RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable? Or manipulation?

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RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/8/2007 10:59:24 AM

Posts: 60698
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LOLOLOLOL,
We got us a buncha people on the rag today!!!! I do not equate self-justification with learning either.

God, I love this town!!!!!

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to KatyLied)

RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/8/2007 10:59:33 AM

Posts: 272
Joined: 2/13/2006
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yes Katy i think i may have been wrong on that point...but why batter someone when they are down....the past does help to mold us.....but it could be said in maybe a less harsh way...
Just a thought,
roe

(in reply to KatyLied)

RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/8/2007 11:04:30 AM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
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I went to newyork once, He said his aunt was fine with me coming and we'd have a great time. I DID NOT verify that and I ended up being tossed out, I got to the house, late I might add he made me wait an hour after pick up time, and when I arrived his aunt said I told you I will not have that woman in my house, he was told no do not have me over he thought if I showed up she'd simply have to allow it.

His uncle ended up paying for two nights at a hotel after thatI ended up stranded in newyork, I had to call the police to get any help, they came picked me up, and the officer found me another motel droped me off, I ended up staying in a shitty dump ass hotel with a manager who was trying all night to get into my room and tried very slyly to fuck me. This guy had the balls to try to get out of helping me get back to the airport, he said I could simply take a bus and it'd be fine. I told him oh no, you got me down here you prommised me a bunch of shit you had no intention of giving, I am alone in a strange town with luggage YOU will come take me to the airport.

< Message edited by FelinePersuasion -- 3/8/2007 11:05:39 AM >

_____________________________

Most of the time if it looks like BS, smells like BS, you probably should not t taste it to see if, in fact, it is BS.

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RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/8/2007 11:04:50 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: eroticangel

What good does it do to belittle a person when they are feeling down??? Some of us need the release we are afforded here. If we don't agree, fine....but there is absolutely no reason to put someone down and speak of their past. The help is needed NOW on the present situation.

Just my thoughts,
roe

That's the drawback of posting personal situations, though. People WILL respond in context of your past disclosures. If you share in this way, it will be noted and commented on.

To be fair, Susan has had a LOT of supportive posts, overwhelmingly so.......it isn't always a bad thing to see how we are *coming across* to other people.

agirl

(in reply to eroticangel)

RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/8/2007 11:06:55 AM

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Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
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quote:

We got us a buncha people on the rag today

For the record, I'm not on the rag today.
But the mention of mensa tends to produce a "on the rag" response from me.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to mnottertail)

RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/8/2007 11:09:01 AM

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Joined: 2/13/2006
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lol...i'm not on the rag either.......i just want eveyone to get along...lol

(in reply to KatyLied)

RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/8/2007 11:23:07 AM

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Joined: 12/27/2005
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*gives huggles and a pint of Phish Food*

I'm glad to hear it. Sweetie, if he wanted to see you bad enough he would have given you the information that he promised you.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to SusanofO)

RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/8/2007 11:45:25 AM

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

Phish Food

I have an unopened container in my freezer....guess what's for dinner tonight.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to AquaticSub)

RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/8/2007 12:04:21 PM

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Joined: 12/19/2005
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Well everyone knows smart people as well as those that usaully display (or not) common sense, are devoid of emotion and never have anything bad happen to them. It is common knowledge. We are just immune to all of that. Just like Dr. Spock, we never feel hurt or confused or any of that. Wow, it's just so great lemme tell ya' Neither do we ever have new epxeriences we never had before that we learn anything from - it;s a given it should all be pre-experienced, like a in-born cimputer chip in th ehead, or something. Pretty friggin' amazing, when you think about it, really -

Frankly, I don't give a rat's ass what anyone's opinion is whom it bothers that I posted to vent. Also, I thought maybe someone else who was brand new could pssoubly benefit because some opf what I had to do was a judgment call, and honestly, it was a close call.

IMO - that is part of that this message board is for, I can handle differeing opinons (Katy, agril, etc. and I agree with some of it - some of it isn't stuff I hadn't thought about, but some is, and probably should have acted on, and aheell of a lot sooner, maybe.

Live and learn. First time for everything. So a smart person is really just stupid like anyone else. Big Fr_ckin deal!! This message board is for everyone. At leata that's always been my impression. I will mention (again) that there are about a hundred other threads on here for to read through, if someone reallly really hates this one, and cannot help themselves form becoming vindictive in expressing thier opinion (you know who you are). I don't need it, and don't intend to put up with it - sure as hell not today. I am going to be late for an appointment.

I really do appreciate ( alot) all of the genuine feed-back (good or critical)I received and the outstanding support. It was helpful and menaing ful to me, and I did need it. Maybe this thread helpedsomeone else along the way, too.Thanks so much, people. It was appreciated.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 3/8/2007 12:12:06 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to AquaticSub)

RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/8/2007 12:10:14 PM

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Joined: 1/13/2007
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I think Susan was largely looking for confirmation of what she knew was right in her heart. The need for such support is greatest when we are in the mist of a choice where we are being strongly pulled in two directions at once, and knowing that our current state that we likely are not fully able to judge well, or that we can see all the possible options. The immediate crisis pretty much resolved, then it is wise to included some "toughlove" if it seems warrented. Let's just make sure we include the "love" with being "tough," unless it is by the right person and they have given due warning, a Dom/Master for example, and/or repeated the same pattern with some notice provided of it (we need opportunity to grow and develop).

But I would hate to see any of us here purposefully discourage such questions especially when so much is riding on a decision to continue on a path or not. At the same time "ditto to what LA said" and take what is good and leave the rest is sound advice to me, and try not to be overly sensitive to the responses that don't seem to fit, or be outside of what you can accept today. Balance is key, and having a place to share/ask about concerns when we feel off-balance is invaluable to me. And think Susan now has her sense of balance more restored.

And remember that PMS can also stand for Personal Mental State as well.

chrissyslave

_____________________________

Healthy living, diet and exercise...and you say that's a bad thing?!!

(in reply to KatyLied)

RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/8/2007 12:13:27 PM

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Joined: 9/11/2006
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I'm a dom but... you shouldnt see him ...
you can still get a hold of local group in that area though and have a fun little vacation
why waste the tickete

(in reply to agirl)

RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/8/2007 12:14:02 PM

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Joined: 12/19/2005
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Thanks a lot. That is helpful to me.
I do have an appointment, I really do. But I have indeed appreciated the support (as well as the evaluative obejective comments. I have. I'll se ya'll later onm nd hope ya' have a good one.

_Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to chrissyslave)

RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/8/2007 12:18:12 PM

SoCalOTKhristine

Posts: 12
Joined: 2/25/2007
From: Southern California
Status: offline

You are NOT a sucker!!! You had time to think through this whole scenario, and you used the time wisely. However, I keep reading your posts and see a HINT of self doubt. I love how you are talking yourself through this, eventually, that self doubt will disappear and you will feel empowered by making such a good decision. You will be proud of yourself when you look back at this whole thing.

Next thing to watch for are those guys who use the word Dom to insist you meet them right away, not giving you the time to think "What the hell am I doing"? My first red flag is when a person ignores all of my suggestions in getting to know them prior to meeting. I require a few emails back and forth, maybe a bit of chat, then a meeting that I set up, in an environment I am comfortable with. If they respond or intro themselves "Hey, lets meet and forget about the obligatory info exchange", I reply courteously stating that I do things a certain way, sounds like I cannot meet his needs. Oh, I could give the men the excuse "Oh, poor guy, probably gets women who only want a cyber relationship, or doesn't think I am real"....but I really don't care about them at this point...I don't know them, I care about myself first and foremost.

When I first found this site, I thought I was too controlling, or too demanding to be a sub. I state in my profile that I will only give up control to the RIGHT man...not to just anyone I meet or date. After I discovered this message board, I learned my approach was not "non-submissive", just safe and sane.

Your life is worth more than $250, you know it, and this whole experience will be one that will make you stronger, and smarter when it comes to dating in general.

I am glad you got to see his true colors when you made a decision that is in your best interest, not his. Don't feel bad, you really don't know this person, so don't worry about his feelings in regard to you being safe and sane. People will use your "empathy" as a weakness and exploit it if you let them...it is a wicked form of manipulation. Once I find someone attempting to manipulate me in this manner, I am oh so done with them.

And let me leave you with this thought to ponder...How many times has your gut/intuition been right vs. the heart/brain connection? Most people will answer that their intuition (that little voice that says...What the Hell are you doing) has been on the money 100% of the time. Of course, we only know that AFTER we have been hurt, lied to or cheated on...but most of us knew way ahead of time that things just weren't "right" and chose to ignore that nagging voice, those red flags. The older I get, the more I rely on those nagging thoughts, the more I listen to them. Your intuition sounds on the money, don't dismiss it in the future.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

Thanks for listening, people. I appreciate it. I must have "SUCKER" written on my back (I feel like I do).This will not happen to me again. I am (for real) taking a nap now. I have so much appreciated the support. The only reason I posted about it was because I was:

1) Depressed about it, and needed to talk
2) Think it might help someone else, maybe
And not in that order, necessarily, either.

- Susan

_____________________________

OTKhristine
"Human minds like parachutes are of not much value unless they are opened." - Charlie Chan

(in reply to SusanofO)

RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/8/2007 1:09:10 PM

onestandingstill

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Susan, you've had mail all day, please read it if you can.
suzanne

(in reply to SusanofO)

RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/8/2007 1:41:31 PM

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Joined: 9/11/2006
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Why do you trust him... It seems to me any trust you had would have been out the window the minut you found out he lied to you about his name and lied about telling you his info.. he lied and sayed he would give you this info in order to get you to come visit now that he thinks this visit is a sure thing he is going back on that meaning he never planed to tell you in the first place. BIG RED FLAG

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to agirl)

RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/8/2007 2:32:13 PM

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Joined: 8/24/2006
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Susan....

If it's any consolation, I too have gotten carried away with a new chance at something, and it's only after a little bit of time has gone by that all of a sudden, I seem to wake up and ask myself "WTF???". I see the little yellow and red flags that I wasn't paying attention to.....I may be making a generalization, and may hear about it, but c'mon folks.....how many have done the same? The thrill of the meeting, conversations on-line that are everything you want to hear, the physiological reactions to the whole sense of newness of the possibility that this is "the ONE" you have been waiting for to come by and sweep you off your feet. It's no secret, sometimes hormones just kick common sense to the curb. Then, something happens that gives you the mental kick in the ass, and your common sense, and your sense of self-preseravtion wakes up. We're all human, and make some dumb errors of judgement. The good news is that you got your kick in the ass in time to prevent anything drastic from occurring. Life is a learning experience...and anyone who says they know it all is just kidding themselves. One thing that really impresses me here is that for the most part, there are very few judgemental people here.

OK, done rambling...I'm glad that there are people here that are more than willing to listen to another's questions and comments. I've learned a great deal just by hanging out and reading these boards, and can always count on something here to make me grin, snicker or just laugh out loud. And I leave the drinks in the kitchen......keyboards are a pain to replace!

m

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/8/2007 2:47:25 PM

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Joined: 10/3/2006
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     Susan, I truly understand where you are coming from.   I met my partner after years of communication.   I traveled to his state by myself.   I paid for the ticket, and the motel room, but I did have a street address, last name, date of birth, blah blah blah.   I can feel your dilemma, that you've waited for this visit and now it seems to be blowing up in your face.   I had anxiety and I know how I would have felt if a few days before I was ready to go things hadn't worked out.
      Tell him up front about your discomfort and anxiety about his failure to provide you with the needed information.   Suggest that you will take a TAXI to a prearranged place for dinner or coffee.   Ask for ID, and if he fails to provide it, make your safe call and leave via taxi.   If you do some research prior to the visit, I am sure you may be able to find some cool things to do solo so the trip is not a total waste.    If he is not up for the suggestion of meeting in a public place arriving seperately, tell him you are backing out.   You could still always go anyways and have a mini vacation and enjoy a new city solo.
        If it doesn't work out, well remember everything happens for a reason and the feelings you have will pass in time.    Regardless, it seems you have learned from this so that in itself is a positive.    I hope all works out for you.

(in reply to SusanofO)

RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/8/2007 2:49:41 PM

SimplySubmissive

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Joined: 1/2/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

I just did tell him, about 45 minutes ago in an e-mail, I also asked he leave me alone, because instead of the info I'd asked for, I got two pages of reasons I shouldn't find it necessary - none of which made all that much sense to me, nor did any fulfill my request for the information. That was a real trust-builder, there.

Maybe I will go, and just have fun. I dunno. My head is spinning and I was crying half the night over this. I seem to have set myself up for this - but believe me, I am a fast learner (despite appearances in this case). It won't happen twice to me, that you can bet on.

He offerred to pay for the motel - I insisted on paying for it, because I didn't want to feel "obligated" (I know myself) if things did not, for some reason, go well. I am also out the deposit on the motel room. Plus a $200 vibrator, new lingerie that I'd never ever have purchased for myself. Plus 2 new other nice outfits. And it's too bad, too - because he seemed nice. But this was a huge red flag to me, and I don't care what he thinks about the "reasonableness" of my feeling that way. I have never met this person, and he's a pretty sizeable person accoridng to his picture.

- Susan

The vibrator, and the clothes, all that won't go to waste, I'm sure. ;)
Human beings are the only species that ignore danger instincs...talk themselves out of these feelings. Go with the feelings..we have them for a reason!
and, yes i have done this on occasion, and regretted it.
take care

(in reply to SusanofO)

RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/8/2007 2:56:26 PM

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Susan, without reading thru all of the previous pages.......and yes I am aware I may be repeating what someone else wrote. Here is my gut instinct based upon your beginning post.

First of all I have to ask why you even purchased the ticket without knowing all of that information?

Secondly, I would consider the loss of $250 a rather inexpensive lesson. Unless you were planning visit to the area anyway.

I read in another post that there were house rules being discussed yet you do not know this person's basic identifying information? I know there are some thrill seekers that enjoy danger and putting themselves in a dangerous situation with a complete stranger. I never would have guessed that you were one of those people.

Myself, I would never EXPECT someone to travel to Iowa to meet me without giving them enough information to check and make sure I was being honest, that I didn't have an arrest warrant in Texas for a chainsaw massacre. And I most certainly would not expect them to stay at my house immediately. For my wellbeing and theirs.

Granted, those are just my personal feelings on how to handle my life. However, in this case I think it's kind of a buyer beware sorta deal. You made a purchase without having all the necessary info, now you have to suck it up.

And lastly.........if anyone trying pulling the crap this person is pulling, on me........there is no way I would follow thru with the meeting, UNLESS of course the whole thing was your idea to begin with. Otherwise I think for them to give you the information is just a common courtesy.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 3/8/2007 2:58:32 PM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to SusanofO)

RE: Please help me - Re: Non-disclosure; understandable... - 3/8/2007 3:13:51 PM

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I have to echo LaTigresse's comments specifically and others in general.

Susan I do enjoy your thoughts on the boards... I also enjoy the energy that seems to be conveyed in your writings. However, to LaTigresse's point... you are guilty of point the carriage ahead of the horse. Others have given some really good advice with regards to not going etc. But, again to LaTigresses's point... you were allowing the excitement to over rule common sense. It's good to see that you finally started to listen to that voice in the back of your head.. those doubts are there for a reason.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

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