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dealing with subs/slaves with mental illnesses - 2/17/2005 6:40:55 PM

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I have found in the last year that some that desired my attention has been bi-polar or of having some mental illness. I screen all very well before I decide on anything but feel uncomfortable. How would one deal with this?

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RE: dealing with subs/slaves with mental illnesses - 2/17/2005 7:47:27 PM

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Educate yourself about the condition, just as you would if someone was diabetic or had a thyroid condition or arthritis. Talk to him/her about what accomodations you might have to make. It's an *illness*, just like any other. Why treat it differently just becasue you can't see physical symptoms?

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A hard-on does NOT count as personal growth

(in reply to DRoseThorns)

RE: dealing with subs/slaves with mental illnesses - 2/17/2005 9:15:43 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DRoseThorns

I have found in the last year that some that desired my attention has been bi-polar or of having some mental illness. I screen all very well before I decide on anything but feel uncomfortable. How would one deal with this?

I think you deal with it the same way you deal with everyone's individual little quirks. You get to know the person, and how they may tend to react. You communicate a lot, both about how he/she is generally in life, as well as how the other is feeling specifically at the time you want to engage in some activity. There are folks who have depression or bipolar or similar disorders that are perfectly fine to play with. There are some folks who are undiagnosed with anything that I would be reluctant to ask "please pass the salt" at a munch, that's how volatile they look to me.

One thing I might also suggest is to try to avoid the pitfall of taking responsibility for the other person's overall well being or illness. I find myself tending to do that with a few people, both vanilla and kinky. A person is primaraly responsible for their own well being. They need to know what activities are OK for them, and what can be a problem. You can't be expected to mind read and know what to do automatically.

(in reply to DRoseThorns)

RE: dealing with subs/slaves with mental illnesses - 2/17/2005 10:44:52 PM

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Make it clear from the start that you are no one's rescuer.

That you want to be filled in on thier history, and see that they are getting professional help, and they stay ON the program.

(in reply to MsSilvie)

RE: dealing with subs/slaves with mental illnesses - 2/18/2005 5:01:19 PM

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Thank you all for the advise here. I am not a medical trained person and all of your emails here has given me much thought about this situation. Be well.....

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(in reply to RealityFix)

RE: dealing with subs/slaves with mental illnesses - 2/18/2005 6:17:43 PM

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My usual response personally to dealing with the drama from mental illness,et al,is simply NOT to.

Too many seem to feel that a dominant personality is somehow going to be strong enough to "fix" them. Those Dominants arrogant enough to think so are usually in for quite a bit of self inflicted emotional masochism if they try.

Try therapy and psychiatry when you have earned the plaque on the wall profesionally, people.

Not until then.

(in reply to DRoseThorns)

RE: dealing with subs/slaves with mental illnesses - 2/18/2005 8:40:12 PM

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The number one rule that you do with anyone with anytype of mental illness is to

MAKE SURE THEY STRICKLY TAKE THERE MEDICATION AS PRESCRIBED
and that they see there doctors as ordered.

as to weither you want to take them on as a sub look at the persons life, ecomplishments, maturaty, and responsibleness. I've seen ppl with various Bipolarism, Depression issues, Schiztophrenea, and other ordeals accomplish PHD's and High Paying jobs because they admitted to having a problem and doing something about it. As already stated, perhaps some are thinking you will encourage them to do more and be more well.

Sure, many subs are looking for someone to give them discipline. However, if the sub isn't going to take there meds and work on being better without you, then don't mess with them. You'll have someone who will be too dependent on you and will freak out the first time you send them out on there own to do something or if you decide to break up with them.

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(in reply to DRoseThorns)

RE: dealing with subs/slaves with mental illnesses - 2/18/2005 9:50:10 PM

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Just to be clear, not everyone with a depressive or other disorder is looking for someone to rescue them. The majority recognize that they are responsible for their own well being. There is a minority that never will acknowledge that. And it has less to do with having a mental disorder than it does with maturity and responsibility.

Nor is that restricted to submissives when if someone is looking for a savior. I've heard more than one dominant personality whine, "if I only had a submissive to sacrifice everything in their lived to make me happy..."

quote:

ORIGINAL: RealityFix

My usual response personally to dealing with the drama from mental illness,et al,is simply NOT to.

Too many seem to feel that a dominant personality is somehow going to be strong enough to "fix" them. Those Dominants arrogant enough to think so are usually in for quite a bit of self inflicted emotional masochism if they try.

Try therapy and psychiatry when you have earned the plaque on the wall profesionally, people.

Not until then.

(in reply to RealityFix)

RE: dealing with subs/slaves with mental illnesses - 2/19/2005 8:47:29 AM

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quote:

My usual response personally to dealing with the drama from mental illness,et al,is simply NOT to.

Umm OK. What if it's your sister, brother, son, neighbor or Boss?

quote:

Too many seem to feel that a dominant personality is somehow going to be strong enough to "fix" them. Those Dominants arrogant enough to think so are usually in for quite a bit of self inflicted emotional masochism if they try.

Agreed. It is misguided and very dangerous to assume power exchange on any level can cure/fix a chemical imbalance. For some though, perhaps, it may be a useful tool in helping with some of the symptoms, manifestations and/or complications of a mental illness (ie setting up a regimine to take meds for one inclined to forgetfullness or defiance, writing a journal for those too lazy, etc). Dominance is not a surrogate for professional help, for sure.

quote:

Try therapy and psychiatry when you have earned the plaque on the wall profesionally, people.

Not until then.

So you are saying it is unreasonable for a layman to seek an understanding of a mental illness a loved one (or potential) may have? That laymen should not attempt to inform & educate themselves or the ill person, and/or help in other ways? Therapy is a very vague concept with many pratical applications both in clinical and informal settings; and catharsis can be found in very unexpected places. Most mental illnesses I am familiar with are treatable only via chemistry (be it a prescribed or homeopathic remedy) and the dogged pursuit of self-awareness. Surely a layman shouldn't be the sole source of treatment (would they be for diabetes, cancer, psorriasis, ad infinitum), but I do not see the harm in the OP asking for, or receiving, advice from people who may or may not be qualified to treat mental illness, but whom may have experience in dealing with it in loved ones. Ultimatlely I agree that the individual suffering from the mental illness needs professional help, but is there no place for a layman's support?

Sherri again nailed it, as she so often does. I recommend the OP learn about bipolar disease on the countless professional websites, clinical studies and other wealthy sources of information available (however contradictory it may seem) to better understand whether to pursue this relationship and what to expect from it. Telling them not to deal with the drama of it seems far more irresponsible to me than any of the other advice given on this thread.

YMMV and probably does.

best,
Joshua

< Message edited by Bigbossman4u -- 2/19/2005 8:48:31 AM >

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"Egotism is the anesthetic which nature gives us to deaden the pain of being a fool." - Dr Herbert Schofield

(in reply to RealityFix)

RE: dealing with subs/slaves with mental illnesses - 2/19/2005 10:48:50 AM

perverseangelic

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Well, coming into this one as someone who -is- bipolar, I think I've got a bit of a different perspective.

What Sherri said is RIGHT ON. 100% right on.

For the most part, people with mental illness are -not- some scary, new breed of people. Individuals who are managing their disease properly are pretty much no differnt from anyone -else- with a chronic illness. They have things they need to do to take care of themselves, and treatment they need to continue, but they aren't going to suddenly snap and bite your head off. Even bipolar people.

If you are just engaging in a scene with them, there really shouldn't be a whole lot of difference than engaging in a scene with someone else. They might ask you to watch out for certain triggers, if certain words/phrases do nasty things to them, but so would any partner.

If you are seeking a relationship, well, sure there are some things to be aware of, but for the most part the individual should be able to communicate them to you.

First, -very- few of the people I know with mental illness are expecting you to "save" them. They -are- expecting you to accept that they are ill, and tollerate/help them deal with that illness. With me, I know I have to be the one to take care of myself, and keep myself sane, however I expect my partner to offer the same kind of help he would if I had any other illness. THat is, if I had diabetes, I would expect him/her to help me give myself injections.

The other thing I expect from my partner is reassurance that my interest in BDSM is -not- part of my mental illness. I am a self-injurer, and I worried/worry that my masochism is just another outlet of my desire to hurt myself. I expect my partner to be ok with reassuring me this is -not- the case.

Truthfully, even unmedicated people are not always impossible to deal with. Before I found a reliable treatment plan, I was crazy, yes, but I wasn't an impossible person to be with. My partner and I have talked about this extensivly. He says that I had good days and bad days. On my good days, I was wonderful to be around. On my bad days, I wasn't intollerable, just not as much fun. On my really bad days, everything sucked. He says that now I'm on effecive medication, my good days are almost constant.

Again, as other people said, know what you're dealing with. Get a basic education about their mental illness. Personally, I recomend the book "Depression Fallout" which is written for loved ones of those with depression. It isn't perfect for bipolar people, but it gives you some idea of the mental state of the depressed person.

I'm a bit troubled by the negative reactions of many people posting in this thread. I swear bipolar people aren't terrifiying. We have a few more quirks than most people. We are not impossible to care for. My partner fell in love with me before I was in treatment, and was with me for over a year before I found a plan that worked for me. I didn't kill, maim, or terrify him in all that time. See if you care for the =person= if that's the case, the mental illness (especially if it's treated) is a peice of cake.

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(in reply to RealityFix)

RE: dealing with subs/slaves with mental illnesses - 2/19/2005 11:11:54 AM

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The only difference would be if an individual had PTSD (Post-Trumatic Stress Disorder). I suffer from this particular disorder and I don't know all of my triggers yet. Something can trigger a flashback or other scary thing for me and I can't really control it.
But, I back up everyone here that said to educate yourself. You can't ever have too much knowledge about something. It's not impossible to have a relationship and also have some kind of mental disorder or illness, it just may take a bit more communication (which isn't really a bad thing)

(in reply to NoPinkBalloons)

RE: dealing with subs/slaves with mental illnesses - 2/19/2005 12:04:29 PM

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quote:

For the most part, people with mental illness are -not- some scary, new breed of people. Individuals who are managing their disease properly are pretty much no differnt from anyone -else- with a chronic illness. They have things they need to do to take care of themselves, and treatment they need to continue, but they aren't going to suddenly snap and bite your head off. Even bipolar people.

Glad to see ya posting perverseangelic, and thanks for your thoughtful post.

I think it's amazing how much of a stigma mental illnes still has in this society with the stereoptypes and irrational fear of it, especially with it being as widespread as it is, and far far better understood today than in past years (of course there is still a ways to go)..

I guess the reason why I took interest in this thread and Realityfix's post in particular, is that my brother is diagnosed as bipolar. I've seen both extremes with him, including some very bad manic episodes - the last one in which he was hospitalized in a psych ward for several weeks where he was diagnosed and began treating it. That was about 7 years ago, he is now 28 and happens to be the most successful 28 year old I know. He has a very high profile and high stress job in which he excels. In fact, he is perhaps the most successful person in his age range in his line of work currently; he is extremely motivated, stable, focused, and even-keeled. . He's also a hell of a brother. One might say I'm grateful I didn't give up on his 'drama' so long ago ;)

Best
Joshua

_____________________________

"Egotism is the anesthetic which nature gives us to deaden the pain of being a fool." - Dr Herbert Schofield

(in reply to perverseangelic)

RE: dealing with subs/slaves with mental illnesses - 2/27/2005 9:24:41 AM

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So from the post to my question, any suggestions to being educated on this matter since it has been suggested?

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One has to respect the thorns to have a Rose

(in reply to DRoseThorns)

RE: dealing with subs/slaves with mental illnesses - 2/27/2005 9:42:25 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DRoseThorns

So from the post to my question, any suggestions to being educated on this matter since it has been suggested?

The National Institutes of Mental Health website is a good place to start. Try here: http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/bipolar.cfm

You could also check out bipolar.com

If you put "bipolar" into a search engine I"m sure you'll get tons of results. Just be sure to evaulate the source of the information, because anyone can put up a website that says anything these days. Just because it's on the 'net doesn't mean it's true.

_____________________________

-- Sherri

A hard-on does NOT count as personal growth

(in reply to DRoseThorns)

RE: dealing with subs/slaves with mental illnesses - 2/27/2005 10:35:14 AM

perverseangelic

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DRoseThorns

So from the post to my question, any suggestions to being educated on this matter since it has been suggested?

I =do= recomend the book "Depression Fallout" but take it, and most case-study books with a grain of salt and a look at the agenda of the writer.

Weird and it sounds "Prozac Nation" is a good read, if only to get into the mind of a bipolar/depressive person.

Contact your health care provider or a local health care provider. I know Kaiser does free classes on mental illness education.

The American Psychiatric Association. Useful.

There are several first-hand accounds of people who have bipolar. I've read quite a few, and identified with many of them. Often useful to understand where your partner is coming from. Again, with a grain of salt.

You can also go to your local book store and do a search for "manic depression" or "bipolar" and see what books turn up.

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RE: dealing with subs/slaves with mental illnesses - 2/27/2005 1:51:29 PM

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quote:

any suggestions to being educated on this matter since it has been suggested?

as with any issue worth educating oneself about, you would be doing yourself and any potential person you might meet that falls under a certain classifying criteria for mental illness a serious disservice if you only rely on information provided to you by the NIMH. this slave has found the following site
www.antipsychiatry.org
to be a very informative resource.
also on the reading list you might consider the book "The Myth of Mental Illness" by Dr. Thomas Szasz, or visit the website:
http://www.szasz.com/

(in reply to DRoseThorns)

RE: dealing with subs/slaves with mental illnesses - 2/28/2005 3:39:28 PM

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< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 3/15/2005 9:54:11 PM >

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RE: dealing with subs/slaves with mental illnesses - 3/1/2005 2:32:23 AM

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You might be surprised to find out how many average normal people have a mental illness. I really feel there is a lack of education regarding these conditions, and it makes some people have unwarranted concerns.

I guess the first thing I need to ask is How did you find out that they had an illness? Did they suddenly start displaying some bizarre behaviour? Or did they feel comfortable enough to simply tell you?

If they told you about their illness of their own free will, then I am not sure what the problem is. If they trusted you enough to confide it to you, then they likely have this aspect of their life under pretty good control and it shouldn't be any more of a concern for you than heart disease or cancer would be.

I can understand if there was a sudden change in behaviour, but if they are the same as they have always been... then really the biggest problem is probably your perception of them.

Talking openly and honestly with them about your worries might help. If you really can't deal with mental illness issues then you may have to walk away from them, but for heaven's sake, be honest with them if you choose to do this.

(in reply to DRoseThorns)

RE: dealing with subs/slaves with mental illnesses - 3/1/2005 11:44:02 AM

perverseangelic

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl
But guess what? I may also have made it this far with out needing a darn person. I may have got this far with out any help. I might have days when i'm miserable and days when i'm bouncing off the walls. but guess what? First off, no body NEEDS anybody. No body needs a quick fix, or help or whatever. You dont need anyone but yourself. Cos when things really do hit the fan, when life really does throw you a curve ball, Guess what there aint gonna be nobody there but you to get you through it.

AMEN!

I need my partner because I need him as a person, not because my mental illness needs him.

I don't believe there -is- a fix for the stuff that's going on with me, simply treatments that make it easier for me to controll/deal with.

At the same time, I know there -are- things that my partners/potential partners need to be aware of, because it's something they'll have to be willing to deal with to be with me. Everyone comes with their baggage, I'm lucky enough to know some of my baggage intimatly.

Anyway. I agree RiotGirl, and like what you said.

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RE: dealing with subs/slaves with mental illnesses - 3/1/2005 11:22:15 PM

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< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 3/15/2005 9:54:19 PM >

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