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RE: Collars for protection - 4/3/2007 6:47:59 PM   
hereyesruponyou


Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline 		My best friend is VERY SUB. Her last 2 relationships have been long periods of being taken advantage of. She literally can not say no if confronted by a dominant personality. The more dominant they are (to the point of being an asshole) and the more submissive she becomes. She immediately begins to question herself if she has doubts about the Dom thinking it is her who is screwed up. Really bad people then play on this and it is a very bad spiral.  Because of this and her current level of feeling so desperate for someone to take some control of her I tried offering to choose the next person, atleast give my opinion, feel them out, give ehr questions to ask etc.... She immediately jumped again with someone taking advantage of her and after a week or two of feeling good about herself started in on the doubts again and off she went.  My choice at that point was to do what i had always done and let her flounder but be her friend, back off and let her go on her own, or exert my personality in the way i felt was best. This i have done this time. Instead of offering i told her i had to approve and she could not commit to anything without my approval. She accepted this easily and hopefully this will help. We've been friends for years, and if she wasn't so hetero we might be more. Do i think this will work? Probably not but i'm not going to stop trying to help a friend.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Collars for protection - 4/4/2007 5:20:31 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		There seems to be a lot of assuming going on here. As hereyesrupon shows not everyone is strong. That most Doms take advantage of someone they are protecting is a dumb ass assumption. I hear the same garbage about mentors. If a person is seeking help why push them aside.

(in reply to hereyesruponyou)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Collars for protection - 4/4/2007 7:46:41 AM   
SilkLaceNPearls


Posts: 30
Joined: 4/3/2006
Status: offline 		I had been conversing with a Dominant I met on CM and recently we carried our conversations to another venue, a messaging system and in time, he made the offer of being my "mentor and protector". While I am a novice, a newbie, and do not pretend to know all the in and outs of this life, I found his offer quite charming and intriguing.

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"It is more than a lifestyle to me; it is my life as it was meant to be."

(in reply to simplyangelic1)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Collars for protection - 4/4/2007 7:53:09 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Well there's always the obvious that a lot of people use "mentor/protector" as a way to get an "in" with a girl without setting off her alarm bells.  It's very often used as a step in the seduction process, and it works a lot of the time.

And, as always, if you don't trust your own judgement- you can't trust that you'd choose a good protector/mentor, and if you CAN trust your judgement, you don't need one.

Finally, if you want to be taken seriously as an adult with the ability to consent, you should act like it, or not go to the events.

I'm all with that friends idea. 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SilkLaceNPearls)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Collars for protection - 4/4/2007 7:59:57 AM   
jezzabelle


Posts: 391
Joined: 2/5/2005
From: Southeastern, MA
Status: offline 		i can understand the idea behind a collar of protection in a r/l setting, especially when you're new and going to a dungeon or a play party, etc., but i've never understood the need for one online.  What is there a need to be protected from online?  If you don't like the attentions of a dominant online, then you say no, block them, delete them, whatever.  i used to chat in lifestyle chat rooms when MSN still had them and i saw many, many protection collars and never understood their purpose. 

(in reply to simplyangelic1)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Collars for protection - 4/4/2007 8:19:22 AM   
OhBeMyMind


Posts: 845
Joined: 11/19/2004
From: Panama City, Florida
Status: offline 		~Fast Reply~

People are, of course, free to do as they please....just as I am free to have my own opinion.....soooo with that said......
Collars of protection are absurdly silly!!  For many of the reasons already mentioned, and too it is also just another avenue of enabling and even encouraging wannabe dominants to utilize their Tarzan-syndrome and give them something to thump their chests over.
Again, my opinion (in case anyone missed it the first time)......if someone needs a 'collar of protection' they certainly should not attend any real life BDSM functions....and I would perhaps even question them having the audacity to cross the street alone.
Having an online ~gag cough gag~ collar of protection and then actually attending *in the flesh* BDSM function is insanely hysterical!  
Potential dominant:  Hello, my name is Bob.
Submissive with collar of protection:  Ummm, hold that thought I have to email my protector for permission to speak with you.

Yeah yeah yeah....a little on the extreme side....but free entertainment, even if I am entertaining myself.

_____________________________

~oh

~*~I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not~*~

~she'll tease you, she'll unease you, all the better just to please you~ K.C

~Well would you look at that! My give-a-damn just broke~

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Collars for protection - 4/4/2007 9:01:17 AM   
BOUNTYHUNTER


Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		I agree that this is a silly thing, mostly used in ol and ldr ,How do they protect and how?A sub/s;ave that not owned is shark meat and I believe a mentor is best instead of this so called collar of protection..I have a little girl on here that I mentor, all applicants are screened by me using bg checks etc when it gets serious ready to meet.IN fact several on collarme are under my mentorship..To each their own thing and if it works for you all well and good..bounty

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US going to hell in a hand basket/

(in reply to OhBeMyMind)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Collars for protection - 4/4/2007 9:16:12 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

I would perhaps even question them having the audacity to cross the street alone.


This sums it up well.  If someone is so unsure of herself that she needs "protection" perhaps she's not ready to think about forming relationships.  What sort of dom is going to want a sub who isn't capable?


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to OhBeMyMind)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Collars for protection - 4/4/2007 12:41:22 PM   
hereyesruponyou


Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline 		The kind that wants someone who will put up with anything he says or does because he convinces her that he knows better. The fakes, the users, the abusers who use this as a way to try to find victims. Don't pretend they aren't out there, they are all over the place, especially online. 

My friend has held a job, raised a family and takes care of herself, but in THIS environment only is when her judgement goes out the window. She is just too trusting that they have her best interests at heart and will protect her as well as controlling her. I trust her to walk across the street, even to walk my dog across the street (i love my puppy mind you), but not to make this kind of judgement for herself. Not that it matters what i think anyhow, she is the one who doesn't trust herself anymore.

How many people can really say they have always made the best choices for themselves and never questioned their own feelings in a realtionship???

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Collars for protection - 4/4/2007 12:47:15 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hereyesruponyou
How many people can really say they have always made the best choices for themselves and never questioned their own feelings in a realtionship???

There's a deep chasm between having doubts, making mistakes and being completely inacapable of being a responsible adult.

I can only hope her children are not at her mercy anymore and did not learn from her example.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to hereyesruponyou)
Profile   Post #: 50
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