RE: using pain to ease pain --- & cutters

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RE: using pain to ease pain --- & cutters - 1/27/2007 5:12:38 PM

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I'm a bit astonished to see this from you. Your posts usually seem to be thoughtful and intelligent. Sigh. Cutting was around long before you were in high school I can promise you that.
It is primarily young white females yes, but so is anorexia. There is a sincere inability to deal with painful emotions and cutting can become an outlet.
Of course there are those that want attention. To say that all do it for attention is like saying all submissives are bratsubs because you have met some bratsubs.
It's okay to not understand something but it is not so okay to mock or belittle that which you don't understand.

I was ashamed of my scars then and I still am ashamed of them. They are a part of my life..just not a happy part lol.

*debates if she should post this, or not.*

TreSwank my entire life is about pain. Dealing with pain, managing pain. Medicating the damn pain. Ignoring. Giving in. Laughing at it. Crying from it. I am posting this now before I give too much of myself away.

_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.

~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to TreSwank)

RE: using pain to ease pain --- & cutters - 1/27/2007 5:12:54 PM

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think what you want.

then get informed.

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"lets just say he's a few prawns short of a galaxy"

(in reply to TreSwank)

RE: using pain to ease pain --- & cutters - 1/27/2007 5:16:48 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Nikolette

mixielicous:

I wonder if there is any connection between hiding cutting and using it to cope and poverty. That is a new thought. And yes I am assuming the lack of running water meant you grew up in poverty. Pardon the assumption if its incorrect.

well it was a combo of poverty and hippie dad [we also had 100% solar power] - there was water when he turned on the generator

but poverty was the least of my problems at that time. i was also dealing with death & dying.

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"lets just say he's a few prawns short of a galaxy"

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RE: using pain to ease pain --- & cutters - 1/27/2007 5:19:31 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TreSwank

It's not ignorance sweetheart..............it's showing histrionic adolescent girls that whatever situation they might be in, there's somebody else who has it much worse - like the Korean "comfort women" who were kidnapped from their homes and made to serve 40-50 Jap soldiers sexually per diem .........or the girl born who Treacher-Collins Syndrome, and will probably die a virgin.........probably won't even get kissed by a boy.

You are both right, and wrong.

People can definitely benefit from being grateful for the minor problems that they do have. But pain, I have found, doesn't have a value system like that.

If getting your heart broken by a guy at school and humilated is the worst thing that has ever happened to you... its going to hurt in the realm of WORST THING EVER.

If getting raped nightly by perverts and having your arms chopped off because you back talked was the worst thing that has ever happened to you... its going to hurt in the realm of WORST THING EVER.

Pain is pain, no matter the source or amount. It feels exactly the same. Sometimes it lasts longer or scars worse, but during it... really its the same. You think the same thoughts. You ~hurt~. Its important to remember that before scoffing at another person's pain. I had to learn how to not be a pain snob. If that makes sense. I used to get so angry at people who seemed to have it so easy, act so wounded.

With the things I dealt with I managed to still get goodness from it and perspective. I appreciated that good life I had and some issues I didn't have to deal with just simply living in a free country. I appreciated the stuff I dealt with because it gave me experiences to help others with and helped me to build character.

Life is, ever lastingly, about perspective.

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"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." ---Mahatma Gandhi

(in reply to TreSwank)

RE: using pain to ease pain --- & cutters - 1/27/2007 5:24:51 PM

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No I didn't mean poverty was an issue you cut about, or that it was for some people.

I meant poverty being a factor because of a lack of adequate mental health resources. Therapists cost money.

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RE: using pain to ease pain --- & cutters - 1/27/2007 5:32:56 PM

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I meant, "The girl born "with" Treacher-Collins........." Gosh - I should proofread those damn things before sticking them up on the forums.

One thing that I've learned about women in my 23 years, is that they CRAVE the feeling of mystique, and when you call them out on something, it puts alot of girls on the defensive. Take away the mystery, the histrionics, the makeup, the smoke and mirrors, and BLAMMO, you've what's REALLY underneath.

< Message edited by TreSwank -- 1/27/2007 5:40:14 PM >

(in reply to Nikolette)

RE: using pain to ease pain --- & cutters - 1/27/2007 5:43:33 PM

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TreSwank when I went to my parents and told them what my doctor had said, the response was 'At least you don't have cancer'.
Not so helpful. Not so supportive. Sure I could have a brain tumor instead of Lupus/Fibro/TMJ but I'd be willing to bet someone would come along and say gee, it is such a good thing you haven't lost a leg.

Pain is subjective, part of the reason it is so very hard to treat. It isn't a matter of will over body. I guess I'm asking that you research this a bit before making such harsh decisions. You are smart enough to know that there is more than one side to something.
This thread was on using one type of pain to alleviate another.. not on the validity concerning diagnosis of SI. I really really hope it stays on track. LOL actually I wish all the pain threads on here could be combined..

_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.

~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to TreSwank)

RE: using pain to ease pain --- & cutters - 1/27/2007 5:47:48 PM

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Sorry about getting it off-track, cjenny. I'm headed out to the bar anyway. Adios.

(in reply to cjenny)

RE: using pain to ease pain --- & cutters - 1/27/2007 7:23:52 PM

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ElectraGlide?
I hope I didn't come across as being harsh but this is kinda one of my hot buttons, pain management. If I did come across as hard or critical I really am sorry.

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*Unless I cite a source it is MO.

~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

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RE: using pain to ease pain --- & cutters - 1/27/2007 7:52:43 PM

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Since The Secretary's mentioned as a cutter movie, I'd probably throw Fight Club in there as well, since despite the blunter methods of extracting blood, it uses simplerer words and goes into more detail of the mindset.

Interestingly, Cutting (and Bleeding) date back to the French court, where neurotic nobles stressed about nothing, would get cut open and blood removed by the pint by doctors, to induce a feeling of calm. Slightly extreme since it took decades of trial and error to figure out how much blood was too much to extract, and they got it really wrong at times.

I wouldn't write it off as a method of mental health, as I suspect the primal parts of the brain would exert their influence on the mind when injury occurs, as a matter of survival, possibly at the relative expense of the higher order parts relating to modern day neurosis. In short the mind moves into teh now where it relaxes at the trivial threat posed, instead of overfocussing on something emotional that isnt that big a deal in the caveman world which triggers real stress reactions.

(in reply to cjenny)

RE: using pain to ease pain --- & cutters - 1/27/2007 9:03:06 PM

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quote:

I'm a bit astonished to see this from you. Your posts usually seem to be thoughtful and intelligent. Sigh.

I was taken aback too.

Found myself thinking of a favorite quote:

"When I was young, I admired clever people.
Now that I am old, I admire kind people."

-- Abraham Joshua Heschel

< Message edited by dcnovice -- 1/27/2007 9:46:55 PM >

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it's never enough to keep up.

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INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to cjenny)

RE: using pain to ease pain --- & cutters - 1/27/2007 9:19:30 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Nikolette

No I didn't mean poverty was an issue you cut about, or that it was for some people.

I meant poverty being a factor because of a lack of adequate mental health resources. Therapists cost money.

oh no, haha. maybe its coz i am in MA but i have always had access to therapy - thanks to mass health - but i wasnt put in till i was 16 . did that for a few years and again a few more times for 4-6 month periods. it really isnt my thing.

and in my last group of sessions i was actually reccomended not to try and get to serious about therapy until i am settled and have multiple years to devote. bah. thats PTSD for ya.

i would say the mental health resource i was missing was a mother.

_____________________________

"lets just say he's a few prawns short of a galaxy"

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RE: using pain to ease pain --- & cutters - 1/27/2007 10:33:41 PM

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hmmm...funny, i was just thinking of this possible connection a few days ago. i was a cutter from aged 14 - 21 (also with a history of sexual abuse), with stong urges afterwords. i'm now a submissive masocist and love it. i get that release now from a good flogging, which is much less harmful.

(in reply to mixielicous)

RE: using pain to ease pain --- & cutters - 1/27/2007 11:06:57 PM

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Cjenny you did not come across too harsh to me. I came into the post too harsh because I never knew of closet cutters just cutters that had to make sure the whole state knew about it. This post is interesting because it has opened new insight for me.

(in reply to slave2Bruce)

RE: using pain to ease pain --- & cutters - 1/27/2007 11:15:53 PM

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*smiles*

It is a good thread and it is something I've thought a lot about. I was pretty sure within myself that I had sort of substituted BDSM for cutting.. in a way. I knew about BDSM before I ever picked up a razor. Substitute isn't the right term sigh, I was able to channel/turn it from cutting into BDSM and a controlled environment.
I've never had the chance to talk to others about this but I had wondered who else used BDSM in this way as well.
It was never about causing myself pain, it wasn't pain for pains sake.
I think I'm going to have to do some writing and thinking about this subject so I don't sound so incoherent ack.

_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.

~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to ElectraGlide)

RE: using pain to ease pain --- & cutters - 1/27/2007 11:22:00 PM

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CJenny I admire you and Mixielicous and the others that had the courage to speak up about it. It has to be a hard thing to have dealt with. Nobody knows how bad something can be until it ends up on your doorstep.

(in reply to cjenny)

RE: using pain to ease pain --- & cutters - 1/28/2007 12:30:05 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cjenny

I knew about BDSM before I ever picked up a razor. Substitute isn't the right term sigh, I was able to channel/turn it from cutting into BDSM and a controlled environment.[/color]

yea i got into s/m a year after i started cutting [it was my first partner] when i was 14.

i quit [cutting]b/c i was scared i would be found out soon [it had been what, like 2 ish years now] but i didnt get full fledged into bdsm until about a year ago. it def helps me channel and as an agnostic [raised, even] bdsm easily revealed a spiritual release if you will - which will satisfy an *urge* or pull me out of a self indulgent cycle.

oh man its late i hope i made sense.

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RE: using pain to ease pain --- & cutters - 1/28/2007 4:27:47 AM

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I hate being a cutter, and I hate the scars. I hate that on days like today when my mind is going a million miles a minute, that its a huge temptation to me again.

No one that hasn't done it has a right to judge anyone else. We all have our demons, it might seem to fall by class, or social structure, but it more falls on being human.

Life can throw you crap, it doesn't look at how much money you make, or where you were raised. It doesn't keep you from being raped, molested, used, abused, tortured, thrown away, unloved..etc..and it very much doesn't stop the voices in your head from trying to drive you insane from time to time.

I am sure there are those that have done it for attention, just like there are those that do many things just for the shock value it can make. I am not going to judge who is doing what, for what reason..and I don't think anyone else should either.

Most of us are quiet about what we do, and not until it gets to a horrid point, or someone happens to see the cuts do they even know its happening. Then we get the attention of being put in a wonderful mental hospital, or paraded in front of therapist after therapist until we can't take it anymore.

We are very good at hiding the pain and sadness we feel, that mask is put on everyday to make the world a more comfortable place for those around us. Most of us have been experts at it all of our lives...from the first time the demon bit us (in whatever form) till now.

Kasha

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Look, if you want to torture me, spank me, lick me, do it. But if this poetry shit continues just shoot me now please.
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(in reply to mixielicous)

RE: using pain to ease pain --- & cutters - 1/28/2007 5:46:30 AM

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~fast reply~
Some of the thoughts expressed in this thread are ridiculous. There is a lot of misunderstanding about self-injury. The act in and of itself can become addictive, and that doesn't even touch the reasons why it is done in the first place. I knew a teen who was a cutter. Guess what -- she was never abused, was a distinguished honor student, came from a broken home, from the outside looking her, she has a good life. No doubt she had feelings of pressure and anxiety, as she was preparing herself to attend college and she was only interested in the higher ranked schools. She did not do it in order to seek attention. She hid her injuries and her materials (as most cutters do). Please read about self-injury and get educated instead of assuming it is something that girls do in order to get attention.

< Message edited by KatyLied -- 1/28/2007 5:47:20 AM >

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RE: using pain to ease pain --- & cutters - 1/28/2007 7:40:21 AM

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i was mortified when people found out and so embarrassed when my Husband used to have to stay up all night with me to keep me from cutting. Although it has been 8 years since i stopped, i still bear the scars. i'm at the point now where i can honestly answer anyone who asks what they are from, instead of saying "run in with a barbed wire fence" (scars are from multiple slashes across forearm). i wouldn't dream of bringing it up though unless asked, and prefer not to be asked. i never sought "help" for it and the two things combined that actually helped me to stop was 1) having someone to support me and keep me from doing it, even if it meant not letting me leave His sight until the urge was long-gone, and 2) drawing slashed and bleeding arms with pastels or whatever i had on hand...it gave me the release since i put all my energy into the act of drawing it, imagining that it was real. i now feel a similar intensity of emotions when in a good play session, which provides the same bodily, mental, and emotional release and post-play euphoric exhaustion. i find the more stressed i am, and the more dominant i have to be at work (i'm the manager of a small but very busy charity), and the more in my head i feel, the more i need that release & benefit from it. i can feel it's effect for days. It definetly feels strange to share this information, as there are only a few people that i have shared it with.

(in reply to KatyLied)

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