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"I disagree" "Shut up, slave" - 7/8/2007 10:27:30 PM

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I'm a little confused about people with this lifestyle 24/7
If sub or a slave ( if there are any difference between the answers for sub/slave, do tell ^^ ) disagrees with their master, not about sex or something, but about a social issue or...anything really, how would it be handled?
I just know that my dom is going to jump up and say "shut up or ill punish you" the instant I argue with him, I think I am going to have to sit down and explain that I DO have opinions.

But, how do you handle disagreements?

RE: "I disagree" "Shut up, slave" - 7/8/2007 10:33:49 PM

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That would really depend upon the nature of the original agreement that was negotiated. Very few people in a 24/7 relationship would be in the "Shut up, slave" mode for everything. For some, they only have a bedroom D/s dynamic and there are any number of combinations and permutations between those two extremes. The thing is, to get all that on the table at the outset and be honest about expectations. You can't pretend to be into Total Power Exchange and then wonder why things fall apart the first time you say "Not tonight, dear, I have a headache!"

:))
LH

_____________________________

"BDSM is not an excuse for bad manners."

(in reply to Hina00)

RE: "I disagree" "Shut up, slave" - 7/8/2007 10:35:24 PM

arayofsunshine55

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I chose someone who likes me. As opinionated, brash, articulate, thoughtful, silly, etc as I am. And he is really just fine with watching/witnessing all of that in action. I don't have to be any less me to be with him. So when I disagree I say so. I state my point of view. Sometimes it matters. Sometimes it doesn't. But he is almost always interested in hearing what I have to say. To knowing that he might hear something he had not already considered. Knowing that 2 minds are better than one. He also knows he gets to make the final decision.

And we don't do punishment. And he is almost never dismissive in the manner you describe.

_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to Hina00)

RE: "I disagree" "Shut up, slave" - 7/8/2007 10:35:56 PM

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hina00
If sub or a slave....disagrees with their master, not about sex or something, but about a social issue or...anything really, how would it be handled?

quote:

I just know that my dom is going to jump up and say "shut up or ill punish you" the instant I argue with him, I think I am going to have to sit down and explain that I DO have opinions.
But, how do you handle disagreements?

Ok...as a slave who is in a 24/7, r/t relationship....here goes:
First of all, Master and I don't ever really disagree on social, political, moral, etc. issues. We think very, very much alike. However, on the issue of gun control, we do have some differing opinions. It is "handled" by Him stating His views and me stating mine and then we discuss. He has valid points as do I and we recognize and value them. I would NEVER be punished or told to "shut up" for thinking different thoughts or having different views than He does.

Master has made it clear that NO MATTER WHAT the issue - personal or social - my opinions are valid and He wants to hear them. We don't necessarily attempt to persuade each other to see it a different way but we do like to discuss, debate, and learn. If He ever told me to "shut up" or I'd be "punished" for expressing the opinions He has told me I may express, I'd think He'd gone mad

...........luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to Hina00)

RE: "I disagree" "Shut up, slave" - 7/8/2007 10:36:14 PM

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Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hina00

I'm a little confused about people with this lifestyle 24/7
If sub or a slave ( if there are any difference between the answers for sub/slave, do tell ^^ ) disagrees with their master, not about sex or something, but about a social issue or...anything really, how would it be handled?
I just know that my dom is going to jump up and say "shut up or ill punish you" the instant I argue with him, I think I am going to have to sit down and explain that I DO have opinions.

But, how do you handle disagreements?

In my relationship with Valyraen there is nothing to handle. He desires women who are intelligent and more then capable of thinking for themselves and forming their own opinions, regardless of if they match his. I am encouraged to think upon the ways of the world and come up with my opinions. I would be punished if I hide my true feelings from him whenever it came up. He has often said the hottest thing about me is my "big, sexy brain". We debate often and he never calls it off because he is losing. He will only call it off if we are going round and round and not getting anywhere.

In truth, he would have no use for me if I were willing to hide my views on issues, social, political or otherwise, simply to please him. If that is more of the dynamic that you desire, then yes you will have to speak with him.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 7/8/2007 10:37:12 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Hina00)

RE: "I disagree" "Shut up, slave" - 7/8/2007 10:40:07 PM

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From: Little Rock, AR
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
He desires women who are intelligent and more then capable of thinking for themselves and forming their own opinions, regardless of if they match his. I am encouraged to think upon the ways of the world and come up with my opinions. I would be punished if I hide my true feelings from him whenever it came up. He has often said the hottest thing about me is my "big, sexy brain"

quote:

In truth, he would have no use for me if I were willing to hide my views on issues, social, political or otherwise, simply to please him

Yeah. I forgot to say all this too

. Ditto!

luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to AquaticSub)

RE: "I disagree" "Shut up, slave" - 7/8/2007 10:44:25 PM

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From: Toronto
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I always tell my slaves to shut up.

I'm also single.

Any questions?

Yours,

benji

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Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to slaveluci)

RE: "I disagree" "Shut up, slave" - 7/8/2007 11:18:41 PM

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Greetings,

Well why would i disagree with the One who i have given total controll over to. No i am not a doormat..yes i can think for myself, in my line of work i have to make may decissions...but if something were to come up that i did not agree with i would ask permission to say how i felt...but the last decision is His.

_____________________________

viperess slave of BlackTarnHeart
heart and chain sister to velvetvixen68

(in reply to gooddogbenji)

RE: "I disagree" "Shut up, slave" - 7/8/2007 11:38:05 PM

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Sir will tell me to shut up if i'm rambling, not making sense any more, or just being obnoxious, but to be quite honest, during those times, I'm totally asking for it. ;)

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Mmm... briska!

(in reply to viperess)

RE: "I disagree" "Shut up, slave" - 7/8/2007 11:44:45 PM

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My Daddy loves my opinionated mouth ... most of the time. If I get a bit carried away or fiesty he tells me to stop talking (only once or twice has he had to tell me to shut up). He will tell me why he is disagreeing with me so that I listen to him (and calm down while I am listening). Then I know to ask for permission to speak and he usually says okay ... by then I am more calm and can express myself in better way. I am a very heated person and can easily get carried away when I feel strongly about something ... and lord do I love a feisty debate, hehe.

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My Journal

(in reply to briska)

RE: "I disagree" "Shut up, slave" - 7/8/2007 11:51:21 PM

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My slave can and does disagree with me on some issues but just because we disagree doesn't make it an argument. We simply don't have the same opinion on some things. As long as voices don't get raised and she speaks in a civil tone, I let her say what she wants. However, I do tell her to "shut up" at least a few times a day but that's not because we disagree. It's just that she talks too much and I need some peace and quiet.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hina00

I'm a little confused about people with this lifestyle 24/7
If sub or a slave ( if there are any difference between the answers for sub/slave, do tell ^^ ) disagrees with their master, not about sex or something, but about a social issue or...anything really, how would it be handled?
I just know that my dom is going to jump up and say "shut up or ill punish you" the instant I argue with him, I think I am going to have to sit down and explain that I DO have opinions.

But, how do you handle disagreements?

(in reply to Hina00)

RE: "I disagree" "Shut up, slave" - 7/8/2007 11:59:06 PM

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Joined: 2/5/2006
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Sure, I've been told to shut up before. My method of disagreeing was to argue incessantly and interrupt.

I can't remember the last time I was told that. Now if I disagree I say, "Master, I disagree, and my thoughts about it are.....such n such."

Sometimes it leads to conversation. Sometimes it leads to different decisions. Sometimes it doesn't change a thing, other than he knows where my head is on a given subject, which he always wants to know. But once I have told him my opinion, he knows it. Repeatedly bringing it up is going to lead me to that "shut up" road.

In most cases, it's really about how the message (disagreement) is delivered.

(in reply to Hina00)

RE: "I disagree" "Shut up, slave" - 7/9/2007 12:02:07 AM

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Great thread. Shows that newbies sometimes ask interesting questions too. Of course we've discussed it a few times before, but learning how to submit even when you disagree (and finding a dom who knows how to handle a sub who disagrees) is an important element of d/s.

< Message edited by Lordandmaster -- 7/9/2007 12:03:35 AM >

(in reply to Hina00)

RE: "I disagree" "Shut up, slave" - 7/9/2007 12:16:54 AM

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Master is a drama-free zone. i tend to get caught up in many passionate things, some of which He considers drama. Master is a gentleman, and has never told me to shut up. He has used many methods of silencing me... anything from pointing out what i am saying or doing (when i wind myself), to reminding me it is not my situation and to let it go, to advising me (when my kids are involved), to politely changing the subject, to giving me a look that silences me.

It would be difficult for me to respect someone who told me to shut up or i would be punished, or let it be known we must agree on all things. The iron fist in a velvet glove works really well with me.

Master's dorei

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

RE: "I disagree" "Shut up, slave" - 7/9/2007 1:36:27 AM

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I personally don't like yelling, I think its pointless.....power struggles is also not what BDSM should be about, everything should be consensual......its about power exchange where doms and subs, masters and slaves get what they need in a relationship....poly or mono on mono.....

There is the concept of a sub ruling from the bottom, and it irks and derails actual power exchange. On the reverse hand, people's hard limits should always be respected...soft limits can be explored carefully....(edge play).....

Beleive it or not, relationships are relationships whether they are vanilla or BDSM, so if you're asking what works in bdsm relationships? are you thinking they are significantly different than normal relationships?

(in reply to MasterNdorei)

RE: "I disagree" "Shut up, slave" - 7/9/2007 1:45:34 AM

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I own two brains (OK maybe 3 I'm a guy, but only two can function at any one time).
The fact that my two big brains don't always agree is not something new, hell even in the brain I've owned since birth there are some disagreements.

Elegant is free to have opinions that do not agree with mine, there are places and times when she is not only free to but expected to voice those disagreements.
But voicing them in a manner that shows respect. That said she is required to obey regardless of her opinion (unless she feels it's something worth walking out over, which niether of us forsee happening.)

To silence the opinions of my 3rd brain would be rather silly of me and a waste of perfectly good grey matter.
However once I have made a decission the time for input has stopped and the time for action has begun.
There has to be a time when debate stops and a decission is made on life issues, the right to make those decissions has been vested in me.

(in reply to wwwkevinww)

RE: "I disagree" "Shut up, slave" - 7/9/2007 1:52:08 AM

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From: Tampa, FL
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i haven't found a Dominant who would punish me for having a different opinion but certainly would punish me for being argumentative or if my words or tone were dismissive of HIS opinion.

In marketing we know that the content sells better if the packaging is attractive so maybe it's not what is being said or the opinion being held but the way it is being presented? The OP said "I just know that my dom is going to jump up and say "shut up or ill punish you" the instant I argue with him" (i added the bold for emphasis) so i'm unclear as to how the opinions are being expressed. If they are expressed in an argumentative tone then perhaps a "shut up" is warranted?

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to Hina00)

RE: "I disagree" "Shut up, slave" - 7/9/2007 1:55:36 AM

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I am slave in a 24/7 real time relationship with a Master who has very different opinions from myself. During discussions about various contentious issues we can often become very loud when stating our opinions. This isnt considered disrespectful because we discussed it prior to living together. I am able to give my opinion on any topic and able to debate fiercely with him but at the end of the day He makes the decisions. He doesnt decide how I vote or what I believe in or what my values may be but he makes all the day to day decisions for me and pretty much all the big ones too. But its okay because I know that He loves me totally and wouldnt do anything to make me unhappy unless it was in my best interest.

Did we always have this all worked out so well? Hell no, this has been a result of much trial and error and a commitment to staying together even when its been tough. And yes he has told me to shut up slave before but usually after I have already stated my thoughts and opinions and him asking me nicely to be quiet and listen and me disobeying and speaking to him disrespectfully. So I deserved the punishment I got because I was punished for being disobedient not for having an opinion.

My advice is find someone you trust and who is trustworthy. Then talk about all these issues you have in your head. If they have a problem with you talking about it then they probably arent the one you should be with. Then keep working at it until you get what suits you both. Good luck

(in reply to wwwkevinww)

RE: "I disagree" "Shut up, slave" - 7/9/2007 3:25:12 AM

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It's a given that I will always speak up when I feel the need. What you do is search for a relationship where you can feel free to express how you feel in a respectful way when the need arises. I have found other doms that expected the same as you are talking about, it didn't work for me. Master loves that I have opinions and can voice them with him.

He even bought me a coffee cup this past weekend that reads: "I'm not on this earth to please you...I'm here to rule!" I love that we have this type of relationship....I always know I am his slave, but I also know what I think matters.

_____________________________

And in that moment, everything I knew to be true about myself up until then was gone. I was acting like another woman, yet I was more myself than ever before. ~F

To hell with diamonds, lube is a girls best friend ;)

(in reply to Daddysjezzy)

RE: "I disagree" "Shut up, slave" - 7/9/2007 4:12:07 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hina00

But, how do you handle disagreements?

Master and I disagree from time to time about issues that span the spectrum of our relationship. Some of those issues are meaningless and result in a "hmm...interesting" comment and nothing more because the issue was irrelevant. And there have been a couple that caused us to have to stop and look at what was going on to determine whether something needed to be done about the disagreement. The fact that we differed in opinions has never been a cause of concern.

The only thing that has ever caused him to "HUSH" me was when I picked an inappropriate moment to question or disagree. He has hushed me occasionally, but has always come back and asked, when the time was more appropriate, "Now, what did you want to say?" I have been spoiled in my tendancy to say what I want when I want so this has occasionally caused a bit of a hurt feeling in me. However, I'm learning quickly that this is the way it is - it's what pleases him, it's what works for the relationship and that the little sting to my ego is a good thing for us overall.

The best time for me to negotiate HOW and WHEN I will voice my opinions and disagree is when we're not in a disagreeing moment. We established boundaries about how I will express myself when we are not in the heat of the issue causing the problem.

(in reply to Hina00)

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