quote:

ORIGINAL: VeryMercurial

Great post AAkasha, it is interesting that approach # 3 works so well. Now that explains why so many Professional
Domina's have that, "Be my money slave pig", attitude! In a way it makes sense, you are appealing to the humilation
factor!

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

I hope this won't deteriorate into a "moneyslave," "pro vs. non-pro" or other financial debate.  In this post, I am NOT talking about women  (or men) that scam by asking for tributes up front, or those that demand a gift for consideration (ie, send me a present or I won't even talk to you).   Nor am I talking about mutual "gifting" in a real life, flesh and bone relationship between mutually affectionate partners.

There's an interesting dynamic that I have observed and would like both femdom and sub opinions about.  I believe that a great number of submissive men like, prefer, and WANT to be told (read: ORDERED) to send gifts to femdoms they are courting and/or admiring (like a professional dominatrix they see, or a femdom whose web site they visit daily).  In my 10+ years of having a femdom web site, I've found three distinct results when talking of gifts (note that I rarely solicit gifts on my site):

1.  If I leave an option and information for submissives to gift if they choose, a small portion will do so and do so happily.

2. If I present an option of exchanging gifts for training, or a clear barter (ie, "I am having trouble finding these boots in my city -- if a sub can get these and send them to me, I will provide phone training in exchange."), I receive a little more response, but not much.

3. If I demand -- and clearly, the more BITCHY and more presumptuous about it -- gifts (either specific or general), and do so with a clearly sadistic, openly erotic tone - the response is strong.  Not only do more men get engaged by this and want to do it, the fallout is not resentment or frustration, many report excitement in being told and warmth in knowing they did as told.

Now, I will be honest, the dynamic in #3 isn't really consistent with my personality and also rubs my ethics the wrong way.  But after years and years of this, I feel as though a great many men simply eroticize the idea that they have no choice, that they are being ordered to do something, and that they must complete the task -- and they get real fulfillment out of it. Both during the task, and after completing it. 

My personality resonates more with #1, and I feel as though a lot of men may like to send gifts and do it because they want to show appreciation, earn favor or simply because they felt like doing something nice.   Also, I there's not much materially that I really want/need and when I need it, I just buy it. 

It makes me wonder if those femdoms that are demanding gifts (not in exchange for training) are simply responding to a demand/need of submissive men.  It also makes me wonder how widespread the dynamic is.

Akasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

I hope this won't deteriorate into a "moneyslave," "pro vs. non-pro" or other financial debate.  In this post, I am NOT talking about women  (or men) that scam by asking for tributes up front, or those that demand a gift for consideration (ie, send me a present or I won't even talk to you).   Nor am I talking about mutual "gifting" in a real life, flesh and bone relationship between mutually affectionate partners.

There's an interesting dynamic that I have observed and would like both femdom and sub opinions about.  I believe that a great number of submissive men like, prefer, and WANT to be told (read: ORDERED) to send gifts to femdoms they are courting and/or admiring (like a professional dominatrix they see, or a femdom whose web site they visit daily).  In my 10+ years of having a femdom web site, I've found three distinct results when talking of gifts (note that I rarely solicit gifts on my site):

1.  If I leave an option and information for submissives to gift if they choose, a small portion will do so and do so happily.

2. If I present an option of exchanging gifts for training, or a clear barter (ie, "I am having trouble finding these boots in my city -- if a sub can get these and send them to me, I will provide phone training in exchange."), I receive a little more response, but not much.

3. If I demand -- and clearly, the more BITCHY and more presumptuous about it -- gifts (either specific or general), and do so with a clearly sadistic, openly erotic tone - the response is strong.  Not only do more men get engaged by this and want to do it, the fallout is not resentment or frustration, many report excitement in being told and warmth in knowing they did as told.

Now, I will be honest, the dynamic in #3 isn't really consistent with my personality and also rubs my ethics the wrong way.  But after years and years of this, I feel as though a great many men simply eroticize the idea that they have no choice, that they are being ordered to do something, and that they must complete the task -- and they get real fulfillment out of it. Both during the task, and after completing it. 

My personality resonates more with #1, and I feel as though a lot of men may like to send gifts and do it because they want to show appreciation, earn favor or simply because they felt like doing something nice.   Also, I there's not much materially that I really want/need and when I need it, I just buy it. 

It makes me wonder if those femdoms that are demanding gifts (not in exchange for training) are simply responding to a demand/need of submissive men.  It also makes me wonder how widespread the dynamic is.

Akasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nikolette

I imagine its difficult to know which came first, the chicken or the egg:

quote:

ORIGINAL: porthuronsub
I personally wouldn't send a gift for any of the three reasons.  I did bring a gift with me for the first meeting with my Mistress, and would repeat that. 
I think it is desperate men looking/hoping to gain favor with that Mistress

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne

I am a financially independent woman and submissives know I only want them for my own pleasure - absolutely nothing else.  So they have to be exemplary.

Having said that, submissives always bring flowers and I love that.  Often I am given lovely fetish wear, jewellery and wonderful new things for my dungeon.  (Of course the implied request is that I wear/use the gifts sooner or later :)

I am especially flattered when a submissive makes me something all by himself.  Many of  them are really handy with woodwork, leather craft and the like. 

Others have taken me on exotic holidays and weekends away.  A heart surgeon I was seeing took me to medical conferences at 5 star hotels all over the country. 

And of course I have had countless romantic dinners, invitations to the theatre and other normal looking "dates"

In every case, I believe the gift was a genuine expression of gratitude, so I accept graciously.  Demanding gifts (or cash) would defeat the chivalry of the gesture.

And in my 10 years, no-one has ever just handed me cash.  That would be the height of rudeness, in my view.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

quote:

ORIGINAL: porthuronsub
I personally wouldn't send a gift for any of the three reasons.  I did bring a gift with me for the first meeting with my Mistress, and would repeat that. 
I think it is desperate men looking/hoping to gain favor with that Mistress

Actually vanilla gentlemen when really into a lady, come bearing gifts from cheap to the slightly too extravagant, so being generous and chivalrous is not the quality of desperate men generally speaking.    M

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
... In my 10+ years of having a femdom web site, I've found three distinct results when talking of gifts (note that I rarely solicit gifts on my site):

1.  If I leave an option and information for submissives to gift if they choose, a small portion will do so and do so happily.

2. If I present an option of exchanging gifts for training, or a clear barter (ie, "I am having trouble finding these boots in my city -- if a sub can get these and send them to me, I will provide phone training in exchange."), I receive a little more response, but not much.

3. If I demand -- and clearly, the more BITCHY and more presumptuous about it -- gifts (either specific or general), and do so with a clearly sadistic, openly erotic tone - the response is strong.  Not only do more men get engaged by this and want to do it, the fallout is not resentment or frustration, many report excitement in being told and warmth in knowing they did as told.

Now, I will be honest, the dynamic in #3 isn't really consistent with my personality and also rubs my ethics the wrong way.  But after years and years of this, I feel as though a great many men simply eroticize the idea that they have no choice, that they are being ordered to do something, and that they must complete the task -- and they get real fulfillment out of it. Both during the task, and after completing it. 

My personality resonates more with #1, and I feel as though a lot of men may like to send gifts and do it because they want to show appreciation, earn favor or simply because they felt like doing something nice.   Also, I there's not much materially that I really want/need and when I need it, I just buy it. 

It makes me wonder if those femdoms that are demanding gifts (not in exchange for training) are simply responding to a demand/need of submissive men.  It also makes me wonder how widespread the dynamic is.

Akasha