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i need help - 12/18/2006 5:35:57 PM

ybnvs

Posts: 5
Joined: 7/2/2005
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My Master seems to never have time for me. There are no strick rules. occasionally He tells me what to wear or not to wear, but that's it. It's never a ongoing thing either. it's maybe a couple times a week. I basically have to beg for Him to give me orders. How can I get Him to be more involved??

RE: i need help - 12/18/2006 5:50:13 PM

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Joined: 11/3/2004
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Has he ever talked to you about cross-posting? He prolly should.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to ybnvs)

RE: i need help - 12/18/2006 5:50:58 PM

diamonddreamlove

Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
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Sounds like it is time to talk to your Master. There are numerous things i could speculate that are going on but they would be only speculation. Talking to your Master is the only way you will find out what is going on and be able to correct the problem.

_____________________________

"Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much." Robert Greenleaf

(in reply to ybnvs)

RE: i need help - 12/18/2006 6:10:50 PM

ybnvs

Posts: 5
Joined: 7/2/2005
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i've tried talking to him....but He says everything is fine! I don't understand!!

(in reply to diamonddreamlove)

RE: i need help - 12/18/2006 6:12:11 PM

ybnvs

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Joined: 7/2/2005
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what is cross-posting??? how can it help?

(in reply to mnottertail)

RE: i need help - 12/18/2006 6:29:18 PM

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Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
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quote:

but He says everything is fine! I don't understand!!

kiss.of.death

It's fine for him because he doesn't want to do any work. He's hoping that you'll accept the domliness he's offering as enough.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to ybnvs)

RE: i need help - 12/18/2006 6:58:04 PM

Posts: 204
Joined: 11/14/2005
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You didn't say what sort of M/s relationship you have with him. There are as many different types of personal dynamics in M/s relationships as there are Masters and slaves. Much depends on how long you have been his slave, whether you are 24/7 or part time, real life or cyber, live-in or out, whether you are his only slave or if there are others in his life, or other partners, for that matter, such as a wife or girlfriend. There just isn't enough background information to go on. Only you and he knows what your relationship is and isn't. It might just be that you are thinking that you have one type of relationship and he is thinking it is something else, entirely. You might have one set of expectations from it and he might have all together different ones. Since he says that everything is "fine", I would have to guess that his expectations are being met and that, if you aren't getting your expectations met, that you have different ones.

About the only thing to do is to either, 1) talk with him honestly about what you want/need out of this relationship and what it is that is frustrating you or, 2) live with it the way it is and accept him for who he is and how he chooses to be a Master to you. You might find out that your expectations and his are not on the same page and that he isn't interested in changing his to meet yours. That is something that you will have to accept and live with or else you might have to find another Master who will give you what you are wanting and needing.

David

(in reply to KatyLied)

RE: i need help - 12/18/2006 7:04:21 PM

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From: This month? Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NControlofU

You didn't say what sort of M/s relationship you have with him. There are as many different types of personal dynamics in M/s relationships as there are Masters and slaves.

I don't think it matters what type of relationship it is, obviously the OP's needs and desires are not being met. OP, if you talk to him and he says everything is fine you need to tell him that everything is NOT fine. If you want more, either he will give it to you or you need to find someone who will. Might be that you 2 are just not a great match.

(in reply to NControlofU)

RE: i need help - 12/18/2006 7:23:05 PM

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ybnvs

what is cross-posting??? how can it help?

Cross-posting is the annoying practice of posting the same question in many forums. He should be alerted to it so that he may punish you and hence increase the BDSM content of your relationship. Happy Holidays!

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to ybnvs)

RE: i need help - 12/18/2006 7:25:01 PM

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In response to the question: Talk to him again. If he says everything is fine, tell him things aren't fine. You are having a problem that apprently you can't leave alone. That means things aren't fine and you need to have a talk about your dynamic.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to AquaticSub)

RE: i need help - 12/18/2006 7:34:21 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

do you know what you want specifically?

you cant be so vauge...if there are specifics he will be much more likely to understand and to work with you on solutions.

make a list...check it twice...maybe he'll be naughty if you ask nice.....

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to AquaticSub)

RE: i need help - 12/18/2006 11:17:06 PM

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

Issues like this really show the benefit in setting up your initial relationship with well defined parameters and expectations. I can't think of any advice right now...I feel for you, that would be hell for me.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

RE: i need help - 12/19/2006 3:46:37 AM

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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While communication is always helpful, I fear this sounds more a question of mutual compatability; that your need to be controlled is at a greater level than what his personal needs dictate. You most likely can't can't get him "to be more involved", you'll probably need someone who already has it "hard-wired" into him....

Focus.

(in reply to ybnvs)

RE: i need help - 12/19/2006 7:40:19 AM

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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I agree with Focus. While in some instances I'd suggest being more specific, being more actively submissive expressed in the relationship and making mutual specific commitments to eachother- this one has an air of just not a good match to it. His behavior hasn't changed, it's just not where the other person needs it to be. Accept it and next time don't make a commitment until you know it will fulfill you.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Focus50)

RE: i need help - 12/19/2006 8:12:14 AM

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Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

The op is quite vague in how the relationship started out or what were the expectations, so my general advice is that communication of what you need from the relationship needs to be discussed and both of you can work with how to get to the point where both of you are getting what you need out of the relationship. All relationships, including D/s ones require effort on both parties. It is not just him acting dominant or her acting submissive to get the other one going. It takes both.

My fear though is you are with a person who considers themselves a “natural” Dom which is code for I do not want to put any effort in a relationship but want things when I want them and a sub should just naturally be happy by calling themselves a sub and serving on any level at all times.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: i need help - 12/19/2006 8:35:16 AM

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Joined: 11/14/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass

quote:

ORIGINAL: NControlofU

You didn't say what sort of M/s relationship you have with him. There are as many different types of personal dynamics in M/s relationships as there are Masters and slaves.

I don't think it matters what type of relationship it is, obviously the OP's needs and desires are not being met. OP, if you talk to him and he says everything is fine you need to tell him that everything is NOT fine. If you want more, either he will give it to you or you need to find someone who will. Might be that you 2 are just not a great match.

It certainly does matter what type of M/s relationship they have and it especially matters what type of M/s relationship she thinks they have compared to what type he thinks they have. There seems to be a definite disconnect between what she is expecting/wanting/needing from this relationship compared to what he is expecting/wanting/needing. So, she needs to first identify what her expectations, needs, and wants are from this relationship and then ask him what his are. She might find out that his ideas about what they would be to each other and how that would play out are very different from what she was thinking. If so, then she can find out if there are some compromises that can be made (on his or hers or both of their parts) and, if not, then she needs to decide if she wants to adjust her thinking about this relationship and accept it the way it is or if she needs to end it.

If this is a new relationship, if this is a part time relationship, if this is a cyber relationship, it is going to make a big difference in how the relationship is handled (on both sides) than if it is another type.

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

RE: i need help - 12/19/2006 8:38:38 AM

Posts: 417
Joined: 10/27/2006
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Sorry but solely picking out someones clothes does not a Dom make. Now where it does make for a hvg with a fabric fetish the world may never know.

_____________________________

"It's a fool that looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart" U.E. McGill

"Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present." - Marcus Aurelius

(in reply to NControlofU)

RE: i need help - 12/19/2006 1:03:45 PM

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Joined: 12/16/2006
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I'm going to have to agree with what quite a few of the people here seem to be saying. It looks to me like you're expecting more out of the relationship than he is. You need to talk to him, and when he says everything is fine, tell him that no, it isn't. If that little bit of dominance is all that he's looking for, and you're looking for much more, than maybe it's time for the both of you to look for things that fit you better.

(in reply to BDSM05478)

RE: i need help - 12/19/2006 3:23:03 PM

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Joined: 6/27/2006
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you have expressed to him your unhappiness. He says everything is fine. On his end..everything is fine. But he is not addressing your concerns. IMHO, if you have tried to address this a number of times and he keeps saying everything is fine, then its time for you to make some decisions for yourself. Either decide if it's enough for you, and be happy with the situation at hand, or end the relationship.

(in reply to ybnvs)

RE: i need help - 12/21/2006 3:47:37 AM

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

i'm using this as a lesson in communication between the sexes:
He stands in front of the refridgerator with the door open and staring straight ahead and hollars out "Where's the mayo?"
you: "In the fridge"
He : (still staring straight ahead) "I don't see it."
you: It's on the second shelf, righ hand side, behind the leftover meatloaf"
He: "Oh, I see it now"

See, just asking Him what's wrong or if everything is okay is just not enough information. Don't expect Him to see into your mind or know your needs when you may have placed them behind the meatloaf. Providing details of how you are feeling and what your expectations are, is important. If you don't feel comfortable giving Him that level of detail into your feelings, then it is probably time to re-think the relationship.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to ybnvs)

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