RE: honesty about sexual orientation

RE: honesty about sexual orientation (Full Version)

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LuckyAlbatross -> RE: honesty about sexual orientation (2/18/2007 10:41:39 PM)
I have engaged in sexual activity of all kinds with many people I had no sexual attraction towards. Doing the act does not mean I WANTED to do the act. It means I was obeying. Now, whether these particular men need to be ordered to do it in order to make it ok for them depends on the person. Many a slave needs to be ordered to do something in order to have "choice" taken away so they don't feel bad about it. But simply engaging in a sexual act with a particular person does not mean you're attracted to that person or have any particular sexual orientation. By your definition, if you're not having sex, then you're asexual. Just because a woman chooses not to have sex for a day, week, year, whatever doesn't mean she's not a heterosexual. Action does not equate to orientation.

defiantbadgirl -> RE: honesty about sexual orientation (2/18/2007 10:42:05 PM)
The point is, when most people see the word straight, they think a person has only been involved with those of the opposite sex. If someone didn't know that "straight" male subs are sexual with men, they may not think to specifically ask. Some women don't like the idea of being with a man who has engaged in sexual acts with other men. What happens if she finds this out 2 years into the relationship and is totally grossed out by it?

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: honesty about sexual orientation (2/18/2007 10:44:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl The point is, when most people see the word straight, they think a person has only been involved with those of the opposite sex. If someone didn't know that "straight" male subs are sexual with men, they may not think to specifically ask. Some women don't like the idea of being with a man who has engaged in sexual acts with other men. What happens if she finds this out 2 years into the relationship and is totally grossed out by it? If it's an issue for her, she should have had this discussion long before making a commitment. The topic of "when to divulge prior sexual experience" depends on the relationship and the depth of the commitment. I certainly don't want or expect a total history on a first date. This is something that comes through over time. Your assumption that because a person doesn't want or isn't turned on by an act means that it WILL be a hard limit for them is completely false. But please, try and keep another thread going to try and justify your disgust and continued poison of the past people in your life. You've been screwed over by a lot of men, we get that, really. You insist on continuing to wallow in it and feel stuck.

viperess -> RE: honesty about sexual orientation (2/18/2007 10:44:59 PM)
Greetings, If someone has in their profile they are straight then it means they like those of the opposite sex and that is what they are seeking. It does not mean that they have never been with someone of the same sex. If a Master tells a slave to be with another slave of the same sex..well it does not mean it is what the slave wants but it does mean the slave is obeying their Master. i do not mean to sound like i am putting words in others mouths when i say most of the slaves i know may have things they do not like but as they belong to their Master they do as they are told. Many only have the limits that their Master allows them to have. Just because a guy has had sex with another guy it does not make them bisexual. Just like just because i have had to replace all the pipe under a sink it does not make me a plumber it just means i did what i had to do at the time. viperess slave of CTDOM4sub

juliaoceania -> RE: honesty about sexual orientation (2/18/2007 10:46:19 PM)
Funny, I always ask men before I become involved if they are bisexual at all. It is a health issue for me because AIDs transmission is higher to women from bisexual men than it is from hetro men...

hisannabelle -> RE: honesty about sexual orientation (2/18/2007 10:48:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl The point is, when most people see the word straight, they think a person has only been involved with those of the opposite sex. If someone didn't know that "straight" male subs are sexual with men, they may not think to specifically ask. Some women don't like the idea of being with a man who has engaged in sexual acts with other men. What happens if she finds this out 2 years into the relationship and is totally grossed out by it? then she needs to decide if the relationship she's had is good enough to overlook the fact that he's done something she doesn't approve of. as julia mentioned, it's not his problem to think of questions she hasn't thought to ask, because he's not a mind-reader. i'm a bit squicked by the amount of drugs my dominant has tried over the years, because i would never do it, but i know He is not a drug addict and all of that was a long time before we got together. i wouldn't beg release simply because he dropped acid 10 years before i was even born.

AquaticSub -> RE: honesty about sexual orientation (2/18/2007 10:49:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl Whether he performs the act for his mistress or not, he is bisexual. For a straight sub, this would be a hard limit. I'm a switch so I sub sometimes. Because I'm straight, anything bisexual is a hard limit.. Hon, I hate cleaning. I do it because it makes Valyraen happy. That doesn't mean I like it. Sometimes people do things they don't like because it makes their owner happy. That really doesn't make them bisexual.

defiantbadgirl -> RE: honesty about sexual orientation (2/18/2007 10:49:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: viperess Greetings, If someone has in their profile they are straight then it means they like those of the opposite sex and that is what they are seeking. It does not mean that they have never been with someone of the same sex. If a Master tells a slave to be with another slave of the same sex..well it does not mean it is what the slave wants but it does mean the slave is obeying their Master. i do not mean to sound like i am putting words in others mouths when i say most of the slaves i know may have things they do not like but as they belong to their Master they do as they are told. Many only have the limits that their Master allows them to have. Just because a guy has had sex with another guy it does not make them bisexual. Just like just because i have had to replace all the pipe under a sink it does not make me a plumber it just means i did what i had to do at the time. viperess slave of CTDOM4sub Big difference. Nobody has to do anything in BDSM. That's why there are hard limits.

viperess -> RE: honesty about sexual orientation (2/18/2007 10:52:07 PM)
If you say so...it all i would depend on the Master/slave relationship. As i said many slaves only have the limits in which their Master allows them. viperess slave of CTDOM4sub

AquaticSub -> RE: honesty about sexual orientation (2/18/2007 10:52:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl Radically different than the majority of the population? I think not. I'm 33 years old and most of the people I know and have known in the past define bisexual as one who performs sexual acts with both genders. You also used to think bisexuals were incapable of being faithful to one person. I hate to be a bitch but hon, you've demonstrated a remarkable lack of knowledge regarding bisexuality in general.

hisannabelle -> RE: honesty about sexual orientation (2/18/2007 10:52:46 PM)
except for a lot of people, hard limits don't enter into the negotation. i wish beth were here :P her wisdom would be so appreciated in this thread. i don't go into a bdsm relationship looking to put limits in, sorry. i mean, i wouldn't ever kill someone, so i guess that's a hard limit, but that's why i'm intelligent enough to beg a collar from a master who i trust never to require that of me. for a lot of people, they do not keep a laundry list of things they don't feel like doing, because they are not comfortable with that definition of submission. what would i be worth as a slave if every time my master turned around, i told Him i didn't feel like it? by the same token, He's very conscious of my health issues and my personal inclination on things and it's rare that He requires something of me that i truly dislike...but that's not for everyone, and those times DO happen. i'm in this because i want to submit, i'm not in it because of me me me. i'm not saying that hard limits are bad, but saying that everyone should have them is kind of silly to me, or even that if i don't like something, it's acceptable for that to be a hard limit. at this point in my life, electrical play and knife play would send me into a very bad headspace. He enjoys knifeplay, but He hasn't broached that subject too far at this time because i'm not ready for it. that said, if He required either of those of me, i'd do it in a heartbeat. now, things like that i can understand -being- hard limits for some in my situation because, like i said, they would trigger very psychologically painful reactions, but making housekeeping a hard limit because you just don't feel like doing it cheapens submission, imho, and that's how it feels to me that you are approaching the subject, based on the phrasing in your posts.

AquaticSub -> RE: honesty about sexual orientation (2/18/2007 10:56:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl Big difference. Nobody has to do anything in BDSM. That's why there are hard limits. Actually... some of us do this crazy thing calling "obeying" even if we don't like it. Unless Valyraen tells me to do something interferes with me being alive, my ability to pass college, or violates my ethics on a deep level - I do it. It really doesn't matter what. Some of us like turning over that much power. Clearly you don't, and that's great. Whatever works for you! However you shouldn't assume that just because we did something for our masters/owners that we were all gung-ho about it.

FukinTroll -> RE: honesty about sexual orientation (2/18/2007 10:57:59 PM)
All right! All you freaks that eat banana's[sm=banana.gif] are now and forever monkey's.

defiantbadgirl -> RE: honesty about sexual orientation (2/18/2007 10:59:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hisannabelle quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl The point is, when most people see the word straight, they think a person has only been involved with those of the opposite sex. If someone didn't know that "straight" male subs are sexual with men, they may not think to specifically ask. Some women don't like the idea of being with a man who has engaged in sexual acts with other men. What happens if she finds this out 2 years into the relationship and is totally grossed out by it? then she needs to decide if the relationship she's had is good enough to overlook the fact that he's done something she doesn't approve of. as julia mentioned, it's not his problem to think of questions she hasn't thought to ask, because he's not a mind-reader. i'm a bit squicked by the amount of drugs my dominant has tried over the years, because i would never do it, but i know He is not a drug addict and all of that was a long time before we got together. i wouldn't beg release simply because he dropped acid 10 years before i was even born. Drugs generally don't involve intimate body parts.If the relationship is sexual, that would mean a woman would have to deal with the fact that her man's dick that had been inside of her had also been up some man's ass. I've seen men on talk shows confess to their girlfriends that they had been with men, yet swear that they were straight. Most of the audience disagreed and said they were bi.

viperess -> RE: honesty about sexual orientation (2/18/2007 10:59:30 PM)
Wonderful reply AquaticSub.

juliaoceania -> RE: honesty about sexual orientation (2/18/2007 10:59:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FukinTroll All right! All you freaks that eat banana's[sm=banana.gif] are now and forever monkey's. Bananas are phallic symbols, so basically you are recommending we all suck cock. And if bananas are not a hard limit for you.. well .. you know what that makes you[;)]

FukinTroll -> RE: honesty about sexual orientation (2/18/2007 11:00:43 PM)
bananas are a fatal limit for me.

AquaticSub -> RE: honesty about sexual orientation (2/18/2007 11:00:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl I've seen men on talk shows confess to their girlfriends that they had been with men, yet swear that they were straight. Most of the audience disagreed and said they were bi. Were those people ordered to have the sex by mistresses? Unless they were it really doesn't apply here.

hisannabelle -> RE: honesty about sexual orientation (2/18/2007 11:02:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl quote: ORIGINAL: hisannabelle quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl The point is, when most people see the word straight, they think a person has only been involved with those of the opposite sex. If someone didn't know that "straight" male subs are sexual with men, they may not think to specifically ask. Some women don't like the idea of being with a man who has engaged in sexual acts with other men. What happens if she finds this out 2 years into the relationship and is totally grossed out by it? then she needs to decide if the relationship she's had is good enough to overlook the fact that he's done something she doesn't approve of. as julia mentioned, it's not his problem to think of questions she hasn't thought to ask, because he's not a mind-reader. i'm a bit squicked by the amount of drugs my dominant has tried over the years, because i would never do it, but i know He is not a drug addict and all of that was a long time before we got together. i wouldn't beg release simply because he dropped acid 10 years before i was even born. Drugs generally don't involve intimate body parts.If the relationship is sexual, that would mean a woman would have to deal with the fact that her man's dick that had been inside of her had also been up some man's ass. I've seen men on talk shows confess to their girlfriends that they had been with men, yet swear that they were straight. Most of the audience disagreed and said they were bi. shrugs i don't take my view of life from talk shows as most of them tend to be full of shit :P it would not surprise me if my dominant had been with a man sexually in the past - i've never asked Him, to be honest, because that doesn't bother me. He's been with a lot of people and done a lot of things with His body parts that i probably wouldn't ever think of wanting to do :P but that doesn't mean i get squicked out every time i give Him a blowjob. He doesn't have any stds, He's financially and emotionally stable, He's got his shit together, and He's been incredibly good and honest to me. not everyone requires of their partners that they have a certain sexual history down to the letter.

defiantbadgirl -> RE: honesty about sexual orientation (2/18/2007 11:02:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl Big difference. Nobody has to do anything in BDSM. That's why there are hard limits. Actually... some of us do this crazy thing calling "obeying" even if we don't like it. Unless Valyraen tells me to do something interferes with me being alive, my ability to pass college, or violates my ethics on a deep level - I do it. It really doesn't matter what. Some of us like turning over that much power. Clearly you don't, and that's great. Whatever works for you! However you shouldn't assume that just because we did something for our masters/owners that we were all gung-ho about it. Of course it wouldn't be a hard limit for you. On your profile, it openly states that you are bisexual. I admire your honesty.

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