RE: Mr. Nice Guy is not Mr. Dom?

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RE: Mr. Nice Guy is not Mr. Dom? - 2/4/2008 7:24:37 PM

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JLION

I have heard this from a few females, but I just do not "come off" as a dominant. I'm very nice. I'm very honest. I'm a humanitarian and somewhat of an activist. I have a dry and silly sense of humor. I show confidence. I am completely honest, and I discuss my BDSM fantasies completely openly, but it does not appear to be congruent with my "vanilla lifestyle" and my nice, respectful, and humorous way of interacting with people. Is it important to "come off as a dominant" to attract submissive women in the BDSM lifestyle? Sometimes I just want to say "why don't you strip naked and let me tie you up and find out if I'm really dominant or not".

To be a good dom to attract submissive women, is it required that I be at least 40 years old, have poor taste in fashion, never smile or laugh, have a deep smokers voice, and grow a thick mustache? (I am sorry, as this last comment might offend about 90% of the members of collarme.com). Some might say that my "apology" comment in parentheses after the two smily faces is not a very dominant act as well. Your thoughts on the issue?

My reality conflicts with your paradigm, since m'Lord is much more like your first paragraph.

hmmm, but he is almost 40.......

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to JLION)

RE: Mr. Nice Guy is not Mr. Dom? - 2/4/2008 7:44:39 PM

Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JLION

I have heard this from a few females, but I just do not "come off" as a dominant. I'm very nice. I'm very honest. I'm a humanitarian and somewhat of an activist. I have a dry and silly sense of humor. I show confidence. I am completely honest, and I discuss my BDSM fantasies completely openly, but it does not appear to be congruent with my "vanilla lifestyle" and my nice, respectful, and humorous way of interacting with people. Is it important to "come off as a dominant" to attract submissive women in the BDSM lifestyle? Sometimes I just want to say "why don't you strip naked and let me tie you up and find out if I'm really dominant or not".

To be a good dom to attract submissive women, is it required that I be at least 40 years old, have poor taste in fashion, never smile or laugh, have a deep smokers voice, and grow a thick mustache? (I am sorry, as this last comment might offend about 90% of the members of collarme.com). Some might say that my "apology" comment in parentheses after the two smily faces is not a very dominant act as well. Your thoughts on the issue?

Well let's see, my Sir is over 40, He does have good taste in clothing, He does smile and laugh, He doesn't smoke and has a wonderful voice (He's in a mens choir), He does have facial hair, which is closely shaven and best of all, He has chosen me to be His submissive.

What really does it for me is the confidence He has. How He carries Himself, and how He treats me. Of course, there are many other things I could gush over about Him... but I suppose no one cares but me

girly

_____________________________

i see You

happily forever one

(in reply to JLION)

RE: Mr. Nice Guy is not Mr. Dom? - 2/4/2008 7:48:14 PM

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

i am, well let's call it "ageless" and i have a job where i am a supervisor in a very competitive business. i do not come across as submissive in my business life and since i am not a docile mouse i have rarely been recognized as submissive even at munches etc. i have never once been approached by a Dominant at "lifestyle" functions.

A lot of people have preconceived ideas of what a Dominant or a submissive or a slave is supposed to be and the truth is that no one can be everything to everyone. The key is to be everything to someone. Finding that someone is such a large task that is the reason why sites like this exist in the first place otherwise it would just be message boards.

Be yourself. That's be best advice you've received and the best advice there is.

Not too long ago i feel deeply in love with a Master who showed me He was a nice guy while still being fully in control. i gave up my friends, gave Him my passwords to all my computer accounts and trusted Him when He told me He loved me and that my collar was forever, He would never dispose of His property. In one day He got upset with me for crying over some nasty remarks He made about how i had raised my children. He released me in an instant, called me a player and showed scorn and disapproval even after i had moved on.... Not at all a "nice" guy and frankly, His behavior has not made Him attractive but very very ugly.

Mr. Dom possesses the same character as Mr Nice Guy. Nice does not equal Weak. Tender does not equal Sucker. Love does not equal Stupid.

When I mentioned to a couple of friends of mine that I was in a M/s relationship, their response was that they always knew I was a Domme.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to eyesopened)

RE: Mr. Nice Guy is not Mr. Dom? - 2/4/2008 8:37:12 PM

Kana

Posts: 6674
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

You guys forgot to mention that while wearing the leather pants and waistcoat
the uber-dom is forbidden to smile.
It breaks rule 1 of the dominant code.

My man, forget what anyone else thinks (including me, making any further writing here from me solopsistic but what the hell) be you. Dont be fake and try to be what you are not. Nothing is worse than a fraudulent dominant. The truth always outs in the end and then people get hurt.
So many people try to be something they are not, just be you.
I can be kind, sweet, nice, considerate, caring, loving affectionate what have you...
I can also be confrontational, bossy, brutal, inconsiderate, scathing and unbending.
Some people think I am the biggest jerk they ever met, others think I am a great guy.
The key is that with few exceptions I don't dare what others think.
All you need to know is if she thinks you are to nice to be her dominant, she is not the one for you.
No big deal, it just means you have different things you are looking for.
Move on and keep looking.
Personally if she doesn't like me for me, I don't want her anyhow, she can go find what she needs and it will save me a whole lot of hassle in the long run.

< Message edited by Kana -- 2/4/2008 8:53:49 PM >

(in reply to OmegaG)

RE: Mr. Nice Guy is not Mr. Dom? - 2/4/2008 9:06:19 PM

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

FFS, why was this year-old thread resurrected? The OP still has "I apologize" as the first two words in his profile (which is a feminine thing... to apologize when there is nothing to apologize for), wonder if he is still having the same issues.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to Kana)

RE: Mr. Nice Guy is not Mr. Dom? - 2/4/2008 9:11:30 PM

burningdesires47

Posts: 120
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JLION
I have heard this from a few females, but I just do not "come off" as a dominant. I'm very nice. I'm very honest. I'm a humanitarian and somewhat of an activist. I have a dry and silly sense of humor. I show confidence. I am completely honest, and I discuss my BDSM fantasies completely openly, but it does not appear to be congruent with my "vanilla lifestyle" and my nice, respectful, and humorous way of interacting with people. Is it important to "come off as a dominant" to attract submissive women in the BDSM lifestyle? Sometimes I just want to say "why don't you strip naked and let me tie you up and find out if I'm really dominant or not".

I'll be honest with you, I turned down a guy because he didn't come off as dominant to me. More accurately, I COULD NOT feel submissive to him. I tried, I really did, but he lacked the confidence to make it work.

You can be a nice guy and a gentleman and still be a Dom. In fact, I insist on it. One of my favorite first dates is going to dinner, for a number of reasons, but because I also like to see how much he tips. For good service, if he tips less than 15%, he's lost points already (but usually by that point I've also already decided if he gets a second date, so that is rarely the deciding factor).

You say you show confidence. The simple fact that you felt the need to question your own dominance, and do so publicly on this post shows me that perhaps you THINK you feel more confident than you APPEAR.

I shot a guy down because in 30 days of chatting online, he asked me NO LESS than seven times (and it probably took another two for me to notice) if I was OK with the fact that he is balding. He has a picture on his profile--trust me, I saw that he was balding before I ever answered his first message. But he simply couldn't lay off it, and was SOOOOO insecure about his balding head that he couldn't get past it. That insecurity was obvious, and that's just one example.

So, pop quiz: you're mid-scene, how do you check in with your sub (no safeword has been said, no indication of a problem, you're just checking in)?
* Ask her "Are you OK?"
* Ask her "how are you doing?"
* Ask her "Is what I'm doing/how I'm doing this ok for you?"
* Tell her to rate her pain/pleasure/whatever you may have pre-negotiated rating means
* have some other symbol such as #putting your hand over he mouth, and if things are going OK she will kiss it. If she doesn't, you ask are you going to kiss my hand? and then handle the situation depending on her answer.

#Courtesy of GrayDancer

If you picked the third one, I doubt we ever would have made it to a scene, but if we did for whatever reason and that was your check-in, I'd be out of that scene SOO incredibly fast. More than likely the same for the first one. "How are you doing" might bother me, but it wouldn't be a red flag for lack of confidence.

I'm sure I had something else to say but I forgot what it was. And there's a thunderstorm here and we keep getting power surges so I'm shutting off my cpmputer now.

(in reply to JLION)

RE: Mr. Nice Guy is not Mr. Dom? - 2/5/2008 5:03:05 AM

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

To the op. I am probably the nicest guy on here. I have no sense of humor.Why do you need one. Now you have me thinking. Are all of these subs I have really groupies??? I guess I had better untie them and let them go. One more thing. Quit assuming.

(in reply to toservez)

RE: Mr. Nice Guy is not Mr. Dom? - 2/5/2008 6:01:01 AM

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

Ray?...you are the second nicest guy here......and I do have a sense of humor..:). To the OP..I am a goofball, but I am a dominant goofball. I do not see the two as being mutually exclusive

Jeff

(in reply to Dnomyar)

RE: Mr. Nice Guy is not Mr. Dom? - 2/5/2008 7:16:24 AM

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Cali apologize to me. Mmmmm Jeff mabey we are mutually exclusive.

(in reply to Jeffff)

RE: Mr. Nice Guy is not Mr. Dom? - 2/5/2008 7:54:04 AM

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

Ray?...you are the second nicest guy here......and I do have a sense of humor..:). To the OP..I am a goofball, but I am a dominant goofball. I do not see the two as being mutually exclusive

Jeff

Is that a new category, Dominant Goofball, LOL?

No wonder we like you so much!!

(in reply to Jeffff)

RE: Mr. Nice Guy is not Mr. Dom? - 2/5/2008 8:10:41 AM

Aynne

Posts: 740
Joined: 1/25/2008
Status: offline

.

< Message edited by Aynne -- 2/5/2008 8:12:33 AM >

(in reply to sexyred1)

RE: Mr. Nice Guy is not Mr. Dom? - 2/5/2008 9:09:17 AM

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Cali apologize to me. Mmmmm Jeff mabey we are mutually exclusive.

Apologize??? What the fuck did I do NOW??? For the record, Jeff is the nicest guy here (at number 1.25), and Ray is on his ass at number 2. I'm still trying to sort out the rest... I think RedMagic is throwing his hat into the nice ring, if he's not careful that is.

Now the bad guy list... hot damn, don't even WANT to sort that into a ranking.

Cali
(scorekeeper extraordinaire)

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to Dnomyar)

RE: Mr. Nice Guy is not Mr. Dom? - 2/5/2008 9:32:58 AM

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

Come on Aynne........tell us!!

Jeff

(in reply to Aynne)

RE: Mr. Nice Guy is not Mr. Dom? - 2/5/2008 10:43:25 AM

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Go for it Aynne.

(in reply to Jeffff)

RE: Mr. Nice Guy is not Mr. Dom? - 2/5/2008 10:46:43 AM

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Cali you said the I apoligise is a feminine thing. I was just giving you a chace to be girly.

(in reply to Dnomyar)

RE: Mr. Nice Guy is not Mr. Dom? - 2/5/2008 11:06:44 AM

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Cali you said the I apoligise is a feminine thing. I was just giving you a chace to be girly.

Oh FFS Ray, don't make me spank you. I didn't say it was a GOOD girly thing. It irritates me to no end. Whenever someone says, "I'm sorry but...", I cut them off with "apology accepted". Then they are the one confused and I say, "don't apologize if you didn't do anything wrong."

Now fuckin say you're sorry Ray.

Cali
(like I need to be GIVEN a chance to be girly)

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to Dnomyar)

RE: Mr. Nice Guy is not Mr. Dom? - 2/5/2008 11:14:07 AM

Posts: 4002
Joined: 11/19/2007
From: Virginville
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JLION

I have heard this from a few females, but I just do not "come off" as a dominant. I'm very nice. I'm very honest. I'm a humanitarian and somewhat of an activist. I have a dry and silly sense of humor. I show confidence. I am completely honest, and I discuss my BDSM fantasies completely openly, but it does not appear to be congruent with my "vanilla lifestyle" and my nice, respectful, and humorous way of interacting with people. Is it important to "come off as a dominant" to attract submissive women in the BDSM lifestyle? Sometimes I just want to say "why don't you strip naked and let me tie you up and find out if I'm really dominant or not".

To be a good dom to attract submissive women, is it required that I be at least 40 years old, have poor taste in fashion, never smile or laugh, have a deep smokers voice, and grow a thick mustache? (I am sorry, as this last comment might offend about 90% of the members of collarme.com). Some might say that my "apology" comment in parentheses after the two smily faces is not a very dominant act as well. Your thoughts on the issue?

Now you KNOW that girls are attracted to the "Bad Boy" types. Fresh out of jail, tattooed so much it looks like he has a permanant shirt on AND if you have a tattoo on Mr. Winkie.....we fall madly in love because we know you're the TOUGH GUY of our dreams! Oh Daddy!!!

_____________________________

Resident Virgin
Official Mommy of Jolly & Jilly

Nobody is 'dead' until nobody remembers them
http://www.chkittyclub.com/pages/home.html
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com/clickToGive/home.faces?siteId=3&ThirdPartyClicks=ThankYouCar

(in reply to JLION)

RE: Mr. Nice Guy is not Mr. Dom? - 2/5/2008 11:45:19 AM

Posts: 732
Status: offline

And 'sides, nice guys finish last doncha know. Which means that I've done all the cumming I possibly can before that. I don't have a problem with it. Mmmmmmmm

_____________________________

There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to parttimehotty)

RE: Mr. Nice Guy is not Mr. Dom? - 2/6/2008 4:40:18 AM

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Cali no Im not going to say it because you will cut me off.

(in reply to littlebitxxx)

RE: Mr. Nice Guy is not Mr. Dom? - 2/6/2008 4:53:48 AM

Witchywoman0123

Posts: 12
Joined: 10/30/2007
Status: offline

And here I am being a bad Mistress for telling the ones that apologize before having done something that I know they are "sorry" now they can apologize for being sorry. But then I am after all a witch (a lot of times spelled with a b instead of w)

(in reply to CalifChick)

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