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Profile Disconnect?? - 5/1/2007 7:09:19 PM

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I've been recently going over Domme profiles in my area becuase a thread about the differences between Doms/Dommes peaked my interest. I skimmed through about 30 or so in my state and came to a couple of conclusions, but I'd like to get some outside thoughts on the matter, so I need to ask some questions first.

1. Why do so many of the profiles state the need to emasculate/humiliate their sub? I realize the obvious answer is "play", but there is an impression that such an emasculation is part of the D/s dynamic, not play, when I read it. Several of them were seeking "sissy boys" as well, which to be honest I don't quite understand. If a Domme want someone to dress, act, and talk like a girl, why not just get an actual girl? Probably literal-mindedness on my part so some enlightenment would be appreciated.

2. Another that is related to the first is: Why is self-centeredness, harshness, and a very demanding tone so prevalent? The obvious answer is "Because I'm the Domme", but thats not quite I'm getting at. Its more the approach taken in writing the profile indicates a very dismissive attitude to any sub that would try to contact them. "Don't waste my time" is pretty common line, and seem to be a very good summarization of how the profile is written. I think I ran across one or two which had anything like a caring, loving tone to the profile. Does having a profile on here require a Domme to leave out there caring side an order to screen out the wannabes, or is it really the way they want their relationships to be?

3. No mention of vanilla aspects? Not as common, but most of the profiles concentrated exclusively on the kink with not a word about their vailla aspects. I don't have many myself, but I do mention a few. Is this an attempt to protect themselves or possibley they just don't care?

I don't mean any insult by asking these questions. Many of the Domme's that I've read their thread replies seem to be much more 'real' than the profiles I've read, which lead me to think there's a rather severe disconnect from a profile than thier actual selves.

RE: Profile Disconnect?? - 5/1/2007 7:16:23 PM

Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
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Regarding the tone, the standard answers I think you'll likely get:

1. Too much mail to go through.
2. 'Do me' submissives.
3. Weed out the wannabes.
4. One-liners.
5. Follows instructions (reference numbers 2 and 3).

I'm sure I'm missing a few but those holes will most certainly be filled.

I love it here.

Edited to add: I think it's interesting that you referenced the thread about the differences between Dommes/Doms. There certainly are quite a few.

< Message edited by joyinslavery -- 5/1/2007 7:39:13 PM >

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to BondageTopJere)

RE: Profile Disconnect?? - 5/1/2007 7:37:54 PM

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Bah, rote answers one and all

. I even put the "obvious" answers in just for that reason. There all equally valid and applicable, and all of them are in reaction to something else, but they're not the sole reason why the profiles are written as such.

(in reply to joyinslavery)

RE: Profile Disconnect?? - 5/1/2007 7:40:54 PM

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Well, I guess we'll see (I did say I was missing a few).

Look forward to it.

Edited to add: Why ask the question if you already know the answer.

< Message edited by joyinslavery -- 5/1/2007 7:42:08 PM >

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to BondageTopJere)

RE: Profile Disconnect?? - 5/1/2007 7:46:26 PM

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Simple. The question is one thing, the answer is another. Its the reason for the answer I'm interested in. Simple conversation...

"Whats your favorite color?"
"blue"
"What the reason why blue is favorite color?"

Its that second question where you find out a persons reasoning and what makes them tick, which is the part i'm interested in knowing about.

(in reply to joyinslavery)

RE: Profile Disconnect?? - 5/1/2007 7:48:26 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BondageTopJere

Simple. The question is one thing, the answer is another. Its the reason for the answer I'm interested in. Simple conversation...

"Whats your favorite color?"
"blue"
"What the reason why blue is favorite color?"

Its that second question where you find out a persons reasoning and what makes them tick, which is the part i'm interested in knowing about.

The reason IS the answer.

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to BondageTopJere)

RE: Profile Disconnect?? - 5/1/2007 7:57:23 PM

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quote:

The reason IS the answer.

Very rarely is the reason ever the answer, unless it is a open-ended question to begin with. How, what, when, where; all questions that can be answered simply and almost all having an underlying reason is to why the orignial question is given a paticular answer. It is "Why?", which is when the reason IS the answer.

The rote answers which i was hoping to avoid all response to how and what. None of them are in response to why.

(in reply to joyinslavery)

RE: Profile Disconnect?? - 5/1/2007 8:02:11 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BondageTopJere

quote:

The reason IS the answer.

It is "Why?", which is when the eason IS the answer.

The rote answers which i was hoping to avoid all response to how and what. None of them are in response to why.

Did I mistake you to ask "Why the difference?"

Why equals reason, reason equals answer.

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to BondageTopJere)

RE: Profile Disconnect?? - 5/1/2007 8:08:21 PM

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quote:

Why equals reason, reason equals answer

Correct and I concede the point. I just that I don't feel the rote answers are the full answer as to why. Their partial answers without the reasonining behind it being apparent.

(in reply to joyinslavery)

RE: Profile Disconnect?? - 5/1/2007 8:10:58 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BondageTopJere

quote:

Why equals reason, reason equals answer

Correct and I concede the point. I just that I don't feel the rote answers are the full answer as to why. Their partial answers without the reasonining behind it being apparent.

Sorry but that's just my posting style.

It's a strict violation for me to become involved in 'overthink' here so I try to avoid it whenever possible.

It'll be interesting to see where (if anywhere) this thread goes.

< Message edited by joyinslavery -- 5/1/2007 8:13:13 PM >

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to BondageTopJere)

RE: Profile Disconnect?? - 5/1/2007 8:29:12 PM

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TopJere, I am becoming fast friends, of platonic type, with my Sirs ex sub who is a Domme. She is a powerful community authority and has a persona that intimidates most people who have NO confidence or a poor self confidence. She is not one of those Dommes that has the type of profile you describe in # 2 or 3, but she does find it within herself to begin by telling submen that in order to get her attention, and she IS an attention whore (self admittedly), they must humiliate themselves by sucking another mans cock. And she has been begging my Sir for years to be the Dom these men met to suck their cock.
She has developed this thing called screening. To get to her, submen and femsubs MUST be screened. Sir and I will be her newest screener couple. Sir has always screened for her. Since I am now his, we will do it together.

Sir was telling me today, she desires/loves to humiliate powerful men and if they pass her test, and they ARE good during screening , she auditons them, where she meets them.
She always auditions men/women with another Dom (man) friend.

She has enough clout to get her femsub off work for several days inorder to fulfill her abduction rapescene fantasy, BECAUSE she is the Domme of the company topdog.

But never have I seen or read this Domme feel a need to come across with a profile as in number 2. My Sir tells me, a Dom/me who does such "pretty much lacks self esteem and confidence" and has a need to come across in that manner. That has been HIS experience for 12 years in lifestyle knowledge in this particular neck of the woods.

Now I am sure many a domme will will jump down my throat, but I dont give a hankypanky bit. That is the experience of those I know and how I got found by such a great Dom and a damned good Domme friend of his, Lord only knows (truly) !! They are both established and well respected in lifestyle in this area.

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you is the only Man truly worthy of being called Master.

(in reply to joyinslavery)

RE: Profile Disconnect?? - 5/1/2007 10:03:16 PM

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From: Houston, TX
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All I can tell you is the why of my own profile. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. However, I suspect the why will be different for many fem doms. The rote answers you and joyinslavery already supplied would be the same assumptions I would make. Aside form that, to delve deeper, you may have to ask the individuals.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to myobedience)

RE: Profile Disconnect?? - 5/1/2007 10:50:51 PM

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From: Austin, TX
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A bunch of theories follow.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BondageTopJere
1. Why do so many of the profiles state the need to emasculate/humiliate their sub?

One reason could indeed be an expression of D/s. Because of societal models, emasculation is a form of expressing D/s in the Fm dynamic whereas the same does not exist in the Mf dynamic. It would be interesting to compare the tendency to emasculate in the Mf dynamic and the Mm dynamic, and this comparison would be relevant for my next point.

In my opinion, there is a greater tendency in the Fm dynamic--especially amongst male subs--to create constructs (amazons, martial arts, female superiority, feminization) to justify the power exchange in face of roles defined by society than there is in the Mf dynamic. Perhaps emasculation is one such construct that allows an escape of sorts from the societal pressures of traditional roles for each the domme and the sub.

quote:

Why is self-centeredness, harshness, and a very demanding tone so prevalent? The obvious answer is "Because I'm the Domme", but thats not quite I'm getting at.

I think different motivations could drive this tone. In some cases it might be used to direct the profile to attract seekers of a fantasy--usually profiles that are seeking a particular return assume this tone. In some cases it might be due to frustration with what they encounter in terms of emails they receive. In some cases, it may be due to arrogance that might have arisen with the large amounts of attention due to the lopsided ratios. In some cases, it may be an expression of a role with which the person identifies--I see this as the mirror image of a sub who writes a very subservient profile.

quote:

No mention of vanilla aspects?

I see profiles that list simply a role, gender and an age, which baffles me. And I bet even these profiles get mail!

One reason could be to attract potentials towards a D/s relationship only. Some dommes have a clearly defined line between a lover and a sub. One reason could be newness to D/s. In the beginning, I focused only or mostly on the D/s aspects when I presented myself, both for privacy and for not realizing the importance of vanilla aspects. And I think the lopsided ratios may allow this approach--that is, they don't present vanilla aspects because they know they can get attention without that additional detail. Personally, I think a domme who relies on herself as well as the ratio to attract attention has an advantage over one who relies on the ratios only.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to BondageTopJere)

RE: Profile Disconnect?? - 5/1/2007 11:53:59 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BondageTopJere
1. Why do so many of the profiles state the need to emasculate/humiliate their sub?

whoooooooooooh those sound like fun profiles, the ones i seem to notice!

the type i avoid are married women looking for subs (sounds like trouble to me) or no photos or want immediate relocation with out any phone contact. I could go one but if you feel something’s wrong with a profile then usually there is.

Even after talking to some Dommes on the phone I can tell they are loopy or addicted to drama meaning not for me. I like strong Independent women that are really in charge of their own lives. I like it when they have needs but are not needy
I think some times the profiles people make are what they want to be and not who they are.
Mine is who I am and in some ways it hurts me other ways down the road it won’t lead to surprises for someone.

< Message edited by mantis65 -- 5/1/2007 11:55:46 PM >

(in reply to undergroundsea)

RE: Profile Disconnect?? - 5/2/2007 1:00:28 AM

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To unergroundsea

quote:

Because of societal models, emasculation is a form of expressing D/s in the Fm dynamic whereas the same does not exist in the Mf dynamic. It would be interesting to compare the tendency to emasculate in the Mf dynamic and the Mm dynamic, and this comparison would be relevant for my next point.

I actually tried to see if there was a corresponding term for 'emascualtion' for the other way around and as far as I can tell there isn't, at least in English. As for the Mm dynamic, there are several I've seen, at least from the D's side, were emasculatization does play a rather large role, at least for the play side of the house. If there wasn't, there'd be a lot of TS/TG types SOL I suspect.

quote:

In my opinion, there is a greater tendency in the Fm dynamic--especially amongst male subs--to create constructs (amazons, martial arts, female superiority, feminization)

Interesting veiwpoint. I tend to use 'types' rather than 'constructs' but essentially the same. But much past emascualte/humiliate, I'm finding it difficult to identify any other relationship concept that seems to be somewhat prevalent.
I agree with the rest of your viewpoints in the remainder of your reply, and I too suspect the ratios game is a large contributing factor. It might be shyness or uncertainy in many cases, but a lot of the profiles, I suspect, need not simply expend much energy in writing a profile when they know full well they wil get at least some attention, regardless of whatever tone or information is put in there profile. Somewhat akin to the "If you throw enough s**t at a wall, at least some of it will stick" approach to things.

To Mantis

quote:

whoooooooooooh those sound like fun profiles, the ones i seem to notice!

Lol, completely a good reason for many. I can understand that for many subs that this is indeed something which they truly desire. Like I said above, that dynamic can for the basis for a good D/s dynamic, I'm trying to understand why there doens't seem to be much else other than that.

(in reply to mantis65)

RE: Profile Disconnect?? - 5/2/2007 1:17:35 AM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BondageTopJere

~major snippage~ ...I'm trying to understand why there doens't seem to be much else other than that.

I cannot answer for most, or for anyone really, other than myself. However, I think you are seriously overanalyzing the 'reason'. My "Profile" lists that I am seeking a slave - I am. It lists vanilla and BDSM interests, because I wanted to list them. My Journal lists maybe 3 posts. Basically, my profile is fairly bland in comparison to other Dommes. That does not deter the numerous requests I get for time or attention. But, I'm not trying to deter it, I'd much rather see how I'm approached, and respond accordingly. I get fairly equal amounts of good approaches, and poor approaches. Do you think that if I drastically changed my profile that the ratio of good approaches would suddenly outweigh the number of poor approaches?

It would seem, that supply and demand alone allows for it. There are more submissive men seeking what it is that we offer vs us seeking what it is that they offer. Since that is the case, there is no NEED for us to write anything...at all, and we will still get pleny of inquiries. Now, if that were not the case, then perhaps you'd see a change in profile structure.

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RE: Profile Disconnect?? - 5/2/2007 3:09:22 AM

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The sissy boy is someone who gets off on the humiliation of having to dress up as a female in all its finery (bows and all) and desires to do just that because that’s what his head is all about. And a dominant female that wants to play with those dynamics is getting off on the fact that he is getting a huge amount of pleasure from it and for that reason alone, so does she.
I play with t-girls sometimes and its not because they are she/hes but because I have found on my path through this lifestyle, that t-girls are so outwardly expressive and happy people. They have spent most of their existence within their own heads and kept their secret close to their hearts. They have often been incredibly unhappy and wretched up until the point of coming out. When they do come out and suddenly become aware of their acceptance on the scene, they embrace life with such joy and relief. For this reason I find t-girls an absolute delight to work with.

Question 2
I see this more on the boards than I do in rl, though I do see some Mistresses ‘playing the game’ in the clubs and munches.
I really do think its to do with not being sure of themselves but all they are actually doing is creating a lot of hard work for themselves. I mean how long can they keep that up for?
I am known as a formidable Mistress which rather baffles me because I always speak quietly and I smile a lot (though my smile can mean many things!)

Not sure if I have much about my vanilla life on my profile (needs to go and look)

(in reply to Domin8tingUrDrmz)

RE: Profile Disconnect?? - 5/2/2007 6:45:51 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Domin8tingUrDrmz

It would seem, that supply and demand alone allows for it. There are more submissive men seeking what it is that we offer vs us seeking what it is that they offer. Since that is the case, there is no NEED for us to write anything...at all, and we will still get pleny of inquiries. Now, if that were not the case, then perhaps you'd see a change in profile structure.

While the numbers game may be in your favor, omitting the information mentioned, may also be causing you to miss out on meeting the "cream of the crop" so to speak. Not all male subs will throw themselves at any woman who labels themselves as a dominant. Many men are wise enough to be discriminating as well.

When I was looking, a woman with an incomplete profile; one that told me next to nothing about her, or one who didn't post on the boards thereby revealing something of her personality, did not catch my interest in the least.

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to Domin8tingUrDrmz)

RE: Profile Disconnect?? - 5/2/2007 9:57:00 AM

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Speaking as One who has literally next to nothing on My profile, I can only guess at some of the answers to your questions.

1. I honestly have no idea, since I have absolutely no interest in this area. I've had at least 15 posts that specifically say that I want My boys to be boys and if I wanted a girl, I'd get one. It's just not My thing.

2. I would think that you might be right in your assumption that the tone might be based in not wanting their time wasted. I'm sure that the mailboxes get quite full of letters that are nothing but one-liners, looking for wank material, nothing to do with what One is actually looking for. I don't get as much mail as some, but I see this in even My own mailbox. It's a rare treat to find a well written letter or someone who actually is looking for a good conversation.

3. The last one seems to Me that, since it is a BSDM site, that might be the most likely thing to have in common. Getting those areas to match up is hard enough, even before adding in the vanilla stuff. Believe it or not, I have more trouble finding someone to match My hair fetish rather than what kind of movies I like. Not to mention, since I'm in charge and I say W/we're going to see a comedy, that's where W/we're going.

Hope that provides some insight.

Oh, and mantis..... pfffffttttt..... Don't knock Us married Domme's until you try it.

(in reply to BondageTopJere)

RE: Profile Disconnect?? - 5/2/2007 10:04:07 AM

Domin8tingUrDrmz

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I'm not so certain about missing out on 'the cream of the crop'. I am in the process of meeting someone now. Only time will tell for sure if he is the cream or not.

I also speak with numerous other subby types via IM from here, and well, if subby number one doesn't work out, I have options available. And before you ask, yes, I have made them aware that I am considering someone other than them.

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(in reply to pixelslave)

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