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RE: Testing - 11/2/2006 6:43:56 AM

Lordandmaster

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I was wondering the same thing. Is it multiple choice? Do you have to use a No. 2 pencil? What happens if you forget to write your name on the examination sheet? Does someone else get your scores?

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

What is this *testing* you speak of?....What form does it take? My mind is busy boggling....

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RE: Testing - 11/2/2006 7:36:33 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressYlwa
While spammers are easy to spot, many times we end up investing in a potential partner, only to have them disappear or drag things out without any intention of commiting. My question is if, after some time passes and you are questioning the potentials commitment, it is unreasonable to "test" them.

Hope this clears up any confusion.

Mistress Ylwa

I don't think it's "unreasonable" I think it's just a waste of time, undermining what security may already exist and breeding insecurity.

I suppose others many spend a lot of time investing in a potential partner just to have them disappear- but I'd say the problem is in their typical judging and sorting process to begin with- and contrived tests won't compensate for it.

For me, it's insanely easy to spot a flake at 20 paces. The tests that can sort those people out are actually more complicated than simply going on basic experience and knowledge about other people.

And whatever tests you can contrive to keep you from getting ultimately hurt and left alone will just give you a false sense of security.

So perhaps it is unreasonable in that it really doesn't make any sense. Human relationships are formed through time and experience together. Of course you "screen" and of course you take ALL information into account and reject the ones that don't "pass muster." But that's a far cry from contriving tests to make up for your lack of judgement and people skills and expecting it to get you where you want.

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RE: Testing - 11/2/2006 7:47:44 AM

Celeste43

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Just because you feel positive about someone, doesn't mean they feel the same way about you. So they're seeing red flags and this makes them unwilling to meet you, doesn't mean they're fake, players, spammers or all the other derogatory comments you used. It just means they don't feel comfortable.

Now if this happens to you a lot, then I would suggest looking at the one constant in all these variable relationships, you.

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RE: Testing - 11/2/2006 8:22:29 AM

Aine

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This brings up a good point.

There's a difference with a person being open and honest about not feeling comfortable enough to meet just yet and somone who promises and never delivers.

Much like the thread that was started about "How long is too long?"

She knew her answer when she had to ask that. He promised and never delivered. That person outed themselves as a deceitful and probably a less than savory person. Now, it could be a number of things that contribute to this person acting in such a way, but no one, not even the sub knows why, hell even he may not be able to truly answer that question.

That to me is a HUGE tell-tale sign, and a way of knowing without having to "test". What he's doing as far as we can garner from her post is that he's "testing" her and look what it's done. The relationship is more than likely going to end.

Arbitrary tests to gauge someone's "character" are complete and utter bullshit to me. And I would hope that most people could see those "tests" for what they really are and tell that person to go jump off a pier.

I still stand by my original statement of -opinion- that we are tested enough throughout everyday life in our regular dealings to leave the testing to whatever force you may believe in (or not for that matter) is throwing at you. Get to know the person FOR THE PERSON. Talk to them. Get to know what their gripes are. Their pet peeves. Look at how they deal with the every day mundane shit and makeyour call on that person's character from that. It's REAL. And IMHO a much better scale to go from than some bullshit crap situation/descision that someone else forces on them.

< Message edited by Aine -- 11/2/2006 8:23:49 AM >

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RE: Testing - 11/2/2006 11:44:47 AM

MasterKalif

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I think its plain stupid to "test" a potential partner and shows deep insecurity....I dislike it completely. This thread reminds me of an experience where a potential sub (from out of state) flattered me with comments on how I looked like, and on my profile, etc....and in her second email she asked very straightforwardly for my phone number...because it was so sudden and unexpected, at first I thought I would not do it, but then I thought well what is she going to do to me over a phone...so I gave her the number, in a way to show that I am sincere in my search (yes I know, red flags, stupid thing to do, will never do it again for sure), the point being she called me the next day (I was pleasantly surprised), but she got annoying rather quickly as it seemed she was the only one that wanted to be heard....it seemed like she had an agenda of questions (or pre-requisites it seems) she needed to get out before we actually talked normally. I offered to chat with her over a prolonged period of time, to which she responded that she was dying to meet me, that she wanted to serve me, if I would allow her to serve in scertain ways, etc. She seemed nervous and I guess I understand that for the submissive it can be dangerous or nerve wrecking, but we still talked in between her questions. I don't mind being asked things, but I like to be heard in the conversation as well, as I may also have questions. She also put me at ease saying that she had good financial standing and didn't need me supporting her at least right away.

In any case, she became very strange and "confessed" (in her words) that she had a 5 yr old, and then proceded to tell me that she would be serving along side her....I was too shocked and disgusted at the same time, and I could not understand her motive for saying something like that...in which case I told her clearly I was not attracted to kids in any way, that it is abuse, and that she should put the child in school...to which she told me "well she has to learn sometime" and I was trying to talk her out of it...all the while in my mind I was thinking why is she doing this to her own child? is she into the "lifestyle family" I had read about on these boards where the children are aware of the lifestyle position of their parents? and then in the end she yells rudely and says that she was just "testing me" to see how I would react and to see if she could trust me with her child being around int he future....I was shocked, angry, and not just at the testing, but because I know I gave her no reason to believe that I could be a child molester...so I guess I did not pass her test as she just wanted me to say no instead of talking her out of her idea....If she had the guts to do something stupid like that, I wish she had the guts to tell me on the phone that she was not interested because I gave her doubts for whatever reason...instead she just didn't call anymore, of which I am glad and say good riddance, don't need crazy submissives with a bag of issues....In the end I am thinking that she is a liar and maybe even called me to get herself off.....well this teaches me to never rush into anything, and not give our my phone number until I am 100% sure she is not a nutcase...
conclusion: "testing" is for the weak and is counterproductive.

< Message edited by MasterKalif -- 11/2/2006 11:47:59 AM >

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RE: Testing - 11/2/2006 12:08:56 PM

amayos

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressYlwa
A comment was made in one of the posts about testing. Stating this reflected a weakness or insecurity of a Dom/me. I have no opinion on this situation. My question is the "testing" of a potential. With the number of players that many have found, is there not a place for it in this instance?

I have not, up to now, done this. But after talking with a few dommes who do, am seriously considering it. What do you think?
Love to hear the pros and cons on this idea.

The validity of this notion depends entirely upon how one is using the term "test" in this context.

I suppose one could say testing naturally begins in the first exchange of communication and those that may follow. A rote gauntlet of procedures are often not reliable for discerning potential. It is the exchange of ideas, visions, drives and motives between two souls that is more the key. In this light, I prefer to simply call it observation. There is always a time when actions will speak for themselves, but the arts of watching and listening are just as important, if not so often less considered.

< Message edited by amayos -- 11/2/2006 12:18:54 PM >

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RE: Testing - 11/2/2006 4:04:32 PM

LaMspeach

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I was wondering the same thing. Is it multiple choice?

Yes, but only for the Doms, slaves dont get choices.

quote:

Do you have to use a No. 2 pencil?

No, You must use a red sharpie.

quote:

What happens if you forget to write your name on the examination sheet?

You don't use the examination sheet you use the back of your ummmmm errrr slave. Yes, you must sign your name when you are finish ... how eles will they know who they belongs to.

quote:

Does someone else get your scores?

The only people that get to see your scores are the ones that yet to see the slave in the shower.

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RE: Testing - 11/2/2006 4:29:08 PM

NakedOnMyChain

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy

But I imagine that most interactions are a test on some level. I need to learn how this person deals with life, issues, problems, upsets, happiness, etc.

Exactly. When I'm interested in a person's character, all I have to do is sit back and watch there reactions to certain normal situations. Normal reaction is often more telling than anything else could be.

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RE: Testing - 11/2/2006 7:48:29 PM

truesub4u

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

Testing........1...2...3.....poof....there goes the relationship.....NEXT!.....Tempting

LOL.... and here I thought I was done with school.

No I don't believe in testing either. If a person is a player... wanker ...whatever they're being called today... their true colors will come thru soon enough.... specially when they're actions speak louder than their words.......and they don't match.

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RE: Testing - 11/2/2006 7:59:04 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

Testing........1...2...3.....poof....there goes the relationship.....NEXT!.....Tempting

LOL.... and here I thought I was done with school.

No I don't believe in testing either. If a person is a player... wanker ...whatever they're being called today... their true colors will come thru soon enough.... specially when they're actions speak louder than their words.......and they don't match.

Grin...but school never seems to be done with you!...I dont like to be tested and I do not like to test..relationship testing always leads to disaster. If you feel the need to test then you already have your answer....Tempting

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RE: Testing - 11/2/2006 8:01:48 PM

truesub4u

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

Testing........1...2...3.....poof....there goes the relationship.....NEXT!.....Tempting

LOL.... and here I thought I was done with school.

No I don't believe in testing either. If a person is a player... wanker ...whatever they're being called today... their true colors will come thru soon enough.... specially when they're actions speak louder than their words.......and they don't match.

Grin...but school never seems to be done with you!...I dont like to be tested and I do not like to test..relationship testing always leads to disaster. If you feel the need to test then you already have your answer....Tempting

Totally agree.............hey expect for the part about me and school..... LOL

But yeah I agree tempt.... <gets out "F" stamp>..... OK where are report cards?

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RE: Testing - 11/2/2006 8:07:09 PM

DiurnalVampire

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Testing is rather useless. If the subject gets wind of the "test" they will supply the answers they think you want to get, and wont necessarily acurately portray themselves.
Basing your judgement of someone on the outcome of a test of any sort, where you ahve already gotten a predetermined goal or answer is putting them at a disadvantage.

You are better off just gtting to know someone, and talking to them. Tests are usualy set up to fail the majority of candidates, and wasting your time weeding out with too fine a fine toothed comb could make you miss the right one in the sort.

My 2 cents
DV

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RE: Testing - 11/3/2006 2:54:13 AM

mons

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greetings

it this a test to see if they will cheat? after i find the answer to my question i will be back to after

thanks so

mons

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RE: Testing - 11/3/2006 7:47:28 AM

Sinergy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressYlwa

Thought I was clear in my question. But seems I was not.

While spammers are easy to spot, many times we end up investing in a potential partner, only to have them disappear or drag things out without any intention of commiting. My question is if, after some time passes and you are questioning the potentials commitment, it is unreasonable to "test" them.

Hope this clears up any confusion.

Mistress Ylwa

Hello A/all,

I would imagine this would work both ways. Earlier this year, after chatting with strumpet online and on the phone for months, and seeing no real end to the endless working treadmill my life has been, I finally realized that we both wanted to meet and knew that if I did not make an effort to make it happen, it probably wouldnt.

So I threw caution to the winds and headed up to where she lives for a couple of days to meet for coffee.

She suggested IHOP. This was not the first place that came to my mind to go for coffee to discuss things like D/s, BDSM, Sex, Monkeyboy and his Ilk, and Marxism, but I knew I could get a Rooty Tooty Fresh And Fruity Breakfast which I personally know speaks Twue Dominance on an almost awe inspiring level.

So to answer your question, Mistress Ylwa, I would have to say that I agree with the concept you are stating, although I would not use the word "testing" because of its other uses (like geometry tests).

What I mean by this is that there does come a time in a relationship where one has to "shit or get off the pot," so to speak. I would indicate to you that if you have been chatting for months with somebody, and they continually find reasons they cannot come to you, it might behoove you to either go to see them, or move on and find another.

Relationships are what both people make them, and what the participants get out of a relationship is proportional to what the participants put into it.

Just me, could be wrong, but there you go.

Sinergy

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RE: Testing - 11/3/2006 10:07:22 AM

pixelslave

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressYlwa

Thought I was clear in my question. But seems I was not.

While spammers are easy to spot, many times we end up investing in a potential partner, only to have them disappear or drag things out without any intention of commiting. My question is if, after some time passes and you are questioning the potentials commitment, it is unreasonable to "test" them.

Hope this clears up any confusion.

Mistress Ylwa

It seems to me that if you are questioning them, that there are two possible solutions, the first is simply to ask them in a straightforward manner where they stand, how they feel, what their intentions are, and where they'd like things to go from here. The second is to go with your instincts and to end things. But to my way of thinking, as you've already invested the time and energy to this point, why not at least ask the questions and then let your instincts guide you after having received the response?

Like the others, I see no need in testing when open and honest communication is what in my opinion is the way to build a relationship that has real potential and value. When a woman chooses to play games from the beginning, she immediately is telling me she's not someone I'd want to trust enough to give my submission to. As you've noted, it takes time and an investment of yourself to build a relationship with no guarantee of success. Yet there's always something to be learned from each person you meet, even if it turns out they're not the right one for you. Its an experience that you can choose to learn from, taking the lessons learned with you and putting them to use with the next person who comes into your life. You may find that those lessons are ones you need to learn before you will ever be ready to meet "the One" who will be just right for you. Its been my experience that I continue to be given the opportunity to learn the same lesson(s) until I finally "get it" and move on to the next lesson that is waiting for me.

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RE: Testing - 11/3/2006 11:06:23 AM

Aubre

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If you can crack a walnut with your asscheeks you pass!

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RE: Testing - 11/3/2006 11:17:13 AM

happypervert

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quote:

many times we end up investing in a potential partner, only to have them disappear or drag things out without any intention of commiting. My question is if, after some time passes and you are questioning the potentials commitment, it is unreasonable to "test" them.

I suppose it depends on the nature of the test. Submissives get jerked around too, so I think the only sort of test that would be reasonable would be one that you wouldn't mind taking yourself.

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RE: Testing - 11/4/2006 2:12:06 PM

ImpGrrl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire
Testing is rather useless. If the subject gets wind of the "test" they will supply the answers they think you want to get, and wont necessarily acurately portray themselves.

Or they'll be pissed and stop playing altogether.

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RE: Testing - 11/4/2006 3:29:24 PM

RiotGirl

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time is the best test of all.

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RE: Testing - 11/4/2006 3:46:23 PM

nephandi

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i find testing anoying, i once met a Dom, jst for chatting that insisted on testing if i was who i said i was, and if he had demanded a picture of me holding a note whit his name on it, that had been okey, but hiding it in normal talk so that i felt real insecure and felt that every word i wrote was being judged, that was just not ok whit me. For example he asked me what my favorite TV show was and i answerd Charmed and he then asked and the main charecters are Prue, Piper and? what the h... did it prove or not if i rememberd the names of charecters of a TV series or not, either he sould be honest and say, i need to know who i am talking whit,can you provide some proof you are not just a nick on a screen, or he should trust that i was not desiving a man i was jst discussing having some fun whit, after all he would see i was real soon enough when i met him. The constant testing made me so sad that my Master forbade me to speak anymore whit this Dom.

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