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Married partners - 5/1/2006 6:18:30 PM   
genvieve


Posts: 228
Joined: 5/14/2005
From: SF Bay Area
Status: offline 		Ok.  i have a difficult question and please, i do not mean this to be offensive at all...so rather i'm just going to shoot the question out there and see what Y/ya'll have to say about it.
 
How do you feel about being involved with a Dominant/submissive online when he or she is married?  Does the marraige effect the relationship and how?

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In the quietness of myself, i find myself at the mercy of Your hand.

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RE: Married partners - 5/1/2006 6:27:14 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		http://www.collarchat.com/m_298084/mpage_1/key_married/tm.htm#298084
collared when married to others

http://www.collarchat.com/m_194066/mpage_1/key_married/tm.htm#194066
poly and the secrets from extended family



_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to genvieve)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Married partners - 5/1/2006 6:30:29 PM   
GeekFreak


Posts: 102
Joined: 4/24/2006
Status: offline 		Well, while many are going to disagree with me, I'd say 100% don't do it. Even though people say they and maybe even their spouse is okay with it, there may be consequences that no one is aware of that could damage that marriage. If there's even the slightest chance of negetively effecting their lives (which there pretty much always would be), it seems that out of respect for others and their marriage, that you would find another partner. 

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Married partners - 5/1/2006 6:41:20 PM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		My profile addresses this:

NO MARRIED MEN~NO MARRIED MEN~NO MARRIED MEN


I don't seem to have very many married women contact me, so I have not added that.

My reasons??

I live a NO-DRAMA lifestyle. I don't even care if the couple is hip to it... I have had experience of interacting with a married couple that really spoiled ever getting into anything like that again.

I refuse to involve myself with anyone who is married.

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MstrssPassion


(in reply to genvieve)
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RE: Married partners - 5/1/2006 6:50:25 PM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.


Why are you a bunny rabbit?

Taggard

< Message edited by TallDarkAndWitty -- 5/1/2006 6:51:07 PM >

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.


My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Married partners - 5/1/2006 6:52:13 PM   
SDFemDom4cuck


Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline 		I just simply refuse to be a part of an innocent person being hurt emotionally through another partner's selfishness. Eventually the other party is going to find out.

OMG a Domme with *gasp* morals. 

But seriously someone actually wrote that I had a lot of nerve getting sanctimonious about his being married when I'm a "slut" after I explained this simple rule to him. Needless to say this guy had no clue about BDSM. Since I'm looking for a cuckold and permanent relationship it really wouldn't work for Me to train a married man. Besides I'm waaay too accustomed to getting what I want when I want it rather than waiting for it to be convenient to sneak away from the wifey. No thank you. Great question!



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Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to genvieve)
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RE: Married partners - 5/1/2006 6:58:27 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: genvieve

Ok. i have a difficult question and please, i do not mean this to be offensive at all...so rather i'm just going to shoot the question out there and see what Y/ya'll have to say about it.

How do you feel about being involved with a Dominant/submissive online when he or she is married? Does the marraige effect the relationship and how?


Aside from the fact that I don't do online relationships at all I can speak to the question of being involved with married folks.

I require that I meet any primary partner -- married or not -- before I agree to even negotiate with a person. There is no way I'm endangering my household by doing anything that is really cheating to one's other partner(s) because I think its a set-up for diaster.

Even when I've talked to them, I need to do check-ins. Are things all right "at home"? Are they comfortable with our scheduled sessions? Again this is about me protecting what I all ready have.

Given these conditions I'll be brutally honest and say that most married people are not suitable to be my submissive or slave. I just require too much interaction for most people's confort.

However, I have successfully trained and helped two married men explore their interests under these rules and their wives seemed quite happy with the results; another man I dismissed because I frankly didn't feel a deep enough connection with him to continue.

All of these men had wonderful spouses who went to lunch with me one-on-one, talked to me on the phone, and even helped me figure out an approach to training or had requests that I took into consideration. They themselves just weren't interested, for whatever reason, in doing Ds with their husbands but wanted their husbands to have a chance to explore. I think all three now do some Ds and SM stuff at home in varying degrees. When I hear from them (it happens from time to time) it is always positively.

I have also had my worse BDSM experience with a couple who claimed to be poly but was really more into "one-upping" each other it turned out. They are the reason I developed my harsher approach to finding potentials and training.



< Message edited by thetammyjo -- 5/1/2006 7:02:56 PM >

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Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to genvieve)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Married partners - 5/1/2006 6:58:46 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		I agree with the having no-drama lifestyle comment and I will add no complications lifestyle, there are enough drama's and complications in everyday life without inviting it in with a situation you know will lead to that. Also agree with respecting anothers marriage and partnership, if the married person is having marital problems that they have to go outside their marriage, let them sort that out first. Whatever way you put it, however its justified, what being involved with a married person comes down to is "an intrusion on a marriage".

The only exception I see is if the married partners were both involved, like say they were swingers or something. Then its a marital decision and both people have agreed....if that turns out to be a good or bad lifestyle choice, time will tell.

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Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to MstrssPassion)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Married partners - 5/1/2006 7:04:30 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		I love the NO DRAMA comment.  I try and live a no drama lifestyle...although I don't succeed very often, I certainly don't need that added complication.

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Married partners - 5/1/2006 7:05:49 PM   
misfire


Posts: 55
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Greenville, SC
Status: offline 		Is the spouse consenting?  If not, then it'd be a deal-breaker.

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Married partners - 5/1/2006 7:13:22 PM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck

OMG a Domme with *gasp* morals. 



Lots of Dommes have morals.  Even Pro-Dommes who see  married clients.  Their morals are just different than yours...yet in no way inferior.

Don't you think that it is a bit hypocritical to take the moral highroad, when that is exactly what others would do with your lifestyle if given the chance?

I just love the acceptance and love that this community engenders...sheesh!

Taggard


_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.


My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to SDFemDom4cuck)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Married partners - 5/1/2006 7:15:46 PM   
MontaukDaisies


Posts: 130
Joined: 2/24/2006
Status: offline 		Isn't a cuckold a married man??

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~The true measure of a Man is to notice what He does when no one else is looking, when He is guided by His own sense of right and wrong.~

(in reply to SDFemDom4cuck)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Married partners - 5/1/2006 7:16:00 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty
Why are you a bunny rabbit?

Taggard

LOL that's a bigger question than you know.

Lust Bunny is one of the nicknames my local partner has for me, and I thought the peep picture was too cute for words and that it would be fun to put that up instead of the same old black and white pic of me.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Married partners - 5/1/2006 7:18:08 PM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Lust Bunny is one of the nicknames my local partner has for me



Lust Bunny, eh?  I'm not quite sure that avatar catches the Lust part...*wink*


_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.


My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Married partners - 5/1/2006 7:20:50 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty
Lust Bunny, eh?  I'm not quite sure that avatar catches the Lust part...*wink*


Heh, that's where the underestimation comes in- a cute n cuddly young bunny next door.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Married partners - 5/1/2006 7:26:03 PM   
MissA


Posts: 192
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline 		If the partner doesn't know then absolutely not.

However, if the partner is aware and you can verify this is the truth then it's fine. I am married and scene with others but they always meet the Hubby and vice-versa.

~Ms. A~

_____________________________

Life is not measured in the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away ~Author Unknown~
My Domain

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Married partners - 5/1/2006 7:31:33 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline 		I only get involved with married partners if everyone is 100% aware and involved in one way or another. Open and honest is the only way to go. Online you can't know for sure if the spouse knows or consents.

And if involved with a married partner, as soon as one or the other no longer wants the outside person as part of their relationship you walk away. It might hurt, but you are the spare and the spouse always, always, comes first.

The "other" person is there by invitation only. The invitation can be revoked at anytime and you have to realize that and accept it as part of the deal.

I refuse to cause a problem within a marriage so always take the back role. Sometimes i'm overly cautious and appear to be too aloof or not emotionally attatched. That's not usually the case as i only get involved with people if i feel a connection with them, but my worry of being a problem sometimes rules my brain lol 

< Message edited by akisha -- 5/1/2006 7:56:18 PM >

_____________________________

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It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Married partners - 5/1/2006 7:54:28 PM   
nimbus2004


Posts: 12
Joined: 12/6/2004
Status: offline 		I wouldn't have someone even clean my house if he has a partner who isn't cool with it - directly confirmed by me.

My husband and I have subs with whom we have been playing exclusively for a few years, who aren't attached. My husband and I have very specifically negotiated and re-negotiated rules of what is and isn't ok to do with others, and communicated that to our subs. We like each others subs and do stuff besides play with them.


(in reply to akisha)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Married partners - 5/1/2006 8:13:20 PM   
HouseofBear


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/9/2005
Status: offline 		We do not have a problem with playing or collaring someone who is married, as long as their spouse is cognizant and verified by us as agreeing to such occurring.


(in reply to nimbus2004)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Married partners - 5/1/2006 8:20:22 PM   
slaveladyj


Posts: 161
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline 		Going to go the opposite here of everyone else. My bf knows of my online dom, knows of the things I do, and is completely fine with it. In fact he assists me, and my dom is mentoring him in dominating me too.

(in reply to HouseofBear)
Profile   Post #: 20
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