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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 2:41:05 PM

defiantbadgirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: stef

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

When a new relationship begins, I trust the man I'm with until he gives me a reason not to.While my past may dictate some of my hard limits, that doesn't mean I'm going to treat a man badly because of another's mistakes.

You're certainly treating this poor guy badly based upon incredibly sparse second-hand information and filling in the gaps with whatever it takes to justify your feelings. Why would I assume that you would treat other men in any different fashion?
I based what I said on the following:
1. The woman is pregnant and her husband chose that time to bring up the issue of poly.
2. Her reaction to his statement seems to indicate that this was not discussed prior.
However, I could be wrong. Maybe they did agree to it before and she reacted as if they hadn't. Not everyone behaves rationally. Therefore, there is always a margin of error. I've seen plenty of posters give advice that turned out wrong once the OP added more facts. You act like I'm the only one.

quote:

Judging by my past experiences, shouldn't I hate all women too? Why then do I stick up for them?

Rooting for the home team? I don't know. I guess that makes as much sense as why you do anything you do here. Unlike you, I have no psychic powers and can only act on what people actually tell me about a given situation. Given that, since I have no knowledge of your problems with other women, I can't even begin to hypothesize on that front.

~stef

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 2:43:08 PM

agirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

I wasn't in any way trying to imply that the child she is pregnant with is male. I used the example to make a point. Often children grow up and treat their own spouses the way their parents treat each other.

What has that to do with the OP?

The story so far........He's cruel and insensitive, she's been ill-behaved because she's afraid of losing him and of being a single mother. She is resentful and being a slave she suppressed her feelings.

Hmmm....

I still haven't worked out what a locking chastity device has to do with anything at all.

agirl

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 2:55:55 PM

defiantbadgirl

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That depends on whether or not he told her before the marriage that he might seek another (marrying under false pretenses). Even if he was honest when they got married, he deserves some sort of punishment (chastity device??) for bringing it up during her pregnancy.......unless they both agreed beforehand to add another for babysitting purposes.

< Message edited by defiantbadgirl -- 2/7/2007 2:57:51 PM >

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 3:01:33 PM

stef

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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

I based what I said on the following:
1. The woman is pregnant and her husband chose that time to bring up the issue of poly.

Nowhere in dk's posts is that stated. We have no idea when that topic was first brought up. It could have been yesterday and it could have been a year ago. You're assuming the former because it gives you a reason to blame all of this on him.

quote:

2. Her reaction to his statement seems to indicate that this was not discussed prior.

To you, perhaps. Then again, assuming anything to the contrary would eliminate a reason to come to the defense of this poor abused woman and call for this guy to be keel hauled. We have no idea what all is going on or what has been discussed between these two people. There is exactly one person who knows why she acted the way she did and she's not here to tell us.

quote:

However, I could be wrong. Maybe they did agree to it before and she reacted as if they hadn't. Not everyone behaves rationally. Therefore, there is always a margin of error.

Then perhaps it would be prudent to wait until all, or at least more, of the facts are in before rendering judgement? Just a thought.

quote:

I've seen plenty of posters give advice that turned out wrong once the OP added more facts. You act like I'm the only one.

You're the only one in this thread calling for his virtual execution and making up "facts" to support your position.

~stef

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 3:11:42 PM

agirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

That depends on whether or not he told her before the marriage that he might seek another (marrying under false pretenses). Even if he was honest when they got married, he deserves some sort of punishment (chastity device??) for bringing it up during her pregnancy.......unless they both agreed beforehand to add another for babysitting purposes.

Oh, right. That explains it nicely.

Any idea how ridiculous it sounds? I mean really?

agirl

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 3:20:40 PM

defiantbadgirl

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Unless the OP lied, he did bring up poly during her pregnancy. The issue may or may not have been agreed upon before the pregnancy. This doesn't change the fact that he brought it up during the pregnancy. As I said, there is a small chance that she's acting irrationally about something she agreed to before. Since when am I the only one who disagreed with his actions? Perhaps you should read the entire post.

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 3:29:15 PM

defiantbadgirl

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This guy shouldn't be looking for other women while his wife is pregnant unless she agreed to it before.

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 3:34:17 PM

FukinTroll

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Lets see... pregnant wife... looking for another slave... current slave is feeling neglected...

Okay we need a new term here because fucking troll just seems inappropriate.

Fucking parasite!

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 3:47:02 PM

defiantbadgirl

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*shields FuckinTroll from oncoming attack*

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 3:47:32 PM

MadRabbit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKenin

I do not think it is a question of discipline at this point unless they are codependent (which admittedly it sounds like they are. Either that or s/he is scared of being alone and does not want to let go because they NEED to have a sub and they have no other prospects).

Now it is a case of kicking her sorry ass to the curb. Dismissing them from service. They have clearly proven their incompetence and a lack of allegiance. The bond has been broken. Unless s/he is a weakling (in which case they should not be a Dom/me in the first place) the course of action is clear.

I dont have much to add to this, but...I just couldnt pass this one up without making a jab. I apologize for digging up old posts.

Bravo! *claps hands*

You win the award for the most appalling advice I have heard on Collarme.com this week. Maybe even this month! I actually gritted my teeth while reading this one! I am not horribly surprised though after reading some of your past posts and listening to your overly arrogant standards of "weaklings", "wannabes", and "posers".

Lets kick her to the curb...his wife....who is pregnant with his child...simply because of a breakdown in a power dynamic.

Child : Daddy, why did you divorce, Mommy?
Father : Oh well...see, Mommy masturbated without my permission so now you have to grow up without a father.

God, forbid we dominants try and put work into someone we view as a potential partner and not simply deem them as "worthless" and throw them in the trash like an infatable doll since because they didnt lie down and spread their legs at every command.

Yes, in some situations, when clearly the power has been taken away, the only thing a dominant can do is enforce the very basic "Serve/obey or leave" rule that this all rests on.

But unfortanely...in the real world...things like love, marriage, and a new child can get in the way. But I guess those things make the man a "weakling" in your eyes?

Maybe you buy your slaves from Walmart in wrapped boxes that you can wind up and they instantly and always bend to your will without any resistance or question. The people I talk to and encounter however are imperfect, capable of making sometimes very bad mistakes and bad judgement calls, and resist control from time to time.

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 2/7/2007 3:50:17 PM >

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 3:50:11 PM

LadyEllen

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I just cant believe this is a debate on who ought to be punished and how in this situation.

I mean crikey - theyre having a child together. Whatever one or both of them might have breached in terms of their relationship, each of them and the two of them together now, come second to the child. If they want whats best for the child, as they should, then all bets should be considered off and everything back up for negotiation.

Thats not to say they need abandon totally, the lifestyle dynamic they had before, but I've heard it so often before from prospective parents, the idea that a child need not change anything, and seen everytime that those who think that way are rapidly disabused of their notions.

There are clearly some issues in the relationship from what we have been told, and IMO there are now several months at least over which these can be discussed - really even longer than that, as just when the pregnancy itself ends, the real work starts; the 24/7 of raising a baby. We've heard opinions that in this case, based on what has been divulged, there is likely fault on both sides too - therefore it seems additionally ridiculous to allocate blame and correction on one side only; a relationship is something that takes all sides to work at, whatever the dynamic. The faults must be identified and dealt with, such that the child can be raised in a happy home; let the resolution of these faults take place now, whilst the two of them concentrate on the interests of the child.

E

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 3:52:30 PM

DominaSmartass

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Sire60

I'm surprised that no one suggested the rules might have been unrealistic, or that the Dom failed to please his partner, and she was left to pleasure herself. I would never attempt to control someone by controlling their orgasms... that's minor league Domination in my mind. I allow my slave to masterbate to orgasm as often as she wants to because I've learned that when I want to be pleased, she is focused on pleasing me and not on her own pleasure. My slave get's spanked every night before bed, and usually climaxes before I'm done making her bottom red... then it's my turn to be pleased... mmmmm good! It only took me 30 years to learn that so there's hope for everyone.

Life's a bowl of pits... you make it cherries!

Thank you Sire! I just had to clap at reading this. I have fun controlling orgasms once in a while but limiting them is not my thing. I know some people really get off on that, so far be it from me to say they are wrong. It's just it makes so much more sense to me to not put this kind of restriction on someone. And I think you make an excellent point about a dom being responsible for his partner's pleasure. It's not a one way street by any means and when someone gives over that kind of control to you (or me) I think we've got a responsibility to not take advantage of it beyond what the other person can endure. Granted, none of us know the terms of this relationship in question...maybe she was allowed to masturbate once a day and she was "cheating" and doing it 3 times. That's a little much, lol, but my intuition tells me it was much more restrictive than that.

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 4:19:44 PM

kyraofMists

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The assumptions being made on this thread are quite unbelievable. I thought I had a tendency to read into things too much but sheesh talk about just making stuff up.

The questions I have for the OP are:

1. How long has she been pregnant; the comment "later this year" leads me to think that she has not been pregnant all that long?
2. When did they first start discussing poly; the issues started back in September (5 months ago), so it leads me to think that they didn't just start talking about it?
3. Do they live together?
4. How is it that he didn't notice she was breaking rules for more than three months? Leads me to think that she was not only breaking rules but there was some deception going on as well.
5. What rules exactly did she break? Is it really "every" rule he ever gave her?

To address Michael's post, I think there is a big difference between struggling to be obedient and needing help, coaching, encouragement and training from the dominant and just being flat out willfully disobedient and breaking every rule for 3 months. The OP's posts give the impression that the girl chose to willfully disobey for her own gratification. Not that she struggled to obey and just wasn't able to accomplish the goals the dominant set for her.

In my relationship, willful disobedience will end the M/s structure. I would no longer be his slave. Then there would be some serious discussions on whether to continue a relationship at all. If the choice was made to continue the relationship and the desire was to have an M/s structure, I would have to earn the privilege to be his slave again. And confessing my disobedience in a journal and not through direct interaction with him would not help my case one bit.

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 4:32:45 PM

DominaSmartass

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

OMFG!
WTF!
Does this man have no sense at all? She is pregnant and he brings up getting another slave?

WOW. What a difference this info makes. I find it fascinating that before we knew these facts everyone was pretty much agreed that the woman was just being wilfully disobediant and might need to be dropped from the relationship or severely punished. Now it's the man who's in the wrong. I'm not saying I think one way or the other, just an observation at how a little (or big) detail like that can change things so drastically.

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 4:42:10 PM

stef

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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

Unless the OP lied, he did bring up poly during her pregnancy. The issue may or may not have been agreed upon before the pregnancy. This doesn't change the fact that he brought it up during the pregnancy.

So merely bringing up the subject while she was pregnante, even if it had been discussed before, is enough reason to justify all of the rancor you're directing his way? Honey, you are seriously damaged goods. You had better pray that no prospective suitors ever read your posting history here or they're going to leave scorch marks running away from you.

quote:

As I said, there is a small chance that she's acting irrationally about something she agreed to before. Since when am I the only one who disagreed with his actions? Perhaps you should read the entire post.

I did read the "entire post." Did you mean I should read all of the posts in the thread? I did that too. If you responded to what I actually wrote instead of whatever your justification filter told you I wrote, you would have noticed that I never said you were the only one who disagreed with his actions. I said you were the only one calling for his virtual execution and making up "facts" to support your position. Big difference.

~stef

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 4:49:32 PM

DaniCalifornia

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Is it just me.. or would having all the info at the start been much more helpful instead of a post midway through saying "oh I forgot to add these details" (that wouldve helped people make more informed posts)

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 5:03:04 PM

destinykitty

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Hi everyone

Thanks for all the comments on this issue silly me didn't expect so many - both good and bad positive and negative its what I like about forums like this.

Now an update on my friends.
They are still talking and have decided that adding a third is not happening any time soon. They are spending time together in a vanilla sense and are working on their marrage and while he is not taking her collar they are going to take a break from that side of their lives until after baby is born then they will see if they want to be Master slave still or just vanilla who does some kinky things every so often to spice up their sex life. I saw them both for a little while this morning and to be honest they seemed more in love with each other then I have seen them in a long long time.

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 5:03:10 PM

adaddysgirl

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i think that we can speculate on a lot of things here but without knowing more detail, i think it would be tough to draw any definitive conclusions.

i agree that being pregnant can wreak havoc on one's emotions. Putting on that weight....perhaps feeling less than desirable....probably not a good time to bring up an interest in including another female in the mix. And who knows? Maybe some type of CP had been used for punishment in the past and the dom didn't feel right using that so he tried the orgasm denial....and it didn't work. And he did say he realized he was at fault too....but we don't know in what way he felt that. Was he being lax because she was pregnant? Was he being supportive of the changes she was going through with the pregnancy? Could he have realized that bringing another in at this point might not be such a good idea? There are so many unknown factors here.

But at least they have talked about it...sounds like a good first step. i only hope they forget the punishment thing, can both acknowledge what issues caused the breakdown, and work toward making things workable under the circumstances.

i hope it all works out well for them.

Edited to add: Gawd...i was posting at the same time you were....lol. Ah well....

DG

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 5:12:53 PM

defiantbadgirl

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I'm damaged goods for thinking a man shouldn't seek or talk about seeking other women when his wife is pregnant unless it has been discussed prior with her in full agreement? What a pathetic excuse of a woman I must be to suggest the horrid notion that a man should put the needs of his pregnant wife first. Since I don't recall making any statements about an execution, virtual or otherwise, I must be mentally ill for forgetting so easily. Maybe I should check myself into the nearest psycho ward. How dare I. Satisfied?

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RE: How to punish a slave that has broken every rule? - 2/7/2007 5:55:44 PM

dawntreader

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quote:

ORIGINAL: obey1

quote:

ORIGINAL: destinykitty

Little details I forgot to mention.

They are not just Master and slave but are also husband and wife and are expecting their first child later this year.

quote:

ORIGINAL: michaels4evr

she's pregnant? give her a break i say..hormones do crazy things...

honestly i'd say the D/s is null and void for now..

I would have to agree here. If she has never been pregnant before within the D/s dynamic she cannot be judged. She is probably horny out of her mind which she cannot help, he admitted that it is partially His fault, and now has come clean that he has been 'considering' adding a third into the mix. That shows some big misunderstanding and selfishness on his part. She got pregnant and now he probably has ignored her through fear of hurting the fetus through hard play or her 'screams' or turn-off of having the imminent responsibility come in the form of a 'third' already that will prevent 'Him' the nookie he wants when the baby tires them both out at all hours of the night and the play dynamic may get lost.

They are both in for some big changes in their lives and He has made a poor attempt at a substitution in the midst of her hormone rage.

He is probably more at fault than she is. If she is a slave, she is working off 'slave instinct' of which hormones play a big part. Endorphins are released during punishment/play and endorphins are released when she pleasures herself. If he has stopped the dynamic already out of protection of the child, where does her energy go?

If He has been ignoring her and desiring a third to enter during that time due to this pregnancy then leniency is the way to go, and I would say dissolve that dynamic until she has recovered from the pregnancy and can incorporate taking care of a child into the 'play' dynamic.

But her FIRST pregnancy? Give her a break. C'mon girls, give up the goods on what that is like.

i have to say that the late but pertinent details for this post do make a huge difference and i am so glad that the OP finally "remembered" such minor things as pregnancy and adding another slave. i agree with the advice to nullify the M/s relationship. Reevaluate and focus on the present which includes parenting, which is a MAJOR adjustment in and of itself - that is from my own experience!

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