RE: Attached at the hip !!

RE: Attached at the hip !! (Full Version)

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freak5793 -> RE: Attached at the hip !! (3/17/2007 11:46:44 AM)
i agrre with whiplashsmile balance is the key to all things... from global salt/freshwater ratio to a child taking its first steps... life is a delicate balance. to be submersed i n your relationship on a long term gives way to inattention and hurt later, then both are dissillusioned and worse off for it.

slaveluci -> RE: Attached at the hip !! (3/17/2007 11:47:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mixielicous its hard to describe phantom pains to someone who has never lost a leg. i dont know if i could put into words the incomplete feeling i have without Him. yes people will say complete yourself first, but the M/s for me is the last piece of the complete yourself puzzle and with this great devotion develops attachment and well it seems to me an easy transition. i just want to be with Him all the time because it makes me happy to be. Mixie, i agree with the feeling that i want to be with Him all the time because it makes me happy but that just isn't possible since both of us work full-time. Since W/we know W/we have to spend all that time apart, both of U/us have been very careful to maintain the "separate," individual activities W/we so enjoy. Yes, as i'm going along doing some of them, i often think of Him and feel that ache for His presence of just His voice, but i know that it won't be long until i have that again, so i focus on enjoying whatever i'm doing while W/we must be apart for a bit. As i just stated over on another thread about this, Master insists that i cultivate all aspects of myself by reading, hobbies, time with friends and family, etc. so that i can be the best slave i can be for Him. And i love the idea that He has other interests that i don't necessarily share (such as some online gaming, etc.) that make Him happy. That way, 2 well-rounded, interesting individuals can come together and help make their relationship a better one by adding things to it that perhaps their partner can learn from.........slave luci

missturbation -> RE: Attached at the hip !! (3/17/2007 11:49:29 AM)
often wonder how I would do in a 24/7 relationship because I've been on my own and enjoy it and I think I would resent having to share so much of myself all of the time. I know it's the opposite end of the spectrum, but it's something I think about. I too wonder how i'd do! At present i am part of a poly family where the primary partner lives with Him and i live on my own. I spend a lot of time with Him / them but i also get time (not as much as i prob need) to myself to do 'me' things.

mixielicous -> RE: Attached at the hip !! (3/17/2007 11:49:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slaveluci quote: ORIGINAL: mixielicous its hard to describe phantom pains to someone who has never lost a leg. i dont know if i could put into words the incomplete feeling i have without Him. yes people will say complete yourself first, but the M/s for me is the last piece of the complete yourself puzzle and with this great devotion develops attachment and well it seems to me an easy transition. i just want to be with Him all the time because it makes me happy to be. Mixie, i agree with the feeling that i want to be with Him all the time because it makes me happy but that just isn't possible since both of us work full-time. Since W/we know W/we have to spend all that time apart, both of U/us have been very careful to maintain the "separate," individual activities W/we so enjoy. Yes, as i'm going along doing some of them, i often think of Him and feel that ache for His presence of just His voice, but i know that it won't be long until i have that again, so i focus on enjoying whatever i'm doing while W/we must be apart for a bit. As i just stated over on another thread about this, Master insists that i cultivate all aspects of myself by reading, hobbies, time with friends and family, etc. so that i can be the best slave i can be for Him. And i love the idea that He has other interests that i don't necessarily share (such as some online gaming, etc.) that make Him happy. That way, 2 well-rounded, interesting individuals can come together and help make their relationship a better one by adding things to it that perhaps their partner can learn from.........slave luci we too are very different [software engineer vs gardener; beer connoisseur vs wiki junkii] and as of next week also will be both working FT. yes it is always a good feeling to know you have gotten through separate time and in fact arent to dysfunctional after all [;)]

FelinePersuasion -> RE: Attached at the hip !! (3/17/2007 11:59:58 AM)
I had a dominant who was online only and if I wasn't on when he was we didn't get time at all. That's turned me into someone who's unwilling to be out of contact range for a long time I am fine with 20 to an hour away after that I get anxious that I might miss his call.. With my new dominant, I am of the mind set if I go off and do anything with out him I am going to miss something, or I am somehow depriving myself of his attention. One of the things we're trying to work on right now is that I will not be depriving myself of any of his time if I want to go to bed early, or I want to watch tv instead of focusing soley on our phone conversation. Last night for instance I chose to go to bed at 12:30 because I was tired, instead of hanging in till one out of some misguided sense that I'd be depriving myself of him if I l eft early. He actually preferes I go to bed early ifI wish because he knows I am awfully tired if I want to go early. quote: ORIGINAL: missturbation quote: ORIGINAL: mixielicous i found it hard because i was moving 90 minutes away, leaving campus AND entering a city. Although i am now closer to my hometown, the transition, yea pretty much wiped out my hobbies, well that along with the winter [i am a gardener] i have been starting to get back into the swing of things, but unless its gardening, a lot of the time i am forcing myself to give space to Him. i dont know why, but like i stated in the other thread, my dependance on Him is no secret, but its something we are def working on. I can understand this, you moved to Him and it takes time to get into the swing of a new place etc. From what you have said you don't appear to have given up 'you' as you recognise the dependance and are working on it. i dont know if i could put into words the incomplete feeling i have without Him. But doing your own thing occasionally isnt being without him. Hes still there when you go home, finish reading or whatever.

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Attached at the hip !! (3/17/2007 12:07:30 PM)
quote: in ask a sub / slave about filling time when your Dom / Domme is unavailable i am feeling a little baffled !! Ok, so yes it's normal / natural to miss your partner when they are not around, but having to search for ways to fill your time / distract you from their absence just seems somehow wrong. What happened to the things you used to do before you hooked up / moved in with your partner? Did they get given up completely? Were you just killing time with hobbies until you found 'the one'? Does your life get taken over so completely in your servitude / dominance that you forget how to be just you and do the things you enjoy doing solitarily? Sorry i know it's a bit of a rant but it annoys me, i'm in a relationship and yes i miss my 'family' when they aren't around but i'm still me and quite happy to do the things i enjoy in their absence. I haven't given up 'me' and become just an 'us' and really struggle to understand anyone that does. Well since we don't get to spend ALL of our time together, I can't say that we'd ever get tired of eachother. I know we do enjoy spending time alone on the computer and that we do like having space on occasion. But thus far it's only served to make us more greedy. I can and do make trips on my own, as does he. But they are rare and we miss eachother a lot when it happens. It might be pathetic, but it's true. We really do enjoy doing just about everything together. We love the same shows, we love the same food, we met because of our similar interests outside of kink. We are in many ways one of those couples you hate because we're kissing all the time and constantly together- though we aren't rude and make people feel excluded when we're in a social environment. It can be a dangerous slope to lte your life be taken over by the other, in our case we just happened to want the same life together and didn't have to give up anything. Again, we're not identical- he loves pizza, me not so much. I love some shows he hates. We are perfectly happy saying "OK you go get that tonight while I get this" We still eat together, just different foods. Maybe it's because our relationship is vanilla in terms of authority dynamics, but we want to make sure the other person feels as fulfilled in who THEY are as much as possible. If either of us felt the other was supressing a part of them it would be a serious issue for us. So far I haven't seen anything unhealthy between us, though I can see how when describing it to someone else it might sound like that. I know I certainly never thought I'd be this pathetically needy to be with someone. Thank god he's as pathetic as I am.

missturbation -> RE: Attached at the hip !! (3/17/2007 12:14:11 PM)
I dont think you are pathetic at all. You share a lot of interests but also have seperate ones. Sounds very healthy to me [:D]

KatyLied -> RE: Attached at the hip !! (3/17/2007 12:19:38 PM)
Perhaps finding compatible levels of neediness is the answer. I know if I were expected to be in service mode 24/7 and have no time for myself, I'd go crazy. Even more, I can't envision being happy in that scenario. That's why I sometimes feel below par as sub material. And I don't mean in a negative way, just in a "perhaps I'm too independent for all of this lifestyle stuff" sort of way.

FelinePersuasion -> RE: Attached at the hip !! (3/17/2007 12:23:52 PM)
I simply do not know how to not be attached at the hip. I see him every two weeks for one day, after that it's all phone time, and I do not know how not to feel deprived or anxious if I want to or think of something to do away fromhim. Like work for instance, I want a part time job, but I know then I won't be avalible all the times he is, he says it';s ok and I say no it's not ok. I do not want to be unavailible when he's availible. He says he'll wait for me to get off work no big deal, I feel yes it is a big deal those 5 hours I was at work could of ment 15 hours with him instead of 10 hours. stuff like that.

missturbation -> RE: Attached at the hip !! (3/17/2007 12:24:20 PM)
Perhaps finding compatible levels of neediness is the answer. I would definately lean towards agreeing with this. I seem (fingers crossed) to have this level in my relationships at present. I love staying with my 'family' but i love coming home too and am usually ready to by the time i do. I know if I were expected to be in service mode 24/7 and have no time for myself, I'd go crazy. Even more, I can't envision being happy in that scenario. Ditto. That's why I sometimes feel below par as sub material. And I don't mean in a negative way, just in a "perhaps I'm too independent for all of this lifestyle stuff" sort of way. Again ditto. I have an inner struggle with my 'two sides' for want of better words. Im every searching for serenity in my mind set.

missturbation -> RE: Attached at the hip !! (3/17/2007 12:28:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion I simply do not know how to not be attached at the hip. I see him every two weeks for one day, after that it's all phone time, and I do not know how not to feel deprived or anxious if I want to or think of something to do away fromhim. Like work for instance, I want a part time job, but I know then I won't be avalible all the times he is, he says it';s ok and I say no it's not ok. I do not want to be unavailible when he's availible. He says he'll wait for me to get off work no big deal, I feel yes it is a big deal those 5 hours I was at work could of ment 15 hours with him instead of 10 hours. stuff like that. I'm sorry but to me this is just plain unhealthy. I can understand that the time you have available for each other is limited but still ......... Life needs to get in the way of life sometimes and think you are going to have to let this happen at some point.

FelinePersuasion -> RE: Attached at the hip !! (3/17/2007 12:31:34 PM)
I think it's unhealthy too. I just don't know how not to be anxious about being availible when and if he is, or feel like I am some how depriving myself if I want to be away from him. I think I have taken some steps in toddling away from the nest so to speak by joining the SPCA as a volunteer, I'll be gone during the day mostly, but I will be away from my house, and unreachable for the most part.

mnottertail -> RE: Attached at the hip !! (3/17/2007 12:34:35 PM)
LOL

LadySashayy -> RE: Attached at the hip !! (3/17/2007 12:40:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirDominic Won't get any argument from me! I have never understood why when a couple gets together, they can no longer do anything apart. I think it is an unhealthy way to live. I agree it is unhealthy. However, in a power relationship, does it really surprise One to hear that a sub craves constant contact and desires to be always in the presence of their Dominant? Thus, to My thinking, it is up tot the Dominant to ensure that the sub keeps a healthy balance in their life. I encourage My pet to keep up his friendships and hobbies, his other relationships and I tell him frequently how he can only serve Me if he keeps being who he is when he met Me. And that includes all of his life interests and the people who are important to him staying firmly in his life. A sub needs a full and rounded life outside of their primary D/s relationship. Sometimes they need to be shown this is the case however. And don't get Me started on what I think of Dominants who try to cut off all other ties in their sub's life, with some weird idea of it binding the sub closer to them. It is unhealthy.

missturbation -> RE: Attached at the hip !! (3/17/2007 12:46:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail LOL Hey ....... you taught me some good shit [:D]

gypsygrl -> RE: Attached at the hip !! (3/17/2007 1:00:45 PM)
Judgeing from the tone of your OP, you'll continue to struggle to understand for a long time. When I get attached, I get very much attached. There's no little bit, or half-way for me.

missturbation -> RE: Attached at the hip !! (3/17/2007 1:08:20 PM)
I couldn't find another way to put it - no offense is intended.

mstrjx -> RE: Attached at the hip !! (3/17/2007 1:09:06 PM)
I'm having a bit of the opposite problem. I enjoy being with myself so much that I'm having trouble letting go enough for there even to BE an 'us'. The fact that there are no 'likely suspects' at this time makes it easier. Jeff

missturbation -> RE: Attached at the hip !! (3/17/2007 1:13:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mstrjx I'm having a bit of the opposite problem. I enjoy being with myself so much that I'm having trouble letting go enough for there even to BE an 'us'. The fact that there are no 'likely suspects' at this time makes it easier. Jeff Lol, i know the feeling [:D]

ExSteelAgain -> RE: Attached at the hip !! (3/17/2007 1:14:07 PM)
Oh, I don’t know. It depends on the situation. I mean some subs know how to cling without making you want to put on a fake mustache and catch the Orient Express wherever it goes. I think I would rather feel like I was being clinged to, too much, than wondering why she was never around. Ha. Actually, I may use her neediness as a way for both of us to enjoy the situation by pointing out her helplessness. That is a real, total power exchange that emphasizes her situation and the total power exchange. We may both find pleasure in the realization.

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