RE: Doms requiring us to be braless

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RE: Doms requiring us to be braless - 3/13/2007 5:27:52 PM

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If you agreed when he asked you not to wear them then i can see why he may be a little angry.
If you didnt agree then you have done totally the right thing.
I dont have much in the breast department so going braless isnt a problem for me but i can defintaely see your point.

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RE: Doms requiring us to be braless - 3/13/2007 5:39:14 PM

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I am a 40D (much smaller than some of the ladies here) and I would NEVER go out in public without a bra and/or a garment with built-in support.

First of all it is painful and going without a bra makes sagging even worse in the long run.

2nd of all, and no offense meant, but to me it just looks tacky and GROSS for a woman with huge boobs not to wear a bra! And as I said, I speak from experience. Without a bra mine hang down and swing all over the place and just look nasty.

I don't mind going without panties, but I do insist on bras!

I also think that telling someone what to wear for a first meeting is presumptuous.

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RE: Doms requiring us to be braless - 3/13/2007 5:39:56 PM

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A man telling me I should be braless the first time I meet him is a huge red flag. If I told him it would be unwise or inappropriate and he completely disregarded that, I wouldn't meet him. If you hadn't even met him before, he's not in a position to be giving you orders and expecting you to blindly obey. Submission isn't about mindlessly following orders from someone you don't know who probably has no clue what he's doing.

Just my two cents.

(in reply to SweetSarijane)

RE: Doms requiring us to be braless - 3/13/2007 5:42:55 PM

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I agree that it sounds like the two of you didn't communicate very well before hand. Did you simply just tell him you were not going to show up that way? then if he wanted to make an issue of it you could decide not to go. No fuss, no muss. I do not see the point in sitting there arguing about it.

AS for you question I have the right to ask anything I want, whether it is a first ,eet, a first scene, a first message. You have the right to say no.

K

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RE: Doms requiring us to be braless - 3/13/2007 6:06:02 PM

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As a dominant I have, on occasion, asked for certain things to occur on a first meet. It is often to see how response and/or willing they are from the get go. That being said, it is typically something pretty sedate. So, first, he is not your dominant and has zero right to order you to do anything and expect complete obedience. But, if you agreed to it without communication prior to meet, I think you should rethink your communication process. Being large breasted myself, I completely understand what you mean about not wearing a bra. I would think that most responsible dominants, upon good communication, would be understanding an supprtive (no pun intended) of your issue. If a dominant could not or would not be so, perhaps he is not the one for you. The only issue I see that you were not clear on is whether or not he requested something and you agreed to it then did not comply or if you told him from the onset you could not comply.

If it were me and a potential agreed to something than did not follow through, I would not bother. However, if a potential stated up fron his/her own preferences or limitations on particular or any orders up front, I would be completely understanding.

Don't worry about it. There are more fish in the sea. :) Good luck

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RE: Doms requiring us to be braless - 3/13/2007 6:09:42 PM

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Since you hadn't yet agreed to submit to him i don't think you did anything wrong, and he had no right to tell you how to dress.(JMHO). I also have large breasts and my first dom liked me braless and pantiless in public. I usually wore a loose blouse or baggy fleece top. He knew i was braless but it wasn't obvious to others. In the summer i often wore a spagetti strap tank with an unbuttoned blouse over it, that worked well.

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RE: Doms requiring us to be braless - 3/13/2007 6:23:13 PM

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My way of seeing if a submissive can follow instructions is in the profile - they are not to call me "ma'am" and they are not to call me "mistress" (and it's amazing how many flub that up). When we get to the point of meeting someone, we don't require much of anything except being in the right place and on time. Expecting anything else when we don't own them is, as someone else pointed out, very presumptuous.

However, when he told you to, you should have made it quite clear (not just "it's very uncomfortable for me" but "absolutely not"). If you didn't do that, then you are at fault as well. I still agree with you that he has no right to command it, but even if you didn't agree to do as he asked, it appears that you didn't make it clear that you were refusing.

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RE: Doms requiring us to be braless - 3/13/2007 6:51:51 PM

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He has as much righ as you give him.. On a first meet he shouldnt expect to have that right or demand to have that right but there are plenty of subs that have no problem turning over that kind of power on the first meet. I am not one of them. as for the spacific comand well I am a 42DD and could never go out without a bra without looking like a big fat blob (yes I would feel poorly about how I looked and very self conscouse) that is something Master would never ask me to do this because he knows it would be somehing I couodnt do.. A complete stranger who I wasnt collard to and didnt owe my submition to yet would have NO change of me complying but I would let him know that from the begining I would not let him think I was gunna do this and then show up not haveing followed the order.. Did you tell him you werent going to be able to comply or did you lead him on to think that you had given him the power here and then disobayed.. it may not seem it but it is 2 different situations. One would be you letting him know you werent giveing the power over he wasnt in controll yet and there for it would not have been disobaying or a bad thing if you did not do as told. But if you had agreed to do as told you gave him the power and there for you disobayed or even lied about listening to him. he then had a right to feel like you werent holding up your part or beeing submissive.

Magik's slave

< Message edited by MagiksSlave -- 3/13/2007 6:54:25 PM >

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RE: Doms requiring us to be braless - 3/13/2007 7:06:11 PM

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He has the right if you have given him that authority. You obviously hadn't'. If that's the case, he can make a request and you can choose to follow, or not follow, it. He, however, has the right to judge your behavior just as you do his.

Master Fire

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RE: Doms requiring us to be braless - 3/13/2007 7:13:28 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: patina
OK enough of that the question is Does a Dom have the right to decide if you are to wear a bra or not on a first meet.

Only if you say so.

A dom has the authority you transfer to him- first date, first baby, first whatever.

quote:

I have had a lot of Dom's tell me they want me to go braless in public why can't they realize its just not possible for use huge gals. If i could get a reduction i would but no medical insurance.

patina

Well it's POSSIBLE- I go naked most of the time at home and am quite comfy naked at nude-friendly environments, and I have fairly large breasts.

It's not comfortable for me to not wear a bra if I'm doing anything requires exertion, and it certainly doesn't work for a professional work environment or fitting into clothes, but any reasonable adult would understand that.

I'm sorry you still have to ask this question after all this time- a dom can order anything he wants. Whether you decide to give him actual authority over it is your choice.

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RE: Doms requiring us to be braless - 3/13/2007 9:37:29 PM

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He has as many rights as you give him.

Why did he think you'd actually be listening to him? Did you tell him there was no way in hell you were not wearing a bra in public?

I would be mortified and probably upset if my dominant made me do that. Guys just don't understand! lol

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RE: Doms requiring us to be braless - 3/13/2007 10:14:44 PM

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No, a dom does not have the right to demand that when you first meet them, in fact I understand how you feel, and i am only a double D. I would not meet with someone that did not understand that issue.

I would not take orders from people I had not met yet, and there are doms that have boundaries themselves as to the amount of submission they want from a new girl, not every dom is going to want an instant submissive, many of them would be wary of one that had little sense of her own boundaries...

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(in reply to patina)

RE: Doms requiring us to be bra less - 3/14/2007 12:33:55 AM

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As you had agreed to meet, was he expecting you to comply with his instructions?
Or did you make a unilateral decision?
I have just had a similar situation, I had asked to meet a young lady from here for a coffee. As I have no intention of pursuing a traditional vanilla girl, I told her that I would like to introduce 2 small elements of control for this meeting. I would place the order for her and I would like to choose one article of what she would wear that day to the meeting.( think heels or dress here, the bra things a bit much for a first meet in my opinion)
She was not comfortable with this and we decided not to meet.
She had her reason ( not enthusiastic about letting someone she hadn't met yet taking control )
And I had mine ( for me its a minor leap of faith )

I would have asked if you had explained your reluctance about not wearing a bra ( he may not of understood the logistics of your size ) and you two could have agreed on something else.
Better luck next time...

(in reply to juliaoceania)

RE: Doms requiring us to be bra less - 3/14/2007 12:46:57 AM

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In my search, i was asked to comply with a number of things on the first meet. Anything from not wearing panties and/or a bra, to them wanting to agree that i would go out to the parking lot and flash them... the list of things people can think up is endless...

i must add that the Dominants with which i felt the most promise were not ever one of the ones who made outlandish demands on the first meet.

To avoid this in the future, you may want to bring up as respectfully as possible, that you feel most comfortable with Dominants who make no requirements on the first meet, except that both parties be on time... but that you look forward to proving yourself to them later, should the time come...

Master's dorei

(in reply to Sternhand4)

RE: Doms requiring us to be braless - 3/14/2007 1:13:40 AM

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If I were flirting with a Dom online, and felt submissive towards him, I might give in to any requests that he made. However, if I had objections to them, I would explain my objections. The problem that you (the OP) had is that you went to meet him anyway, and he had the impression that you would have done it. Thats dishonesty.

Yeah, any dom that requires something of you, and does not listen to your objections, would get kicked to the curb before I met them. but, it is your responsibility to express those objections, not just defy them.

(in reply to slaveish)

RE: Doms requiring us to be braless - 3/14/2007 1:23:51 AM

FelinePersuasion

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No. They're not your dom yet, you don't owe would be doms anything you don't wish to do. with in reason, and not going braless when you're so large it's obseen to do so, is reasoble to expect not to

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RE: Doms requiring us to be braless - 3/14/2007 1:32:34 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

He has the right if you have given him that authority. You obviously hadn't'. If that's the case, he can make a request and you can choose to follow, or not follow, it. He, however, has the right to judge your behavior just as you do his.

Master Fire

What she said.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

RE: Doms requiring us to be braless - 3/14/2007 2:10:01 AM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

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I agree to some extent with what has been said so far, particularly, if you made it very clear that you would not go braless, then you did do the correct thing and it is his problem. However, you have not made it clear how long the two of you have been chatting online or over the phone, nor have you made it clear how much power/authority you have already transferred to him, if any.

If the two of you have been talking in a D/s manner for several months and you have already relinquished a bit of control, perhaps his intentions were to see how serious you were at the first meet and to determine whether or not to pursue this in a real life situation with you. If this is the case, and you did not very clearly state that going braless was a hard limit, I do not see any reason why he shouldn't have been upset at your disobedience.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

RE: Doms requiring us to be braless - 3/14/2007 2:54:19 AM

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Decided most of my points were too redundant to previous postings, but thank goodness I am only a 38C and still "perky." I really feel for woman who have these concern as a past woman's wear saleswoman and did lingerie/bra sales too. Saying anything more than this and it might be a bit "chilling" in some ways to myself...ouch!

chrissy

< Message edited by chrissyslave -- 3/14/2007 3:27:04 AM >

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RE: Doms requiring us to be braless - 3/14/2007 3:38:15 AM

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i tend to agree with those are saying he doesn't have the "right", but then again some Doms do think our going without any underwear on a first meet is a show of future obedience, which is certainly their right -- to think what they want, i mean. i try to make it pretty clear, up front, that a first meet is more a meeting of equals, to see if we're even compatible on the most basic of levels. The only thing i'm willing to exchange with them at a first meet is my respect, but then i "expect" the same of them at that point. Since i'm rather large myself, 40DD, i'm not even sure my street clothes would fit without a bra..lol. It's also, for me, a form of humiliation "play" and that's not something i'm willing to do at a first meet. At subsequent meetings, at our homes, when i've gone bra-less i've either been nude or wearing a man's shirt to keep the chill off. i've refused to go bra-less when asked to do so in public, to the point with a couple over the years, of making it a "hard" limit for that particular meeting. my thought is that if they can't respect that limit then how will they react when, during a (much) later scene, i have to use a safe word.

Just my 2 cents worth..

cheers,
jimini

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(in reply to patina)

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