, but I would appreciate you refering to me the same way I do. I am Sandy. I follow proper english in my name, and would prefer to be refered to the same way.

Thank you,

Sandy

I stand corrected and offer My sincerest apology.
~Doc

< Message edited by DocHolliday -- 1/21/2004 8:14:17 PM >

(in reply to EStrict)

RE: The real 24/7 life - 1/21/2004 3:58:53 PM

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Hi Maso,

I don't think anyone said that there was anything wrong with any other type of relationship. What I saw being discussed was the unrealistic belief that if you were to get into a 24/7 relationship that it was going to be one were you were going to be naked and caged or whatever 24/7. That if/when a relationship becomes one where you live together, you will have to accept that there will be everyday things that you need to figure out also.

::laughing:: I also didn't find your post offense and agree with everything you said. No one relationship is better than another, and to each thier own.

Sandy

(in reply to masokissed)

RE: The real 24/7 life - 1/22/2004 4:12:04 AM

MistressPheadra

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From: Michigan
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quote:

Unless you live together is cannot be 24/7 anything.

ok now to run with this line.. and take this a bit in a different direction.. this is for those you that live this 24/7 lifestlye.

Now, I was taught that to live the 24/7 was your Master/Mistress makign every choice for you not just that you live there.

While I do realize most couples dont have time for this, I personally dont call the arrangement 24/7. I guess I take th numbers too seriously.. *chuckles*

but anyway as the above quote points out, you can't have 24/7 unless you live together, which I agree with.

However, does a sub just living inyour house automatically make them 24/7?

(in reply to masokissed)

RE: The real 24/7 life - 1/22/2004 5:17:13 AM

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quote:

The "people of the Lifestyle" for the most part, remind me very much of certain Americans and others who work their butts off to be respected as equals only to go out of their way to facilitate by word and deed the separate treatment ect...

That was not my reason of starting this thread. What was my reason was, was to say what it is really like and not how a lot of people who never have lived it think it is.
I am sure you as I have read what a lot of people write about and how they think it is and mostly it is way off the mark. Because of this perception of how the life is on a 24/7 basis I think a lot of people get hooked the rhetoric and how it is when they see someone on a limited basis, like a long distance relationship, then they move in with the person and reality strikes. It isnt like it is in the story books.
So I was trying to just get it out there how it is in reality and it seems from the posts that how it is for us is pretty much how it is for everyone.

William

(in reply to masokissed)

RE: The real 24/7 life - 1/22/2004 9:57:31 AM

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I got the point. And agree wholeheartedly. What frustrates me is that some see a D/s relationship as a 24/7 nekkid in cuffs & collar, crawling around the house thing. It does not have to be a in your face behavior. It can manifest in wonderfully suble ways.

(in reply to trnmastr)

RE: The real 24/7 life - 1/22/2004 4:53:25 PM

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Alternate Lifestyles..... just what does this mean, Much less on a 24/7 one evening,
3 month, 6 month, year or lifetime contractual basis? We as Alternate Lifestylers are
the Free Thinkers of the World and with this position comes the understanding that
each couple, group, assembly of Us make Our Own arangements that best suit each of
Our situations in life living. Humans have a strong interest in sex, but it is
relatively rare to encounter rational discussion about sex, even between partners.
As with all activities about which people are passionate, and which involve biological
drives, the topic of sexuality is rife with controversy, misunderstanding, stereotypes,
and moralizing, and Alternate Lifestyles is not about sex first or even second but about
Power Exchange first and formost and a love of being free to choose. It is our belief
that the widespread availability of information about Power Exchange and sexual matters
can help facilitate better communication, and communication is the most important skill
that one can bring to any relationship and is the most important skill that is needed
in Alternate Lifestyles for the Power Play and Protical. Everyone needs to remember
that the most important sexual organ is the brain.

For the sake of labels I am a Sadist Poly Gorean Domme that lives in a Dominant/
Dominant/multiple slaves/Vanilla situation. I think where the complexity comes in
for most Im reading here is when it comes to Alternate Lifestyles for those whom have
not been in the lifestyle long and have not really established what position with in
this lifestyle they sit, be it only as a sumtimesy Top and bottom that play maybe twice
a week for kinks and are vanilla the rest of the time or the Lord or Lady with 30 plus
years experiance in Our Lifestyle and Live 24/7 with in the Dominance of such with their
suplicants. Any whom say they are one thing but * act like another with in this Lifestyle
are either confused, a Switch, or not trained in what the position they choose to claim
to be with in holds and this is called cheating. Here is a defination for those whom do
not understand My take on those whom * cheat in their choice of Lifestyle position.In
other words, cheating is to convey through deliberate action the impression that one is
of a particular nature while one is, in fact, something quite different. What this boils
down to is confusion for many out there whom are new and trying to learn what Alternate
Lifestyles mean. Those of Us whom have learned Our Positions and learned Our Values,
Proticals, Practices and Rules and Regulations of the Alternate Lifestyle We choose to
live have no issues in living it, and those around Us not only in Our world but the
Vanilla world have no trouble establishing what Role WE take. It is only those whom take
issue when the Alternation of the Lifestyle is regressed into the Vanilla world and its
styles that issues pop up, and tempted to be blended into what is Ours to a watered down
version that is not even recognizable as a Alternate Lifestyle by many of Us Old Tymers..
I have read All in this post and the words of sum tell plainly what side of the fence
they sit on but it is just the issue of them not realizing it yet and not knowing what
side their seat on the fence is sitting and are so busy looking the other way cannot see
the forrest for the trees. In Our Lifestyle there are set roles set positions those roles
take and the protical in which those roles and positions sit and are addressed and when
one acts in a way that is not of the role they are no longer a part of it. This is where
so much confusion is taking place. My 24/7 Alternate Lifestyle Home runs well and We all
as Human beings live Our lifes and Lifestyle with in it. Remember its not the Lifestyle
that is hard, it is living Life that takes the effort no matter a persons personality
traits. OOOHHH My I have really rambled on here on this subject! Did I mention I was a
Dominant or could You All tell? LOL

(in reply to trnmastr)

RE: The real 24/7 life - 1/22/2004 5:37:11 PM

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From: Magick and then some
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDREAD

In Our Lifestyle there are set roles set positions those roles take and the protical in which those roles and positions sit and are addressed and when one acts in a way that is not of the role they are no longer a part of it. This is where so much confusion is taking place.

Ma'am, are speaking specifically of Your own household?

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_____________________________

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BDSMTraditionalist
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/positivechoices

"All men desire a woman true to her devotion,
strong in her beliefs and grounded in her honor,
but few are worthy of her.-"

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

RE: The real 24/7 life - 1/23/2004 6:21:03 PM

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re- read what I wrote masokissed and you will find the answer to that question your self in the words I wrote that you must of over looked.

(in reply to masokissed)

RE: The real 24/7 life - 2/12/2004 5:54:59 AM

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Did You find those words yet masokissed? ~smiles~

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

RE: The real 24/7 life - 2/24/2004 2:18:00 AM

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I am just expressing my feelings and experience in 24/7 D/s living. I have found that sometimes a sub will get the "pedistal" syndrome. Which is that they put you on a alter and worship you. They think that you can do no wrong and are always perfect. Not that I don't require my subs to worship me, but there are times when I am not perfect. Every once in a blue moon I will have a day where I will just break down and cry from the pressures of running a business. Sometimes I can have a bad day and not consider my subs feelings and lash out on them for no reason. I require a sub that will understand that I am always learning and I am not perfect. On a day to day basis I am Dominate with everyone I deal with, it is just a matter of degree's. So, living a 24/7, D/s relationship has come naturally for me. There are just those times when I need to climb down and be comforted. My ex could not deal with that. I had to be "on" at all times. This did not mean, fetish wear, scenes, sex, ect, but it meant attitude. Which normally was not a problem, but if personal trajedy should befall me. I needed down time, which they did not understand. I have tried to get my point across without going into detail. I hope I have succeded.
Mistress Akasha

_____________________________

"Know that how you express your domination or submission will be unlike any other human being. You will do it like you do it."
___F.R.R. Mallory

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

RE: The real 24/7 life - 2/24/2004 10:33:12 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsAkasha8

I needed down time, which they did not understand. I have tried to get my point across without going into detail. I hope I have succeded.
Mistress Akasha

I think you made your point very well. To me this lifestyle is about finding balance - no one can be "ON" all the time. Day to day living takes a toll no matter how strong you are. Down time is very important from a mental health perspective. Some sub/slaves seem to think that if your not always "On" you are abdicating your responsibilities. One usually only makes that mistake once with me *laugh*. Balance - to me it is always about balance.

Terry
AKA ShadowHwk

(in reply to MsAkasha8)

RE: The real 24/7 life - 2/24/2004 3:01:11 PM

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quote:

One usually only makes that mistake once with me *laugh*.

Ok Terry, that statement leads me to believe that you are back "on" to rectify their mistake. Something I would not want to have to do at that moment. Other than that, I would like your advise on how to handle that situation. Luckily, right now my submissive does not have that particular problem. But, you never know what the future may hold.

_____________________________

"Know that how you express your domination or submission will be unlike any other human being. You will do it like you do it."
___F.R.R. Mallory

(in reply to ShadowHwk)

RE: The real 24/7 life - 2/24/2004 8:49:39 PM

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I'm new and still learning, but I'm a little confused by the last 2 posts. If living in the lifestyle is all about "living life a certain way" then why would you have to be "on" at all? I mean, if you're in a bad mood or having a bad day, shouldn't you be allowed as a human being to express that? And shouldn't your sub/slave try to understand what you're going through and comfort you? As far as I have come to understand it, "the lifestyle" isn't about what you do, but how you think. The way you think brings on the actions you take. I don't know if I'm using the right words to explain myself. Does this make sense to anyone?

(in reply to MsAkasha8)

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