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RE: The real 24/7 life - 2/25/2004 11:05:58 AM

rayven

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Very well put, Sir........!!!!

rayven

(in reply to trnmastr)

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RE: The real 24/7 life - 2/25/2004 11:27:42 AM

rayven

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As far as labels go...I don't understand what is wrong with using them. Each couple is diff. and how they refer to themselves/live is up to them...doesn't make one right and the other wrong. I dunno, I just don't see the big deal with them....but then again that is just *me*.....every person has their view regarding them....some extreme and some not as extreme...doesn't make ones better than the other. Personally, who cares my concern is within the household to which i live...if no one *outside of the household* agrees on it...so be it....that is what we chose to do and that's all that matters.

I'm sure i'm prolly making no sense or rambling on more so than i need to...my apologies.

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RE: The real 24/7 life - 2/25/2004 1:33:30 PM

ShadowHwk

Posts: 158
Joined: 1/5/2004
From: New York
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetieboop

I'm new and still learning, but I'm a little confused by the last 2 posts. If living in the lifestyle is all about "living life a certain way" then why would you have to be "on" at all? I mean, if you're in a bad mood or having a bad day, shouldn't you be allowed as a human being to express that? And shouldn't your sub/slave try to understand what you're going through and comfort you? As far as I have come to understand it, "the lifestyle" isn't about what you do, but how you think. The way you think brings on the actions you take. I don't know if I'm using the right words to explain myself. Does this make sense to anyone?

sweetieboop,

I can see how those posts might be confusing. For a Dom/Domme to be "on" means they are actively controlling the subject of their attention. But no Dom/Domme can be "on" all the time. Real life intrudes and everyone, Dom/Domme included needs down time. Sometimes a sub perceives that as a weakness and tries to push buttons. When that happens the Dom/Domme can choose to something about it or let it ride. Letting it ride has it's own set of consequences and may set up a bad precedent - but if the Dom/Domme really NEEDS down time it can be hard to come up with energy/drive to take care of business.

The key to this whole hairball is communication. Which in an established relationship is usually refined to the point that these issues seldom come up. But in a newer relationship the sub may not really have any idea what the Dom/Domme is going through and may be acting out because they feel they are being rejected or pushed away.

Does this help to make sense of those last two posts?

Terry
AKA ShadowHwk

(in reply to sweetieboop)

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RE: The real 24/7 life - 2/25/2004 1:39:53 PM

ShadowHwk

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From: New York
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsAkasha8

quote:

One usually only makes that mistake once with me *laugh*.

Ok Terry, that statement leads me to believe that you are back "on" to rectify their mistake. Something I would not want to have to do at that moment. Other than that, I would like your advise on how to handle that situation. Luckily, right now my submissive does not have that particular problem. But, you never know what the future may hold.

Mistress Akasha,

Your right. I do mean having to go back "on" to correct said sub/slave. But in that situation it is not going to be fun for the sub/slave. When I need down time and express that, and the sub/slave decides to push then they get what they asked for - my undivided attention - which isn't always a good thing.

I tend to pick out the punishment my sub/slave likes the least, and use that, usually with a twist to be sure I am not disturbed. For example, for many the lack of attention is the worst.... so corner time is good. But in this instance it would involve being tied and gagged so the normal "twitchy/jumpy sub in the corner" games just are not possible. And I see to it that they really understand that they have crossed a line. Why teach a lesson unless you really make your point?

Terry
AKA ShadowHwk

(in reply to MsAkasha8)

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RE: The real 24/7 life - 2/25/2004 4:30:49 PM

sweetieboop

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Yes shadowhwk, that does clear it up for me. Thank you for the explanation. :)

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RE: The real 24/7 life - 3/21/2004 2:39:03 PM

masterdstar

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Oh, FWIW, I have had, been in, several 24/7 relationships over the years and they are all very workable and easy to maintain. They were no problem to develop as long as you are one thing. Yes, they were truly 24/7 as the connection was always there in a million ways, small to large. In every ad or profile I put I am real AND realistic.
REALISTIC.
It is not a movie or lil sci-fi fantasy to live out but rather it is LIFE. The life I, you, we choos, and, like all of life, Thank Gawd! there are endless variations on a theme. I really do not want anything but 24/7 because of the depth and intensity of the intimacy from the Ds/Sm/Ms relationship.
Enjoy your wonder-filled day

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RE: The real 24/7 life - 3/21/2004 6:05:55 PM

MistressKiss

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DocHolliday

quote:

I was raised to beleive that a Man is the head of the household. It is My job to work, provide for My family and protect them in every way, educating the children for the future, preparing them for life while at the same time relying on My wife/sub to take care of Me.
Does this mean I cannot wash clothes? Does it mean I am above cooking? sewing? Grocery shopping? Tidying up the house? Fuck no. My sub works too. A D/s relationship is not supposed to be an excuse for a Dom to sit on his ass watching TV and barking orders. In a family such as ours, we all have to pitch in and help. she serves Me but I take care of her by trying to lighten her load where I can.
Does this mean I am less of a Dom? I don't think it does. But thats MY definition...yours may be entirely different. And yours works for you, Mine works for Me.

Doc, if you could bottle and sell this attitude, You'd be a billionaire. This is exactly what many submissive women crave. This is a great outlook, and lines up very much with my own belief system - not to offend anyone elses.

Here's the rub...when you have a Dominant that SAYS they believes these things but does not live them out in real life. THIS is frustrating. It's even more frustrating when you have known the person for a period of time and you think you know them.

It's amazing how often people cannot be honest with themselves about the people that they are.

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_____________________________

"I assure you, Your Honor, I don't have to practice...I'm very good at them..."
(The Marquis de Sade at one of his trials for the sexual perversities he practiced)

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RE: The real 24/7 life - 3/21/2004 6:49:53 PM

Estring

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I agree. I think that many people aren't honest with themselves because they are too busy saying what they think the other person wants to hear.

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RE: The real 24/7 life - 3/26/2004 10:22:30 AM

BlackGoddess

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Wow, where do I begin....?

First, let me say that the REAL 24/7 life is indeed hard. I'm a fulltime mom of 2, fulltime student, and I work parttime. I'm married to my current 24/7 who hold a fulltime job outside the house. Needless to say, we have a hard time finding "session time". I'm expecting a 2nd 24/7 slave to join the household so that slave luigi won't be so stressed.

Yes, my sub does most of the housework. I help from time to time. The kids have chores. I manage the finances and pay the bills. Mind you, before I even had a sub, I was a single mother doing all of this on my own so slave luigi knows that I am capable of running my household.

Even if I weren't a Domme, I would NOT be waiting on some man hand-and-foot, being a housewife. That's just not me (no offense to those with traditional values). And slave luigi prefers to stay home and cook and clean and be househusband.

Because we have kids, we can't be 'on' all the time, though the kids know who is in charge. slave luigi is stepdad, and my children know to respect him as an adult and a parent, which is why I can't go ordering him about or disciplining him in front of the kids. A 24/7 lifestyle such as ours has many different aspects: Domme - sub, wife - husband, and co-parents. I can't imagine having more than 2 24/7 slaves concurrently. It is truly hard work.

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RE: The real 24/7 life - 3/26/2004 4:18:59 PM

sweetieboop

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I'm curious how you explain this second sub to your children. Is this person introduced as a housekeeper, or roommate o rsomething like that?

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RE: The real 24/7 life - 3/26/2004 5:42:02 PM

BlackGoddess

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He will be introduced as one of Mom's college friends, an international student, and will be helping out around the house.

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RE: The real 24/7 life - 4/8/2004 8:19:15 PM

Tatiana Silk

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Hello all
i'll keep it short

i find myself in total agreement with Wolfspet. i would also like to add this does not meen i'm to be a door mat iether. we work together to run our home and buisness and i have a very difined roll in it all.
thank you
tatiana]

(in reply to Wolfspet)

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RE: The real 24/7 life - 4/15/2004 3:39:00 PM

SarcasticBitch

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ShadowHwk

I think you made your point very well. To me this lifestyle is about finding balance - no one can be "ON" all the time. Day to day living takes a toll no matter how strong you are. Down time is very important from a mental health perspective. Some sub/slaves seem to think that if your not always "On" you are abdicating your responsibilities. One usually only makes that mistake once with me *laugh*. Balance - to me it is always about balance.

Terry
AKA ShadowHwk

This is so true. I often feel like I'm expected to be "On" all the time. Not by my sub who just does his own thing at making me happy whether I ask him to or not, but by the people who know about our lifestyle, or others in the lifestyle. Sometimes I just want to be babied, or told what needs to be done and not have to be the one giving the orders or taking charge. A break in a 24/7 relationship is essential for mental health sometimes.

Trinity

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RE: The real 24/7 life - 4/16/2004 11:58:54 AM

LadyTantalize

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Wow, fantastic post and thought-provoking reading!

My two cents......

I am a Dominant Woman and My husband is "bedroom submissive" in many senses of the word, a bottom yet submissive to My decisions in most all aspects of our vanilla life, as well as being submissive to Me in a BDSM aspect, and a slave to Me in an aspect that few leather folk can accept. He is not nude and at My feet 24/7, but he does cater to My needs, desires and decisions 24/7 - he "submits" to My will but he is not "submissive". Weird, I know. I do wear the "pants" in the family, although it's a dress and stilettos! I am a part-time Professional Dominatrix and I keep personal submissives occassionally when life permits and it works out. I also work a vanilla job, he works too - he is a spritied man, independant and free-thinking yet I call the shots. I dominate My boss in the vanilla world, I can dominate a conversation or a room - it's not always just about the "leather". We've been together for almost 10 years and married for five. We've shared good and bad, had some exciting play, many discussions of D/s thoughts, and some wrenching heart-to-hearts about who we are and how to make this work. We are not perfect, nor are we blissfully happy as in the movies - we love each other deeply, respect each other and find the positive in our marriage outweighs the negative. Life is not a fairy-tale! Isn't that the case in most relationships?

My point (I know, get to it, Lady T.)....

Living in leather is for you to decide - 24/7 is what you deem it to be. Many lifestylers would not term My marriage to be a 24/7, nor would some see My husband as My slave. But, in reality, BDSM is a factor in our day-to-day life, we both have BDSM in our souls, and he is, essentially, a slave to My heart and soul.

It is what we make it!

Truly,

Lady T.

(in reply to rayven)

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RE: The real 24/7 life - 5/9/2004 5:29:34 PM

knees2you

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William I couldn't agree more~ 24/7 doesn't mean the sub/slave should not be attended to in vaniila ways also.
Very well put~`

Sincerely, knees2You~

quote:

The subs mind who You are trying to control is out od service
please check the subs mind and try again~