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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 6:08:59 PM

dawntreader

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

honestly people are looking at this wrong.. now that her beeing pregnent has been brought up jees BDSM is the LEAST of the issues here in fact given the sercomstances I think it would be smart to remove it totaly from the relationship for the time beeing. . I dont get why no one seems to be careing about this poor unborn child!!

Magik's slave

i am with you on this one!

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 6:16:38 PM

kyraofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

honestly people are looking at this wrong.. now that her beeing pregnent has been brought up jees BDSM is the LEAST of the issues here in fact given the sercomstances I think it would be smart to remove it totaly from the relationship for the time beeing. . I dont get why no one seems to be careing about this poor unborn child!!

Magik's slave

i am with you on this one!

I don't know.. to me this sounds more like, things are getting complicated and difficult so let's stop submitting. Of course, the slave in the OP already decided to do that by breaking every rule for 3 months.

Knight's kyra

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 6:18:59 PM

dawntreader

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quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

Slightly off topic, but on point to where this discussion has gone, why do some consider the hormonal changes that occur with pregnancy or having a period a valid reason to suddenly stop being obedient or submissive. i have actually heard people say, well one can't expect a submissive to be submissive all month long, which to me is a bunch of crap.

Similarly, the fact that the person the OP is talking about is pregnant is not an excuse for disobedience. Yes none of us know the whole story, however instead of allowing any insecurity that might have arisen from being pregnant and her Master/husband looking for another to be an impetus for some very needed conversations, she "apparently" used it as an "reason" that she didn't have to be obedient, which again to me is crap.

When a person gives their word, whether it is to obey or whatever, other peoples' behavior is not a valid excuse for breaking one's word, at least in my opinion. And to place all the blame on Him, whether He is in charge of the relationship or not, does not negate a person's responsiblity to be honest and abide by their commitments.

heartfelt

*Editted for a typo

Based on that info alone, i totally agree with you...hormones are not an excuse to disobey. When i was pregnant, my child's father treated me as second class intellectually because he said women who are pregnant are too hormonal to be rational and incapable of making decisions. Seems the radiologists and emergency room doctors that i worked for until 2 weeks PAST my due date didn't think so and felt my judgment and intelligence to be quite satisfactory. Yes, i can get a little hormonal but it does not change who i am , my character, or my ability to communicate when i have a problem.

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Post #: 123

RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 6:28:40 PM

Squeakers

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LOL great reply MadRabbit---it really made my day.

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 6:39:43 PM

dawntreader

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

honestly people are looking at this wrong.. now that her beeing pregnent has been brought up jees BDSM is the LEAST of the issues here in fact given the sercomstances I think it would be smart to remove it totaly from the relationship for the time beeing. . I dont get why no one seems to be careing about this poor unborn child!!

Magik's slave

i am with you on this one!

I don't know.. to me this sounds more like, things are getting complicated and difficult so let's stop submitting. Of course, the slave in the OP already decided to do that by breaking every rule for 3 months.

Knight's kyra

i see what you are saying kyra and i agree that it is not a reason to stop submitting or breaking rules. Communication should have occurred at the onset and makes me wonder about the foundation of the M/s relationship and the marriage both of which affect the unborn child. If given a choice for the well being of the child - the M/s and its problems can wait and the marriage and parenting needs to be addressed for the sake of the child. To me a child of mine would always take precedence over my submission to a Dom and i go into my relationships with that upfront, no games, no lies, and no willful disobedience...

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Post #: 125

RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 7:08:45 PM

alandraofMists

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i have not read all the posts to the OP, but felt this post needed to be answered.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

honestly people are looking at this wrong.. now that her beeing pregnent has been brought up jees BDSM is the LEAST of the issues here in fact given the sercomstances I think it would be smart to remove it totaly from the relationship for the time beeing. She is going to have needs now that far surpass beeing a slave and honestly the babys well beeing is most importent. The worst thing that could be done right now for the baby is to add more stress and really at the moment I care little of the 2 "Adults" here that have fucked things up so royaly but instead for the unborn child that is going to be needlessly negativaly effected by all of these issues.. Yup BDSM deffinetly should have no place in all of this right now..

For myself i do not see why being pregnant or having and unmentionable precludes one from "following rules" or having a M/s relationship. i do understand that having heavier play sessions is not something one does when one is pregnant.

quote:

and as I said befor this guy is a real ass for trying to bring another in at this point... going poly is emotionaly stressfull and potentialy emotionaly desasterouse under the best of sercomstances and any moron could see without even knowing about the issues behind the missbehavior or the misbehaviors themselvs that the pegnansy alone should be enough of a thing to put your own desires of poly off. I dont get why no one seems to be careing about this poor unborn child!!

Magik's slave

maybe i am just weird but one of the times i really wished for poly was when i was pregnant or just had an unmentionable as then there was someone to help me do all that i normally would and someone to make sure that i also took time to me

Knight's alandra

< Message edited by alandraofMists -- 2/7/2007 7:09:15 PM >

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 7:16:04 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

. Most of the men I've been with have very few complaints about me. In fact, they seem to think I treated them very well. If anything, I keep getting screwed over because I'm too nice.

mmmmmm I suspect that it's more "your choice in men" that is getting you screwed over....

As they say.. fool me once shame on you ... fool me twice shame on me...

and well... if you keeping getting fooled... well... who is the fool?

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 7:25:24 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: destinykitty
He will not remove her collar as they see the collar as the same thing as a wedding band and wouldn't take the wedding ring off just because they are having problems.

It really doesn't matter how they see these labels...

What Matters.. Is having a Functional Relationship!

Functional being that they are communicating and living to the expectations that they mutually establish in their relationship.

Frankly... it would appear both are failing to live up to some expectations... which makes it a very dysfunctional relationship.

The question would be are their expecations realistic? Have they set themselves up to fail?

I suspect that the answer is both a yes and a no depending on which expectations they are looking at.

I suspect that if they reassess things and establish some realistic expectations between them... maybe they can get their relationship into a functional mode... which will move it towards stability and growth in the long-term. However, if they continue to attempt to live with what appears to be highly unrealistic expectations.. they are dooming themselves.

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 7:37:00 PM

SirKenin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Squeakers

If he is tossing out some impractical rules simply because He is Dom doesn't make those rules just or right and it has nothing to do with dedication. Dom doesn't equate perfection.

True, this I agree with. A good Dom will always be prepared to admit when he is wrong.

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 7:38:05 PM

MagiksSlave

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quote:

ORIGINAL: alandraofMists

i have not read all the posts to the OP, but felt this post needed to be answered.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

honestly people are looking at this wrong.. now that her beeing pregnent has been brought up jees BDSM is the LEAST of the issues here in fact given the sercomstances I think it would be smart to remove it totaly from the relationship for the time beeing. She is going to have needs now that far surpass beeing a slave and honestly the babys well beeing is most importent. The worst thing that could be done right now for the baby is to add more stress and really at the moment I care little of the 2 "Adults" here that have fucked things up so royaly but instead for the unborn child that is going to be needlessly negativaly effected by all of these issues.. Yup BDSM deffinetly should have no place in all of this right now..

For myself i do not see why being pregnant or having and unmentionable precludes one from "following rules" or having a M/s relationship. i do understand that having heavier play sessions is not something one does when one is pregnant.

quote:

and as I said befor this guy is a real ass for trying to bring another in at this point... going poly is emotionaly stressfull and potentialy emotionaly desasterouse under the best of sercomstances and any moron could see without even knowing about the issues behind the missbehavior or the misbehaviors themselvs that the pegnansy alone should be enough of a thing to put your own desires of poly off. I dont get why no one seems to be careing about this poor unborn child!!

Magik's slave

maybe i am just weird but one of the times i really wished for poly was when i was pregnant or just had an unmentionable as then there was someone to help me do all that i normally would and someone to make sure that i also took time to me

Knight's alandra

you make valid interesting points. But in this situation it seems as if there are very deep issues and they are doing the smart thing as the Op has interjected and put the BDSM away at least for just now in favor of saveing their marraige and takeing care of the baby.. I think that was a very smart idea!!

Magik's slave

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 7:54:02 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

put the BDSM away at least for just now in favor of saveing their marraige and takeing care of the baby.. I think that was a very smart idea!!

To be honest.. I don't really understand this .... "Put the BDSM away" ... I suppose to some it's likely a coat they can put on or take off... but for others.... it is not.

I personally find it be exceedly bad advice.. that one should just put this away.... and focus on other pursuits.

Personally.. they need to look at the entire relationship.... I suspect alot of problems exist on a very fundamental level and they need to be addressed.

NOTE: I am seeing the context of BDSM as being inclusive to D/s dynamics since this couple issues expressed are more of realationship dynamic as opposed to a play time thing.

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 8:27:27 PM

Wildfleurs

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Using fast reply...

Hopefully this doesn't sound obnoxious but to me the couples ease with taking time off from being M/s coupled with the months of disobedience from the slave make it hard for me to see how they are actually M/s, it sounds more like its something they dabbled in and no they are getting domesticated and re-focusing on whats important to them. So it sounds like a break with re-evaluation is a good thing for them (and not being M/s doesn't mean their life ends and I am not remotely suggesting that M/s dynamics are the pinnacle of anything).

C~

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 8:53:27 PM

defiantbadgirl

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I have to agree that forgetting BDSM won't solve the problem. Putting away BDSM often leads to cheating. Right now, she's greatful that he has promised not to bring home another slave. How is she going to feel the next time he tells her he's going out with friends (yes, I might be jumping to conclusions to assume he has friends) and she's sitting there alone remembering his idea of another woman? I doubt if I'm the only one who would have problems trusting a man after he said he wanted another woman.

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 9:23:57 PM

stef

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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

I'm damaged goods for thinking a man shouldn't seek or talk about seeking other women when his wife is pregnant unless it has been discussed prior with her in full agreement?

No, you're damaged goods because even after having it pointed out time and time again that you are fabricating "facts" to support your feelings about this person, you don't seem to have any trouble passing judgement on him based on a couple of second-hand posts in a BDSM forum that you're in turn embellishing in your head and coloring by the personal issues generated from your abusive prior relationships. If someone were doing the same thing to you, you would be screaming bloody murder about how unfair it was.

quote:

What a pathetic excuse of a woman I must be to suggest the horrid notion that a man should put the needs of his pregnant wife first.

No, you're pathetic because you have no bloody idea what this woman's needs are or whether or not he's meeting them. Nowhere in any of dk's posts did she say the slave was breaking rules because her needs weren't being met. The only thing dk said was the slave was being punished for not following rules. Horror of horrors, but that's part and parcel of being a slave, a role which she willingly accepted.

So, unless you've got a crystal ball that shows you that needs weren't being met, it's just another fabrication on your part to shore up your rickety house of cards. Are any of your feelings about this man based upon what dk actually said, and not what your filters wanted to believe she said or what you outright manufactured?

quote:

Since I don't recall making any statements about an execution, virtual or otherwise, I must be mentally ill for forgetting so easily. Maybe I should check myself into the nearest psycho ward. How dare I. Satisfied?

Good lord, you are dense. Sure, check yourself in as soon as possible. It certainly couldn't hurt. With any luck, they won't have internet access for the patients.

~stef

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 9:32:50 PM

Raphael

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Yes, the gut reaction is to remove her collar.

But reading more thoroughly the original posting, it seems to me that what's happening is he's failed to master her. It's not like that's some easy, trivial thing to do - far from it.

If they do really want this, he's going to have to realise that the way he's going about things isn't working. I don't know them so I can't say why - but there is a reason.

If he's really committed to this, he's going to have to figure this out, and correct himself, so he can correct her.

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 9:38:54 PM

RiotGirl

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Funny....

No ones brought up the idea of respect. Any chance there might be respect issues going on here??

< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 2/7/2007 9:40:40 PM >

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 10:34:10 PM

obey1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

I would rally for the man if the situation were reversed and involved a domme and male slave.

So would I especially if the male slave was pregnant!

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 10:37:50 PM

obey1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

why do some consider....a valid reason

Consider here I would think is actually considering, not making up their mind in advance.
Valid here is their experience opposed to your experience. It is probably not the right term to consider.

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 10:43:33 PM

obey1

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I see two schools of thought here:

1. Lifers
2. Humans

Which one are you?

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 10:46:32 PM

obey1