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RE: Motivations of a Submissive! - 3/18/2007 2:50:39 PM

SexyRed

Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
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I totally agree with Aileen and Llyren, it is all the trigger to my sexuality, always has been, always will be. There is no submission without the sexual component.

_____________________________

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(in reply to Llyren)

Post #: 41

RE: Motivations of a Submissive! - 3/18/2007 2:55:20 PM

BeingChewsie

Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
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Using quick reply:

For me it is about being managed and contained(dominated). I'm pleasing because I obey, I don't strive to please, just to obey. I'm not service oriented at all. I don't like to serve(I love to be served), serving is the price I pay for being managed, contained, and kept by him.

It is also do to my sexual orientation: submissive masochist.

_____________________________

"In fact, it is my contention that most women are accepting of way less than optimal circumstance constantly, and are lucky to be 'snagged' by the right man, if ever. But it is more by happy accident than by their design. "
~Ron and Hup

(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 42

RE: Motivations of a Submissive! - 3/18/2007 2:56:15 PM

sublizzie

Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
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This explains a lot of the attitudes I find in the emails I receive. If this is all about sexuality then that's what every man who comes to this site will expect and demand from every woman, particularly submissives, who are here. It's good to know why I'm expected to provide erotic emails, web cam shots, and blow jobs whenever I meet some one real-time.

(in reply to SexyRed)

Post #: 43

RE: Motivations of a Submissive! - 3/18/2007 2:58:02 PM

WhiplashSmile

Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SexyRed

I totally agree with Aileen and Llyren, it is all the trigger to my sexuality, always has been, always will be. There is no submission without the sexual component.

I will go so far to say.... I have to have my high sex drives need met, before meeting the desires of 1/4th of my BDSM activity play list even. When it all comes down to it. But yes, first and foremost are the sexual needs, the everything else is secondary. Mind you the relationship is about more then just sex. I have had great sex needs met before, but the rest of it sucked. However I can not be in a relationship where my sexual needs were not met.

(in reply to SexyRed)

Post #: 44

RE: Motivations of a Submissive! - 3/18/2007 2:58:53 PM

Aileen68

Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sublizzie

This explains a lot of the attitudes I find in the emails I receive. If this is all about sexuality then that's what every man who comes to this site will expect and demand from every woman, particularly submissives, who are here. It's good to know why I'm expected to provide erotic emails, web cam shots, and blow jobs whenever I meet some one real-time.

Just because my motivations are sexually linked for me and are what I desire, it doesn't mean it has to be or should be for you if that's not what you need.

(in reply to sublizzie)

Post #: 45

RE: Motivations of a Submissive! - 3/18/2007 3:04:19 PM

WhiplashSmile

Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

quote:

ORIGINAL: sublizzie

This explains a lot of the attitudes I find in the emails I receive. If this is all about sexuality then that's what every man who comes to this site will expect and demand from every woman, particularly submissives, who are here. It's good to know why I'm expected to provide erotic emails, web cam shots, and blow jobs whenever I meet some one real-time.

Just because my motivations are sexually linked for me and are what I desire, it doesn't mean it has to be or should be for you if that's not what you need.

I'm not saying about who's wrong or right. Personally, If I wanted somebody to be simply submissive for everything else outside of sex.. I'd be looking for a Good Vanilla Submissive on another site or even at a church some where! I'm looking for somebody who's into all the Kinky BDSM things. So yes, sex is a big deal breaker for me! I don't believe or treat it as the be all of a relationship. Not for one moment. Just without it! Blah... I at least they were sexually motivated and on the same page as me. Maid Service is not the first thing on my list!

Also Love and affecttion are great, but without killer DBSM Sex it's not for me. Tried this before and did not work!

< Message edited by WhiplashSmile -- 3/18/2007 3:07:52 PM >

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 46

RE: Motivations of a Submissive! - 3/18/2007 3:07:49 PM

Aileen68

Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

quote:

ORIGINAL: sublizzie

This explains a lot of the attitudes I find in the emails I receive. If this is all about sexuality then that's what every man who comes to this site will expect and demand from every woman, particularly submissives, who are here. It's good to know why I'm expected to provide erotic emails, web cam shots, and blow jobs whenever I meet some one real-time.

Just because my motivations are sexually linked for me and are what I desire, it doesn't mean it has to be or should be for you if that's not what you need.

I'm not saying about who's wrong or right. Personally, If I wanted somebody to be simply submissive for everything else outside of sex.. I'd be looking for a Good Vanilla Submissive on another site or even at a church some where! I'm looking for somebody who's into all the Kinky BDSM things. So yes, sex is a big deal breaker for me! I don't believe or treat it as the be all of a relationship. Not for one moment. Just without it! Blah...

There is no right or wrong. But to seemingly blame troll mail on the fact that some submissives here are strongly sexual doesn't seem right. Unless I misunderstood sublizzie, which I've been doing a lot lately.

< Message edited by Aileen68 -- 3/18/2007 3:08:43 PM >

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)

Post #: 47

RE: Motivations of a Submissive! - 3/18/2007 3:14:37 PM

WhiplashSmile

Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline

quote:

There is no right or wrong. But to seemingly blame troll mail on the fact that some submissives here are strongly sexual doesn't seem right. Unless I misunerstood sublizzie, which I've been doing a lot lately.

I totally agree with you! I think you are right and did not misundertand her.
I just a little frustrated myself with this, because yes I do want to talk about
sex and what I like, and find out what they like. I hate to dance around in
conversations about everything else for days and weeks on end, then finally
start talking about it.. only to find that we are not sexually compatible.
Damn, what a waste of time. I try to be upfront and talk about other
things beside sex. But I'm not going to put off talking about sex... I want
to be able to talk about it all, at the same time. Instead of waiting to see
how well I click in other areas.

So yes, I will be upfront at times right from the get go, or within a couple days.
At times I have been treated like a Troller for it. LOL...
I do want to get to know somebody, inside and out. I want to talk
about everything, including sex.

< Message edited by WhiplashSmile -- 3/18/2007 3:17:24 PM >

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 48

RE: Motivations of a Submissive! - 3/18/2007 3:15:59 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
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For what it's worth, which at this time of day might not be all that.....

One of the biggest reasons I embraced the Lifestyle as I have is that I saw it as a means of female sexual empowerment in an age where sex wasn't supposed to be craved so liberally.

A lot of my early 'training' (if you will) of a new partner is to ensure that her sexual feelings are fully awakened, and to make these feelings interesting to both me and her.

I don't think it's foolish to say that you can do all sorts of nasty, wonderful things to a randy woman.

Jeff

Edited to add: You can send all the troll mail you want. I can pick and choose with the best of 'em.

< Message edited by mstrjx -- 3/18/2007 3:17:30 PM >

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to SexyRed)

Post #: 49

RE: Motivations of a Submissive! - 3/18/2007 3:19:32 PM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

It was that desire to please that I never understood before comming here.
I didnt start as kink... but sure got tied together quite quickly!

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 50

RE: Motivations of a Submissive! - 3/18/2007 3:23:45 PM

sublizzie

Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
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I'm not against being sexual, just having that be the focus of my service which is what a lot of men on this site seem to want. There is WAY more to what I want to give than just sex. Sex is simple and what I want is complex. Not everyone on this site seems to realize that is also a possibility.

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 51

RE: Motivations of a Submissive! - 3/18/2007 3:26:08 PM

WhiplashSmile

Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Quivver
It was that desire to please that I never understood before comming here.
I didnt start as kink... but sure got tied together quite quickly!

I made a previous post about Sexual No Service ones, even me with the high sex drive that it is. It's not enough to just have my sexual needs met. I discovered already in real time. It was diificult for me to kick that relationship to the curb because of the awesome BDSM sex. However, it was the right thing to do for my day to day sanity. Personally, I think she was just in it for the rough kinky sex and could care less about me as a human being.

(in reply to Quivver)

Post #: 52

RE: Motivations of a Submissive! - 3/18/2007 3:31:28 PM

Llyren

Posts: 637
Joined: 3/5/2007
From: Illinois
Status: offline

I think it really depends on the circumstances as far as when sexual talk should begin. If it's really obvious that the only thing the person sending me notes wishes to know is what sort of kinks I have, hasn't bothered reading my profile, and isn't even interested in giving me his name, then he's not getting any information. Now, if he were to talk a few minutes to talk to me, it might be an entirely different kettle of haggis. I only want to be treated like a whore if it's playtime. Not when we're talking initially.

_____________________________

I'm not perving. I'm compensating for my myopia. So nyah.

Member of Cock-Suckers for World Peace

"Character is what you are in the dark."

- Lord John Whorfin

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)

Post #: 53

RE: Motivations of a Submissive! - 3/18/2007 3:34:11 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sublizzie

I'm not against being sexual, just having that be the focus of my service which is what a lot of men on this site seem to want. There is WAY more to what I want to give than just sex. Sex is simple and what I want is complex. Not everyone on this site seems to realize that is also a possibility.

And I didn't mean it in the ordinary way, either. I want women to see themselves as sexual beings, feeling good about themselves and being coveted. The way that I do this in the early stages of a relationship build a closer bond with me, and it forms an entree into broader forms of submission. Usually, the sexual focus is on my partner, not on myself. I feel that a lot of giving in this area yields a lot of receiving in a variety of areas, including this one.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to sublizzie)

Post #: 54

RE: Motivations of a Submissive! - 3/18/2007 3:36:45 PM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile

quote:

ORIGINAL: Quivver
It was that desire to please that I never understood before comming here.
I didnt start as kink... but sure got tied together quite quickly!

I made a previous post about Sexual No Service ones, even me with the high sex drive that it is. It's not enough to just have my sexual needs met. I discovered already in real time. It was diificult for me to kick that relationship to the curb because of the awesome BDSM sex. However, it was the right thing to do for my day to day sanity. Personally, I think she was just in it for the rough kinky sex and could care less about me as a human being.

I came here from the very Nilla side a few years back. Broken marriage that I was invisible in, the communication sucked, the sex was more then ho hum. Life felt OVER. But I knew it was something I was doing. After comming here I learned I was simply being submissive and the dynamics not understood on either side. Now that I see how I lived and what I just ~do~ naturally I know I belong here. The kinky part is a great side benifit, but I know what's truly important ... and that is finding one I am in Awe of who understands me and my motives.......
Sorry to hear your fell apart.....................

< Message edited by Quivver -- 3/18/2007 3:39:15 PM >

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)

Post #: 55

RE: Motivations of a Submissive! - 3/18/2007 3:39:45 PM

WhiplashSmile

Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline

Oh hell... I want my cake and eat it too. This was posted as another thread. I'm looking for everything. The sexual motivation, the best friend and lover. The one I can take care of. The one to give me a sense of more purpose and meaning to my own life. Yes, I want somebody who's motivated to be my own personal slut, but also a whole lot more. Sometimes, all these motivations do not come out right away, in email exchanges or IM's. That's why it's important to spend time talking with somebody. Not to write them off entirely over a couple of IM or email exchanges that appear to be threatening. Sure the topic for a couple of emails might be about sex and that alone. Just because you are talking about sex at the time, does not mean that is all there is about a person. It's a little hard at times dealing with this online. Email is not interactive, there is no tone of voice, there is no body language. One of the things I like to ask, is why is this person drawn to BDSM, how did they get into BDSM, what are their kinks! Basically gives me a quick idea about thier BDSM motivations, and why they want a BDSM sex based relationship compared to a Vanilla one. Also, it gives me an idea of What they want, in terms of kinks being satifisfied. If this clicks well in my mind after talking, I like to expand into things such as day to day life and everything else...

I want to know what somebody's BDSM sex motivations are ASAP... if not the rest of the conversation can turn out to be a complete waste of time.

(in reply to SexyRed)

Post #: 56

RE: Motivations of a Submissive! - 3/18/2007 3:49:29 PM

Llyren

Posts: 637
Joined: 3/5/2007
From: Illinois
Status: offline

I can understand wanting to know motivations upfront. I know I'd rather know from the beginning that what he really wants is a petite blonde into watersports, since there's no point in his talking to me. But I think some interaction is necessary in order to get to the point of talking about kinks.

_____________________________

I'm not perving. I'm compensating for my myopia. So nyah.

Member of Cock-Suckers for World Peace

"Character is what you are in the dark."

- Lord John Whorfin

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)

Post #: 57

RE: Motivations of a Submissive! - 3/18/2007 3:49:45 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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I'd be myself with or without M's control. I appreciate what having that control means and what it brings me...........and I also know that it comes at a price.

I like him being at the helm but I also like being able to do as I want. I can't have both in the way I'd like it, sometimes. I can't cherry pick the bits that suit and the bits that don't and in equal measure I get cross that I'm not free and am thankful that I'm not. All the time that I'm staying in a position that I chose, I have to accept that I want it. I can, after all, choose to be off.

I liked my husband to be pleased and he liked me to be pleased............that isn't a motivation for being *owned* for me.

It's unlikely that I'll come across someone that would inspire me to have a primary interest *to please*, but then, I didn't think it likely that someone would inspire me to allow them to control me, either.

agirl

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 58

RE: Motivations of a Submissive! - 3/18/2007 4:05:29 PM

leakylee

Posts: 747
Joined: 7/2/2004
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Now for me it is a slightly different option. I admit that there is almost a dual motivation. One is the higher, the other the lower. The higher being the more selfless aspect, and lower being, the more me, motivation.

To please,, is the higher. That is the selfless part. The part that wants to ease, take care of. All that happy mess.

The control part is the selfish motivation. I know that I happen to excel in that envinoment. It always me to be more of what I feel is natural to my being. It really is where I am the happiest.

The two duals almost create a cycle.

lee

_____________________________

I am so not right, that I left..

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 59

RE: Motivations of a Submissive! - 3/18/2007 4:11:35 PM

SunNMoon

Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline

When I am in my submissive mind set (I'm a switch), the motivation which I have is to be vulnerable. I end up feeling that he can see my soul, heart and mind. I love feeling this open to him, it is at this point that I'm all his. It is a different feeling then the other times in our relationship.

Plus I'm in the sexual submissive camp too; I like the fun that brings with it. He get's a sexy look in his eyes which is just dreamy.

Sun&Moon

I hope I posted this correctly, if not I apologize.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 60

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