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RE: Can someone help me... - 4/5/2007 2:32:55 PM   
anniedoll


Posts: 6
Joined: 8/22/2004
Status: offline 		I would also suggest checking into TNG (The Next Generation) groups...they are specifically for younger people (35 and younger, I believe).   

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Can someone help me... - 4/5/2007 2:34:58 PM   
Adrao


Posts: 12
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		Yeah it does make sence. But it would also make sence if you could live debt free, and the debt is just an example, feel free to apply what I am saying to anything really. So you live a life with a minumum of problems, and you celebrate your maturity and responsability management for what you have accomplished, and not for the mistakes you are not going to make again. I dont know but it seems a better option to me than the one you sugested.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Can someone help me... - 4/5/2007 3:54:23 PM   
zindyslave


Posts: 601
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline 		I personally think that if you meet someone you click with that is interested in BDSM but maybe have little or no experience and you have no experience that you could delve into it together. My Master and I have done this we are both 21 but we are learning what clicks for us and I beleive that works best for us. I know alot of people on here are older, but everyone starts with no experience so do what feels right for you.

_____________________________

http://www.myspace.com/zindygirl

Only when you see the invisible can you do the impossible.

(in reply to Adrao)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Can someone help me... - 4/5/2007 4:30:56 PM   
Griswold


Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Adrao

... find out if anyone knows a young, but mature Master? I mean, I am new to the lifestyle and I can say I really love it. However I am not sure if because I am 21 year old man I wont get a slave until my 30s. slaves, now answer, how much do you take experience into concideration? Do you think it is possible to grow into a relationship WITH someone? or is it up to the Master to be experienced and mature before starting a relationship?
Thanks in advence to all who answer my call.

Adrao



I can't help you. 

I have an outie.

You have an outie.

(We're incompatible).

(in reply to Adrao)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Can someone help me... - 4/5/2007 6:06:08 PM   
losttreasure


Posts: 875
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Adrao

Do you think it is possible to grow into a relationship WITH someone? or is it up to the Master to be experienced and mature before starting a relationship?


Yes, and yes.

To clarify, I do believe that someone with little or no experience in WIIWD can grow into a relationship with someone, but I also believe that it's important for a master to have a certain level of experience and maturity under his belt. 

However, before you become disheartened, please understand that this level I'm talking about is one that you can seek at any age.  So that you understand it better, I suggest that you read the original post in the following thread...

How To Succeed In Your Search

Once you've achieved what is outlined there, you'll be ready to start looking. 


_____________________________

Just because it isn't "all about me", doesn't make it "all about you".

(in reply to Adrao)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Can someone help me... - 4/5/2007 6:15:20 PM   
ownedkitten


Posts: 200
Joined: 4/2/2007
Status: offline 		In response to the orignal post - if you're looking for someone who is more in your age range, and possibly the same experience wise, you might try looking for a group that is "The Next Generation" as it is geared towards the younger bdsm crowd.

_____________________________

"I don't mind living in a man's world as long as I can be a woman in it." -Marilyn Monroe

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Can someone help me... - 4/5/2007 10:40:32 PM   
stella40


Posts: 417
Joined: 1/11/2006
From: London, UK
Status: offline 		BDSM is a journey, and the greatest thing a Dominant can bring to a relationship is experience, and you can only gain experience by trying new things with new people, experimenting and learning from what you experience and from whoever you meet.

I don't think you really need to be experienced and mature to find a submissive, and I think the OP by posing such a question is already showing maturity. I wouldn't focus too much on the final result or destination,just assume that if you try new things with new people you're going to be a good Dominant by the age of 30 and an even better one at the age of 35.

You might get lucky and find a submissive who goes with you through this journey, and develops and matures with you.

_____________________________

I try to take one day at a time, but several days come and attack me at once. (Jennifer Unlimited)

If you can't be a good example then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.


(in reply to Adrao)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Can someone help me... - 4/6/2007 4:39:38 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

focus why "get in debt"?

One thing I've always loathed is owing money - or indeed, owing anything!  But when I wanted to buy my house, I simply didn't have that kinda money and had to borrow....  And I spent the next 10 years working probably too many extra hours paying off every extra cent I could afford in order to get out of debt; which I duly did.
 
I'm thinking of moving but I won't be getting into debt next time round.  But that's not to say that being indebted and what I did to get out of it wasn't a character building exercise.  Debt, *serious* debt, was a humbling experience for me as I've always thrived on my independence.  You learn a lot about yourself when you're outside your comfort zone, especially if it's long term - not such a bad experience for any budding Master to have.
 
That's not to say I'm recommending Adrao go max out a few credit cards for the sake of experience - my debt was about a worthwhile goal which also became an investment.
 
Focus.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Can someone help me... - 4/6/2007 5:36:23 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Adrao

So what you are saying is that a Master is someone experienced not only on the lifestyle but also in general life. I should "get a job, get in debt, get your own place, pay your own way, get a g/f, maybe raise a kid, learn how life isn't fair or the frustrations of not seemingly getting ahead no matter how hard you try and so on"   

Why cant a relationship start from what I want it to be? or even better said, from what WE* want it to be. *we being me and whoeveri choose to be with me.
I am not "talking the talk" as I barely know what to say... But lets assume we all know im tlaking about a real relationship, with some one also young, and not just for playing. I dont know but it seems most 30 year old people would talk the talk better than a 21 year old one because obviously they got the "experience", better said, they fucked up more than I have. Why is it so hard for young people to learn from other's mistakes and live the life they want, learning from each other? Perhaps I am lving on a fairy tale, or better know to many as Gorean world... But who are we to say that is not possible?

Hey look, if you're some poor little rich kid whose parents pick up the tab for everything so you won't whine, I say go for it - live whatever life you choose!  But for most of us, life isn't always what we wanna do so much as what we hafta do to get by.  For people like myself, that means occasionally swallowing your pride and making sacrifices etc - and working damned hard!  Nett result is *life experience*, which brings wisdom and maturity and the knowledge that all choices have consequences.  Any fool can put up a profile about how they're a responsible adult/dom etc but most (mature) subs are gonna look past the facade for some evidence that you are what you say.
 
When I say "talking the talk" re the young, I don't mean using lifestyle lingo.  I'm talking about inflated egos and gross overestimation of one's skills and capabilities in life generally.  Who talks tougher than a foul-mouthed teen hanging out the window of a rapidly accelerating car?  lol 
 
You can learn a lot from others if you've got the rare ability to *listen*.  But life is often a balance and there are times when you simply need to "stick your own finger in the flame", too - to truly appreciate what a consequence is....
 
Focus.  

(in reply to Adrao)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Can someone help me... - 4/6/2007 6:26:26 AM   
Elorin


Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline 		Adrao
The reason most 30somethings don't talk the talk the way a 20 something does is because we made our mistakes. We learned that when we talk big, we have a lot to live up to and we very frequently don't live up to it. We have learned to be a bit more cautious...to lead with caution instead of overconfidence.

There ARE mature 20 somethings in the world...even ones where the "something" is less than 4. But they are rare. And the simple truth of the matter is YES...when you are 10 years older...you WILL understand a lot more.

Why can't you learn from others mistakes? You can try, but the fact is that until you've made a mistake, it is all just words. When you make the mistake yourself? It is experience, not just words. There are, of course, those who don't learn from ANY mistakes - their own or anyone elses. And there ARE rare individuals who can read what someone else did, and manage to learn "don't do that" without having to try it themselves.

Is it possible to be 21 and a dominant? Yes. And a Master? My opinion is no, some might disagree. Is it possible to grow in a relationship? Yes of course. Will you be a BETTER dominant when you are 31? Damn skippy. Will you face innumerable challenges in the intervening years, just because of your age? HELL YES.

You have a lot in front of you. First, you need to acquire skills and knowledge related to life. Second, you need to acquire skills and knowledge related to BDSM. Third, you need to acquire a submissive who is willing to trust herself to your tender age, and willing to trust you, and willing to forgive mistakes the two of you make together. Fourth, you will have to battle against every single pre-set stereotype that "young people make lousy dominants" and prove that you are an exception. This is a lot of hard work ahead of you. You will likely have to work on #3 repeatedly, as relationships sour, or a sub realizes she doesn't trust you (too many mistakes) or doesn't forgive you for one really big mistake.

Patience, determination, a willingness to listen to what others who have gone before have to say, a love of BDSM, and honesty will all do you in good stead.

So will settling down to work at it, rather than bemoaning the challenges in front of you.

Good luck,

~Ms. Elorin

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Can someone help me... - 4/11/2007 9:15:43 AM   
Adrao


Posts: 12
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		Thanks everyone for all the messages posted. Everyone is kind enough to share their minds with me and that is appreciated, I havel; earned a lot.

(in reply to Elorin)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Can someone help me... - 4/11/2007 11:19:35 AM   
WhipTheHip


Posts: 1004
Joined: 7/31/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Adrao
... find out if anyone knows a young, but mature Master? I mean, I am new to the lifestyle and I can say I really love it. However I am not sure if because I am 21 year old man I wont get a slave until my 30s. slaves, now answer, how much do you take experience into concideration? Do you think it is possible to grow into a relationship WITH someone? or is it up to the Master to be experienced and mature before starting a relationship?
Thanks in advence to all who answer my call.
Adrao


My advice is to forget about the bdsm community.   Wear a minature whip and/or a pair of handcuffs on your belt.  Curious females your own age will come up to you about them.  Get a tatoo of a female with her hands above her head tied to a post being flogged.  A large percentage of young females will only be too happy to be your slave.  You just have to carefully and slowly introduce them into bdsm.   Tie ropes to the four legs of your bed and drape the loose ends over your bed.  Have a whip or crop hanging on your wall.  Buy fur-lined leather cuffs and a feather, and place them on your dresser, You'd be surprised how many dates will be curious about the ropes and lay down on your bed and ask you to tie them up.   Learn bdsm with someone your own age.  

The point is you have a lot to offer.  You have youth, enthusiasm, and the excitement of everything being new.  Submissive females your age will have a lot more interest in you than in some much older guy just because he knows how to wield a flogger.  You may make mistakes.   We all do, except for so many who post here.   Don't let the negative naysayers get to you.   You will be surprised how many females will be curious about your new interest.   Don't call yourself a dom or master.  Just let girls your own age know what you like.  They will come to you. You will not have to pursue them.   

As people age, they may gain a little more knowledge and experience, but they also become more rigid, inflexible, closed-minded and prejudiced.  The older people get, the more they think they know.  You can't tell anyone over 40 anything, because they think they all ready know everything, after all they've been around the block a few times.  People become prejudiced by their personal experiences which colors their objectivity.   

At 21 you can get more submissive girls than older guys.  Find girls into goth and Gorian stories that want to explore the world of bdsm.  A lot of them do.   Be ready to compromise.    There are no hard, fast rules.  Just go real slow.  The biggest mistake novices make is they try to do too much all at once, take play sessions too long, fail to use a safe word or obey a safe word, or just get too carried away.   When a female is tied up and giving you head, she can't let you know if she is okay, and she can choke on your cum.  Make sure your partner will not be injured if a rope stretches way more than you expected or a knot comes undone.  Proceed very, very slowly.  Discuss everything you want to do ahead of time, and get permission for everything.  Don't spring surprises.  Keep first sessions very short.  Don't tie your partner up for hours the first time you play with her.   Start out with something more like five to fifteen minutes.  Don't push her to do things she is uncomfortable doing.   Have her advise you when she is ready to progress to the next level.  Don't push her limits.  Do all you can to build her trust.  Don't betray her trust.  If you betray her trust just one time, she may never trust you again.

Hang a pair of handcuffs from your rearview mirror.  Put a bumber sticker on your car saying: "Girls like guys who know their ropes."

< Message edited by WhipTheHip -- 4/11/2007 12:08:45 PM >

_____________________________



(in reply to Adrao)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Can someone help me... - 4/11/2007 1:12:13 PM   
DocTSH


Posts: 109
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline 		Many on here have posted some wonderful advice, and a common theme is patience.  WTH is right, you DO have a lot to offer, if you are serious about this lifestyle.  Take your time and get educated.  Learn, and then learn some more, you can't really ever learn enough.
 
Also, understand that as you may feel you are behind the 8 ball, you actually have an increased advantage because of your age.  Many people in this lifestyle don't realize this is what they want until 10 years or so past where you are.
 
There is also the reality of where you are to boot.  Some will not even consider you for lack of experience; others will be willing to grow with you. Unfortunately there are many who have spoiled things for you already.  There are a lot of 20 somethings that call themselves Masters, or Domme's.  I fail to understand why they think a title makes them experienced beyond others of a longer life span.  No one person knows it all, otherwise we would all be asking that person for guidance.  Absorb everything!  Nobody here has "The" answer you want, however collectively, there is great advice. 
 
I wish you well on what I hope for you will be a long and enjoyable journey!

_____________________________

Doc

At times like these, I think of Socrates who said, " I drank what?" -Real Genius

(in reply to WhipTheHip)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Can someone help me... - 4/11/2007 1:48:41 PM   
WhipTheHip


Posts: 1004
Joined: 7/31/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: onestandingstill

Hello Adrado,
Time served does not always mean better trained or skilled.
Some DOm's in 10 years have less experience than somei n one year.
Your quest for knowledge and experience and the effort you put in varies from person to person.
The way people learn and assimilate things also differs.
Time and prior experience isn't near as important to drive and ability to learn.
suzanne



Amen!   Read my last post again.  I edited it.  There is a lot of good advice for
you.  Ignore the negative comments here.  You can be a fine 21 year old dom.
Most females look for guys their own age or a little older.   18-22 year
submissive females have a lot to offer.  They won't care that you are not
established.  Once you get them addicted to bdsm, you will have them eating
out of the palm of your hand.   Any dom with any sense would rather be in
your shoes with your experience, than ten or more years older with theirs.
Every year you age is going to make harder and harder to find a compatible
submissive.  As men and women get older they become more narrow-minded,
less mallable, and their list of wants increase. 


_____________________________



(in reply to onestandingstill)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Can someone help me... - 4/11/2007 1:50:36 PM   
WhipTheHip


Posts: 1004
Joined: 7/31/2006
Status: offline 		You don't know how lucky you are to be 21 and have an interest
in bdsm at this point in history.  The world is your oyster.

_____________________________



(in reply to WhipTheHip)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Can someone help me... - 4/11/2007 4:45:02 PM   
kinkisheep


Posts: 1
Joined: 4/9/2007
Status: offline 		Hey man I bow to you your words are very inspiring... It is obvious you do have the experience and I can learn from you, and I am learning believe me.
Thanks for that first long reply, as it has many ideas and sugestions about what and how to do things.
And also thanks for understanding, I am young I understand but I also am true.
Thanks again to everyone who is responding being part of my "learning" experience.
Adrao

(in reply to WhipTheHip)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Can someone help me... - 4/11/2007 4:48:58 PM   
MissSCD


Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline 		Adrao:

You are very young indeed and have very little experience.   It will be difficult to find a young Master who has the knowledge that an older one would possess.   They are very different.
Open your mind to new things and you will discover the real meaning of this lifestyle.

Regards,

MissSCD

(in reply to Adrao)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Can someone help me... - 4/11/2007 5:08:07 PM   
myobedience


Posts: 472
Joined: 1/28/2007
Status: offline 		I know a wonderful 22 year old Dom in London.  If he were my age or closer than 22 ~~ but then life experience might change him ~~ the age gap is tooo drastic for me ~~ I might have made all sane reasons to try and be his girl.
We do chat at least once a month, via phone.  If he had his choice, I'd be over there now.
But reality is my goal not some idealistic D/s relationship with this really GREAT guy.
 
My suggestion, as I have given him ~~
1. work on your postitive points
2. deal with your negative points and make them positive
3. set goals in your life and you will find who fits into yours
4.  do NOT be afraid of yourself
 
I also  believe if one is as mature as my young friend is, he will conduct himself well in all areas of life and will excell in life and in his D/s, M/s relationship because of WHO he is, not because he is kinky.

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you is the only Man truly worthy of being called Master.

(in reply to Adrao)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Can someone help me... - 4/11/2007 5:35:35 PM   
kate


Posts: 177
Joined: 1/10/2004
Status: offline 		i am young too and i have to say that i would rather a young Dom, i want a Dom who is someone i can have a "normal" relantionship with too...introduce to my friends and my parents...a Dom in his 50's (a boyfriend in his 50's as far as my family would know) would just not go over well at all....  i know that young people can have a lot to offer, i'm sure you will fine a sub that likes you just as you are, age and everyting

_____________________________

Katherine of the East

(in reply to myobedience)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Can someone help me... - 11/11/2007 6:07:12 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		You can not say all 21 year olds don't have the experince of raising a family. My brother's 27, has a 3 year old, has worked since he was a teen and has been in the army since he was 18. Been to afganistan, been awarded mettles for his sevrice, has had his knee and his shoulder torn, while in duty oversea's requireing hug surgury to fix it, and was due to go again before he shattered his elbow. And while I don't like him personally for private reasons he'd bend in half and break off  his arms and his legs for his child and his wife. He has plenty of life experince, and to say no 21 year old can have life experince and can have established themselves, is insulting to all those who've done exactly that.

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania


I would venture to say that in my opinion that the most valuable experience in dominating me is life experience... and no, a 21 year old does not have that (as in raising a family, holding a job for a decade, establishing themselves in life)

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 40
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