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RE: honesty about sexual orientation - 2/19/2007 1:12:30 AM

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No but I'm very intrigued....

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RE: honesty about sexual orientation - 2/19/2007 1:14:29 AM

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you got mail!

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RE: honesty about sexual orientation - 2/19/2007 1:15:40 AM

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Should I be scared?

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RE: honesty about sexual orientation - 2/19/2007 1:17:11 AM

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You will either be gigling or screaming. God I love either or!

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RE: honesty about sexual orientation - 2/19/2007 1:21:57 AM

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I don't see how it would take a few times for someone to figure that out. My son's father and I had a mutual friend who admitted to trying it one time just to see what it was like. He said he hated it and has never done it again. My son's father was talking bad about him calling him a "fag" after we left. I actually stuck up for him since he had only tried it once. I just don't understand how someone could do it multiple times and be straight. That's what hard limits are for.

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RE: honesty about sexual orientation - 2/19/2007 1:28:07 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

I don't see how it would take a few times for someone to figure that out. My son's father and I had a mutual friend who admitted to trying it one time just to see what it was like. He said he hated it and has never done it again. My son's father was talking bad about him calling him a "fag" after we left. I actually stuck up for him since he had only tried it once. I just don't understand how someone could do it multiple times and be straight. That's what hard limits are for.

Hard limits are for hard limits. Not everyone considers sexuality to be hard limit. Your way of doing things isn't everyone else's. I don't like polyarmory. I would have sex with another person if told to. That doesn't make me polyarmous. It makes me obedient in different ways then you are. (NOTE: Different, not more)

Many people try things more then once before they give up on it completely. I don't see how trying it mutiple times makes you bisexual. And frankly, I think anyone who doesn't stick up for someone when they are being called a fag isn't worth much. I mean, if there isn't anything wrong with us why wouldn't you?

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RE: honesty about sexual orientation - 2/19/2007 1:29:08 AM

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Defiant, I think this is going waaay beyond the thread here and may require therapy.

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RE: honesty about sexual orientation - 2/19/2007 1:40:17 AM

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"Fag" is a bad word to use. I put it in quotes because it was his word, not mine. I stuck up for the guy saying he wasn't homosexual because he only tried it once and didn't like it. And you're right when you say I have stuck up for several people who were homosexual. Just because someone has a different sexual orientation is no reason to put them down. In defense of the man I married, I only remember him saying he was straight. I can't remember if I specifically asked him if he had ever been with a man.........but still.......a man who refused to have sex with his own wife most of the time........something was seriously wrong.

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RE: honesty about sexual orientation - 2/19/2007 1:45:18 AM

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Given that this thread has gone for 8 pages with no resolution in sight maybe this is an issue that you will not receive answers about from others that you want to hear- I like stating the obvious! Define bisexuality in a way that you are comfortable with and make sure that before you start a relationship with someone you clearly ask them if they have had a sexual experience with another male. If they answer yes show them the door.

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RE: honesty about sexual orientation - 2/19/2007 1:51:29 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

Defiant, I think this is going waaay beyond the thread here and may require therapy.

I don't need therapy to realize that what happened with the jerk I married was in no way my fault. I was concerned that many of the male subs might be lying about their sexual orientation. Not everyone on this site reads the forums. Therefore, not everyone knows that many male subs engage in bisexual activities. I didn't want to see someone else go through a similar experience.

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RE: honesty about sexual orientation - 2/19/2007 1:55:57 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: wandersalone

Given that this thread has gone for 8 pages with no resolution in sight maybe this is an issue that you will not receive answers about from others that you want to hear- I like stating the obvious! Define bisexuality in a way that you are comfortable with and make sure that before you start a relationship with someone you clearly ask them if they have had a sexual experience with another male. If they answer yes show them the door.

Oh, I agree. Because I read the forums, I know to ask specifically if a man has ever been sexual with another man instead of just asking if he's straight. I just feel sorry for those who don't know that.

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RE: honesty about sexual orientation - 2/19/2007 5:35:29 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

Defiant, I think this is going waaay beyond the thread here and may require therapy.

I don't need therapy to realize that what happened with the jerk I married was in no way my fault. I was concerned that many of the male subs might be lying about their sexual orientation. Not everyone on this site reads the forums. Therefore, not everyone knows that many male subs engage in bisexual activities. I didn't want to see someone else go through a similar experience.

You may couch it is as you don't want anyone else to go through the experiences that you have, but it doesn't make it any less of a unhealed experience of your past. i used to say the same type of thing about events of my past, trying to warn others so they didn't have to go through the same things that i did, but that didn't change the fact that i was walking around still incredibly and deeply wounded from a past experience, carrying baggage that was destroying me and i needed to let it go. It was coloring how i saw and heard everything, the same as it is doing with you.

i know that this post is probably a collosal (sp?) waste of time, as you have not shown much willingness to actually "hear" any one else who has taken the time to post on this thread, but apparently i am more of a masochistic than i would like to admit, as i seem to beat my head against walls repeatedly.

Sexuality is about desire, not about action and an obedient action, even repeated more than once, does not change someone's sexual desires. If doing an action or pursuing a course of action is as a result of being obedient alone, with no desire to do the action, it does not make someone a bisexual, it makes them obedient. If pursuing the same action, using the fact that they were ordered to do something as a cover for their own desire to do it, would make that person a bisexual, something they may not want to acknowledge to themselves. The important item is personal desire not what actions have or haven't been done. A person (who is repressing his or her desires) could never actually have sex with a person of the same sex, but be filled with desires and fantasies of doing so, and although no action had been done, that person (imo) would be a bisexual or homosexual.

All that aside, someday, i hope that you will finally start healing from the wounds that your past relationships with men have caused, otherwise, the probability is high that you will be one lonely woman.

heartfelt

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RE: honesty about sexual orientation - 2/19/2007 5:51:12 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: wandersalone

Given that this thread has gone for 8 pages with no resolution in sight maybe this is an issue that you will not receive answers about from others that you want to hear- I like stating the obvious! Define bisexuality in a way that you are comfortable with and make sure that before you start a relationship with someone you clearly ask them if they have had a sexual experience with another male. If they answer yes show them the door.

Oh, I agree. Because I read the forums, I know to ask specifically if a man has ever been sexual with another man instead of just asking if he's straight. I just feel sorry for those who don't know that.

Don't feel sorry - it doesn't have a damn thing to do with you. A couple of the women I've been involved with in my life have mentioned in the course of our involvement that they've been with people of the same sex, and it didn't bother me - still doesn't. If it bothers you, that's your reaction and that's fine. However, not everyone shares your reaction - in fact, I don't believe that any of the various and sundry people replying to this thread share that reaction.

As others have said, if it's that big of a deal-breaker for you, start asking up front. If other people on here have profiles but don't read the forums, that's their choice to make, and the consequences of that choice are something that they have to deal with on their own. For some people, it will be an issue; for other people, it won't. People are different like that, and my advice to you is to focus on your life - what makes you happy - and let the rest of the world take care of itself.

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RE: honesty about sexual orientation - 2/19/2007 6:19:09 AM

agirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

Lately, I've seen a pattern with male subs performing bisexual acts, yet listing themselves as straight on their profiles (and I'm sure some female subs do the same thing). Their excuse......they were "forced" to by a mistress. How can this be since BDSM is consentual? I don't think bisexuals are inferior to me in any way (I have bisexual friends). The thing is, I'm straight and I don't want to be more than friends with a man who has ever engaged in a bisexual act. I married a man who lied about his sexual orientation and the thought of becoming involved with another closet bisexual is flat out scary for me. Considering the pattern I am seeing, I'll bet it has happened to many others as well. Shouldn't people be honest on their profiles so potential partners are aware of their sexual orientation before becoming involved?

What you're speaking of is lying and deceitfulness.

It's well established that having a sexual encounter with the same gender doesn't define your orientation. You're confusing BEING bisexual with bi-sexual acts.

In the case of your husband, I'd hazard a guess that even if you'd asked him if he'd ever had sex with a chap, he'd have still answered *No*.

Your experience really only highlights that people can and will lie and be deceitful for rather selfish reasons. Asking the *right* questions will not stop a liar from lying.

You are afraid of being lied to and of being deceived, that's understandable......no-one wants those things, but not stating your sexual history in detail does not make someone deceitful, it makes them private.

There are many, many experiences that shape people and add to their knowledge of themselves and I, for one, have no desire to spill my private and personal journey into myself, in a profile, sexual or otherwise.

If I'd had a bi-sexual experience I may never mention it if it has nothing to do with the *here and now* and I wasn't asked or I didn't wish to. What would make me deceitful would be if it was clear that it DID matter and if I WAS asked and if I DID lie about it in those circumstances.

Asking the right questions won't ensure you'll get the truth. At some point you still have to trust your own judgement of a person and risk.

agirl

< Message edited by agirl -- 2/19/2007 6:20:07 AM >

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RE: honesty about sexual orientation - 2/19/2007 6:31:10 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

"Fag" is a bad word to use. I put it in quotes because it was his word, not mine. I stuck up for the guy saying he wasn't homosexual because he only tried it once and didn't like it. And you're right when you say I have stuck up for several people who were homosexual. Just because someone has a different sexual orientation is no reason to put them down. In defense of the man I married, I only remember him saying he was straight. I can't remember if I specifically asked him if he had ever been with a man.........but still.......a man who refused to have sex with his own wife most of the time........something was seriously wrong.

Yeah but that doesn't have squat to do with his sexuality other then he was too much an ass to realized he didn't want to have sex with women. That or maybe he loved you enough to think he would like having sex with you but found out not. You really need to get out the sexuality part of this issue. I know it's hard, but try.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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RE: honesty about sexual orientation - 2/19/2007 6:34:11 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

Defiant, I think this is going waaay beyond the thread here and may require therapy.

I don't need therapy to realize that what happened with the jerk I married was in no way my fault.

No but apparently you do need therapy to get over it. You realize that suggesting therapy isn't an insult right?

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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RE: honesty about sexual orientation - 2/19/2007 6:40:43 AM

agirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

Because I read the forums, I know to ask specifically if a man has ever been sexual with another man instead of just asking if he's straight. I just feel sorry for those who don't know that.

Do you really think by asking that question you won't be lied to?

Do you think that by asking if someone has ever cheated on their partner that they'll tell you if they have ?.........If someone is intent on hiding something, they will.......no matter what you ask them.

The security you're seeking comes from getting to know someone through and through........not from the *right question*.

It looks like you want people to *give* you what you need to trust............but I'm afraid we have to *find* what we need to trust.

agirl

< Message edited by agirl -- 2/19/2007 6:43:23 AM >

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RE: honesty about sexual orientation - 2/19/2007 6:44:00 AM

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Okay i do mean this in the most loving, caring way...what freaking part do you not get? If a guy had a sexual encounter with another guy due to the orders of his Master/Mistress it does not make him bi. To be bi you must be attracted to both sex's and persue that train of thought. Thats like saying just because i have been with nore than one guy in my life i am a slut..no wait scratch that because Master reminds me all the time i am a slut...the point is you are being so narrow minded due to some ass who was a cheat that you can not see past your rose colored glasses. Sorry if that sounded ugly but do not look down on someone because they did as they were told, not because it was something they wanted to do but because they honored their Master. Just because you have been with someone of the same sex one or two times a bi it does not make you. And before you say it yes my profile does say i am bi. i so hate to tell you but maybe the BDSM community is the wrong place to look for a male such as that which you seek. A nice, sweet homophobic virgin sounds more in line with what you seek.

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RE: honesty about sexual orientation - 2/19/2007 7:06:59 AM

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OMG!!!!!!! What a way to start my day.......I am so depressed, maybe even to the point of eating chocolate or something....

I find out in eight alternatingly miserable and hysterical pages that I am

Bi-sexual
Alchoholic
Drug addict
criminal
prostitute
chef
race car driver
house keeper and maid

etc
etc
etc..............too many to list........and I am depressed and all

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 2/19/2007 7:08:15 AM >

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RE: honesty about sexual orientation - 2/19/2007 7:09:01 AM

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LaTigresse i just pulled a pan on chocolate chip cookies from the oven...would that help?

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