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RE: Question from a slave ''was what he did to me right?''


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RE: Question from a slave ''was what he did to me right?'' - 2/20/2007 9:18:31 PM   
azzmaster


Posts: 864
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		D/s is about trust. if u violate the trust or try to make someone feel unsafe that is an abuse of power and that power should be taken back by the sub. not everyone is calls himself a dom is responsible. get out of that now,it will just get worse.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Question from a slave ''was what he did to me right?'' - 2/20/2007 9:18:41 PM   
justfortheforums


Posts: 40
Joined: 1/31/2007
Status: offline 		hmm..i missed the part about her asking him.  when my mindfuck was over with...i asked him...he told me what he had done and we both laughed about it and talked about my reactions and feelings as well as his.  had he shut me down and not talked to me i would have been very uncomfortable and untrusting too.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Question from a slave ''was what he did to me right?'' - 2/20/2007 9:18:59 PM   
MsOpal


Posts: 244
Joined: 8/31/2006
Status: offline 		I knew someone once who did almost this exact thing with added earphones and music so she could not hear him if he accidentially made some sounds out in the kitchen for a couple of hours.  He let her "stew" about it for a few days (she had done far worse than just not complete her chores) and then they had a long talk about taking it all more seriously.  It worked for them.  Another friend once burned dinner, well burned the bread for dinner with guests.  Her "dominant" cuffed her hands behind her back, locked her in a dark closet, left the apt and took the guests out for dinner (not telling them other than she was being punished and not allowed to come to dinner) and she had no idea what time he came back as she was not let out until the next morning.  She left him shortly after.  2 different approaches, 2 different and both correct outcomes.

Only you can ask him to tell you his reasons for his actions and only you can gague his honesty and only you can decide what's best for you.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Question from a slave ''was what he did to me right?'' - 2/20/2007 9:20:29 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO
But I am a submissive that, under extreme duress, can turn into a real pointed and mouthy Switch, and my Domme side comes out in a big way. In this case, I'd think that was justified, though.

- Susan

Switches aren't necessarily mouthy, and I personally don't "turn into" a switch just because circumstances aren't going well.

She doesn't need to become mouthy, or a dom, this has nothing to do with orientations or roles or rebellion- it's a simple case of communication and agreement.

Until/unless he decides to change his mind on the questions, Absinthe must choose for herself whether she will accept or reject the relationship as it is. 

It's not a choice of "do I get dom on his ass?" because that's not how it works in long term healthy relationships- you don't change the authority dynamic and expect the other person to go along just because you don't like the view from your end on that day.

Frankly for my relationship that would be devastating.  We hold deeply to the reality that we go where the energy takes us and to suddenly switch just because we got upset or scared or somehow insecure would be horrific.  It wouldn't be holding true to ourselves or the relationship we built and it makes me sick thinking about it.

Absinthe can of course choose to TRY and persuade him, TRY and talk to him, or even decide it's over.  But that's no different than any other day they've been together.

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 2/20/2007 9:25:43 PM >

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Question from a slave ''was what he did to me right?'' - 2/20/2007 9:23:43 PM   
azzmaster


Posts: 864
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		it reflects badly on the whole lifestyle when a dom acts irresponsible. punishing a sub should be done with some thought, not just an angry reaction. if u can't control ur anger or let it out appropriately ur not ready 4 this

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Question from a slave ''was what he did to me right?'' - 2/20/2007 9:28:35 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		This entire situation is bringing out the mother hen in me, the age of the sub, the age of the dom... makes me wanna protect her, so perhaps everyone should just ignore my responses... I am not being objective and I am finding the idea of this all very upsetting as a matter of fact

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to azzmaster)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Question from a slave ''was what he did to me right?'' - 2/20/2007 9:29:48 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
This entire situation is bringing out the mother hen in me, the age of the sub, the age of the dom... makes me wanna protect her, so perhaps everyone should just ignore my responses... I am not being objective and I am finding the idea of this all very upsetting as a matter of fact

No it's good.  Your lack of objectivity frees me to be completely objective.

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 2/20/2007 9:44:31 PM >

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Question from a slave ''was what he did to me right?'' - 2/20/2007 9:30:53 PM   
NControlofU


Posts: 204
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAbsinthe

As a slave I made the choice to give total power exchange to my master, and with that I thought came the responsibility for my master to look out for my needs.
Yesterday evening this girl was unable to finish all her given tasks, and my master restrained me in a hogtied like position, which was fine, then left me there for the evening and went out.
I had no problem with the punishment aside the saftey aspects, for example what if there had been a fire?
I only ask this as he had left candles out everywhere not to mention an unsupervised large bird which could of flown into them!
When he returned I asked him and he simply told me not to ask questions, I trust my master as he is the one I serve but this girl is still confused so she thought she would ask the masters here as some of you may have experience.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.


Completely irresponsible behavior!  A Master needs to protect his property at all times.  This was extremely dangerous and you are both very lucky that it didn't end up as a tragic story on the 11:00 news.  You have every right, even as a TPE slave, to look out for your own safety and well being.  If it doesn't "feel" right to you, you need to question it.  If he can't accept this, I would say it's time to look for another Master.  And make sure you get one who understands the meaning of "RESPONSIBLE OWNERSHIP".

(in reply to MissAbsinthe)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Question from a slave ''was what he did to me right?'' - 2/20/2007 9:33:07 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NControlofU
Completely irresponsible behavior!  A Master needs to protect his property at all times.  This was extremely dangerous and you are both very lucky that it didn't end up as a tragic story on the 11:00 news.  You have every right, even as a TPE slave, to look out for your own safety and well being.  If it doesn't "feel" right to you, you need to question it.  If he can't accept this, I would say it's time to look for another Master.  And make sure you get one who understands the meaning of "RESPONSIBLE OWNERSHIP".


See, like that.  Someone who gets so biased and obvious like that means I can be as dull and bland and objective and fair as I want to be because the other side's taken care of.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to NControlofU)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Question from a slave ''was what he did to me right?'' - 2/20/2007 9:37:18 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Well, on second thought, I guess I don't consider getting angry to be necessarily a "Domly" (or a "Switchy") emotion, and in this case, that is how I'd react. Of course I'd probably (although not necessarily) try to be calm when discussing it. I think what this Dominant did is a violation of perhaps mis-placed trust. Even if it was a mistake, and not intentional on his part, I'd say it's a rather big mistake.

In this case, it looks to me as if this Dominant is maybe counting on the D/s dynamic to insure he won't need to answer (even to himself, perhaps) as far as why he's been what looks to be completely irresponsible. So her choice is to walk or accept it (if he isn't going to talk about it at all further). In which case, I'd walk, no question. 

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 2/20/2007 9:42:01 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Question from a slave ''was what he did to me right?'' - 2/20/2007 9:39:19 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

Well, on second thought, I guess I don't consider getting angry to be necessarily a "Domly" (or a "Switchy") emotion, and in this case, that is how I'd react. Of course I'd probably (although not necessarily) try to be calm when discussing it. I think what this Dominant did is a violation of perhaps mis-placed trust. Even if it was a mistake, and not intentional on his part, I'd say it's a rather big mistake.

- Susan

You should think twice before you make posts more often.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Question from a slave ''was what he did to me right?'' - 2/20/2007 9:44:07 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		You should think before you post at all, sometimes, in my opinion. You're never exactly what I would term empathy personified. Regardless of whether what you say makes sense or not, many times it strikes me as very unkind, even rude.
 
- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Question from a slave ''was what he did to me right?'' - 2/20/2007 9:57:52 PM   
azzmaster


Posts: 864
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		ahem, back to the actual topic. i peeped the subs masters page and its very poetic and impressive, i don't blame her for hookin up with him, she's ypung and he's very polished. but the truth will always come to life, and i hope she finds someone responsible to give the gift of trust to

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Question from a slave ''was what he did to me right?'' - 2/20/2007 10:04:58 PM   
needdiscipline23


Posts: 106
Joined: 5/14/2005
Status: offline 		I don't really have anything to add, except that we can't really answer that for you, given the nature of this lifestyle.

It doesn't seem inline with the whole "Safe, Sane, and Consensual" in that it seems unsafe to me.

If it was me, I would definitely not be staying around, primarily b/c He's unwilling to talk about it.  For me, that would just not be acceptable in this case.

But, as said above--you cannot control him--you must simply decide if it's a dynamic you are willing to continue to engage in, or not.

(in reply to azzmaster)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Question from a slave ''was what he did to me right?'' - 2/20/2007 10:11:56 PM   
texancutie


Posts: 322
Joined: 7/23/2005
Status: offline 		I went and looked as well, now I am totally confuzzled.  He is in Colorado and the OP is in London.  Was he visiting when he did this or did he move to the UK?  I now realize that I don't have enough information to even comment on what happened.  Good looking couple though.

(in reply to azzmaster)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Question from a slave ''was what he did to me right?'' - 2/20/2007 10:18:56 PM   
MasterKalif


Posts: 648
Joined: 5/24/2004
Status: offline 		While we don't have enough information, and it seems like both are on different sides of the planet....the fact is this "Dom" is not responsible, lacks care for his property, and was not safe...as most have stated, we can probably (with the little information available) rule out "mindfu_k" here....

(in reply to texancutie)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Question from a slave ''was what he did to me right?'' - 2/20/2007 10:23:05 PM   
MissAbsinthe


Posts: 5
Joined: 10/20/2006
Status: offline 		[from the Master]

In point of fact, the girl was not "hog tied" but rather ankle/wrist cuffed with an X with four easily removable latches. Her hands are free, and can easily reach her ankles. The girl was a ballerina and is exceedingly flexible. Indeed, the girl found enough dexterity to get to the computer, open the laptop, and type that message while "restrained"... yes, this was just now and not last night. The aftermath, as she explained it, was entirely fabricated. I never said "don't ask questions", indeed, I encourage her to be inquisitive and insist that she speak her mind. I was, and remain confident that she could easily escape - mainly since she has before many times. It was an excercise in discipline, not bondage. All of which has, of course, since been properly explained. She is once again restrained as such, and I will supervise to, er, make certain that she can escape... :P

Nevertheless, I am pleased that there are so many people who responded so quickly to her concerns, and I will encourage her to utilize this forum in the future.

And, for any masters out there, I wonder if you have any advice on how to handle such an unruly girl... ;)

:D

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Question from a slave ''was what he did to me right?'' - 2/20/2007 10:26:32 PM   
needdiscipline23


Posts: 106
Joined: 5/14/2005
Status: offline 		Well THAT was unexpected. At least for me. 

(in reply to MissAbsinthe)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Question from a slave ''was what he did to me right?'' - 2/20/2007 10:27:27 PM   
azzmaster


Posts: 864
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		on her profile she said willing to relocate and he has a pic of them together, so i assume she did. it is more often true that a man will change personality on a woman and become more difficult than imagined when he gets her on his turf without friends and family near. however she is a lovely young woman and would not find any shortage of more responsible doms in the denver area should she not be able to work this out in a satisfactory manner. my suggestion would be to those of u online would be if any women in that area could have a houseguest should she decide to leave that area get in touch with her. altho u on the forums know me in my lusty assfucker incarnation, in my day job i deal with a great many domestic violationce situations and see what can happen to a woman who becomes a victim and its not pretty, i feel alarmed about this situation, in truth. who knows what he might do next time, and she is almost a child, only 18

(in reply to MasterKalif)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Question from a slave ''was what he did to me right?'' - 2/20/2007 10:30:36 PM   
BigBeninLA


Posts: 38
Joined: 2/23/2005
Status: offline 		Notwithstanding the possibility of fire or other scenario where truly being unable to fend for yourself places you in peril, it is unsafe to leave someone bound for extended periods of time without periodically checking to make sure their circulation isn't restricted.  Hog-tying can be especially dangerous, as it can cause suffocation.  Regardless of whether he actually engaged in unsafe behavior (or whether you simply perceived him to be engaging in possibly unsafe behavior), your trust has been shaken, and only open communication can remedy the situation.  Whether something is "wrong" or "right" for you is something only you can decide.

Best wishes.

N.B.  I think I've succeeded in being objective; however, in fairness, I shall admit that I am also cursing my luck for not coming across your profile when you were available.  I'm one of those ones who've been looking, and looking, and looking....

_____________________________

It is a curious fact that people are never so trivial as when they take themselves seriously. -- Oscar Wilde

(in reply to azzmaster)
Profile   Post #: 40
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