RE: "My dear" "Little one"

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RE: "My dear" "Little one" - 11/25/2006 10:56:21 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I will admit this tends to be a pet peeve of mine but I can feel my teeth cringe when I see those words typed from strangers.
"How are you little one?" "How're you doing baby?" "Sweet dreams, little one."
Egads. These people don't even know me!
I know this is my own personal bias, but it just ticks me off as manufactured closeness.
Do you all have words or phrases that just irritate you when said by a stranger? Or.. do I need another cup of coffee?
Kyst

Over the years I've met more than multiple dozens of women who, but for this insane mad rush to ownership, were perfectly acceptable potential Dommes, intelligent, pretty, successful, etc...but for some unknown reason they feel that within the first 30 seconds, simply because I'm a sub and they're a Domme...that it is imperative I address them as Ma'am, Mistress, Goddess or other such lunacy.

And each one I've politely told; "when you've earned that right I'll be more than happy to, indeed, I'd prefer to address you properly...in the meantime however, what do you say we skip all that happy horseshit and just get to know each other first, eh?"

99 out of 100, after I explain to them how the world is going to work in this relationship for the interim (until we both know each other better), bluster, backtrack and vociferously accuse me of not being a sub. I, of course, respectfully, have kept my opinion to myself and simply discontinued conversations with them.

Those that have treated me with a modicum of respect both personally as well as socially, have my undying affection and loyalty (and they know who they are) and you couldn't find a better friend...and they'd tell you so today. In fact, I know it astounds some of those very people how incredibly loyal I am.

The funny thing is, all of the ones with such immediate demands, cry and moan about how they're looking for a partner, a friend, someone they can talk to, yet when someone finally offers exactly that (and that my sumission is valuable enough that I simply don't offer it to just anyone that comes down the pike) and doesn't fall prostrate on the floor begging for any loose scrap, they can't handle it and off they go, indignant that a sub can't comport himself properly.

(I think it's riotously hilarious myself).

_____________________________

Small deeds will always mean more than large intentions.

(in reply to Missokyst)

RE: "My dear" "Little one" - 11/25/2006 11:03:40 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I will admit this tends to be a pet peeve of mine but I can feel my teeth cringe when I see those words typed from strangers.
"How are you little one?" "How're you doing baby?" "Sweet dreams, little one."
Egads. These people don't even know me!
I know this is my own personal bias, but it just ticks me off as manufactured closeness.
Do you all have words or phrases that just irritate you when said by a stranger? Or.. do I need another cup of coffee?
Kyst

"hon" arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh

Ya know...a Domme I dated briefly used to get red in the face on that one. I used that word long before she and I started seeing each other and it never even crossed my mind that was an issue...I actually saw it as a term of affection.

Suffice it to say a) I don't use that woid around her now, even as we don't date anymore, b) I try really hard not to use it at all, and c) I can now see why it upset her. Coming out of my keyboard, it sounded loving, coming out on her monitor it sounded demeaning.

Like a nice little pat on her hayud.

(She does gots a purdy lil hayud though).

_____________________________

Small deeds will always mean more than large intentions.

(in reply to LotusSong)

RE: "My dear" "Little one" - 11/25/2006 11:06:35 AM

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It doesn't bother me in the least. They are mere terms of endearment. If a stranger calls me slut, cunt, bitch, or the like, that's a different story.

(in reply to Missokyst)

RE: "My dear" "Little one" - 11/25/2006 11:06:50 AM

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Joined: 7/23/2005
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Knowing that I personally cringe at being called "lil one", "honey", "baby" and so on. I totally understand Missokyst...lol. Though I do understand the people that do that to strangers are just trying to be polite. Once I get to know them better if it gets to that point. I let them know that I am not too fond of it...in a nice way of course. The ones that come on way too strong, I avoid. Whenever a stranger does address me as "lil one"....I think what the heck is wrong with you. None of my close friends have ever initiated a conversation that way thankfully, maybe that is why they are friends of mine. But now if they stumble on to this...am sure someone will try it for fun.

Great post LTRsubNW!

(in reply to LTRsubNW)

RE: "My dear" "Little one" - 11/25/2006 11:15:13 AM

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i can stand most things, except when it's like..yes dear...and this n that...dear just..calling you DEAR nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

(in reply to texancutie)

RE: "My dear" "Little one" - 11/25/2006 11:40:36 AM

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I dislike it as well. I am not "sub". I am Aqua. Please use my name until you close enough to me to use a nickname, although that nickname will never be sub because only my dominant gets to call me that.

Those who use "cunt" or "bitch" earn the rough side of my tongue and an invitation to discuss their disrespect of my dominant's property with him as I will no longer be talking to them.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Missokyst)

RE: "My dear" "Little one" - 11/25/2006 11:49:21 AM

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It's all about the dance of social closeness- those who presume social closeness when they shouldn't will face the consequences.

You must know however, that many newbies WILL respond positively to such immediate gestures- so the predators can spot right off who is susceptible to their methods and who isn't.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Missokyst)

RE: "My dear" "Little one" - 11/25/2006 11:51:56 AM

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I don't like any kind of "sweet" pet names at all unless I know the person very intimately and for a decent amount of time. I guess it's just because I was raised to use names. My family was pretty straightforward and didn't speak with a lot of those silly verbal flourishes that have come to irk me so much.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

RE: "My dear" "Little one" - 11/25/2006 11:52:59 AM

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Joined: 8/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I will admit this tends to be a pet peeve of mine but I can feel my teeth cringe when I see those words typed from strangers.
"How are you little one?" "How're you doing baby?" "Sweet dreams, little one."
Egads. These people don't even know me!
I know this is my own personal bias, but it just ticks me off as manufactured closeness.
Do you all have words or phrases that just irritate you when said by a stranger? Or.. do I need another cup of coffee?
Kyst

I don't find it offensive or annoying that some call me dear, lil one, babe, etc because I dont internalize it and take it personally: in my eyes those terms have nothing to do with "me" -- I figure it's just the type of person they are and if not me--they'll be saying it to the next person they speak to. Imo I think they are just trying to be pleasant and really mean no disrespect.

(in reply to Missokyst)

RE: "My dear" "Little one" - 11/25/2006 12:09:45 PM

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Yeah, it makes me puke, but then when I say "bitch" people don't always appreciate that...

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

"How are you little one?" "How're you doing baby?" "Sweet dreams, little one."

(in reply to Missokyst)

RE: "My dear" "Little one" - 11/25/2006 12:17:31 PM

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LMAO.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Yeah, it makes me puke, but then when I say "bitch" people don't always appreciate that...

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

RE: "My dear" "Little one" - 11/25/2006 12:18:25 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Yeah, it makes me puke, but then when I say "bitch" people don't always appreciate that...

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

"How are you little one?" "How're you doing baby?" "Sweet dreams, little one."

Really? See now that just makes me all warm and fuzzy but I'm odd like that.

...the "bitch" part that is..the little one, baby etc...sends me running for the bucket.

< Message edited by BeingChewsie -- 11/25/2006 12:19:48 PM >

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

RE: "My dear" "Little one" - 11/25/2006 12:19:27 PM

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Well, it depends on whom I say it to.

(in reply to BeingChewsie)

RE: "My dear" "Little one" - 11/25/2006 12:20:07 PM

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lol...depends on who is calling me bitch.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

RE: "My dear" "Little one" - 11/25/2006 12:22:46 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
You must know however, that many newbies WILL respond positively to such immediate gestures- so the predators can spot right off who is susceptible to their methods and who isn't.

*Grins* I always chuckle when I read how I was the epitome of everything done "wrong." My Master, the predator, called me "little girl" in one of our early conversations and I apparently became his prey. He still calls me that 2 1/2 years later, and I melt every time. How sweet it is....heh.

I find a lot of relevance in what Katy was saying, however. There's a lot to be said context and the personality of the one saying it. And when someone uses terms of endearment as a means to be condescending, the only way it affects me is that I tend to think that person is a bit of an ass, and more than a bit of an idiot.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: "My dear" "Little one" - 11/25/2006 12:28:01 PM

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Joined: 10/23/2005
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I know a lot of dommes prefer to be addressed as Mistress right off the bat, but for me it's irksome. Maybe I'm being old fashioned, but I think d/s titles are to be earned by both parties. Also when people use lowercase "i" and capital "You". It's just bad effing grammar, which makes me the opposite of intrigued.

A cute variation that doesn't so much bug me is when people call me Empress instead of Mistress, assuming that it's the term I prefer because of my username. Nope. It's just the username I've been using for years, but at least when people use it I get the impression that they are giving some thought to how I might prefer to be addressed.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

RE: "My dear" "Little one" - 11/25/2006 12:28:53 PM

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I intensely dislike receiving emails that use words like they are taking ownership of me. Example, ending the email, "your slave" "at your feet" "kissing your feet" (YECK!!!! no stranger is gonna be kissing MY feet!!!)

That being said I have been known to use some of the phrases others have spoke of when speaking to aquaintances and perhaps in the occasional email with friends. Things like "Heyyyyyyy babyyyyy" or "maa deaaaaaaar" . I think it all depends on where you have grown up, where you live now, what is comon and comfortable for everyone. I think if anything I try to be more formal in emails than in person just so that I am not presumed to be too familiar. In type you don't get the body language and facial expressions to know how to take things.

I think I speak better without words, truth be told.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 11/25/2006 12:30:10 PM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Missokyst)

RE: "My dear" "Little one" - 11/25/2006 12:33:02 PM

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Hello,

I admit I also despise being called "little one" or "girl" by someone I don't know. I am 5ft8, 140lbs - I am not "little". I am 46 years old - I am not a "girl".

My usual response to men who call me girl is to tell them they may call me "girl" if I can call them "boy". That usually gets the point across.

And "subbie" makes me gag.

I don't understand why people feel that they can treat submissives like second class citizens just because they are submissives. Being dominant or submissive is a personal choice within the context of a relationship. It's not a social role and BDSM is not a caste system.

Be well,

Peggy O

(in reply to Missokyst)

RE: "My dear" "Little one" - 11/25/2006 12:58:25 PM

MysticFireTopaz

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From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TxBlkMistress

Now keep in mind these are all "first" emails that I get:

I know these are popular terms for a Domme, but I can't stand, Goddess or Queen, or they refer to me as "their (put in Goddess, Queen, etc.)". I don't think it's very respectful to call someone "hon, babe, hey baby, gorgeous" for goodness sake just say "hello"....LOL

Also, if you are not chosen by me, please do NOT end the email with "your slave"

Yes, all of the above are pet peeves of Mine as well. I also don't care for it when a sub calls Me Mistress before I have given him permission to do so. That term is reserved for those I own or am in the process of training. I much prefer Ma'am, Ms. Topaz, Lady Topaz, or even My screenname. When someone does call Me Mistress, I gently correct them and tell them how I would prefer to be addressed. Most times, it's a newbie who is gracious about it.

Any e-mail starting out with "Sweetie," "Honey," etc. is deleted immediately. Any submissive male approaching a Dominant Woman with those terms is not someone I want to hear from. Even newbies should know better than that.

What I find really irritating is when I let a prospective submissive know My preferences, and he disregards them. Recently, one ended his e-mail with "Your slave." I gently corrected him and let him know I did not want that term used by someone I was only corresponding with, that I hadn't even met, let alone decided to take on as a slave. The next e-mail he ended with "YS." He evidently had smart-ass tendencies. There weren't any further e-mails because he was then blocked.

Lady Topaz

(in reply to TxBlkMistress)

RE: "My dear" "Little one" - 11/25/2006 1:16:50 PM

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i not only hate that kind of 3rd person speak from the submissive, but when the writer, that i don't know from Adam, refers to me in the 3rd person, or calls me "girl" (although i love girl when someone knows me...helps me not feel as old as dirt..lol).

quote:

ORIGINAL: Squeakers

I hate it when people talk in 3rd person. This girl...this slave...this one...if it's a conversation between her and her one---that's fine but otherwise---for me it's annoying as hell

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin

When your heart speaks take good notes.

(in reply to Squeakers)

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