Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm?

Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (Full Version)

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daddysprop247 -> Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/26/2007 12:26:39 PM)
greetings Sirs...with all the endless threads on orgasm control, cum on command, etc., and all the Dominants i've personally encountered online and in lifestyle gatherings who are obsessed with getting a submissive off or being "in control" of her physical pleasure....where are the Dominants who simply have no interest in such things, who don't particularly care about submissive orgasm or even arousal? being almost nonorgasmic myself, and not really having a burning desire to orgasm or even caring whether or not i'm aroused during sexual activity, i always felt like a freak in the vanilla world where sex was always about mutual pleasure. i faked probably hundreds of orgasms just to spare the ego of guys who seemed incapable of enjoying the sexual experience without some sort of validation that they were a stud who could get a woman off. when i discovered the D/s lifestyle, i thought finally! an end to all of that silliness. finally i will meet men who are comfortable with it being all about them, and who won't care how wet my pussy is or whether i have an orgasm or not. but, that was not the case. although i've certainly met some notable exceptions, my Master being among them (thank goodness!), the vast majority of Dominants i've encountered seem to be as wrapped up in the female sexual response as vanillas, even more so since they tend to view it as one more avenue of control. this boggles my mind to be honest. so my questions are basically this....why do so many Dominants care so much about submissive orgasm and arousal? are they not aware that submissives will find pleasure and fulfillment in pleasing them, but that doesn't necessarily translate to a wet, throbbing pussy? or is it an ego thing? and most importantly...where are the Dominants who simply don't care?

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/26/2007 12:35:12 PM)
Ego. Personally I'd be fine using you for my pleasure only. The issue is, when I want to use you for my pleasure in a few particular ways, you'd be disliking it. The reality is that you DO care about your orgasm- you dislike it, you feel shame by it, it causes you conflict. If you really didn't care one way or the other, it wuold be fine, but you actually do have fairly serious feelings regarding your orgasms- just not the ones that most other people do :) I get your mindset of just use me, and I can go there myself sometimes just fine and dandy- but not constantly as you are. For most men though, it's totally an ego thing, they want to be reflected back as "the man" and your orgasm or pleasure is somehow proof that. It's not that I want your pleasure- it's that I want whatever I feel like getting at that time. Sometimes I want your pleasure and you would deny that of me if I tried to get it in certain ways.

RavenMuse -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/26/2007 12:44:54 PM)
I can and do simply use My girl for My pleasure with no regard to hers..... on occassion, when in that mood. she is orgasmic in a loud, reactive and very enjoyable way. It is there, so I control it, play with it, enjoy it the same way as I do anything else about her. I don't have any ego hang-ups about taking on a girl who is non-orgasmic. Would I see if I could resolve that? sure, but if I couldn't it wouldn't be a big issue. It is something I enjoy playing with, if it isn't there then there are plenty of other options [:)]

daddysprop247 -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/26/2007 12:48:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross It's not that I want your pleasure- it's that I want whatever I feel like getting at that time. Sometimes I want your pleasure and you would deny that of me if I tried to get it in certain ways. i get that. so for some it could just be a matter of needing/desiring variety....sometimes they truly don't care, sometimes they want the ego boost of making a female drown in a little puddle of orgasmic bliss?

emdoub -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/26/2007 12:49:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross Ego. While I've got my fair share (and probably the share that should have gone to several others), that's not exactly it. I've known nonorgasmic lovers, and my ego was stroked plenty by them simply having a good time. quote: It's not that I want your pleasure- it's that I want whatever I feel like getting at that time. Sometimes I want your pleasure and you would deny that of me if I tried to get it in certain ways. Yup - that's just about exactly it. To the OP - yup, there are dominants who simply don't care - and there are others who are control freaks, who care about what they're controlling. YMMV, but I generally recommend avoiding the first, and cultivating the latter. Midnight Writer

BOUNTYHUNTER -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/26/2007 12:49:26 PM)
I have one trained to coc but no after all its just all about me,my pleasure, I don't care if she cums or not.....bounty

mistoferin -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/26/2007 12:57:03 PM)
If I could not bring my partner to orgasm on a fairly consistent basis, I would feel as though I was not pleasing them. Most people want to know that their partner desires them and is turned on by them. An orgasm is a physically visible testament of that desire and arousal. I would have to think that many Dominants view their submissives orgasm in much the same way. Wow....I made you have an earth shattering, eyes rolled back in your head, couldn't breath, lost all control of yourself orgasm that probably just registered on a Richter scale somewhere. Validation that I am desirable and skilled.

LaTigresse -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/26/2007 1:02:51 PM)
Sometimes I am in the mood to care and other times I could care less. It's my prerogative.

ONEDEMANDINGMSTR -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/26/2007 1:04:08 PM)
I think it's like everything else is , or should be, in BDSM. It's what turns the two people on who are involved. I love the control of the orgasm. So simple. Without permission she cannot cum. On the other side of the coin , When I tell her to cum, she will. If we cannot achieve these levels of 'control'.........we will not grow as a couple. And, yes there are times when it's all about D/s , S/M, or M/s, ........and sex is not a part of it at all. It all depends on what's happening at the time and what the Dom decides at the moment. That's not to say that the 'procedures' won't be discussed and dissected at a later date for both to grow within the relationship. DAN

imthatacheyouhav -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/26/2007 1:08:57 PM)
i am glad i have not met the "Doms" that dont care. but then i wouldn't be attracted to a selfish uncaring person. Edited for spelling

daddysprop247 -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/26/2007 1:21:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav i am glad i have not met the "Doms" that dont care. but then i wouldn't be attracted to a selfish uncaring person. Edited for spelling why do you assume that a Dominant who didn't care about a submissive's arousal was a selfish or uncaring person? perhaps they understand that a submissive's pleasure is not all wrapped up in physical responses, or perhaps they just want a submissive who's sole sexual focus will be service....this does not make them an uncaring, unfeeling or selfish person in general.

daddysprop247 -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/26/2007 1:22:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: emdoub To the OP - yup, there are dominants who simply don't care - and there are others who are control freaks, who care about what they're controlling. YMMV, but I generally recommend avoiding the first, and cultivating the latter. Midnight Writer why do you recommend submissives avoid the first?

imthatacheyouhav -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/26/2007 1:23:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daddysprop247 quote: ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav i am glad i have not met the "Doms" that dont care. but then i wouldn't be attracted to a selfish uncaring person. Edited for spelling why do you assume that a Dominant who didn't care about a submissive's arousal was a selfish or uncaring person? perhaps they understand that a submissive's pleasure is not all wrapped up in physical responses, or perhaps they just want a submissive who's sole sexual focus will be service....this does not make them an uncaring, unfeeling or selfish person in general. yes it does.....

daddysprop247 -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/26/2007 1:26:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav yes it does..... i can assure you it does not, but you have the right to believe what you will. i would never wish to have an uncaring or utterly selfish person for a Master, however i definitely wish to have a Master who does not care about submissive sexual response...and fortunately i found such a Master.

sugarcoatedscamp -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/26/2007 1:30:35 PM)
I actually prefer a submissive who is unconcerned about her orgasm. I feel like her orgasm is mine to give or deny as I see fit. I've never dealt personally with a non-orgasmic individual, but I certainly can't see it as a shortcoming... after all, it's all about me, right? wink She wants to serve me... to please me... not the other way around. Otherwise, I wouldn't be talking to her in the first place.

puella -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/26/2007 1:32:42 PM)
I do not want to derail your post or make you feel like I am personally picking on you daddysprop, but I think that 'being non-orgasmic' might well bear some looking into. As a woman who no longer has a sexual response, I am not trying to poke a stick at you. But I do believe that it is an indication of a physical or emotional disconnect somewhere. Though certainly not mandatory for one's livlihood, orgasm is a response naturally built into every person.. unless something has happened in injurioulsy or developmentally to cut that response off., again, either physically and/or psychologically. Are there Dominants who do not care if you have an orgasm...absolutely...I think though, that on some level, the reasons for not 'caring' about that might be just as worthy of scrutiny as the issue of not being able to orgasm.

imthatacheyouhav -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/26/2007 1:32:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daddysprop247 quote: ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav yes it does..... "i can assure you it does not, but you have the right to believe what you will. i would never wish to have an uncaring or utterly selfish person for a Master, however i definitely wish to have a Master who does not care about submissive sexual response...and fortunately i found such a Master." we are all sexual beings...its a big part of what makes us human, for a persons partner to not care about their "sexual response" is disreguarding a big part of them as a person and that is very selfish and uncaring.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/26/2007 1:37:26 PM)
My partner definitely doesn't seem to consider me unselfish and uncaring. But we both "get" humiliation and objectification and using someone without regard to their feelings...at least on occasion.

daddysprop247 -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/26/2007 1:39:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: puella I do not want to derail your post or make you feel like I am personally picking on you daddysprop, but I think that 'being non-orgasmic' might well bear some looking into. As a woman who no longer has a sexual response, I am not trying to poke a stick at you. But I do believe that it is an indication of a physical or emotional disconnect somewhere. Though certainly not mandatory for one's livlihood, orgasm is a response naturally built into every person.. unless something has happened in injurioulsy or developmentally to cut that response off. Are there Dominants who do not care if you have an orgasm...absolutely...I think though, that on some level, the reasons for not 'caring' about that might be just as worthy of scrutiny as the issue of not being able to orgasm. hi puella, thanks for sharing some of your views. first off, i wanted to clarify that i am not 100% nonorgasmic...i'm physically capable of it, it's happened in my lifetime, but as an adult it's been an extremely rare occurence (i think the last time was 2 or 3 yrs ago? something like that). so i don't believe i have any physical issue that prevents orgasm, i think it's a combination of factors, mostly the fact that it's not something i desire, and also that i'm rarely self-focused enough to go there. and as it's not something that my Master requires for his pleasure, it's just no need for it to be part of my life. but i'm curious about the last bit of your response, regarding Dominants who don't care about such things...why do you view that as some sort of potential issue? and for that matter, why would a submissive being totally nonorgasmic even be an issue, if she were fortunate enough to find a Master who didn't care?

mistoferin -> RE: Are there any Dominants who don't care about submissive orgasm? (4/26/2007 1:41:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross My partner definitely doesn't seem to consider me unselfish and uncaring. But we both "get" humiliation and objectification and using someone without regard to their feelings...at least on occasion. I think you would agree though that there is a huge difference between what you are describing and just flat out not ever giving a shit.

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