RE: hard to find a (no fees) dominant female

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Morrigel -> RE: hard to find a (no fees) dominant female (10/29/2006 8:30:49 AM)
Yech. So many of the posts to these forums are so incredibly repulsive and misogynistic. And yet these guys genuinely seem to think it's some kind of strange coincidence that no one wants to be with them. A word to those of you who can still listen: the one sure way to guarantee that women will not like you, is not to like women. Despite everything you've been taught by all those episodes of Married With Children and The Man Show you've been watching, the natural order between men and women is not mutual loathing and paid sex. The fact that there is a class of women who have learned to exploit your weaknesses as a person is no surprise: you boys are a self-creating commodity. You even have an evangelical tendency, in which you have achieved perfect non-functionality as men and you feel a desperate need to proselytize about the True Nature of Men and Women, so you can convince other men to be as dysfunctional and unhappy and miserably alone as you are--because it's the Manliest Way to Be. Also, as a side note: if all your friends and family have brought you to this state, and never taught you to view women as anything but the Enemy...is it really any surprise that a woman in your life would not like them? Why would she want you to spend time with people who teach you to hate her and view her as an evil whore? I'm not saying this is true in 100% of cases, but some men really have horrible, destructive families and friends who are misogynistic assholes--and those people have a vested interest in destroying his happiness with ANY woman, the "friends" in particular. They'll drag him into strip clubs, throw sluts at him when he's drunk, mock and shame him if he tries to call and tell his girlfriend or wife he'll be late, show total disrespect for his feelings for his wife and children...I mean seriously, with friends like that, no one needs enemies. --M

Jasmyn -> RE: hard to find a (no fees) dominant female (10/29/2006 8:37:40 AM)
Great response Morrigel

MistressDolly -> RE: hard to find a (no fees) dominant female (10/29/2006 10:25:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Morrigel Yech. So many of the posts to these forums are so incredibly repulsive and misogynistic. And yet these guys genuinely seem to think it's some kind of strange coincidence that no one wants to be with them. A word to those of you who can still listen: the one sure way to guarantee that women will not like you, is not to like women. Despite everything you've been taught by all those episodes of Married With Children and The Man Show you've been watching, the natural order between men and women is not mutual loathing and paid sex. The fact that there is a class of women who have learned to exploit your weaknesses as a person is no surprise: you boys are a self-creating commodity. You even have an evangelical tendency, in which you have achieved perfect non-functionality as men and you feel a desperate need to proselytize about the True Nature of Men and Women, so you can convince other men to be as dysfunctional and unhappy and miserably alone as you are--because it's the Manliest Way to Be. Also, as a side note: if all your friends and family have brought you to this state, and never taught you to view women as anything but the Enemy...is it really any surprise that a woman in your life would not like them? Why would she want you to spend time with people who teach you to hate her and view her as an evil whore? I'm not saying this is true in 100% of cases, but some men really have horrible, destructive families and friends who are misogynistic assholes--and those people have a vested interest in destroying his happiness with ANY woman, the "friends" in particular. They'll drag him into strip clubs, throw sluts at him when he's drunk, mock and shame him if he tries to call and tell his girlfriend or wife he'll be late, show total disrespect for his feelings for his wife and children...I mean seriously, with friends like that, no one needs enemies. --M I think a handful of the so-called 'submissive' men flocking to these sites are really men who secretly harbor deep-seeded anger, resentment and bitterness towards women. These "replusive and misogynistic" men have no luck in 'vanillaville' and unfortunately come here not to worship, adore and serve a Domme as they proclaim, but rather to have their feelings validated by the stereotypical mean, bitchy Domme. For whatever reasons, probably a Mother who abandoned or abused them, they will always secretly hate women. And you're exactly right when you express that "these guys genuinely seem to think it's some kind of strange coincidence that no one wants to be with them." - they have no clue their abhorrent feelings towards women are patent to us and everyone else who may read their posts. Thank you for your contributions to these threads; I enjoy reading your posts.

sissifytoserve -> RE: hard to find a (no fees) dominant female (10/29/2006 10:56:39 AM)
Funny... I have plenty ofluck in "Vanillaville" as long as i don't bring up crossdressing. But have almost NO luck with finding a woman who can accept my crossdressing and submissiveness. I don't hate women. I hate self righteousness and supremacist (Im better than you) attitudes.

YveGee -> RE: hard to find a (no fees) dominant female (10/29/2006 11:20:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam The real question you want answered isn't "don't they want a real slave?" but "why don't they want me?" You need to take a look at WHY you have value, even without a Mistress. There are some reasons why the Fem Doms who charge (and who make respectable Pros look bad) are seeking you out 1) you're a male submissive. 2) the fetishes you listed are commonly seen in those who seek out Pros. 3) This is the internet. These things happen. There are also some reasons why you aren't getting responses, the main reason being the quality of your profile. While I'm sure that you mean everything you say with the utmost sincerity, it really doesn't do much for us. We hear grandious statements all the time. What we want to know is: What do you REALLY have to offer us? How will you serve? Who are you inside? What kind of relationship are you looking for? Think about these things, then revamp your profile. If you have a better picture, post it. You're looking scruffy and casual. Something along the lines of a passport photo in which you are neatly groomed would go a long way to helping. I'm a "no-fees" Domme and I agree with a lot of what MasterFireMaam says but I'd also like to add that I look at other factors as well. After all, I'm not getting paid to do this. I'm doing this in my free time. I'm not going to change my schedule or drive miles and miles in order to play. Any play is at my convenience. If that's too inconvenient for you, then too bad! If real life intrudes and I can't play, then I don't want to hear any complaints or whining. My car breaks down occasionally; this doesn't mean I want you to pay for the car repair but you have to understand that this severely constrains my free time. My parents visit, ditto. I have to do laundry, ditto. Get the picture? I try to extend a similar courtesy to the sub. I understand that he has to visit parents. I understand when work intrudes. I miss him but.... we're dealing with real life. If I domming were my career, then I could devote 40+ hours a week to it. Since it isn't, the submissive gets whatever I have left after I finish taking care of real life. <climbing off of soapbox>

Shadowslave -> RE: hard to find a (no fees) dominant female (10/29/2006 11:34:05 AM)
quote: I'm a "no-fees" Domme and I agree with a lot of what MasterFireMaam says but I'd also like to add that I look at other factors as well. After all, I'm not getting paid to do this. I'm doing this in my free time. I'm not going to change my schedule or drive miles and miles in order to play. Any play is at my convenience. If that's too inconvenient for you, then too bad! If real life intrudes and I can't play, then I don't want to hear any complaints or whining. My car breaks down occasionally; this doesn't mean I want you to pay for the car repair but you have to understand that this severely constrains my free time. My parents visit, ditto. I have to do laundry, ditto. Get the picture? I try to extend a similar courtesy to the sub. I understand that he has to visit parents. I understand when work intrudes. I miss him but.... we're dealing with real life. If I domming were my career, then I could devote 40+ hours a week to it. Since it isn't, the submissive gets whatever I have left after I finish taking care of real life. <climbing off of soapbox> You sound like an awwwsome master. Your have a lucky pet. X) I think he meant there are evil and good masters yes, but then again there are women on Collar who try and only get the persons money. Personally I say more power to them, unless...they are using the sub with not intention of making them there sub. I mean if there is an agreement "hey i'll send you money for no reason at all", but if it's all like "hey send me money and you can have the pleasure of serving me." thats differant. Or at least I think thats what he was trying to say.

TxBlkMistress -> RE: hard to find a (no fees) dominant female (10/29/2006 11:54:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: heartfeltman Approach this as you would a vanilla relationship. Court someone who appeals to you. Make it clear that you're looking for an intimate relationship that transcends ropes, chains and safewords. If you only communicate your needs...you're going to attract those who will cater to your needs...when in fact it should be the other way around. just my opinion heartfeltman beautifully said. I mean, do you go to mcdonalds and say I'll have fries with that, and oh, I like to (insert your fetish here), would you tie me up?...lol.... I reply to emails, and I ask, that they get to know me and allow me to get to know them as they would in any other kind of relationship. Especially since a lot of the ones that contact me have no or very little on their profiles. But they always disappear. Hey, if you don't want to take the time, says a lot. Also, the kind of relationship I'm looking for, I'm not going to just take "anyone" I'm going to take the one that I have "that" connection with. I will make friends all day long, I've made several here, and we constantly keep in touch, but I will not settle for just anyone as a slave.

TxBlkMistress -> RE: hard to find a (no fees) dominant female (10/29/2006 12:10:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavebarry please can anyone help as to why it is so difficult to meet a dominant female for a (no fees) relationship, it seems like after writing to nearly every dominant female on this site there is still very little to show for my efforts,whats wrong with females on here dont they want a slave. Got a question for you. When you email a Domme, do "you" talk about money? in any form? I was talking to someone, and I stress the word "was", the first email was all griping and complaining about Dommes taking him for his money. He had to tell just how much he has lost to them, then he was constantly mentioning his job, his overtime, how much he sends his daughter every month, how much this trip cost, that trip cost......boring. But to someone that is out to "collect" maybe they are think that you really do want to tribute, whether you know it or not. just a thought.

TxBlkMistress -> RE: hard to find a (no fees) dominant female (10/29/2006 12:16:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DivaDuchess Okay, okay ... I wasn't going to post to this query because of the BILLIONS of other threads that are so very much the same ... but ... First off ... change your profile. As a Domme, I have no interest in the poetry of your ... whatever. I would, though, like to know what your hobbies are, interests (besides the whiny stuff), pasttimes, education, employment ... the list goes on and on. WE get so many alledged slaves whining like cry babies or making grand demands, it's irritating. Now, on top of that ... you want to get all the talent, time and attention, plus a roof over your head, food and such ... free. Your profile doesn't even mention what you bring to the House you would serve. What is your background as a slave? Have you had any training? Do you see my point? Perfect. Very well put. I do so get tired of profile, and emails (not to mention the wonders that cut and paste their profile into the email) all about how a slave should be, and how a slave should serve, and how women are superior...yadda yadda yadda....duh...I already know the fundamentals of bdsm.....I need to know about YOU and what you as a person can do to enhance me...not financially, I can take care of myself, thank you. But if you are going to come into my world...why should I let you in?

UnvailedPurpose -> RE: hard to find a (no fees) dominant female (10/29/2006 1:08:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: marcpiery Is there anything else but "for fee" dominant women, or any other women for that matter? Whether it be the vanilla world or the BDSM world, women want two things: our money and control over our lives -- they whine about wanting this or that, and nag until we give in, then, they complain about our friends, our families, and nag us and bitch at us until we give up our friends and ignore our families. I believe that subconsciously, men are attracted to openly dominant women because they are at least honest about wanting to control us. This is also true for the men I have known that actively seek to date and marry prostitutes -- honesty. As for the fee part, until women stop viewing themselves as a commodity (i.e.: placing a value on their bodies or time), they will continue to dig into our wallets -- and until they realize that as soon as someone has paid/tithed/honored them for their behavior/time that they are automatically the sub, they will never truely know what dominance is. In the end, BDSM or vanilla, women will be women. Marcpiery: I certainly embrace and support much of what you have written Yet think it important to add that we as males approaching the so-called female dominator have the responsibility to assure her allegations are founded in truth. The burden of truth lays in her self-appointment of the title dominator and before wastefully squandering lengthy segments of our time energy and dollars a sequential series of simple open-ended questions we already have the answers to need to be asked. Of course that will drive off those of gang like mentality but I believe most of us are not looking for a gang in the first place.

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: hard to find a (no fees) dominant female (10/29/2006 10:00:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Morrigel Yech. So many of the posts to these forums are so incredibly repulsive and misogynistic. And yet these guys genuinely seem to think it's some kind of strange coincidence that no one wants to be with them. A word to those of you who can still listen: the one sure way to guarantee that women will not like you, is not to like women. Despite everything you've been taught by all those episodes of Married With Children and The Man Show you've been watching, the natural order between men and women is not mutual loathing and paid sex. The fact that there is a class of women who have learned to exploit your weaknesses as a person is no surprise: you boys are a self-creating commodity. You even have an evangelical tendency, in which you have achieved perfect non-functionality as men and you feel a desperate need to proselytize about the True Nature of Men and Women, so you can convince other men to be as dysfunctional and unhappy and miserably alone as you are--because it's the Manliest Way to Be. Also, as a side note: if all your friends and family have brought you to this state, and never taught you to view women as anything but the Enemy...is it really any surprise that a woman in your life would not like them? Why would she want you to spend time with people who teach you to hate her and view her as an evil whore? I'm not saying this is true in 100% of cases, but some men really have horrible, destructive families and friends who are misogynistic assholes--and those people have a vested interest in destroying his happiness with ANY woman, the "friends" in particular. They'll drag him into strip clubs, throw sluts at him when he's drunk, mock and shame him if he tries to call and tell his girlfriend or wife he'll be late, show total disrespect for his feelings for his wife and children...I mean seriously, with friends like that, no one needs enemies. --M All I have to say is "Preach Sister!" M

Kleider -> RE: hard to find a (no fees) dominant female (10/30/2006 12:57:20 AM)
First of all there's a numbers problem. You're looking at about 100:1 against in purely numberic terms. Secondly, a lot of submissive guys are really just after sex, and that isn't too attractive to many dommes, who are looking for submission of the soul (so lovely, sigh). There must be a courting procedure for dommes, I'm not at all clear on it myself and the books aren't too helpful for a British person like me (cultural thing I guess). Find it, try things out, make your personality ring out. Just remember you're looking for someone to fufill you, (as well as fill you!), and the only way that's probably going to work is to fufill them first, or at least to let them understand that there's a very strong chance of that with you. In a generally male-domme world, some of this must be conter-intuitive, so it may be about thinking backwards. I've found that there's rarely any point asking someone what they want or like, but to find out, it needs to be approached kind of sideways. And remember that it's a two-way thing, subs are not just pieces of meat to be beaten and used, but people who need to be attractive to the domme. You've just got to find out what 'attractive' means to each individual. But I have sympathy with you, keep trying,

MistressDolly -> RE: hard to find a (no fees) dominant female (10/30/2006 7:02:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sissifytoserve Funny... I have plenty ofluck in "Vanillaville" as long as i don't bring up crossdressing. But have almost NO luck with finding a woman who can accept my crossdressing and submissiveness. I don't hate women. I hate self righteousness and supremacist (Im better than you) attitudes. Hi , I feel for you, I'm sure it is hard for you to find a woman to accept your particular fetishes and submissivness - but you're not alone. It's also hard enough for anyone to find someone out there to love and accept us for all our weaknesses, dark secrets, imperfections, etc. as it is. But they are out there. I should know b/c I am one of them. My question to you is if you hate women supremacists, why are you here then seeking a dominant woman? Behind that amor of defense lies a lonely man,lost, angry and depressed. Reading your posts I can feel your pain. Everyone needs a place to vent and your coming to collarme to vent and post your frustrations is probably therapeutic for you. But your delivery is all wrong. It's not that people are opposed to your disagreements, it's because, wittingly or not, you tend to come off acrid and offensive. Like a round the clock circle, over and over and over again, it's the same ol thing. Are you getting weary of it yet? Defending yourself, sometimes offending others? Maybe it's time to take a different route - a proactive approach. How about getting yourself away from your computer and making an appointment with a therapist. Plently of people do - it's nothin. A woman therapist would suit you - so that you can learn to trust a woman. You're not ready to be a D/s relationship. You stated you hate women with superior attitudes; yet you advertise yourself looking for a Mistress. This is an attribute of Mistresses' however . The 'superiority' attitude offends you so much because I think you do not grasp the essence of its true meaning. I think underneath it all, there lies a good man. A man capable of loving himself and loving this world and attracting the love he very much needs and deserves. But right now, I think being here is the worst place you can be. I think you should first learn 2 love yourself. If you want love (as we all do and need) reflect upon the poet's words: "The love you get is equal to the love you give." In a nutshell, posting acrimonious posts over and over again is getting you nowhere. I think you should start a new chapter in your life. Come to terms with your past pain- whatever it may have been, accept it for what it is, learn and grow from it and LET IT GO. I'm not saying all that is easy but it's time to start healing. Start to love yourself again. Let yourself accept You for YOU. The rest will follow for sure.

LadyOunce -> RE: hard to find a (no fees) dominant female (10/30/2006 10:40:02 PM)
I could start with the topping from the bottom, the whining when many of us prefer a man with strength but I shall stick with this answer as it's a complaint I have most often with the submissives that write to me... Grammar is your friend. The lack of periods and caps is immediately off putting to me and makes me dismissive from the very beginning.

Sublime5446 -> RE: hard to find a (no fees) dominant female (10/31/2006 8:32:53 AM)
To be very honest I find most slave on this site to be do me . needy whinny ,without a clue of what is expected of a slave. There are still some of us who arent ignorant, needy, whiny pricks who show their genitalia at the drop of a hat. There are good ones still ^^. Submissively, Stiz

Mikal -> RE: hard to find a (no fees) dominant female (10/31/2006 9:06:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressDolly My question to you is if you hate women supremacists, why are you here then seeking a dominant woman? This is an attribute of Mistresses' however . Just my view on things, but... I don't see "supremacist" and "dominant" as being mutually inclusive. I id as being a dominant (for the most part [8D]), but I do not see myself as being supremist. In my lil' ol' world, a supremist is one who believes in the supremacy of one race, sex, or social group. This screams DANGER to me (as in antisemetics, white supremacy, etc.). I am a firm believer 'all people are equal', not 'all people are equal but some are more equal than others'. I'm not trying to answer for sissify (he can do that quite well on his own! [:D]), but in reading his posts and whatnot, is seems to me that he's come across the attitude of 'I'm better than you, so why are you wasting my time?... you are unworthy because I am worthy...' etc. sort of thing. These attitudes (imo) do not make a dom/me... they make an egocentric, narcissistic, and unhealthy person. Now, my idea of supremist and yours may (and quite likely will) differ... and I hope they do (xyz-supremists scare the crappola out of me [:'(])... so, as I said, this is just my spin on things. Thanks for reading [:D] Edited 'cause the quote printing was wayyyyyyyy too small... [8\|]

undergroundsea -> RE: hard to find a (no fees) dominant female (10/31/2006 9:34:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mikal I don't see "supremacist" and "dominant" as being mutually inclusive. I agree. quote: the attitude of 'I'm better than you, so why are you wasting my time?... you are unworthy because I am worthy...' etc. sort of thing. These attitudes (imo) do not make a dom/me... they make an egocentric, narcissistic, and unhealthy person. These attitudes might carry some appeal for play--and some people might be assuming these attitudes for this reason--but I agree they carry little promise for a personal relationship. Cheers, Sea

Mikal -> RE: hard to find a (no fees) dominant female (10/31/2006 9:55:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: undergroundsea These attitudes might carry some appeal for play--and some people might be assuming these attitudes for this reason--but I agree they carry little promise for a personal relationship. Oops! Guess I should have clarified that...[8\|]... In play, what attitudes people assume are one thing... But I'm talking about day-to-day attitudes; those that one uses in life in general, with everyone they happen to come into contact with... that, imo, are very unhealthy attitudes to have.

undergroundsea -> RE: hard to find a (no fees) dominant female (10/31/2006 10:11:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mikal quote: ORIGINAL: undergroundsea These attitudes might carry some appeal for play--and some people might be assuming these attitudes for this reason--but I agree they carry little promise for a personal relationship. Oops! Guess I should have clarified that...[8\|]... In play, what attitudes people assume are one thing... But I'm talking about day-to-day attitudes; those that one uses in life in general, with everyone they happen to come into contact with... that, imo, are very unhealthy attitudes to have. I agree with you and added a comment to share additional thoughts without attempting to disagree with your words :) I sometimes feel a mixed response to a person where the arrogant attitude carries some BDSM value but also turns me off at a personal level. I think some people assume a condescending attitude for play only. I think some people assume a condescending attitude at all times on a place like this for a variety of reasons: (1) to seek play, (2) to attract attention of a particular type of a sub, or (3) a perception that that is how a dominant behaves. I think some people do not have this attitude with all people but hold this attitude towards submissives only because that is indeed how they feel. They think of submission to be an inferior state and, quite possibly, confuse submission with weakness. And of course there must be some people who assume this attitude in general with all people ;-) Cheers, Sea

DiannaVesta -> RE: hard to find a (no fees) dominant female (10/31/2006 10:25:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sissifytoserve I don't hate women. I hate self righteousness and supremacist (Im better than you) attitudes. You hate me?? <pout> That would be me but I don't think I'm better then you. A supremacist I am, I am!

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