undergroundsea
Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: MsBearlee
For me the problem comes from…I know what I can do for him, whether it is floggings or CBT or letting him ‘perform’ oral sex on me;
I think there is room for me to elaborate on the thoughts behind my prior post.
One thought is that I see some of the topics suggested to be great for general discussion and I think some are better for individual discussions when you are getting to know someone. While I don't have a strong position either way for the question of skills, it does not strike me as a topic that would draw me. I will leave it to the conversation that occurs in such a thread and how it inspires me.
I bring up the skills in an introduction or a conversation when the basis for the relationship is D/s and service only. Even then, I discuss the skills as a secondary point in a discussion about my draw to service. When I introduce myself towards a broader relationship, discussing service skills seems odd to me as it would for any companionship or romantic relationship. I think the idea that I am interested to do things for her (versus a list of specific things) is important and providing a list of what I can do is not something I am likely to do at the outset. Each conversation is different but this approach is my general one.
My BDSM interests rely more on the mental aspects and less on having physical things done to me. So perhaps that has made this question of what the sub can do in return less relevant. I have no interest in CBT specifically. If I engage in CBT, I see it as engaging in an activity that the domme enjoys and as an activity that serves my general want to engage in BDSM. And if I do engage in an activity just for the sake of the domme, I see it as part of the bigger give and take relationship. As long as the give and take is occurring relatively evenly in each direction, how well does the same perspective (seeing an activity as part of a bigger give and take relationship, or as a means to achieve BDSM) work for a domme?
When I do engage in any such activities, I see it as one form of participation in a D/s dynamic. If you find no reward in CBT and are doing it only to indulge the sub, it is fair to expect that he will reciprocate in some other manner. If you are also enjoying CBT then I think that activity itself satisfies both persons. If it is indeed satisfying both persons, is there still a need to have something done in turn? If so, can you put your finger on why you feel this way?
On a similar note, I am wondering if you consider a sub providing oral sex to you an activity that only serves him?
Also, to provide service so I can receive an activity such as CBT positions the service as a barter and makes the service less interesting to me. To me, the service is most interesting when it is an expression of D/s.
quote:
I’m often at a loss as to what the guy has in mind when we’re not doing the sex or BDSM thing. For this reason, I like to know enough about him to get some clue.
I agree that this point is important, especially for a broader relationship. I see this point and the question about recreational activities to be part of personality rather than skills.
quote:
Perhaps one of the things some of us Toppy kind of women are looking for is something, anything, other than a guy out looking for easy, kinky sex.
I think this point is a key one and can make for an interesting discussion, which I will save for another time.
Cheers,
Sea
|
RE: Posts you'd love to see from male subs - 
Profile
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread