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Doms and the ego disease - 2/6/2007 4:57:27 PM

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What do you feel can or should be done in the case of a Dom who seems to feel that the idea of common courtesy to others does not seem to apply, when that 'other' is a "submissive" or "slave?

This issue is especially a concern as this particular person is one of the unofficial "leaders" in the local scene, and others do tend to follow the influence of such people.

This was not a one-time incident but is something noted on several occasions.
Its incidents like this that cause me to consider if I really want to be in the public BDSM scene.

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Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

RE: Doms and the ego disease - 2/6/2007 4:59:00 PM

stef

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Ignore them.

~stef

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"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to Kinkypupper)

RE: Doms and the ego disease - 2/6/2007 5:03:53 PM

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~~stef has the first best step for you. If this is going on in public, simply say in a loud voice: "For the last time! I WILL NOT DOM YOU IN PRIVET, PUBLIC OR ANYWHERE!"

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Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together

(in reply to stef)

RE: Doms and the ego disease - 2/6/2007 5:13:00 PM

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Cliques are unfortunatly found everywhere. Just go elsewhere. If there is no elsewhere TO go... create one. Find others that dislike cliques and start a munch of your own. If your local area is under the thrall of such a clique you are likely to find there will be support from others in the same situation..... just try not to build another clique.... simply ignore the first one (But not ignore the individuals, JUST the clique and clique behaviour). Sometimes it is a wake-up call for them and they make the effort to integrate and stop the clique behaviour.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Kinkypupper)

RE: Doms and the ego disease - 2/6/2007 5:15:50 PM

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I dont consider those people Doms really I consider them people that are full of themselvs that come here because they think they are better then others not because they are Domanent. They need to learn that claiming they are Dom doesnt make them better that Doms arent better then slaves so that they can move on and leave those that are truely Doms and not just jerks that are full of themselvs to the slaves and subs instead of wasiting everyones time...

Ok im in a bad mood!!!

Magik's cranky slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to RavenMuse)

RE: Doms and the ego disease - 2/6/2007 5:16:48 PM

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Ego, id est.....

MasterusIncomprehensiauraleus

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(in reply to RavenMuse)

RE: Doms and the ego disease - 2/6/2007 5:37:30 PM

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The only time assholes get "power" in the local scene is if they are the ones with the dungeon, other than that, fuck em.

Next time he hits on your submissive or orders her about, call his ass on it. They get away with shit because nobody stands up to them.

The trick is to embarass him just a bit without making a massive scene. You want others to see you defy him and get away with it as well as showing them how to do it.

< Message edited by SimplyMichael -- 2/6/2007 5:42:05 PM >

(in reply to Kinkypupper)

RE: Doms and the ego disease - 2/6/2007 6:11:01 PM

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I would have to agree with stef. I would not want to associate with either the dom displaying such boorish behavior, nor those who possess such weak character that they accept that behavior by virtue of the dom's popularity.

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Just because it isn't "all about me", doesn't make it "all about you".

(in reply to Kinkypupper)

RE: Doms and the ego disease - 2/6/2007 6:32:54 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kinkypupper

What do you feel can or should be done in the case of a Dom who seems to feel that the idea of common courtesy to others does not seem to apply, when that 'other' is a "submissive" or "slave?

This issue is especially a concern as this particular person is one of the unofficial "leaders" in the local scene, and others do tend to follow the influence of such people.

This was not a one-time incident but is something noted on several occasions.
Its incidents like this that cause me to consider if I really want to be in the public BDSM scene.

Just tell them to fuckoff!

Diane

(in reply to Kinkypupper)

RE: Doms and the ego disease - 2/6/2007 6:59:07 PM

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I will agree with Simply Michael on this that If you single out the biggest baddest Ass of all of them ( they know full well who and what they are) then you can call them on this and show that you have authority over your atendees wheather they be sub or slave. and they have no authority but for which they serve. Or not.

(in reply to DianeB269)

RE: Doms and the ego disease - 2/6/2007 7:11:46 PM

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I'm with Stef- same thing I do with rude people anywhere.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_318504/mpage_1/key_tops%252Cdisease/tm.htm#318583
tops disease

http://www.collarchat.com/m_717485/mpage_1/key_disease/tm.htm#717748
Tops disease (2)

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Kinkypupper)

RE: Doms and the ego disease - 2/6/2007 9:08:21 PM

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From: Minnenipples, Minnesnowta
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kinkypupper

What do you feel can or should be done in the case of a Dom who seems to feel that the idea of common courtesy to others does not seem to apply, when that 'other' is a "submissive" or "slave?

"Oh, Jimmy - where the HELL did you get the idea that I was submissive to you just because I'm a sub?!?" - loud voice, cheerful, this-isn't-anything-important tone. Preferrably in the most public place you can manage.

It brings them down off of the cloud, it makes it public enough to make an impression on other domly types, and is, by and large, an Instant Cure.

Good luck - it happens. It happens even to the good ones, on occasion - and the only cure is for someone to reframe their reality in such a way that they can't ignore it. Fortunately, it's usually easy - well, simple. But you've gotta be willing and able to be loud in public.

Midnight Writer

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(in reply to Kinkypupper)

RE: Doms and the ego disease - 2/6/2007 11:50:28 PM

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In cases like these it is perfectly acceptable to display your Illudium Q36 Explosive Space Modulator. Ordinarily, this is strictly forbidden, inasmuch as it turns Earthlings to putty, but when one of these Earthlings is being a fucking asshole, just wield your weapon and be glad you're Martian.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kinkypupper

What do you feel can or should be done in the case of a Dom who seems to feel that the idea of common courtesy to others does not seem to apply, when that 'other' is a "submissive" or "slave?

This issue is especially a concern as this particular person is one of the unofficial "leaders" in the local scene, and others do tend to follow the influence of such people.

This was not a one-time incident but is something noted on several occasions.
Its incidents like this that cause me to consider if I really want to be in the public BDSM scene.

(in reply to Kinkypupper)

RE: Doms and the ego disease - 2/7/2007 12:25:50 AM

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From: Barrie, ON Canada
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As has been said, do something about it. Just remember that you NEVER have any control over anyone but yourself, with the exception of a TPE (and even then the sub is the one with the ultimate control, whether Dom/mes want to admit it or not).

That is the thing. Dom/mes, particularly the wannabe referred to in the OP, do not realize they are NOTHING without the control willingly given by the sub, and like I said ultimately the sub is in control.

So, you do what I did. You do not sit here and whine and bitch about it...because I for one do not care. Do something about it. I used to hang in a chatroom quite a few years ago. I gave them a lot of my time and was even a host for a while before they started treating me and others like shit. Well. That went over with me like a porkchop at a Jewish wedding. Pissing me off is not a good idea. So rather than start a bitchfest, I took control of the situation. I started up my own chatroom, and within months their chatroom closed down as all the people moved over to mine. I ran it successfully for a number of years before I got tired of it, having accomplished my objectives and eventually got bored.

Knowledge is not power without action. Do not bitch. Act.

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Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

RE: Doms and the ego disease - 2/7/2007 6:43:10 AM

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Even people as saintly as myself step over the line. I was at a party recently and oh boy did I fuck up. There was a very toppy switch who was pretty much in domme mode there who I thought was sort of hot. We exchanged a bit of banter but nothing serious. A few of us were hanging around the kitchen and she walked past me and was behind the group of us, cutting something and had her back to us. I started making a few comments, and I SWEAR she hunkered down in that "oh god he is making my cunt wet" sort of way. The people around me were egging me/her on. She said nothing, but being the toppy bastard I am, I walked up behind her, grabbed a chunk of her hair.

Either she wasn't listening (and I am sure she was) or this was NOT how she expected me to make my next move (not entirely unreasonable on her part). Her quite loud comment concerned me, my innards and the VERY large knife she held...

I apologized profusely and slowly backed away...no real drama, but boundaries had been clearly set and established!

(in reply to SirKenin)

RE: Doms and the ego disease - 2/7/2007 7:30:32 AM

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From: All over now in Minnesota
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kinkypupper

What do you feel can or should be done in the case of a Dom who seems to feel that the idea of common courtesy to others does not seem to apply, when that 'other' is a "submissive" or "slave?

This issue is especially a concern as this particular person is one of the unofficial "leaders" in the local scene, and others do tend to follow the influence of such people.

This was not a one-time incident but is something noted on several occasions.
Its incidents like this that cause me to consider if I really want to be in the public BDSM scene.

I have unfortunately seen this where it got out of hand and encompass too many in the group.

It is easy to just say ignore but as your implying there is a chance or it is already happening that some others are following. First I would never play the game and they need two to play. I do not believe in the turn the other cheek as bullies rely on people to do that. If you just want to keep your feeling to yourself then I would just not give him any attention but I still would not purposely avoid him. Lead by example.

You can also talk with other submissives and dominants who you feel do not believe in this type of treatment which should be a great majority. If you get enough people talking about it then something should get done without having drastic things done. “Leaders” do not like to lose power and if they realize the people are not following they will change their ways.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to Kinkypupper)

RE: Doms and the ego disease - 2/7/2007 7:33:26 AM

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But that's exactly what leads to cliques and fueds in groups, that's what leads to splinter groups. And trust me, once fueds start, they don't just die down.

Really, IME, it's best to simply pointedly ignore the person and surround yourself with people you like. Anything else will feed their ego.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to toservez)

RE: Doms and the ego disease - 2/7/2007 12:39:39 PM

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All social groups within themselves have their own social circles and in general the health of the group is reliant on most or all of these social groups to be friendly, open and on some decent level interactive with each other.

One group growing as the OP fears of these types of dominants and the advice to just ignore them and therefore other people in this community doing the same thing is in essence creating the schism but just done quietly and more slowly but the end result will be the same, group in fighting and a poor and unhealthy group.

If it is just one or a few people and it is not a growing problem then of course ignore is the best advice. If this is not just a couple and there is growth by monkey see monkey do group mentality then the group and/or individuals need to take responsibility on their part for the overall health of a group.

Keeping your mouth shut and ignoring people you do not care for is derisive and guaranteed to be lasting and negative as that also feeds monkey see monkey do group dynamics. With communication of issues there is least a shot of a positive outcome but that does take the right tact and people in groups strong enough and committed to one another.

The ignore and it will go away rarely or has ever worked to dealing with a problem.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: Doms and the ego disease - 2/7/2007 1:02:54 PM

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There's quite a difference between "ignore and pretend it's not there so I don't have to deal with it" and pointedly ignoring someone.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to toservez)

RE: Doms and the ego disease - 2/7/2007 1:40:10 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

There's quite a difference between "ignore and pretend it's not there so I don't have to deal with it" and pointedly ignoring someone.

Yes there is.

But what I am saying is the ignore people we do not care for is the definition of cliques and ground zero of feuds, just done in a passive aggressive way.

If isolated, again, I agree just ignore. If it is something growing then the same results in the end will happen, but all you have done is contribute to the problem and made no effort to try to help the situation. Does it have risks, yes, but passive aggressive do nothingness is not exactly on much higher moral ground and has zero healthy qualities to it.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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