quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

I realize that on a bdsm site it is understandable, I guess, to hear mostly subs talk about the prospects of not being able to continue in the abscence of said spouse/dom.  Why is this? Because you are nothing without them? You have no worth now they are gone?  I cannot think anyone would find interest in a person who does not shine their own light or have something unique to give, offer or understand...Many of you sound like caricatures of actual living beings.

It's not the loss of love. The problem is You.

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

My two cents. Is there a true connection between life and love... two completely different topics. one definitely being finite the other with more mystical qualities virtually impossible to define.

I realize that on a bdsm site it is understandable, I guess, to hear mostly subs talk about the prospects of not being able to continue in the absence of said spouse/dom.  Why is this? Because you are nothing without them? You have no worth now they are gone?  I cannot think anyone would find interest in a person who does not shine their own light or have something unique to give, offer or understand...Many of you sound like caricatures of actual living beings.

It's not the loss of love. The problem is You.

Get better,find help.take up needle point....do something that validates your existence....It's in all in you never in someone else.

out.

D.G. 

Dr Phil I rescind my throne,

p.s. Jesus please protect me from your followers

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

snip
I had to go through a lot of these sorts of questions in my first relationship with someone more than 20 years older than myself- recognizing that there was a very likely chance that this person would not be in my life until the point of my own death and what that meant to me.
snip

LuckyAlbatross, thank you for your words. Michael is the life partner of mine, who is significantly older(+9) as me. I had affairs, flings, shortys till +15 and -7, but never one of my main partners with such a difference, so that surely is part of the situation.

And this last sentence of your post is the status quo attitude i am on my way (with a little help from you{generally you}) to reach again:
snip
But I accept that life brings up all sorts of things I'd never wish for and still be right for me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

My two cents. Is there a true connection between life and love... two completely different topics. one definitely being finite the other with more mystical qualities virtually impossible to define.

I realize that on a bdsm site it is understandable, I guess, to hear mostly subs talk about the prospects of not being able to continue in the abscence of said spouse/dom.  Why is this? Because you are nothing without them? You have no worth now they are gone?  I cannot think anyone would find interest in a person who does not shine their own light or have something unique to give, offer or understand...Many of you sound like caricatures of actual living beings.

It's not the loss of love. The problem is You.

Get better,find help.take up needle point....do something that validates your existence....It's in all in you never in someone else.

out.

D.G. 

D.G. - You know: I never, ever say things like this (ever). Really. But - I just had to comment on your comment -

What a terribly judgmental, non-productive and completely hurtful thing to say. In my opinion, you get the "social graces" award for the day. 

Whatever would make you say something like this aloud? 

Do you really think your comments are going to be helpful to the OP? 

Consider whether your opinions will ever be taken seriosuly when delivered with such well - "mean-ness".
 
There is a definite difference between "Domliness" and "_ssholery".
 Maybe try to discover where that "dividing line" really is. It sometimes may be a fine one, but it's always there.
 
Just My Opinion,

- Susan


< Message edited by SusanofO -- 12/18/2006 2:26:47 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to domiguy)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ZenDragoness

Rayne58, you newlywed, you! As i wrote to you on the other side, our thoughts were with the both of you the whole day, we were happy for you.
You know full well, that you are in the deepest sense of the word an inspiration for me, and that a lot of strength to endure in the last year was taken from the words in your postings and mails.

But, i am buddhistically challenged by this love, it is the first damm time, that i do not want to let go, to wordsworth you could say (Stop all the clocks...), and i am still disturbed by that.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen


The only way now to solve my situation is suicide. I have to bide until 2018, when my youngest will be grown up, though to be honest as the weeks go by, I grow less sure that I will manage to achieve that. It could be said to be selfish of me, but by then I will have been alone and in despair for sixteen years. Indeed, I'm only sticking around now for the sake of my kids, who would be doomed to poverty without me. I shall provide as much as I can for them, and sixteen years' effort to do that I hardly regard as selfish.

Some will say that I am being silly, that I am depressed and so on, and cannot see a way forward. Or that love will come my way again, and I am being too gloomy. But the fact is, I am defective, I am a reject, I am an embarassment, I am undesirable. Its a strange mixture for the counselling types - a healthy sense of self esteem, along with a clear view of a hopeless situation which can have only one characteristic and one outcome.

Dont get me wrong; I get plenty of interest, but only up to a point. Up to that point all is well, but once that point is reached, the defective stamp and reject label is applied and the person feels embarassment and all desire evaporates for them. Such is the way for the likes of me. An HIV infected drug user with syphilis has a better chance than me. Simple.

It wouldnt be so bad, if only it didnt hurt. If only I could recapture that ability to feel nothing, desire and fear nothing. If only I had never loved, never succumbed to feeling, I could now be without despair.

E