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RE: Loving Your Property - 10/13/2006 8:00:12 AM

KatyLied

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quote:

it invawiably comes down to twue, don't it?

Why, yes of course, in this place, it's all about:

real
twue
spiritual

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RE: Loving Your Property - 10/13/2006 8:01:26 AM

ShiftedJewel

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

I do understand why others, especially those who don't require love in order to submit/dominate another, have difficulty understanding people who do need a caring, loving, committed relationship prior to submitting.

Here's the part that confuses me. During courtship, before you are "in love", are you expected to demonstrate submission? Or do you not enter into any D/s until after love is there? Is the submission you demonstrate at that point lesser than the submission you demonstrate when you are in love? Is it less fulfilling or less worthy? Or do you fall in love at first sight?

I don't know how the rest of the world works, but for me... no, it isn't love at first sight... but there is something... a connection of sorts. It could be something as simple as knowing in your heart and mind that if nothing else there will be a friendship. I've met enough people that just didn't "click" to know that I couldn't commit to a relationship with them. But then again, I don't expect anyone to demonstrate their submission when we first meet just as I won't demonstrate my dominance to them. I want to know them as a person first.

Jewel

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RE: Loving Your Property - 10/13/2006 8:03:21 AM

WindOWillow

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Hi KatyLied.

In both relationships where I felt desire to submit to the gentlemen, we we're friends first. When I married my ex-husband, D/s didn't come into play for about a year into our marriage. In the second relationship, we we're also friends for while prior to my submitting to him. He understood my need to wait until I felt secure in the relationship.

No. I don't fall in love easily. If anything, I have difficulty with the issue of love.

Like I've stated, I'm not naturally submissive in everyday existing. This is not a great need for me to fulfill myself as a person. But for some reason, in a loving relationship, I do tend to naturally wish to submit to the individual man in the context of that relationship.

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RE: Loving Your Property - 10/13/2006 8:04:15 AM

KatyLied

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Yes, I agree with the "click", there needs to be some sort of chemistry going on. For me it doesn't have to be love. I can submit without it, although I've not had a lot of experience submitting in my life. So I don't know if it comes easily to me or if the circumstances are just there somehow.

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RE: Loving Your Property - 10/13/2006 8:11:28 AM

SlaveAkasha

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I have submitted without loving someone, and also had someone Dom me that didn't love me. There has always except for once, been affection there though.

My Master is very open about his feelings for me. He tells me, "Yes, you are my property, but you are also a person." I am also told that I am loved on a daily basis.

I can see how it could go both ways, I mean, you might feel more like an object without the love, but I can see how it could become very empty just being used ALL the time.

I think we have a good balance of affection, and "Mastering" time. Sure you can have either or and work out fine, but it's a lot more fun to have the whole package.

Masters Akasha

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RE: Loving Your Property - 10/13/2006 8:19:01 AM

darkinshadows

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

it invawiably comes down to twue, don't it?

Why, yes of course, in this place, it's all about:

real
twue
spiritual

Hey Katy - you forgot the 'new' one I keep seeing now....

'genuine'

Peace and Rapture

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RE: Loving Your Property - 10/13/2006 8:21:15 AM

KatyLied

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quote:

'genuine'

good one!

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RE: Loving Your Property - 10/13/2006 8:57:43 AM

Bearlee

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

In reading some of the various active threads, I sense an inability or aversion on the part of some people to demonstrate (at least publicly) that they have actual "feelings" (love, perhaps?) for their property. As if doing so somehow negates their status as property....

Personally, I believe some think doing so somehow negates their status as property OWNERS! Seems a shame to me; and personally I think it says leagues about their self esteem...but that's just me.

Even with a dog, while one is not 'in love' with it...generally one delights in playing with it, training, petting & caring for it... Seems to me there is some level of affection there; for most people, anyway.

beverly

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RE: Loving Your Property - 10/13/2006 9:06:31 AM

demistress

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I am very loving, I think it makes me a better domme, not a lesser one. Period. I would never 'act' as though I didn't love someone if I did, nor would I act as if I loved someone I did not love.

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RE: Loving Your Property - 10/13/2006 9:54:39 AM

juliaoceania

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quote:

ORIGINAL: justheather

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied
It's Friday the 13th!

Is that the one with Jason or Michael?
It's Jason, right?
Ok, so we stay away from campgrounds and awkward sex with people in their late twenties pretending to be teen camp counselors and we are safe.

I bet Freddy would be really good at sensation play, although Jason could give him a run for his money...

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RE: Loving Your Property - 10/13/2006 9:57:20 AM

mnottertail

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this is not genuine moo goo gai pan!!!???!!!

Ress brocorri, prease!

WRon

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RE: Loving Your Property - 10/13/2006 10:00:30 AM

juliaoceania

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I will take a stab at the OP

I would not involve myself with a dominant I felt was incapable of giving me love one day. It is a need of mine to be loved and I seek a lifelong commitment to the one that I submit myself to. If that is not a possibility, like LA said, I might as well be vanilla... I would rather be loved than dominated.. but I think I can have it all!

Others have different needs, no skin off my nose.

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RE: Loving Your Property - 10/13/2006 12:04:49 PM

mnottertail

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quote:

The Jster
I will take a stab at the OP

I'm thinkin' snuffin' the OP is against TOS, kiddo!

Ron the Ripper

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RE: Loving Your Property - 10/13/2006 12:09:52 PM

cuddleheart50

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I could not be in a relationship without love.

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RE: Loving Your Property - 10/13/2006 12:14:46 PM

juliaoceania

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

quote:

The Jster
I will take a stab at the OP

I'm thinkin' snuffin' the OP is against TOS, kiddo!

Ron the Ripper

Only if it is nonconsensual

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RE: Loving Your Property - 10/13/2006 12:39:53 PM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WindOWillow

Creative,

I do understand why others, especially those who don't require love in order to submit/dominate another, have difficulty understanding people who do need a caring, loving, committed relationship prior to submitting.

It's cool. It's okay to have different ways of navigating this realm.

Ah but you see, you missed a very important part in my first post...I stated that I don't quite understand those that will not submit without being in love while at the same time stating that they have a need to submit. I need food, I need water, I need warmth, but I do not need to dominate.
I understand those who submit without being in love but having a loving connection with their dominant. I much prefer that to casual play. But...loving someone is not the same as being in love with them.

quote:

My personal internal make-up just doesn't allow me to become physically/emotionally intimate with a man unless there is mutual love. {/quote]

And as I said, I prefer that there be mutual love also. That does not equate to being in love.

quote:

Now, as far as having difficulty finding the "One". I don't think that submissives are holding out stubbornly sseeking some sort of fantasy, Fabio, romance book Dominant. Some people are more sensitive than others when it comes to who they wish to be vulnerable and open with. For me, that's the crux of submission. Being vulnerable. Trust. Giving of myself. {/quote]

Yes...and that kind of trust and vulnerability can, though not always, involve loving someone. That makes sense. I prefer it. But having been involved with a married submissive whose husband was well aware of our relationship and who had a submissive of his own, I can honestly say that she loved me...deeply (as I did her)...but did not and would not allow herself to fall IN love with me.
And I agree that not all submissives who hold out are being stubborn while waiting for Fabio or some other romantic ideal dominant. But there are some who are tying the submission to the feeling of being in love. There are dominants out there who want that also but many see it as "you don't get this unless you give me that" which tends to lead to some of the complaints of some of those waiting.

quote:

Personally, I'm more content not actualizing my submission rather than being with someone who is unable to love me and vice versa. It's the ultimate in unfulfillment.

That I understand. I think where the quibble comes in...if there is one...is a misconception between us as to whether or not loving someone and being loved by them is the same as being in love.

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RE: Loving Your Property - 10/13/2006 1:12:21 PM

fckmeimirish

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A slave brings their master so much pleasure. A slave takes up so much of thier Master's thoughts. A slave requires a good deal of effort from their master through training and discipline. With all of these things siad ... how can a Dom/Master not feel some sort of affection for their slaves/subbies? Seeing it as a defect or weakness in a D/s relationship is throwing the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak. Feeling too much affection, for some, may stay their hand when punishment is necessary ... and that would be a defect or a weakness. I think that some have taken this view to an extreme and have just decided that they cannot care about thier property and still treat it the way that their role dictates. For some, real romantic love may exist as the backbone of the Master/slave relationship ... for others the affection one would feel towards a loyal pet ... but I cried like a child when my dog died so I'd still call that love ... and I suppose for a small part of the world ... a slave is pleased and thier being resonates with beingin a very cold and indifferent situation. A fool's errand is the search for black and white in an endless sea of greys.

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RE: Loving Your Property - 10/13/2006 1:22:29 PM

Littlepita

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We were lying in bed cuddling after I received a delicious spanking and I said, "I love you Master" and he said, "Is it alright if the Master is in love with His slave?" I of course said yes.

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RE: Loving Your Property - 10/13/2006 1:23:30 PM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

In reading some of the various active threads, I sense an inability or aversion on the part of some people to demonstrate (at least publicly) that they have actual "feelings" (love, perhaps?) for their property. As if doing so somehow negates their status as property.

Is this just whistling past the graveyard, pretending feelings don't exist?
Does the acceptance of feelings detract from the enjoyment of your ownership, or service?
Is it online posturing?
Is it genuine?
Is "love" incompatible with ownership?
Or is it something else?

Looking forward to your comments.

John

*blink*

I certainly think that my love for Fox comes out pretty clearly in everything I write on here. For our anniversary (#7 we just celebrated all this past weekend) I got him a t-shirt that says "Owned & Loved" on it.

He got both ears pierced for me.

However I am quite capable and have had in the past Ds relationships and even ownership where I did not romantically love my property or trainee. I feel deep friendship and respect for him/her but I didn't love them in any romantic or sexual way.

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RE: Loving Your Property - 10/13/2006 1:35:35 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo
I got him a t-shirt that says "Owned & Loved" on it.

He got both ears pierced for me.

However I am quite capable and have had in the past Ds relationships and even ownership where I did not romantically love my property or trainee. I feel deep friendship and respect for him/her but I didn't love them in any romantic or sexual way.

Awww happy anniversary!!!! I can't wait to get to 7!

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