What is with the *picture* deal?

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What is with the *picture* deal? - 11/30/2006 10:52:04 AM

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I came across a profile of a Dom who lives in my area. I dropped him a line, telling him that I lived nearby and while I wasn't looking for a relationship, I am open to a new friend. The reply was short. "Where do you live and do you have a pic?" Now, I took exception to this and replied rather tersely that of course I had a pic, but that since I didn't judge my friends by *looks* criteria, I didn't feel it necessary to provide one. I thanked him for his time and doubt I'll hear from him again. This begs the question...Why would he think I would want to provide this?

RE: What is with the *picture* deal? - 11/30/2006 10:56:27 AM

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Well, most people prefer a picture, I know I do. It's just a way to get a much bigger slice of view on a person. If you want to start yet another discussion of "looks do/don't matter" we certainly can, but it's not really the point.

Some people want pics, some don't care.

However, this was just a typical online dork who you shouldn't give another thought towards.

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RE: What is with the *picture* deal? - 11/30/2006 10:58:15 AM

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Sometimes being able to put a face to an online friend is just nice.

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RE: What is with the *picture* deal? - 11/30/2006 10:59:12 AM

diamonddreamlove

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Some just don't quite get the idea of what a friend actually is in this world. I have had difficulty getting that point across also. I have a Dom and we plan to collar in the Spring. I think that is quite explanatory however i still get the comments that indicate that i should be ready to submit to other Doms. Even though i am not wearing His collar i belong to Him body and mind. Those are what He has asked for and they are His and can not be "loaned" out unless that is His decision. While He is open that i can do as i wish He does seem to enjoy that i ask him for permission to chat, visit or play with another. I explain these things and still get the response but you are not owned and I can be so much more than He is for you. Duhhhhhhhh.

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RE: What is with the *picture* deal? - 11/30/2006 11:02:24 AM

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I agree with LA. I want to see a picture. I would rather a person see what I look like before I get into the long process of emailing back and forth. That way they know who and what I look like right from the start so that I am not wasting their time either. Looks aren't everything, but I know that if I am honest with myself and others that they do count in the total mix of attraction.

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RE: What is with the *picture* deal? - 11/30/2006 11:02:36 AM

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Well I to agree that I like to see pictures of all my aquaintences I meet online. However, I understand your frusteration too, as this was probably not the kind of reply you were looking for. Most likely you wanted some chat and get to know you, then say "Hey, would you mind sending me a picture, I'm curious to what you look like".

Most likely you decided that his message implied "I wanna see if you're attractive, so I can see if I'd be interested in any interaction". And ya know what...probably 90% of the time you made the correct assumption hehe. But to defend my gender (or maybe offend)...well...many of us are very bad at chatting and sharing...and we write short lame messages to people. We're like small children. :P

< Message edited by GeekFreak -- 11/30/2006 11:03:16 AM >

(in reply to missturbation)

RE: What is with the *picture* deal? - 11/30/2006 11:08:23 AM

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I think it has to do with what missturbation said; the guy just wants to put a face with the name. I know that I like to look at pictures as well, more because I believe a picture can say a million words.

Yes, I know, my profile doesn't have a photo. That should change soon.

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RE: What is with the *picture* deal? - 11/30/2006 11:12:44 AM

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Greetings..~smiles~

Just curious..but did the Dom's profile that you ran across have a pic or just you caught glimpse that he lived in same area?

Well Wishes

starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

(in reply to SassySue)

RE: What is with the *picture* deal? - 11/30/2006 11:13:31 AM

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My sweet you seem too tender to do well on this sort of site. Most of the women who have posted here have some sort of story about a rude doofus. Alas, you must learn to ignore and endure it. Like the song says "A good man, nowadays, is hard to find".

It is also a truism that men like pictures. All dating sites provide some sort of indication of profiles with pictures and most allow a man to only be shown those with pictures. Its not just this one guy. The male brain has tracts from the limbic system to the visual cortex that women simply don't have.

Men take their pornography with pictures or videos. Women prefer literary porno. The Story of "O" and the Anne Rice Sleeping Beauty books are read almost solely by women.

You see both sexes ignoring these fundamental differences. Women often write long windy essays about how they feel. Or they may write poems. Men on the other hand will post a photo of their penis.

All this would be tragic if it weren't so comic.

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RE: What is with the *picture* deal? - 11/30/2006 11:15:15 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AGORANTE

You see both sexes ignoring these fundamental differences. Women often write long windy essays about how they feel. Or they may write poems. Men on the other hand will post a photo of their penis.

All this would be tragic if it weren't so comic.

Oh...that was good reading. Made me giggle. :)

(in reply to AGORANTE)

RE: What is with the *picture* deal? - 11/30/2006 11:20:40 AM

crouchingtigress

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i can feel a person with a pic...i cant with just words...

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RE: What is with the *picture* deal? - 11/30/2006 11:29:14 AM

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One of the many reasons I ain't catholic, why confess to someone you cant see?

I wanna know if the bastard is gonna rat me out to the cops, gotta look in the lenses.

If you ain't got a picture that is you, (but I have been sent some outta sight ones) then you can take a hike.

Even my friends have to show up to talk once in awhile.

Ron

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RE: What is with the *picture* deal? - 11/30/2006 11:31:42 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SassySue

I came across a profile of a Dom who lives in my area. I dropped him a line, telling him that I lived nearby and while I wasn't looking for a relationship, I am open to a new friend. The reply was short. "Where do you live and do you have a pic?" Now, I took exception to this and replied rather tersely that of course I had a pic, but that since I didn't judge my friends by *looks* criteria, I didn't feel it necessary to provide one. I thanked him for his time and doubt I'll hear from him again. This begs the question...Why would he think I would want to provide this?

I must admit, that while I don't have a photo on my profile, I like seeing what other posters look like. Hypocritcal it may seem, but it's just my preference to not have my face on a site where there is still a bunch of controversial hoo-ha about bdsm and I have a 12 year old child and an ex with a vengeful streak.
I did try to put an obscure photo up of myself on this site, showing a profile shot of myself with my head bowed down and eyes closed-- I love the photo-- and you really cant indentify me by it, if you saw me on the street, but it was rejected when I tried to have it put through. Not sure if it was too upclose or what. Anyway....I can and do share photos through private email with people I have gotten to know as friends (CMers as well as those I have met on AOL). And I'm willing to share photos with someone that I may see as a potential "partner", but, like you, for some reason, it just turns me off when they seem to need it before they decide to converse with you.
It's probably just a hang up of mine for some illogical reason, but it seems rude or shallow to me. (even tho strangers on the street see me all the time) After I talk with a 'potential partner' 2-3 times and feel there is at least reason enough to pursue an aquaintance at the least, I have no qualms whatsoever about sharing my photo, but when they ask for it, out of a chatroom, or in an email, as a contingency to conversation...they are immediately ruled out.

I will say that many men, (on CM, and other internet mediums who have photos posted themselves)have given me more than the time of day even though they had yet to see mine. This has alot of value to me. This is the type of person, that I would willingly offer it to. In some ways its like a mini-metaphor of my submission; When its not expected or demanded, I become inspired to offer it.

< Message edited by marieToo -- 11/30/2006 11:35:46 AM >

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RE: What is with the *picture* deal? - 11/30/2006 11:41:43 AM

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Ok have a question for the men. Look at the pic of missturbation and the one of whisperedsighs. Do you have the same thoughts running thru your mind when you look at each of them? I don't think so. In the long run a pic would be nice . I think you should work on building your relationship based on what your [ersonalites are and what you have in common first.

(in reply to mnottertail)

RE: What is with the *picture* deal? - 11/30/2006 11:50:20 AM

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He had a pic up. I don't care what he looks like.. It was simply a matter of location and WIITWD in common.

(in reply to starshineowned)

RE: What is with the *picture* deal? - 11/30/2006 11:55:48 AM

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While I agree with agorantes view,that men like visual porn, and women literary porn.. thats my experience anyway ( I know its an overgeneralisation, sorry), but in this case, I think the discussion is more around getting to know people online. I never ask, or insist on a picture. I have made good firm friends online with many people who I've never seen. However I do find it easier to "bond" with someone when I know what they look like. Looks aren't important to me ( I'd be hypocritical if they were, when I look at my ugly mug in the mirror), and I've never cut contact with someone after seeing what they look like, but while it's not esssential it does help improve communication a little. Another reason to share/swap pics is to help establish if the person you're speaking to is for real. Some years ago, I spent weeks chatting online to someone who appeared to be a female sub in her early 30's. That's what she said, and she seemed for real. Until she sent me a pic (she offered I hadn't asked), which I recognised from an adult website. When challenged, she/he/??? insisted it was a pic of her, until I sent her a handful of other pics I'd got from the website a couple of years before. Suddenly she/he/?? dissapeared. never heard from them again. In that case, the pic helped me for sure! I think for women on this site, asking for a pic from a bloke is a good test to. The married fantasists are unlikely to share pics of themselves are they. So again, someone unsure if you're for real, or to good to be true may ask for a pic. BUT, I think it should be for everyone individually to decide whether this is an issue or important to them.

(in reply to Dnomyar)

RE: What is with the *picture* deal? - 11/30/2006 11:59:48 AM

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listen. I dont post a photo with my name over on the left here. But were I to get to know you, I would most defintely send you a photo. I like to get a little idea of what someone looks like. No biggie and no I dont run away when a photo comes back as a suprise one way or another. I like people from the inside out. So just know that some of us do exchange photos and sometimes within short order. Dont sweat it. Go with your instincts.

(in reply to cjklyn)

RE: What is with the *picture* deal? - 11/30/2006 12:01:13 PM

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I think that guy was just the average player...I never ask for a picture right away, but I do expect one eventually (maybe after 2 or 3 messages)....I don't know why, but it seems the people closer to me either have blank profiles or simply do not reply....I don't know why that is, maybe it can be explained by one of "Murphy's Laws"?

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RE: What is with the *picture* deal? - 11/30/2006 12:08:19 PM

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The other day I received an introductory email. The lady did not say anything about pictures one way or another. I sent a picture along with my reply, but my reply did not specifically request a picture back.

I heard nothing back (which was fine).

I like to get the 'scaring' out of the way early.

Jeff

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RE: What is with the *picture* deal? - 11/30/2006 12:20:06 PM

MrSirDiscreteOne

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OK I agree with what everyone on here has said; because it is a point of reference... to start a converstaion. I applogize I don't know who said it but in generalizing it; would you walk up to me and start a conversation in public... how about a fat person, an ugly person(ugly deffined by your terms), a person all pierced and/or tatted; No I think you would not! So my suggestion and opinion is if you want better replies you should IMO complete your profile so whoever you email can form a decision and description of you to know how to reply. I am not trying to hijack this and to cut and paste my journal would make this a lengthy post. but look at my profile and read my last journal post. Sassy I am not trying to flame nor attack you but I just looked at your profile and after looking at your profile I would have said the same thing in reply to you

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