quote:


Something just doesn't sound right with these scenarios. I've heard of bad luck and poor choices, but that seems like a lot of work (all that travel) -- I think you need to work harder on establishing a connection, chemistry and a mutual understanding before meeting people in real life.

Akasha

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ORIGINAL: goodhouseboy

quote:


Something just doesn't sound right with these scenarios. I've heard of bad luck and poor choices, but that seems like a lot of work (all that travel) -- I think you need to work harder on establishing a connection, chemistry and a mutual understanding before meeting people in real life.

Akasha

=================
well i guess it is MY fault for giving trust..."I" was taught take someone at their word.....as i expect others to take me for MY word.
"I" was raised as an honest man.....and now find that there are far far too many liars,thieves/ and cheats in this world.
it is so so sad........to be lied to......and even if i went through some lengthy outlet ordeal...a gamer is a gamer.......if it is 6 hrs/6 days/ 6 months.....a lie is a lie...
it is just NOT possible to find out who is truthful...when you can't get back ground on anyone...ALL women hide behind the screen.......no one has ever sent me ANY information that was real.....aside from 'a' phone...NO Ms EVER gives references.......but it is expected of us "boys" to do it? too many double sets of rules for me. high frustrations...

have a good day.
houseboy

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ORIGINAL: goodhouseboy
=================
well i guess it is MY fault for giving trust..."I" was taught take someone at their word.....as i expect others to take me for MY word.
"I" was raised as an honest man.....and now find that there are far far too many liars,thieves/ and cheats in this world.
houseboy

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You need to make better choices to protect yourself. You also need to show a woman you have that strength of character and common sense if she is going to allow you into her home.

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houseboy in iowa...still searching for Ms Real....

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One more thing. You made it very, very, VERY clear that as a submissive you have no expectations for play -- at all, period.

If so, then why would it matter or not if one of the femdoms had no real life experience? If she isn't going to be expected to "dominate you" then what kind of experience are you talking about? One doesn't need experience to have a houseboy pick up for them or do chores.


Akasha

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You didn't answer the questions and I guess you don't intend to.

And trust is one thing, but setting yourself up to be taken advantage of us another. There's a lot of dishonesty on the net everywhere, not just here. You should take all the steps necessary to build trust before meeting someone face to face. If you streamline that process in hopes of finding the "one" quickly you are setting yourself up for heartache.

Also, it would be no surprise to me that the ones that *allow* a quick meeting, not a lot of connections or other things are the ones that turn out to be flakes. The ones worth meeting won't jump into things like that with you. The ones looking for "someone to buy me a house" will.

You need to make better choices to protect yourself. You also need to show a woman you have that strength of character and common sense if she is going to allow you into her home.

Akasha [/quote===========

well?........understood.......and i didnt avoid Your q's so much as i figured it was a mute topic anyway...
You are being helpful and i am grateful.
thank you
houseboy

some day...over that perverbial rainbow,..i will find my place...

(in reply to goodhouseboy)

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and by the way?...just for topic?..i had hope..some day some Ms would take me past houseboy duties...it is only my starting-block for the relationship...

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So you are not a no-strings-attached houseboy afterall....in point of fact you have a hidden agenda.

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ORIGINAL: Moleculor

I realize this is an ancient thread (and I haven't read past the first half-page, but...

The OP applies to vanilla dating too.

However, I have to wonder: Is it the waiting that causes the shyness in social situations, or is it the shyness in social situations that causes the waiting?

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ORIGINAL: Paulnz

I always say to find what you are looking for it is often best to STOP looking. What you're looking for is often right under your nose. In olden times ( and not so olden ) you generally found a partner from within social circles that were no further in radius than a days walk, or a days ride at the most. Think about it.

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ORIGINAL: sarbonn

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ORIGINAL: Paulnz
I always say to find what you are looking for it is often best to STOP looking. What you're looking for is often right under your nose.

I stopped looking. Instead, I've spent most of my time just bettering myself instead.

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ORIGINAL: xasey

This issue hits really close to home, as a shy sub female. So I'd like to chirp in with my few thoughts.

I'm shy. I admit it. I have some of the problems AAkasha spoke of. I don't date often; and when I do I probably met them online. So my skills are a little lacking. I'd consider myself "interesting"; I have a handful of things that define who I am, its not all kink. I don't have that problem, but I do take a bit of shell-cracking to get to open up.

My problem is meeting people in those large social groups you mention. It's very weird going somewhere to meet 1 person, and meet 10 of their friends all at once. They have established relationships with each other, I don't. Now, I do alright for myself in places like work or school, where there is some other context to facilitate communication. But among too many, I get scared and shut down. Since I'm being quiet, no surprise, they choose to talk to each other. Which leads to that downward spiral.

I don't do so bad in a one on one discussion, or being introduced to one or two friends slowly. I do have a problem showing affection. I think I don't know how to invite the responses I want; or give the appropriate ones back. After a first date or two when I really like someone, I'd like to just lay under a tree and not talk. Preferably with my head on their chest :). But I'm a little shy to make that happen, and feeling submissive to the person doesn't seem to help.

So what do I do? I *like* being submissive. I hate trying to shell-crack on a partner, I'm not cut out for it. And I'm scared.

~beckie

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ORIGINAL: anthrosub

I have to say I really like this post by Akasha. I've thought about most of what's said here regarding my own personal situation many times over the past few years. I can see a lot of the points she makes seeming to apply but I also have my own unique personality and life experiences mixed in and that's why I'm writing.

I've always been aware of a leaning towards sexual kink since before I entered puberty; although at that time I had no idea what it was I was feeling. Unfortunately, by the time I started seriously dating, the girls I met all suffered from apparently conservative upbringings or were simply not as attracted to sex as I was. Plus, I was so wrapped up in having any sort of sexual experiences (as most boys do) that I didn't really focus on the details of why I had the leanings I had until I was much older.

I went through several relationships and one marriage and in each case, my personality and submissiveness pushed us apart. My feelings about what sex could be (as opposed to what they were conditioned to accept as normal) were so strong that I couldn't suppress them enough to stay in the relationships. I didn't learn of this lifestyle (as a lifestyle) until the mid nineties. By then I was 40.

Much of what Akasha writes about being "socially behind" appears on the surface to be my situation but I must speak of my own personality and how it has contributed to my current circumstances and partly explains my past failed relationships. You see, I've always been a loner. I find people fascinating...but from a distance. I'm not drawn to having a great deal of social activity and never have. I've tried to force myself out there but something inside me just never got activated so I don't connect.

I'm very much a one-on-one sort of person and I know this is not the norm but what can I do? If I go out and put myself in social circles, all I feel is like I'm pretending to be enjoying myself when in fact, I'm looking forward to when I'll be free of the responsibility of having to interact with people I'm not really interested in being around. I seek the intensity and focus of being with one person where we can really get to know each other.

I'm now 50, I grew up the only boy with 6 sisters. I moved constantly (15 times in 15 years) because my father was in the military. I learned to be my own best friend and entertain myself with hobbies and activities I could do alone. In short, I learned not to have to depend on others.

On top of that, I'm extremely intellectual and have spent a good deal of my early adulthood studying things like philosophy, science, religion, and psychology. I now have a degree in Anthropology (the study of humankind) and find most people to be...if you'll excuse the expression...kind of average. It's hard for me to spend time listening to conversations in social settings that are basically small talk to fill space and time.

The relationships I've enjoyed most have always been one-on-one but again, this was not the norm for my partners and they would eventually get frustrated with me in addition to my being submissive. I thought the Internet would help me find someone who would be receptive to my unique personality and qualities but alas, it has turned out to be a mostly people interested in playing head games for their own personal amusement, conducting a business, or looking for someone to become a mate but not seriously self-aware about who they really are. Those that do have sincerity and integrity are by definition already involved and are here to interact but aren't looking.

It's very frustrating. I've got a world of things I can talk about and in spite of my being a loner, I have done quite a bit with my life. I have a lot of skills and abilities on the vanilla side that I can offer. Being older now, I feel I've started to settle down and can't find anything out there that really lights a fire inside anymore. I'm really beginning to believe I've passed the point where I will ever find a good mate. I have no delussions about this lifestyle and who dominant women are or what they want as women. I'm just a loner...like I've been all my life.

I suppose it makes sense that people like me can't find each other because we're not putting ourselves in situations that would bring us in contact.

anthrosub