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Question about tribute? - 2/9/2005 11:50:40 PM

Posts: 11
Joined: 8/21/2004
Status: offline

I am a new sub to the lifestyle. I am younger. Yes. I have honestly never had a Domme. Recently, I got in touch with on. And Right off the bat she demanded tribute. Now I fully understand the concept of tribute. But immediately, seems like a little bit of a gamble. Assuming she doesnt even like nor accept me. Can anyone help me. I am in need of guidance. I know, some Dommes out there, are going to think im dense for not tributing. But I dont understand why I should tribute before there is any sort of arrangement.

Totally confused sub.

RE: Question about tribute? - 2/10/2005 1:57:38 AM

TrustLoveAlways

Posts: 15
Joined: 2/9/2004
Status: offline

I have lived with three doms untill I found the one i am with now and none of them wanted a 'tribute'
slave4mzpatti

< Message edited by TrustLoveAlways -- 2/10/2005 1:58:27 AM >

(in reply to 23TampaMsub)

RE: Question about tribute? - 2/10/2005 3:19:22 AM

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

I suggest you move your quest for Domme to a venue where you get to know each other before you get to the point of submitting. Domme are rare, so it may take you a while to hook up with one in the local scene, but at least when you meet her, you know she is for real. Someone getting out and attending munches and events is usually more serious about the lifestyle.

As for tribute, it depends upon what was expected. Is this a one time thing? Is it monetary or is it service? When I was still seeking a sub (I now have my sub and no longer play with any but him), I finally had to require a gift from my wishlist- their choice of an item between $35 and $369- the first time I PLAYED with a sub. (I have never believed in tribute to just meet a person.) I started that because a lot of subs are looking for a "one off" and I was very tired of being used. I'd tell the sub before meeting that it was a one time requirement. That way, if it turned out that they just needed a fix and were lying about being interested in a relationship, I didn't feel quite so much like I'd wasted my time. It takes not only time, but energy to play with someone. I personally usually do not enjoy the first several session with a sub because it takes a connection to the person for it to be good for me. Those first several sessions would be considered a waste to me, if it wasn't investment in a relationship. Now, my current sub and I met at a Club FEm play party. Because I was able to get to know him and gage his sincerity, the question of a gift for first play never came up. There was never a question in my mind that he was looking to use me. This is my only D/s relationship where I met the person in a social setting instead of via online. It has been the most amazing relationship I've had. I know the luck/chemistry we have is rare and many search for years before finding a match. Give yourself the best chance.. get out and meet people. You may not meet a Domme in the first month.. or first six months. But when one shows up, you'll be known in the community and hopefully respected. Time and patience are what this endeavour is going to take. In the mean time, learn some skills to make you more marketable to a Domme. (Cooking, massage, flower arranging, leather or wood work for a few examples) Good Luck.

Links to help get you to munches
http://www.lifestyleexplorers.org/
http://www.tbwe.net/
http://www.tampamunch.org/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tampabaybdsmsocialclub/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tampabayspankings/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Tampa_Personals/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Tampa_Tops_n_Bottoms/
http://www.bdsmflorida.com/
http://www.clubfemsouthflorida.com/ (I belong to my local chapter of Club FEm. I know this chapter is in the other half of the state, but there used to be a chapter farther north. I can't find the site for it. Perhaps the people in the So Fla group can help you)

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to 23TampaMsub)

RE: Question about tribute? - 2/10/2005 3:44:04 AM

Posts: 11
Joined: 8/21/2004
Status: offline

Thank you for passing on your wisdom Beach Mystress.

. Patience has never been one of my virtues but I am trying.

(in reply to BeachMystress)

RE: Question about tribute? - 2/10/2005 5:48:01 AM

ProtagonistLily

Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I am a new sub to the lifestyle. I am younger. Yes. I have honestly never had a Domme. Recently, I got in touch with on. And Right off the bat she demanded tribute. Now I fully understand the concept of tribute. But immediately, seems like a little bit of a gamble. Assuming she doesnt even like nor accept me. Can anyone help me. I am in need of guidance. I know, some Dommes out there, are going to think im dense for not tributing. But I dont understand why I should tribute before there is any sort of arrangement.

Totally confused sub.

There's nothing wrong with being new in BDSM. All of us were new at one point.

What you might find more fulfilling as you embark on your journey into 'kink' is to seek out the local BDSM group in your area and go to a munch. You may find these links helpful:
BDSM Organizations: Florida
Beginner's Guide to BDSM Munches

Many of us Mentor sincere people starting out in the lifestyle. These mentorship relationships can take many forms. You might want to get to know people who are members of your local organization and find someone there you trust who will help you get integrated in your local scene.

Good luck,

Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to 23TampaMsub)

RE: Question about tribute? - 2/10/2005 12:15:38 PM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline

i am new as well and wanted to wish the OP good luck. As for tribute, i think it would depend on the amount, if it was 100 000 dollars i would not recomand it on a first meeting, but if it was a jewlery trincet to 35 that might be quite aceptabel. Look at what they demand. Take the advice as when paying for a course in an Occult topic. If the teatcher deamnd skyhigh prices, be scpetical, but if he demands an understandabel amount for his time and effort, that is quite okey.

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)

RE: Question about tribute? - 2/10/2005 1:41:05 PM

Posts: 30
Joined: 11/10/2004
Status: offline

Dear TampaMsub

BeachMystress has given you some very good advice. look to your local vicinity and play or at least attend local events that way you can meet others and maybe if you are lucky a FemDom might show you favor and teach you alittle something.

There are many that like an unsoiled canvas.

there is nothing wrong in going to a Pro-Domme if you are looking for a Pro. i know when i was young i was drawn to BDSM but i didn't know what i wanted so i played around with friends and like minded people until i knew what i wanted.

be true to yourself.
if you can't be true to yourself you will never be able to be true to a Domme.
They have ways of finding out things...

mostly have fun, play safe.

rocker

(in reply to 23TampaMsub)

RE: Question about tribute? - 2/10/2005 6:12:17 PM

Posts: 359
Joined: 1/23/2005
Status: offline

BeachMystress
What a brilliant idea! Requesting a one-time gift for a first session would definately take away from the feeling of being used as a service Top.
It does take a considerable amount of effort to play with a new boy, and I think it's fair that we get something in return.

Tampa,
you hang in there. The Dommes are also looking for a boy who is a good match.
You've received some excellent advice here. I hope you are able to make use of it.

Lady Snow

(in reply to rocker)

RE: Question about tribute? - 2/11/2005 10:34:39 AM

Posts: 360
Joined: 2/9/2004
From: Mission, BC. Canada
Status: offline

~wavs~ to DLS

i would give You a tribute just cuz You are a wonderful Lady and Friend. Tis good to see You over here on the c side DLS!

_____________________________

she gives a smile when the pain comes... the pain is gonna make everything alright.

(in reply to DreamyLadySnow)

RE: Question about tribute? - 2/11/2005 10:50:42 AM

Posts: 360
Joined: 1/13/2005
Status: offline

I agree with some already, it depends on the tribute. I am friends with a Pro Domme. Her tribute is based on what you want, how long, and all that. There's nothing wrong with this, but those who depend a ridiculous price for just meeting them.... again as others have said be careful. I would simply pass.
I think of it along the lines of, if you were going on a first date / meeting someone new, that you wished a relationship with...... then you'd likely take along something like a tribute. A beautiful bouquet of roses, or other flowers, perhaps a necklace or something if this is what she indicates she like to you. But those who simply want cash up front..... I'd be very leary if I were you.
There are quite a few Domme's in a local group my Master, and I belong to. They are out there. Patience is hard. But figure out first if you want a paid for session, or a relationship. That also should be indicative of what they are asking of you, especially on the first meeting.

Good luck!!!!

Tempest's pet
Jennifer

(in reply to 23TampaMsub)

RE: Question about tribute? - 2/11/2005 12:22:52 PM

Posts: 156
Joined: 8/12/2004
Status: offline

This seems to be a very female phenomenon.

I have never heard of a Male Dom demanding gifts to Dominate anyone.

(in reply to Tempestspet)

RE: Question about tribute? - 2/11/2005 12:29:25 PM

Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline

It pays to keep in mind Male Dom/fem sub and Fem Dom/male sub in most cases are two vastly differing dynamics and thus the same notions of protocol, etc can't always be applied equally to both.

Jasmyn

(in reply to RealityFix)

RE: Question about tribute? - 2/11/2005 3:17:48 PM

Posts: 360
Joined: 1/13/2005
Status: offline

I think maybe the difference between the 2 can also be simply that not as many male doms are looking to be financially taken care of, as there are female doms.

(in reply to Jasmyn)

RE: Question about tribute? - 2/11/2005 4:28:35 PM

Posts: 156
Joined: 8/12/2004
Status: offline

True, if a man wanted a woman to take care of him most people would think he was a total user.

(in reply to Tempestspet)

RE: Question about tribute? - 2/11/2005 4:46:10 PM

Posts: 360
Joined: 1/13/2005
Status: offline

To be honest I have to wonder about women who feel they can't make it for themselves, I'm not talking about being part of a relationship, and helping out... doing it together. I mean the one's that feel they should simply be taken care of because they are women, girls, cute, goddesses...whatever.
Lost a friend once, who told me that it was because of women like me...who made women like her have to work, instead of expecting everything to be given to them.
It makes me wonder about the whole self worth issue that I see crop up on her every now and then. My Master values me, because I have self worth, and don't think so little of myself that I can't take care of myself. I own my own business, and he is key inmy decisions for that busniess, he is proud of me though, for being able, and enjoying doing it on my own.

< Message edited by Tempestspet -- 2/11/2005 4:51:22 PM >

(in reply to RealityFix)

RE: Question about tribute? - 2/11/2005 5:34:26 PM

Posts: 2117
Joined: 1/4/2005
From: Iowa
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jasmyn

It pays to keep in mind Male Dom/fem sub and Fem Dom/male sub in most cases are two vastly differing dynamics and thus the same notions of protocol, etc can't always be applied equally to both.

This is a very interesting concept which I know nothing of. I suppose the differences are rooted in the cultural roles and values that are imposed on male and female. Or maybe its something different?

I googled up some articles, but if you or anyone else have suggestions or comments I would enjoying reading them.

(in reply to Jasmyn)

RE: Question about tribute? - 2/12/2005 11:32:51 PM

Posts: 179
Joined: 5/9/2004
Status: offline

Similar to what BeachMystress mentioned, and others have in other threads. People who have stated they will meet you at X venue and then dont turn up. In a way it is ensuring that there is some form of intent to show. It does become very tedious and tiresome to go to functions and not have the expected person turn up. There could be petrol costs, entry costs etc.

Good luck with your search

(in reply to onceburned)

RE: Question about tribute? - 2/13/2005 1:41:40 PM

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

After I'd joined Club FEm and before I'd become exclusive with my current sub, I told subs that if they wanted to meet me, they could show up at the munch. Only a handful of them actually ever showed up. If they can't brave an unknown social situation to meet me, they're not worth my time. They also aren't very serious. Of the ones who showed up, none were not able to focus on me. I'd have their attention for a few moments, but every time a new Domme walked in, they had to kiss up to her for a few mins before coming back to talk with me. (Yes, I expect people to be polite and greet others who arrive, this was more than that..) They were overwhelmed by the fact that they had a bunch of Domme in one area and were like a kid in a candy store. That let me know that subbing to me was not special in any way to them. I was just a Domme and any Domme would do. I'm too aware of my value in both the vanilla and the D/s realms to put up with someone who can't focus on me. Only one of them ever merited a second meeting, and I had that also be at an event. He seemed ok, but I wasn't quite sure. The next event was a play party. He managed to talk with me for a bit, but never offered to get me anything, never saw to my comfort and was very focused on his own fun. This was the same party I met my current sub. I noticed him ignoring his own fun and making sure the women were comfortable and had what they wanted. Actions speak louder than words, as they say. Strangely enough *grin* I ended up with the one who actually took service serious and the one concentrating on his own fun.. well, I don't know what happened to him.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to LdyAuburn)

RE: Question about tribute? - 2/13/2005 4:43:37 PM

Posts: 9
Joined: 2/13/2005
Status: offline

i've never given a domme a tribute and if she asked for one i'm sure we'd never meet. On the other hand, i have taken them to dinner, the movies and on 'normal' dates when first meeting them and payed for that. i didn't consider it a tribute though. It's just what you do when you date someone.

(in reply to 23TampaMsub)

RE: Question about tribute? - 2/15/2005 2:20:23 PM

Posts: 356
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress

After I'd joined Club FEm and before I'd become exclusive with my current sub, I told subs that if they wanted to meet me, they could show up at the munch. Only a handful of them actually ever showed up. If they can't brave an unknown social situation to meet me, they're not worth my time. They also aren't very serious. Of the ones who showed up, none were not able to focus on me. I'd have their attention for a few moments, but every time a new Domme walked in, they had to kiss up to her for a few mins before coming back to talk with me. (Yes, I expect people to be polite and greet others who arrive, this was more than that..) They were overwhelmed by the fact that they had a bunch of Domme in one area and were like a kid in a candy store. That let me know that subbing to me was not special in any way to them. I was just a Domme and any Domme would do. I'm too aware of my value in both the vanilla and the D/s realms to put up with someone who can't focus on me. Only one of them ever merited a second meeting, and I had that also be at an event. He seemed ok, but I wasn't quite sure. The next event was a play party. He managed to talk with me for a bit, but never offered to get me anything, never saw to my comfort and was very focused on his own fun. This was the same party I met my current sub. I noticed him ignoring his own fun and making sure the women were comfortable and had what they wanted. Actions speak louder than words, as they say. Strangely enough *grin* I ended up with the one who actually took service serious and the one concentrating on his own fun.. well, I don't know what happened to him.

I was making exactly that point to a submissive the other day. his main area of experience was service and he was shy about going to a club because he felt he had nothing to offer. I told him to do exactly what you described and told him that the Ladies would notice him and approach him. That is the kind of submissive who gets 'kept' instead of just played with occassionally...IMO anyways.

_____________________________

All things are possible to those who have patience, try, and are willing to learn.

(in reply to BeachMystress)

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