RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule?

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/6/2007 6:45:52 PM

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Heh, As I always suspected nothing good can come from limiting sexuality.

Seriously,
If they plan to stay together they need to sit down and negotiate new terms. As someone who does feel better when guilt is allieved by pain, I can relate to her wanting to be punished. BUT, in this case it would reward her bad behavior. That is like having your kid throw a tantrum in the store and then giving in and giving them what they want. It is just bad practice.
In this case guilt is a good thing.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: destinykitty
rules she had broken almost daily like playing with herself without permission and reaching climax without permission.

< Message edited by Missokyst -- 2/6/2007 6:46:32 PM >

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“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
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(in reply to destinykitty)

RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/6/2007 6:53:13 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Heh, As I always suspected nothing good can come from limiting sexuality.

Seriously,
If they plan to stay together they need to sit down and negotiate new terms. As someone who does feel better when guilt is allieved by pain, I can relate to her wanting to be punished. BUT, in this case it would reward her bad behavior. That is like having your kid throw a tantrum in the store and then giving in and giving them what they want. It is just bad practice.
In this case guilt is a good thing.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: destinykitty
rules she had broken almost daily like playing with herself without permission and reaching climax without permission.

heh you said what I ment better then I could!!! in this case punishment would be a reward... funny huh!!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

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don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

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(in reply to Missokyst)

RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/6/2007 6:59:36 PM

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I agree with the previous comments, Breaks must be applied, huge amount of conversing and UNDERSTANDING have to be perfomed. He needs to understand what she wants and needs, he needs to listen and understand what is being said, and what is not being said. Evaluate whether he can bring her what she needs, wants, and whether he shares these needs, wants.
Don't know enough of the situation, but it sounds like she needed to change the level she was at. Back a level, or the next level, in what area? (harder, softer, in what? More or less in what) The questions that must be answed. take the red pill. begging to be punnished....hmmmm........sounds like turned up........

:::::::::::::::aww, lock her up in the dungeon, chained, torture her, re-educate,teach,brainwash, her the good get reward, bad, punished, (punished/torture=sometin she don't like, not necessarially pain) hope he lives out in the sticks:::::::::Dang was I thinkin out loud? dang I gotta watch that. ;>

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/6/2007 7:00:57 PM

stef

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Squeakers

He may feel that he has failed her in his Domination. Example, a child repeatedly misbehaves due to the fact that the parent is lacking in his/her parenting skills.

Just because he feels that way doesn't make it reality. Unless he's got a mind control ray, he's not responsible for her actions. He might *feel* responsible because he thinks he wasn't domly enough, but ultimately, she is the one who chose to disobey his orders.

~stef

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/6/2007 7:13:32 PM

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If they really want to make this relationship work, they are well beyond the place where punishment would have meaningful effect.

They need to go back to square one together- dissolve the relationship as it stands and start to reconnect anew.

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/6/2007 7:18:03 PM

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Little details I forgot to mention.

They are not just Master and slave but are also husband and wife and are expecting their first child later this year.

She is anything but a pain slut and usualy will go out of her way to avoid pain of any sort.

He will not remove her collar as they see the collar as the same thing as a wedding band and wouldn't take the wedding ring off just because they are having problems.

I spoke to both of them a little while ago - He has taken the day of work and they are spending the day talking, discussing everything not as Master and slave but as equals. One thing that has come up from their conversation is that a lot it came from him wanting to take on another slave and her reaction instead of telling him of her fears and worries about that was he doesn't need me anymore so I will just keep myself happy. Not the right reaction but now that everything is out in the air they can talk and both figure out how they feel about everything. Already they have decided to take things slowely and to go back to some training 101. I think their talks will continue for a long long time.

Big lesson learnt in communication between Master and slave here this girl thinks thank god that Master and I don't have any communication problems.

To the person who suggested no blankets pillows would you really do that to a slave? Would you really expose them to the cold without anything to keep them warm?

(in reply to stef)

RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/6/2007 7:22:49 PM

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He wants to take another slave when he's about to have a baby? She's so insecure that she passive aggressively broke the rules and just now comes clean about them?

The reality is that their relationship isn't working. They need to form a NEW relationship with eachother- the ship that they built their first relationship on is sunk and they are trying to hang onto driftwood.

I understand their romantic feelings about not taking off the collar- but they both need to shut up about collars and meaning of commitment and start seriously LISTENING to eachother and deciding what they really feel is important and have clearly defined rules of behavior on BOTH sides of the table.

And yes, I would definitely make a slave sleep without blankets and pillows, even for a whim.

Do I think anything like that will help this situation? No.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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(in reply to destinykitty)

RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/6/2007 8:00:15 PM

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Is she sub or slave? This would make a difference. Maybe they never discussed poly.. or his desire to explore it before she submitted. It can be tough to try to think about everthing that you want/ might explore. But he did bring it up.

Many have already commented that there is a communication disconnect, and your last post reveals that they are going to try to rectify that. Its not just the ass that needs to be reached you have to reach the mind and heart as well. Only talking this through will possibly lead to a solution.

I would make her understand that not revealing her concerns was the biggest problem and discipline her for that first. And not in a way to bring her release.

Stay warm play safe
S

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/6/2007 8:03:36 PM

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release her!!!

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/6/2007 8:14:50 PM

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she's pregnant? give her a break i say..hormones do crazy things...

honestly i'd say the D/s is null and void for now..will need rebuilding..sorry about the typing and quickfire response but holding one of the twin aliens ova here....

(in reply to kittensmailbox)

RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/6/2007 8:23:07 PM

MaryT

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quote:

ORIGINAL: destinykitty

Does anybody have any advice on how he could punish her? He has already locked her toys away so that she can not use them but she needs something more she needs to really feel like she has been punished/disciplined.

He could tell her to play with herself all she wants, do whatever she wants whenever she wants, and that "Frankly, my dear, I just don't give a damn, and I'm going to looking for someone who wants to do what I say."

(in reply to destinykitty)

RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/6/2007 8:24:50 PM

MaryT

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quote:

ORIGINAL: destinykitty

Little details I forgot to mention.

They are not just Master and slave but are also husband and wife and are expecting their first child later this year.

What's the old adage? "The devil is in the details."

Marriage counseling might be a really, really good idea.

< Message edited by MaryT -- 2/6/2007 8:26:07 PM >

(in reply to destinykitty)

RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/6/2007 8:27:45 PM

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Dear destinykitty, Ladies and Gentlemen;

As a Dominant, having had negotiations, communications and the like; trust established -- it is a relationship based on such foundations.

When a slave goes and sneaks behind my back to gratify themselves, to rebell and or to think of themselves and not how it might hurt me also, e.g. not honoring the rules, commitment, broken trust and manipulation/control; it is something that is a deal breaker for me.
I am not a jail guard, a baby-sitter, a Mummy. We're adults and when a word is given, to me it is a contract. The collar is a symbol of that contract.

At the very least, I would remove the collar and suspend the relationship as M/s and or D/s. If there is a desire to work it out, then there will have to be a better effort to convince me that this is sincere and not playing a game. But, for me--I treat this breech of trust and doing things to serve her own needs and wants, absent of me--the slave is not reflecting me or acting as a testiment to our relationship. The slave cheated. I'll never trust that slave in the same measure prior to the betrayal.

The only other consideration is to desolve the entire relationship, remove the collar and part as civil as possible. I will say why the relationship has ended. Delay of the admission is control ploy. Although the justice is delayed, I will not deny it--Justice will be what I seek. If it seems harsh--so be it, there are consequences for misdeeds. I rather be alone then to have a slave I cannot trust wearing my collar, then I would lower my standards to low.

Newest paragraph, since the addition of an unknown factor has just been posted as to throw this into a whole new area--a pregnancy.
I'd still suspend her collar. They can have a relationship but, if she cannot keep her word/bond to who she calls Master/SIR--then there must be consequences. Corporal punishment might be a risk to the child--maybe/maybe not. There is a innocent involved now and two adults that have created a relationship mess.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

< Message edited by LadyHugs -- 2/6/2007 8:34:27 PM >

(in reply to destinykitty)

RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/6/2007 8:36:08 PM

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I think Master would say " I see you no longer desire to be my slave, I will respect your wishes..".

Even though I'm practically perfect (snicker), sometimes I do things wrong (hard to believe I know)...on the odd occasion that has happened, sometimes master wont punish me at all..cause basically by disobeying him I am saying I am not his slave, and so he is not my Master...so how can punishment happen? I can't actually think of a situation at the moment when that has happened..but he did do it that way once over something...it worked quite well.

quote:

To the person who suggested no blankets pillows would you really do that to a slave?

That isn't as odd as it sounds, as a slave I've spent many a night on the floor.

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/6/2007 10:29:19 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: losttreasure

If this master admits to being partly at fault, then how does he plan on punishing himself?

Personally, it sounds to me as if both need to step back and reevaluate just what it is that they expect from an M/s relationship. Then, if they decide that they share a mutual goal, as others have suggested they should start over. Though my recommendation is that they both give up their titles and start out as just two people building a relationship. He can earn the title of Master from her, and she can earn the title of slave from him. Then, maybe they'll both have more respect.

That struck me too. If he is claiming some fault in the situation, it would seem that they both need to take a step back and figure out what is going on. It would seem to me to be more than just simply a problem with "breaking the rules." Perhaps *no* punishment, and a return to strict control, with no slack, would help to bring the situation back to a managable point.

(and I say this *without* feeling contrary) :)

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 2:43:15 AM

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Married and about to have their first child? They're about to have a whole new relationship whether they want to or not. I'd suggest making some choices about how that is going to be structured before things get completely out of control.

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 3:00:32 AM

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I do not think it is a question of discipline at this point unless they are codependent (which admittedly it sounds like they are. Either that or s/he is scared of being alone and does not want to let go because they NEED to have a sub and they have no other prospects).

Now it is a case of kicking her sorry ass to the curb. Dismissing them from service. They have clearly proven their incompetence and a lack of allegiance. The bond has been broken. Unless s/he is a weakling (in which case they should not be a Dom/me in the first place) the course of action is clear.

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 4:24:44 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: stef

quote:

ORIGINAL: Squeakers

He may feel that he has failed her in his Domination. Example, a child repeatedly misbehaves due to the fact that the parent is lacking in his/her parenting skills.

Just because he feels that way doesn't make it reality. Unless he's got a mind control ray, he's not responsible for her actions. He might *feel* responsible because he thinks he wasn't domly enough, but ultimately, she is the one who chose to disobey his orders.

~stef

    In my own experience when I have not followed through and broken a rule and yes it does happen---My Dom has asked how he has failed me as a Dom because, he is responsible in part for my actions.   He if had no part in how I conducted myself, a huge part of our relationship would cease to exsist.   It has absoultely nothing to do with Domly enough.
        I've been in the no masturbation restriction phase.   It sucks, but it only goes on for a few days and he will make contact in a short period of time and allow my release because he does have a mind control ray---it's called knowing me well enough that I probably will not last more than a few days and I will need release.   If he fails to allow my needs and sex is a need, and I wait it out until I can't wait and get off, yes he is in part responsible.
          I look at it this way---what if he told her not to eat, or put a plug in her butt and not take it out---and then didn't contact for several days,   does she continue obeying or not.   If she does at some point stop obeying this command, yes he is partly at fault because he didn't say you may eat after xxx amount of time or you may take the plug out to use the bathroom.

(in reply to stef)

RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 4:33:38 AM

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Come on. You alone are responsible for your actions. Stop trying to pass the buck off and just take responsibility. If you can not live up to his expectations, you either talk to him about it and mutually work through new terms or you move on, but that is your choice to make and you need to take action.

I hate when people think that Dom/mes are babysitters. We are anything but. And a Dom/me that is taking responsibility for your failure strikes me as being insecure or unsure of him/herself.

_____________________________

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Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 4:40:15 AM

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Yes a person is responsible for their actions but it really depends on the circumstances. If the rule is impossible for the sub to follow through with He is at fault sorry. What if he told her to stay home and play with herself all day and she went to work instead. Yes she is responsible in more ways than one.

(in reply to SirKenin)

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