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RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable? Or manipulation?


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RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/9/2007 6:22:54 PM   
liljoy


Posts: 577
Joined: 3/25/2004
Status: offline
or even a first name for sure

(in reply to SweetAndInnocent)
Profile   Post #: 181
RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/9/2007 6:53:59 PM   
justheather


Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: liljoy

or even a first name for sure


When do you know "for sure" what someone's first name is?
I mean, when you meet the new guy at work and he says "Hi, Im Scott", do you lean in real close and say "It's ok, Scott, we're all friends here. Now, what's your real first name? Do you address him as "Scott....if that is your real name..." until he documents it with official government-issued ID?
Let's not get carried away here.


_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to liljoy)
Profile   Post #: 182
RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/9/2007 7:15:14 PM   
liljoy


Posts: 577
Joined: 3/25/2004
Status: offline
heather
Unless i am not recalling correctly she said that he told her it was one thing and then later told her something else. That's why i said she didn't even know his first name for sure

(in reply to justheather)
Profile   Post #: 183
RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/9/2007 7:19:36 PM   
LadyIce


Posts: 406
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyIce

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

Susan...It seems that drama follows you everywhere you go.  That might be an indication of repeated mistakes or poor judgement on you part.  I don't know you so I can't really say.  I do know that you've been on the boards now with three major dramas within the past year...all were detrimental to your safety.  You may need to step back and really take a hard look at how you communicate with people.  I know you just started a thread on house rules and to be honest, to me thats an indication of part of the problem.  You come across to me as if you don't really talk to these men that you consider.  It seems to me that you are more concerned with protocol and being the perfect submissive that you can't relax enoough to speak to these people like people and not Dominants.  You learn a lot more from someone when you forget the rules and just talk.  I think that you've probably known for a while that there were all kinds of red flags with this guy, but you chose to ignore them until they couldn't be ignored any longer.  I can understand that desire, but desire will never make someone fit into what you are searching for.  Listen and trust yourself, be confident in yourself, control yourself and men will not be able to take advantage of you.  You made the right decision.  Learn from it so you don't repeat the pattern.  This is supposed to be enjoyable.


What a nasty attitude you have, this is a time she needs support.
Attitudes like this is why many of us don't want to share.
I don't see you sharing information, yet you are quick to tear someone
else apart.


That's funny...I have over 4000 posts and I'm on this board exchanging ideas every day.  You have 102 posts.  And what advice did you give Susan?  All I did in this post was bring up the fact that perhaps Susan, instead of placing all of the blame on the dom, might recognize that she was part of the problem in her denial of red flags and poor communication.  She said that he refused to give her the info three weeks into the talking an yet she continued to try and move the relationship forward another six weeks, even buying non- refundable tickets.  She refused to realize that she had a problem until three days before she was about to go???  WTF!  She should have walked when he didn't give the info.  None of this would have happened.  Then she brings it to the boards all upset.  She gets pissed when her self made fantasy world doesn't meet up with reality and then comes here to be coddled.  Like I've said before...she has a history of bringing her dramas to the boards and she gets very good advice, but she also doesn't listen to a lot of it.  That's her choice.   Trust me, I could have been a lot nastier.  As it is, I think I was rather nice.  Because I said something which wasn't along the lines of poor Susan doesn't make me nasty or wrong.  I didn't realize that some adults here had rules taken from a Kindergaten class.  I didn't play nicey nice so I got kicked out of the sandbox.  Oh well.  This is ridiculous.  I'm done.  Good luck Susan.  Hope things work out for you.

edited for spelling.


Again, if you don't care to read what Susan writes, don't read it.
I enjoy Susan, she is sweet and she is real.
Good luck Susan, you certainly deserve someone better.

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 184
RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/9/2007 7:22:31 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

I don’t understand why someone as smart and charming as you has had such continual onset of bad luck. That guy is mean and very bad. 


At first I thought that the guy was insincere or a player or fake.  But after a few days on this thread I've decided that  it's unfair to judge him without knowing his side of the story.  Something may have happened between them that made him feel uncomfortable and at that point he may have decided that he couldn't part with his name and address.  It remains unfortunate that he went back on his word to disclose, but that is only one of many things that went wrong here.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to UR2Badored)
Profile   Post #: 185
RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/9/2007 7:24:27 PM   
LadyIce


Posts: 406
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

Don't have the energy argue with two people in one day Aileen. You are of course entitled to your opinion - and also to not read message board threads.  You could be right. Maybe you are. I can take criticism - I've been giving oit to myself all morning.
Do you get that I am hurt? Do you get I needed to vent? Do you get what message boards can be good for, sometimes?  I can take your opinion,.Aileen, or leave it, and frankly this time I am leaving it, Don;t like it? Don't read it. How's that fpor "approval seeking"? He?

I have done it to myself all morning. You're not saying anything to me I haven't already said to myself, darlin' - especially this morning. I am not trying to hurt your feelings either. Just sayin.' Dont like it - don't read it.

- Susan


Bravo Susan, I am tired of her nastiness.
If people don't like what you read, then no one is forcing them to read it.
I am glad you spoke up, and I enjoy reading what you write.
I am so glad you decided not to meet the bum, you certainly deserve someone
better.  I am also glad you shared, so many of us want or are going to meet
people from off this site, you certainly are not the only one who has had
this problem.  Better days are ahead Susan.

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 186
RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/9/2007 7:26:01 PM   
LadyIce


Posts: 406
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline
I think she has a lot of problems, happy people are usually not that nasty.

(in reply to onestandingstill)
Profile   Post #: 187
RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/9/2007 7:28:27 PM   
justheather


Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline
Lilijoy: My point was that at the time, she thought she knew his first name.

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to justheather)
Profile   Post #: 188
RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/9/2007 8:36:39 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
I can say that the man in question may indeed be a player or a dumbass- but he is also a acquaintance of a friend and is out and known in the public scene in SA and so is at least well enough known to have connections offline and not have been ostracized.  I wouldn't have been ok with having dinner with Susan and the man AND having them as my guests to the GWNN party if I hadn't at least been secure enough that he wouldn't embarass me.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to justheather)
Profile   Post #: 189
RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/9/2007 8:48:56 PM   
Emperor1956


Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline
This thread proved it.  Don't try to teach pigs to sing.  It wastes your time, and annoys the pig.  

E.

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 190
RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/9/2007 9:29:29 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline
To SusanO....not much for me to add here except I feel you should take LA up on her offer and go enjoy her company.Make use of that ticket and go play..use those new clothes...It may get you out of your doldrums, and enable you to simply have a nice vacation....be well...Tempting

(in reply to Emperor1956)
Profile   Post #: 191
RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/10/2007 1:59:19 AM   
susie


Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyIce

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyIce

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

Susan...It seems that drama follows you everywhere you go.  That might be an indication of repeated mistakes or poor judgement on you part.  I don't know you so I can't really say.  I do know that you've been on the boards now with three major dramas within the past year...all were detrimental to your safety.  You may need to step back and really take a hard look at how you communicate with people.  I know you just started a thread on house rules and to be honest, to me thats an indication of part of the problem.  You come across to me as if you don't really talk to these men that you consider.  It seems to me that you are more concerned with protocol and being the perfect submissive that you can't relax enoough to speak to these people like people and not Dominants.  You learn a lot more from someone when you forget the rules and just talk.  I think that you've probably known for a while that there were all kinds of red flags with this guy, but you chose to ignore them until they couldn't be ignored any longer.  I can understand that desire, but desire will never make someone fit into what you are searching for.  Listen and trust yourself, be confident in yourself, control yourself and men will not be able to take advantage of you.  You made the right decision.  Learn from it so you don't repeat the pattern.  This is supposed to be enjoyable.


What a nasty attitude you have, this is a time she needs support.
Attitudes like this is why many of us don't want to share.
I don't see you sharing information, yet you are quick to tear someone
else apart.


That's funny...I have over 4000 posts and I'm on this board exchanging ideas every day.  You have 102 posts.  And what advice did you give Susan?  All I did in this post was bring up the fact that perhaps Susan, instead of placing all of the blame on the dom, might recognize that she was part of the problem in her denial of red flags and poor communication.  She said that he refused to give her the info three weeks into the talking an yet she continued to try and move the relationship forward another six weeks, even buying non- refundable tickets.  She refused to realize that she had a problem until three days before she was about to go???  WTF!  She should have walked when he didn't give the info.  None of this would have happened.  Then she brings it to the boards all upset.  She gets pissed when her self made fantasy world doesn't meet up with reality and then comes here to be coddled.  Like I've said before...she has a history of bringing her dramas to the boards and she gets very good advice, but she also doesn't listen to a lot of it.  That's her choice.   Trust me, I could have been a lot nastier.  As it is, I think I was rather nice.  Because I said something which wasn't along the lines of poor Susan doesn't make me nasty or wrong.  I didn't realize that some adults here had rules taken from a Kindergaten class.  I didn't play nicey nice so I got kicked out of the sandbox.  Oh well.  This is ridiculous.  I'm done.  Good luck Susan.  Hope things work out for you.

edited for spelling.


Again, if you don't care to read what Susan writes, don't read it.
I enjoy Susan, she is sweet and she is real.
Good luck Susan, you certainly deserve someone better.


Correct me if I am wrong but the forums here are open to everyone to read and respond to as they see fit. Starting a post with "Please help me" is asking for responses from members here. If the OP only wanted responses that were supporting her view then perhaps that should have been the title of the posting. If you open yourself up to responses here you must expect to receive some that you will not like. I did not see nastiness in Aileens post just another point of view. In fact I see more "nastiness" in Susans response to those that do not support her than I do in some of the responses made.

I assume that because you say Susan is real that you know her in real life and have spoken to her. Others here know her from her postings and that is what they comment on.

If you are not ready to listen to others points of view do not start threads asking for just that.

(in reply to LadyIce)
Profile   Post #: 192
wrong place - 3/10/2007 3:43:36 AM   
yoursnatch


Posts: 28
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline
sorry not right spot

< Message edited by yoursnatch -- 3/10/2007 3:50:55 AM >

(in reply to susie)
Profile   Post #: 193
RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/10/2007 3:54:00 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline
Susan, you and I are "CM" friends, but I will tell you that you exhibit classic signs of sub frenzy. Here is the deal:

He is married. He is not a doctor...as if that is supposed to mean something about him personally. 

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 194
RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/10/2007 6:58:58 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

I can say that the man in question may indeed be a player or a dumb-ass- but he is also a acquaintance of a friend and is out and known in the public scene in SA and so is at least well enough known to have connections offline and not have been ostracized.


If this is accurate then it is a non sequitur to Susan's side of the story. Why would a person, "out and known in the public scene in SA", not provide his real name and information to someone who was visiting him from out of state? Someone else said there is another side to this story, but it may be there are three sides. Susan's, the man of multi-first names, and reality.

Accepting Susan's case unemotionally as fact, he sure as hell would be ostracized or at least thought of as a fraud by me. Is the SA scene not concerned about safety and honest representation? Per Susan he represented himself as a Doctor - "Dr. Dumb-Ass"?

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 195
RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/10/2007 7:02:53 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

but it may be there are three sides. Susan's, the man of multi-first names, and reality.


Well I think you've hit on something there....


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 196
RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/10/2007 7:10:34 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

This honestly isnt a personal thing. I've thougt a lot about it, and I just don't see how being mean to people ever helps them, because the manner in which the message is imparted to begin with, is almost guaranteed to tune out the person is intended to reach.

**Also, it is very much worth mentioning, that people who rarely (if ever), self-disclose, could very well have personal lives that are in complete shambles, as easily as they could be stellar examples of emotional health (or otherwise capable of giving decent advice).

So - if someone never self-dicloses anything about themselves, or their lives, here on-line, when offering to another their "good advice", I tend to take it with a grain of salt, no matter how eloquent they are in expressing their opinion.


- Susan


Hi Susan,

Good advice is good advice, no matter what quarter it has come from. Having a shambolic personal life doesn't negate good advice, either. I'm not sure why you think it makes an opinion or advice any less valid or useful.

I don't speak about my problems, upsets or drama's in the forum because they are personal and I don't want or need advice from a bunch of strangers who don't know me or my life situation.
The last thing on my mind when I have a problem or an upset would be to post about it to *help others*.

Friends or people close to you might spare your feelings, because they know the best approach, knowing you...........but it's not to be expected on a public forum. It's not a case of whether it's *nice* or not, if you do something idiotic and vent about it, you will get opinions and views from the most die-hard cynics to the softest hearts.

It's one thing to be open and frank, and self-disclose as you put it, but it leaves you wide-open for dissection. Rightly or wrongly you ARE going to be judged by what you write and disclose here. People WILL make assumptions based on past posts and disclosures. Your OP wasn't displayed as a vent, it was displayed as a problem, with a question  and you asked for any thoughts.

If you read through your own posts, missing out the responses, you might see the sheer amount of information you actually put into the public domain.

I know this has been horrid for you, but having posted here, you also have had to cope with the *drama* of the forum as well.

Regards, agirl





(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 197
RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/10/2007 7:18:45 AM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
Susan.. Susan.. Susan (motherly sigh)
 
What you are asking him is not unreasonable.  This reminds me of the back seat of a '57 Chevy situation when the guy says "If you love me you'll do it".. here it's "If you are going to be my submissive,.. just trust me" 
 
If you want to risk a potential stay for eternity in Hotel Oil Drum, go.  It's only your life.
 
Otherwise, consider the $250 as a very cheap tuition to pay in the School of Life. 

Edited to add:

This should be required reading for all Internet D/s explorers: 
 
 http://www.amazon.com/Anyone-You-Want-Me-Be/dp/0743448804/ref=sr_1_11/103-8555866-2079860?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1173540154&sr=1-11

< Message edited by LotusSong -- 3/10/2007 7:26:26 AM >


_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 198
RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/10/2007 7:29:36 AM   
rascallymisty


Posts: 123
Joined: 8/1/2006
Status: offline
Mercnbeth, I wondered  the same thing after reading what LA said.

Susan my best wishes go out to you, some of us just seem to have drama in our life  and it wouldn't be our life without it ~smiles~ ....

~ misty ~

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 199
RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/10/2007 7:34:23 AM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
Well, you have had a wonderful response here Susan.
I for one appreciate you sharing your experiences, you are a sweetheart and a doll.
If others do not want to read what your write, or have issues with it---I wish
they would stop reading your threads and maybe just take a hike.
I LOVE the way you write and express your thoughts and emotions.
I will soon be meeting someone from CM and I am going to make him read this thread!
I also made him give me his address!  LOL I have his full name and where he works.

When he comes up here to meet me, I have already stated he will be staying in a hotel room.
This is the era of internet meeting and dating and damn it we all need to be careful.
I am proud of you for having the GUTS to post this and you might have even helped
save someone from being hurt or raped or even worse!
{{{{{{Big hugs to you Susan}}}}}}}}

You will find someone that deserves and appreciates a gem like yourself.
Susan? you rock!

< Message edited by MzMia -- 3/10/2007 7:35:55 AM >


_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 200
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