an uncomfortable experience today

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medievalwench -> an uncomfortable experience today (11/23/2006 4:00:52 PM)
i was in my room and Master called me, i paused for a second first, so He called me again - this time in a 'darker' tone of voice. The first time He called me by my name, the second He called me wench, and i felt literally sick. i don't understand why, and it really upset me, this is not something i have ever had happen before and He was not unduly angry with me or anything like that, i wasn't going to be punished, just something in His voice and the way He spoke freaked me out, i felt guilty and dirty, i don't even know what my question is here, i just felt/feel weirded out. Has anyone else had a similar experience? i don't know if it was partly to do with feeling like things were a bit unstable as earlier today W/we were shopping and i called Him Master in the shop - and He said, stop it, i don't feel like 'being' Masterful right now which made me confused as W/we are in a 24/7 tpe. Thanks, wench

SamKeithsslave -> RE: an uncomfortable experience today (11/23/2006 4:15:21 PM)
Sounds as if you may just have caught him at a bad time? I was once told my s good friend and Domme that a little fear is good for the soul........... a lot of fear is not. I'd just take things easy for a bit, stay out of His wasy unless he calls you to him, allow him time to overcome whatever it is that may be bothering him. I know there are times when I do not feel like being submissive, so its only to be expected there will be times (I guess) that our Masters will have times they dont feel like being dominant? Good luck.

MagiksSlave -> RE: an uncomfortable experience today (11/23/2006 4:16:37 PM)
Well maybe thats why you felt sick when he called you... Your in 24/7 TPE he cant just say "I dont feel like beeing Masterfull right now" just like you cant say I dont feel like beeing a sub right now you have your duty to eachother and maybe him saying that put you out of your comfert zone so later when he was beeing Masterfull you felt upset and confused.. If your agreement when you started was for 24/7 TPE he doesnt ahve the right to randomly back out of his role... without any worning doing that has very negative emotional effects on the slave leaves them unsure and off balance without the stability they deserve.. Talk to him sweety!!! Magik's slave

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: an uncomfortable experience today (11/23/2006 4:18:38 PM)
So you had an incidence in which he got pissy for no real reason and decided to not be masterful towards you...and then later switched back into master mode and got pissy when you didn't switch with him right away, this making you feel ashamed and insecure twice in one day? To answer your basic question- no one FEELS submissive all the time, we ARE submissive all the time. Even the best mother in the world can have a day where the last thing she wants to do is be a mother- but she still IS one and holds to that commitment in herself. Having an off moment is just having an off moment- that's what LOTS of time and training over YEARS in a relationship will help calm. Expecting it so soon will simply set you both up to fail. However, the issues here are far more serious ones of lack of communication, his irrational mood swings and unreasonable demands of behavior on you which cycle into more feelings of insecurity. You guys need to talk openly and stop the nonsense.

MagiksSlave -> RE: an uncomfortable experience today (11/23/2006 4:19:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SamKeithsslave Sounds as if you may just have caught him at a bad time? I was once told my s good friend and Domme that a little fear is good for the soul........... a lot of fear is not. I'd just take things easy for a bit, stay out of His wasy unless he calls you to him, allow him time to overcome whatever it is that may be bothering him. I know there are times when I do not feel like being submissive, so its only to be expected there will be times (I guess) that our Masters will have times they dont feel like being dominant? Good luck. This is true but it is till expected of a sub to submissive even if they dont want too and the same should be expected of the Domanent... I understand that you dont ALWAYS want to be anything but then it is his job to sit her down and comminicate it with her and not just say "Dont im not feeling Domanent" it isnt right and it plays emotional havok leaving the slave in a bad spot not know when is he gunna feel like beeing my Master and when is he not!! Magik's slave

BDSM05478 -> RE: an uncomfortable experience today (11/23/2006 4:24:42 PM)
yup and usually it is when I have a guilty consience or am hiding something (my feelings or concerns about outside influences) Also my Daddy LOVES to screw with my mind, He will summons me to Him and the voice He uses chills my blood and cause my mind to wildly flip over things that I could have said or done to displease him, even if i KNOW i have been a good girl I still panic and He gets such a kick outta the petrified look on my face and the quiver in my "yyyes, Daddy?" He revels in my hesitation to go down on my knees before stroking my face, (causing me to jump cause I am expecting pain not sensual) and then says , "your such a good girl" everytime I almost fall over from relief lol (sadist! god I love Him!) But no sweetie,i do not know what to say about him not feeling Masterly, I know I have felt that way but I am a switch, I do not know what I would do if he told me to call him by his given name. I am only allowed to call Him by it when I am talking to others about him and even then only to people that aren't in or accepting of the lifestyle we live.

SamKeithsslave -> RE: an uncomfortable experience today (11/23/2006 4:30:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave quote: ORIGINAL: SamKeithsslave Sounds as if you may just have caught him at a bad time? I was once told my s good friend and Domme that a little fear is good for the soul........... a lot of fear is not. I'd just take things easy for a bit, stay out of His wasy unless he calls you to him, allow him time to overcome whatever it is that may be bothering him. I know there are times when I do not feel like being submissive, so its only to be expected there will be times (I guess) that our Masters will have times they dont feel like being dominant? Good luck. This is true but it is till expected of a sub to submissive even if they dont want too and the same should be expected of the Domanent... I understand that you dont ALWAYS want to be anything but then it is his job to sit her down and comminicate it with her and not just say "Dont im not feeling Domanent" it isnt right and it plays emotional havok leaving the slave in a bad spot not know when is he gunna feel like beeing my Master and when is he not!! Magik's slave I agree, as a sub, even when I dont feel like being submissive, I am. I have found male dominants are Males first, Doms second, and as many males have a problem with on the stop communication I believe if he is allowed to gather his thoughts etc he will eventually communicate the problem, if there is any. I also agree if the switching from being dominant to not wanting to be continues it certainly needs to be addressed.

crouchingtigress -> RE: an uncomfortable experience today (11/23/2006 4:31:04 PM)
wow... LA awesome insight. medi...talk to him. i can tell you this, the unraveling of the most magistic tapestry starts with one little thread. he reacts... you react..., he reacts again, ect. you cause each other pain, you loose focus, you become wounded and communication stops. this is a normal cycle of most relationships, but it does not need to be that way...go the extra mile, do something wonderful for him, initiate the conversation, make him a nice meal. not because you are submissive but because you are you, and you love this guy: not because he is your master but because he is who he is and he loves you. words from my mom: think of your marrige is like a bank account, if you both invest you will have a surplus if you both withdraw you will be broke.

medievalwench -> RE: an uncomfortable experience today (11/23/2006 4:44:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave Well maybe thats why you felt sick when he called you... Your in 24/7 TPE he cant just say "I dont feel like beeing Masterfull right now" just like you cant say I dont feel like beeing a sub right now you have your duty to eachother and maybe him saying that put you out of your comfert zone so later when he was beeing Masterfull you felt upset and confused.. If your agreement when you started was for 24/7 TPE he doesnt ahve the right to randomly back out of his role... without any worning doing that has very negative emotional effects on the slave leaves them unsure and off balance without the stability they deserve.. Talk to him sweety!!! Magik's slave W/we're talking normally now so i guess it has passed, i didn't say anything about my earlier feeling because i didn't know how to discuss it as i didn't really know what it was about. things seem to be back to normal though. thank goodness. Thanks hon, wench

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: an uncomfortable experience today (11/23/2006 4:47:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: medievalwench W/we're talking normally now so i guess it has passed, i didn't say anything about my earlier feeling because i didn't know how to discuss it as i didn't really know what it was about. things seem to be back to normal though. thank goodness. Thanks hon, wench Yeah, just ignore it and act like nothing happened...sure that ALWAYS works... You stop sitting on the computer, go sit next to him and say "You know, what happened earlier really confused and disturbed me and I want us to talk about it and get on sure footing together. What have you been feeling in the store and then later today?" THus, discussion begun. Then, continue to discuss until all the issues are clearly out in the open, understood from all sides and decisions made on how everyone should try and respond the next time something like this happens. PS- you've said he's got bipolar issues, which obviously only exacerbates what swings he experiences, but was his family life welcoming and open to discussing or did they teach him to do what he's doing- shutting down, acting like nothing bad happened and moving on? Just curious to whether he was trained in this reaction or whether he is doing it on his own.

medievalwench -> RE: an uncomfortable experience today (11/23/2006 4:49:06 PM)
Things are back to normal now, W/we do talk a lot about things in the relationship i know from my posts that sounds like its not true but actually i seem only to post much when there's a glitch. Master is just coming out of a low and i know He gets somewhat swingy when that happens. Usually things work out otherwise it would not have lasted as it has, W/we've been together for the best part of a decade and have a good time 99% of the time which is why the rough bits seem so big when maybe they aren't that bad - certainly things are more stable with us than most of my 'nilla friends and relatives relationships. wench

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: an uncomfortable experience today (11/23/2006 4:53:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: medievalwench W/we've been together for the best part of a decade and have a good time 99% of the time which is why the rough bits seem so big when maybe they aren't that bad - certainly things are more stable with us than most of my 'nilla friends and relatives relationships. wench Everyone has a bad day on occasion. However, if you HAVE been with him for so long and HAVE dealt with this so long, why did TODAY hit you so bad and so hard that you had to come here to get cyber strangers perspectives on it? Why have you so often had so many issues come up that you had to talk online about? One would think you'd have had these basics down quite a long time ago. Have you just always ignored them and they are finally coming to a point you can't deal anymore? Have you just not realized that by constantly reacting to every squicky thing by making a post about it that you're giving us quite a skewed perspective of your life together? Think about the fact that in EVERY one of the threads you've started on how to deal with your relationship, about 95% of the advice given to you is to TALK DIRECTLY TO HIM- and yet you still immediately come here all atwitter...then suddenly act like it's all really just fine and nothing to worry about. Only to repeat the pattern? Why do you think this is?

medievalwench -> RE: an uncomfortable experience today (11/23/2006 4:54:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross quote: ORIGINAL: medievalwench W/we're talking normally now so i guess it has passed, i didn't say anything about my earlier feeling because i didn't know how to discuss it as i didn't really know what it was about. things seem to be back to normal though. thank goodness. Thanks hon, wench Yeah, just ignore it and act like nothing happened...sure that ALWAYS works... You stop sitting on the computer, go sit next to him and say "You know, what happened earlier really confused and disturbed me and I want us to talk about it and get on sure footing together. What have you been feeling in the store and then later today?" THus, discussion begun. Then, continue to discuss until all the issues are clearly out in the open, understood from all sides and decisions made on how everyone should try and respond the next time something like this happens. PS- you've said he's got bipolar issues, which obviously only exacerbates what swings he experiences, but was his family life welcoming and open to discussing or did they teach him to do what he's doing- shutting down, acting like nothing bad happened and moving on? Just curious to whether he was trained in this reaction or whether he is doing it on his own. i am about to log off and do that, i already intended to but as He was busy finishing up something for work i couldn't do that right away so i came to let off some steam and get some advice rather than sitting dwelling on it on my own. He had a stict 'traditional' upbringing and His father was lot older than His mother and not very communicative, so though that part of His background was not helpful, the upside was that He is a strong male personality wise. He has definitely improved as far as communicating how He feels since W/we met, at first He would avoid confronting things but now W/we can talk if things start to go awry. thanks, wench

diamonddreamlove -> RE: an uncomfortable experience today (11/23/2006 4:59:41 PM)
Life has enough confusion without it happening on the home front too. Talk to him about it. OH and i don't want to be a mom today either but dang it no one will take him!

medievalwench -> RE: an uncomfortable experience today (11/23/2006 5:01:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross quote: ORIGINAL: medievalwench W/we've been together for the best part of a decade and have a good time 99% of the time which is why the rough bits seem so big when maybe they aren't that bad - certainly things are more stable with us than most of my 'nilla friends and relatives relationships. wench Everyone has a bad day on occasion. However, if you HAVE been with him for so long and HAVE dealt with this so long, why did TODAY hit you so bad and so hard that you had to come here to get cyber strangers perspectives on it? Why have you so often had so many issues come up that you had to talk online about? One would think you'd have had these basics down quite a long time ago. Have you just always ignored them and they are finally coming to a point you can't deal anymore? Have you just not realized that by constantly reacting to every squicky thing by making a post about it that you're giving us quite a skewed perspective of your life together? Think about the fact that in EVERY one of the threads you've started on how to deal with your relationship, about 95% of the advice given to you is to TALK DIRECTLY TO HIM- and yet you still immediately come here all atwitter...then suddenly act like it's all really just fine and nothing to worry about. Only to repeat the pattern? Why do you think this is? i think that the seasonal depression W/we've both been in is passing and that always makes for a wobbly time of year. And i haven't ignored the issues in the past, i just didn't have any way to discuss them outside of O/our relationship - i didn't even think of using the net for BDSM discussion in the past. i usually have a jungian therapist but haven't got one at the moment as she moved, so i am waiting for the new one who i will get next month. and i do know that i should usually talk to Him, but sometimes i need a fresh perspective and that helps me to approach things when i am able to do so - with the amount of work He has been doing lately i can't just go straight to Him right away. things aren't getting worse and compared to when W/we met they are significantly better in most ways.

slavejali -> RE: an uncomfortable experience today (11/23/2006 6:26:57 PM)
quote: To answer your basic question- no one FEELS submissive all the time, we ARE submissive all the time. Even the best mother in the world can have a day where the last thing she wants to do is be a mother- but she still IS one and holds to that commitment in herself. Having an off moment is just having an off moment- that's what LOTS of time and training over YEARS in a relationship will help calm. Expecting it so soon will simply set you both up to fail. Damn that was good LuckyA.

medievalwench -> RE: an uncomfortable experience today (11/23/2006 6:39:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross So you had an incidence in which he got pissy for no real reason and decided to not be masterful towards you...and then later switched back into master mode and got pissy when you didn't switch with him right away, this making you feel ashamed and insecure twice in one day? in some ways that is correct yes. To answer your basic question- no one FEELS submissive all the time, we ARE submissive all the time. Even the best mother in the world can have a day where the last thing she wants to do is be a mother- but she still IS one and holds to that commitment in herself. Having an off moment is just having an off moment- that's what LOTS of time and training over YEARS in a relationship will help calm. Expecting it so soon will simply set you both up to fail. that wasn't really what i meant, i do always feel submissive, i don't always want to but i have accepted that this is who i am, and i have spent almost 7 years in this relationship and being trained to be the best sub that i can be and still be myself - this is not a new thing for U/us. Master and i have trained and worked hard together for a long time. i do agree with what you said there, that was really not the issue. However, the issues here are far more serious ones of lack of communication, his irrational mood swings and unreasonable demands of behavior on you which cycle into more feelings of insecurity. You guys need to talk openly and stop the nonsense. i would love to meet the person who doesn't ever have bad periods or irrational mood swings. and i really feel that your responses to my posts are overly harsh, i don't come here to be comdemned, i'm not unintelligent or totally lacking in awareness. wench

SamKeithsslave -> RE: an uncomfortable experience today (11/23/2006 7:10:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: medievalwench i would love to meet the person who doesn't ever have bad periods or irrational mood swings. and i really feel that your responses to my posts are overly harsh, i don't come here to be comdemned, i'm not unintelligent or totally lacking in awareness. wench I wouldnt like to meet anyone who didnt have bad times or irrational mood swings, they'd be boring as hell [sm=biggrin.gif] and yes, I do understand your point and agree. Why LA feels the need to be as harsh as she is is really only something she can answer. I do note she is harsher with some people more than others, which leads me to believe that she is either having irrational mood swings herself or simply allows certain topics and/or people to get to her, which doesnt make sense based on the fact she is quick to remind most that this is the internet and it isnt "real", yet has told me directly she believes that people should always care what she says [sm=confused.gif] (or something like that). Many are overly complimentary of her, and I'd go as far as saying I sometimes feel they are really kissing her butt, I dont see her being harsh with those people. Having said all that though, there have been a couple times I have read what she has writen and felt she makes a reasonable point, albeit her tone and harshness tend to distract from her point, well thats the way I see it. I am not trying to attack LA here, I am merely doing as she does ie make a comment based on what I see. There can be no doubt she is much harsher with some more so than others. I am sure I shall be flamed now, so have donned my asbestos undies and await the flames.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: an uncomfortable experience today (11/23/2006 7:32:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SamKeithsslave which leads me to believe that she is either having irrational mood swings herself or simply allows certain topics and/or people to get to her, I'll go with C: I tailor my posts to my intended audience. Some people need a harsher voice than others. Some posts require more balance than others. The idea that the same voice should be used on every point to every person is an idea of a person who doesn't understand the process of communication and discussion. quote: which doesnt make sense based on the fact she is quick to remind most that this is the internet and it isnt "real", You'll have to quote me on when I said that "internet isn't real." I don't recall that. In fact in all of the cyber vs offline relationships I've clearly and repeatedly stated that cyber relationships can be very real, but are not at all the SAME AS offline relationships and thus should not be treated the same or expected to progress the same. quote: yet has told me directly she believes that people should always care what she says You seriously didn't get that that was sarcastic, did you? quote: Many are overly complimentary of her, and I'd go as far as saying I sometimes feel they are really kissing her butt, I dont see her being harsh with those people. You REALLY need to go and read all of my past threads. Almost all the people who enjoy me now and give me some praise, I have crossed very harsh swords with in the past. It's a process of respect, it's a process of intellectual comprehension. And at this point- we know and respect eachother enough to simply laugh and accept our differences, or tell eachother that we're crazy- and I know for a fact that none of us would have a single moment's hesitation in doing so. But it takes a lot of harshness and time to get to that point. quote: I am sure I shall be flamed now, so have donned my asbestos undies and await the flames. Why are you so sure you will be flamed? For every person who thinks I rock here, there is another who equally feels I'm an utter idiot who plays around with kink, is so insecure that she has to beat up novice posters to make herself feel good online. That's what internet forums are all about. We don't flame people for saying what they think in an intelligent and focused manner, and the long term respected posters never flame at all. Hang around awhile, see what happens.

nikaa -> RE: an uncomfortable experience today (11/23/2006 7:59:40 PM)
medievalwench, W/we were shopping and i called Him Master in the shop - and He said, stop it, i don't feel like 'being' Masterful right now which made me confused as W/we are in a 24/7 tpe. I debated on how or if to respond to this thread, but the above qoute hit home for me. There was a point in our relationship that my Master and I struggled with the consistancy or lack of it between us. In many ways it was because of my emotional highs and lows. During my period of lows he would feel responsible for my "unhappiness" and often times he would give up control over me because he thought it would "make me happy". Granted he never said, " I don't feel like being Masterly" , however; I simply didn't feel owned during those periods. When my episode passed I would feel lost and confused. Not because of my episode but because he wasn't acting like my Master. So I would take control and put on Domme boots if you will, then he would begin to act like my Master again. This only made me more confused, angry, frustrated, and unhappy. However, neither one of us talked about it until it caused other issues between us. In truth it nearly destroyed not only our relationship as Master and slave but our relationship as friends. You see I learned the hard way, that I HAD to not only own my feelings but I HAD to communicate them to my Master. I know that when your in an "emotional low" that isn't always easy. I also know I take things very personally when I am in an "emotional low". So I began writting notes or letters to him during those times and either leaving them in my journal (that he reads daily) or handing it to him. This allows me to express myself without my emotions running wild and it allows him time to take in without responding on reflex. Perhaps if you both started journaling every day, this could open up alot of communication doors and end alot of the confusion between you expecially when you both are suffering from "lows". Edited to add: No one was condemning you,or stating/implying you are unintelligent at least that is not how I read LA's posts.

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