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Self Disciplined Sub's - 12/16/2006 4:54:08 AM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
I hope this isn’t too confusing, finding the words seems difficult this morning!
 
In a recent conversation with a Nilla, I was told in so many words that I was too self disciplined to be a woman. I know differently… I have many areas that need more discipline, but over all I have met what’s been thrown at me and have over come quite a bit, without the aid and support of a Master. Actually I quit looking until I could get things on track, I didn’t want to start a relationship from the stand point of a liability. But, what I’ve found is as I’ve gotten my feet more firmly planted on the ground and began building my assets is that I am finding less and less Men/Masters/Dom’s with a self discipline equal to or above my own. ~ no offence to the Domme’s out here, my preference for a relationship is Male ~

I wonder if a self disciplined Sub creates a whole different list of issues that may or may not be more difficult to over come?

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The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw
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RE: Self Disciplined Sub's - 12/16/2006 5:00:40 AM   
enigmaslave


Posts: 146
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline 		i can relate to your statement,
i have come form enviromente where i was trained to be very self disaplined.
i am experiencing similiar issues

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my appreciation to A/all who have read my opinion.
enigmaslave

slrn 000145067

(in reply to Quivver)
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RE: Self Disciplined Sub's - 12/16/2006 5:03:05 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		If they are a new set of issues, I would consider them a good set of issues to have.  You have raised the bar higher for a potential Dom.  I say good for you!

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“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

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RE: Self Disciplined Sub's - 12/16/2006 5:10:00 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		Don't see why it should.  If you want a relationship based on TPE (or at least give control over to your Dom), I don't think it means you have to be undisciplined to do so.  I've done the same.  I've had to.  I am very self disciplined.  Excuse me for saying so but your friend sounds pretty sexist to me.  I don't know why women should have as much or, in cases, more self discipline than men. 

(in reply to Quivver)
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RE: Self Disciplined Sub's - 12/16/2006 5:24:32 AM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		Giving over control is where the problem is Bandit.  Not only in finding one to offer those rein's to but finding one who doesnt see the strength in a sub's self discipline as too much work. 



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The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

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RE: Self Disciplined Sub's - 12/16/2006 5:37:43 AM   
MmakeMme


Posts: 682
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NC
Status: offline 		Quivver, I am extremely self-disciplined and dominant in my "regular" life and yet I still long to submit because it is who I am. My Sir does not find it too much work (at least not that He's expressed) and is the sort of Man I respect because of His strength (which is that strong because it is also flexible). He keeps me coming back for more because of the freedom He allows me ~and~ for the Dominance He holds - it is not every man who can harness, cultivate, encourage, and lead a strong-willed sub, but He says that such women are His preference. When you find your Dom ... yowza! Fireworks guaranteed.

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Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions. ~~ Dalai Lama

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RE: Self Disciplined Sub's - 12/16/2006 6:15:39 AM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		Humans are not stagnant, inanimate objects.  Over time we grow and evolve, and as we do so, the skill sets we seek in a partner will evolve to reflect the changes in our lives.
 
If you're already in a relationship, the challenge is to grow and evolve together, such that you both continue to meet each other's needs.
 
If your interest in BDSM is focused primarily upon "discipline", then your personal evolution may require finding a partner whose "discipline" skills are highly refined.  However, as your personal discipline evolves, you may find that other skills become more important (control, perhaps?) and you simply need to re-evaluate (or re-prioritize) the qualities you're seeking.
 
John

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Sri da Avabhas

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RE: Self Disciplined Sub's - 12/16/2006 6:23:05 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Gosh that strikes me as a ridiculous thing for someone to say (they expect you to have a sex change? Heheh...).

Maybe they think you're "too independent" (to make them feel "needed")?

I had someone toss that comment at me, once - only thing I could think of to say was that I'd beeen more or less forced to learn how to deal with lots of things alone (and tried to ask their advice more often, because I did value it).

- Susan  

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"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to Quivver)
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RE: Self Disciplined Sub's - 12/16/2006 8:00:34 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline
quote:

but finding one who doesnt see the strength in a sub's self discipline as too much work. 

This sounds to me like it would be an unusual attitude, but that's because I'd see such self-discipline as meaning it would take less work by me, and that's a good thing because I'm lazy.


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RE: Self Disciplined Sub's - 12/16/2006 8:06:13 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		That's a new one on me- too much discipline means you're not a woman.  OK...

It can create problems if you get stuck in your ruts and are too resistant to re-training.  Part of discipline is adaptation, the ability to flex and bend to new circumstances. 

This doesn't mean you lower your standards for what you need and what will make you fulfilled, simply that you do not present yourself as a fully molded an carved granite statue- but as a constant work in progress within yourself and in the relationship.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Self Disciplined Sub's - 12/16/2006 9:06:20 AM   
darksdesire


Posts: 326
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		I'm so stuck on the statement that you are "too self disciplined to be a woman", that I can't seem to even consider the rest of the question.   

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Self Disciplined Sub's - 12/16/2006 9:36:02 AM   
aviinterra


Posts: 208
Joined: 11/3/2006
Status: offline 		Although I am not a male dominant, I have had very disciplined subs and I have not had any difficut issues with them, other than probably having less problems in general- if you want to count that as an issue.  A person that is self-disciplined is  stronger inside, more sure of themselves in my opinion, which tells me that I can trust their decision to choose to submit to me or to grow even more inside by "sticking to the program" more than a sub that is fragile and needs to have his/her hand held constantly, taking one step forward, two steps back. While I know this might be a fetish for others, I am not into playing mommy- my household is strict and I encourage discipline in all areas, especially the intellectual curiosities of the sub.
As for the nilla comment- it was completely uncalled for and tells you about the lack of discipline in the person who was not able to keep that thought in their own head. People are still usually scared of a stronger and disciplined woman- I think it is just a case of the green monster. :)

(in reply to Quivver)
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RE: Self Disciplined Sub's - 12/16/2006 10:09:36 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darksdesire

I'm so stuck on the statement that you are "too self disciplined to be a woman", that I can't seem to even consider the rest of the question.   


LOL no kidding.

I am required to be self disciplined to serve my Master.  In fact, I had very little when he met me.  He has taught me how to get it back.

(in reply to darksdesire)
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RE: Self Disciplined Sub's - 12/16/2006 10:57:57 AM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline
quote:

doesnt see the strength in a sub's self discipline as too much work.

I must have missed something along the way, but if you are giving over control then where is the work? Its work if you are the sort of sub who wants to have the control taken and requires this sort of dynamic continuously (lots of work there), but if you give over control, its not work


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RE: Self Disciplined Sub's - 12/16/2006 1:41:48 PM   
jblack


Posts: 102
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Quivver


In a recent conversation with a Nilla, I was told in so many words that I was too self disciplined to be a woman.


Damn! I must be too self-disciplined to be a woman, too. No wonder I never get any action!

(in reply to Quivver)
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RE: Self Disciplined Sub's - 12/18/2006 8:46:09 AM   
Mavis


Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline 		Was He possibly Gorean?  Not to deride Gorean ways of thinking, but a LOT of their standards and expectations are set on gender lines, and the expectation that a true kajira would come fully needy of male dominance is one of them.  (That said, this does not mean i think all male Goreans want a less than self-disciplined woman to serve them, on the contrary, i think They also seek strong women who can bend to Master only.  but they do tend to see females as genetically dependant as part of our makeup.)

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RE: Self Disciplined Sub's - 12/18/2006 8:37:46 PM   
DominaSmartass


Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline
quote:



I wonder if a self disciplined Sub creates a whole different list of issues that may or may not be more difficult to over come?


I believe that the issue you will face most is that it will take all that much better, stronger, wiser, etc. of a man to warrant your submission. It doesn't take to much greatness, strength, or wisdom to dominate a basket case and there are a lot of them out there (basket cases and basket case dominaters.)

(in reply to Quivver)
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RE: Self Disciplined Sub's - 12/18/2006 9:18:55 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear Quivver, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
In my mind's eyes I see, the same difficulty if you were a female that was active or retired US Marine.  Another US Marine would not be so wavering when it comes to a strong and disciplined woman.
 
From a Dominant aspect, I do thrive and get high on disciplined men, the military mindset, protocol, etiquette, obeying without having to hold a conversation as to why, where, when and how.  When I have given a slave a request, it is no different then a command.  I expect it to be done.  How it is done is up to the slave in most cases.  Few exceptions would be in regard to a party or tea, where I put my personal stamp on things.
 
I personally think it is wonderful that you are achieving areas which you are pleased with.  A person really is 'the master' of their own 'self.'  Any other Master/Dominant is adding and enhancing.
 
In my mind's I see, whenever we up-grade to another level, it seems to get thin in ranks from individuals to choose from.  It is difficult to find a decent partner as is for all of us, as we're (in general sense) looking for what suits us as to feel comfortable to proceed on as a 'pair' in a relationship.  Just need to start looking at the Cadillac or Lincoln class--not the GEO Metro, Ford Pinto or Chevy Vega --or the Gremlin class.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs
 
 

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RE: Self Disciplined Sub's - 7/28/2007 12:33:08 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Quivver


I hope this isn’t too confusing, finding the words seems difficult this morning!
 
In a recent conversation with a Nilla, I was told in so many words that I was too self disciplined to be a woman. I know differently… I have many areas that need more discipline, but over all I have met what’s been thrown at me and have over come quite a bit, without the aid and support of a Master. Actually I quit looking until I could get things on track, I didn’t want to start a relationship from the stand point of a liability. But, what I’ve found is as I’ve gotten my feet more firmly planted on the ground and began building my assets is that I am finding less and less Men/Masters/Dom’s with a self discipline equal to or above my own. ~ no offence to the Domme’s out here, my preference for a relationship is Male ~

I wonder if a self disciplined Sub creates a whole different list of issues that may or may not be more difficult to over come?


LittleQuivver, another wonderful thread that I missed.
Some people thrive on rescuing people that are needy and helpless.
I prefer a submissive that is self disciplined, if YOU are not self-disciplined, what do you
have to offer ME, especially in an ongoing and long term relationship?

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to Quivver)
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RE: Self Disciplined Sub's - 7/28/2007 12:48:36 PM   
cumulus


Posts: 49
Joined: 6/6/2005
Status: offline 		The essential point of my response to your issue can pretty much be summed up by LA's opening sentence. I believe it's pretty ridiculous that you'd be thought of negatively for having a great deal of self-discipline. Personally, I would welcome such a trait and feel fortunate that it existed to make the dynamic flow alot smoother.

_____________________________

Regards,
Cumulus

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