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"The Submissive lie" - 3/24/2008 7:55:11 AM

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One of my submissive playmates posted the following (slightly edited) :

Which brings me to what I call "the submissive lie." The submissive lie is that subs get off on doing whatever their Dom (or domme) tells them to, just because he/she tells them to do it. The idea that I'd be overjoyed to pick up my doms dirty laundry just because I'm sub. Now in some respects I do enjoy helping him, and I was glad, of course, to help him out when he's not feeling well. But do I like doing housework? Never. Do I get horny and excited from being told to take out his trash? No. It is just a big fat lie that submissives just LOVE doing whatever you tell them to.

Comments?
And any doms reading this: please don't tell me to just dump the ungrateful slut; she is worth my time (perhaps my standards are low lol)
Dom(mes) feel free to post; perhaps I should have posted this in general category as I welcome feedback from both.

< Message edited by MasterDoc1 -- 3/24/2008 8:18:16 AM >

RE: "The Submissive lie" - 3/24/2008 7:58:13 AM

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"anything you want Sir" is basically the lie. Then you find out they really don't-after the fact. And you feel like an abuser-when it was really not your intention.

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RE: "The Submissive lie" - 3/24/2008 8:01:03 AM

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Please forgive me for posting as a Domme in Ask a Submissive/Slave...........but it has always seemed to me that a "submissive" was more the type of person who had more specific interests/would seek out someone with very similar interests, while a "slave" - who is truly acting as a "slave" - would delight in anything their Master asked of them.

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RE: "The Submissive lie" - 3/24/2008 8:03:21 AM

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Hmm its not ness the act itself but the fact that It makes him happy, and i get a thankyou or a pat or whatever, I actually have on occasion pouted when he has made his own cup of coffee and not asked me, but oh well thats just me

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RE: "The Submissive lie" - 3/24/2008 8:03:39 AM

MCage

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Seems to me that the "liar" is human ... we are all human, right?

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RE: "The Submissive lie" - 3/24/2008 8:04:04 AM

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Picking up the socks isn't so bad, it's hunting around the house for them that gets me, oh and having to turn them rightside out because they're always in inside out balls. I don't like having to put my hands inside dirty socks. Ever.

But I don't think any of us ever lie about it, dominants have a tendency to believe their own press. I'm happy to do his laundry which is not the same as enjoying the task. I'm happy I have a car to drive, but I don't enjoy standing outside freezing while filling the tank. The one doesn't negate the other.

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RE: "The Submissive lie" - 3/24/2008 8:04:16 AM

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I have gotten excited from just doing something that my Owner told me to do that wouldn't have excited me in any other context. My Owner has aroused me by having me take out the garbage before. There's nothing arousing about that when I do it elsewhere. :-p

Am I aroused by each and every thing she tells me to do? No, and I don't pretend to be. Arousal is not necessary for service...at all, really.

DV's Fox

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RE: "The Submissive lie" - 3/24/2008 8:05:54 AM

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Not sure where anyone would get the idea that because one is submissive it would make them "get off" on doing everything a dominant tells them to do. I know I have certainly not ever tried to give that impression. Actually, I think part of the beauty of submission is that we DO do things that we don't get off on. If we were only doing things that we "get off on", where would the submission come in?

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RE: "The Submissive lie" - 3/24/2008 8:09:19 AM

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Hmmm.. i think its the bigger the picture. Not that a sub gets wet everytime she does chores for her One. Lets be honest, chores and drudgery arent exciting day after day.
Its more about enjoying creating a pleasing and relaxing environment for Him, and the family if there is one.
And really, that can be a vanilla trait as well....
But i do agree with what your girl posted, no ones going to love doing everything they're told or expected to do. Doesnt mean they wont do it. All for the greater good.

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RE: "The Submissive lie" - 3/24/2008 8:14:32 AM

sambamanslilgirl

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now which twuism book what she reading to come up with that "submissives just LOVE doing whatever you tell them to" statement?

i for one don't get a big O from doing whatever Daddy tells me. i enjoy pleasing Him for the little things i do without being told.

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RE: "The Submissive lie" - 3/24/2008 8:17:41 AM

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quote:

Comments?

Not all who are submissive are motivated the same way, or are submissive in every aspect of their lives.

It might be a big fat lie if SHE said it, referencing only herself, because she doesn't mean it. but to claim that is how ALL submissives operate is ludicrous.

there are those who exist who DO get all hot wet and horny and indeed, "just LOVE doing whatever you tell them to", regardless of what it is...so, if they said it, they wouldn't be lying in the least.

the biggest "submissive lie" is that submissives are ALL __________________ (fill in the blank with whatever behavior, attitude or motivation you wish to insert).

(in reply to MasterDoc1)

RE: "The Submissive lie" - 3/24/2008 8:21:08 AM

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Some cyber theorists both dominants and submissives believe this but anyone who has spent a day in a real power exchange relationship knows this not to be true.

That is not to say that many in power exchange relationships and other types who do things for their loved ones and take some satisfaction and ownership in how they take care of their home. Submissives can also get a special thrill in these areas if they are on an emotional high or it is in them.

But I have never run into a real time dominant who thought everything ordered brings pleasure.

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RE: "The Submissive lie" - 3/24/2008 8:25:49 AM

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It's not whether they get off on it or not. And I have had plenty of subs real time.

It's about if you ask them if they are ok with doing something. You ask because you care.

They say they are cool with it-and you do it.

They come back days or weeks later-and say they really weren't,and they knew they weren't when they consented. And you totally lose trust in thier ability to be honest with you-and it ruins things.

So quit beating up the Op and calling him fake-cuz it happens and I have BEEN there.

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RE: "The Submissive lie" - 3/24/2008 8:27:31 AM

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I agree with most of what's already been said here. And as Mzbehavin pointed out, doing something one doesn't particularly enjoy doing - if one is doing it for the care and comfort of those one loves - can be a vanilla trait as well. I know for a fact that my mother hated ironing clothes (in the 50's most clothes had to be ironed), but she did it.

I suppose a submissive (or slave) who pouted and stomped her foot and complained bitterly about having to do something would be called "bratty." Vanilla "dominants" whose partners grumble and moan about the necessary but unloved tasks simply call them "bitchy."

A partner (BDSM or vanilla) who simply DOES the task without either grumbling or swooning with joy would be, in my eyes, a jewel. (Note, this is coming from a submissive person who would like to be considered a jewel [grin].)

< Message edited by Poetryinpain -- 3/24/2008 8:28:05 AM >

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RE: "The Submissive lie" - 3/24/2008 8:29:55 AM

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leather: Thanks for coming to my defense but I don't think anyone here was beating up on me or calling me "fake". I posted it to elicit comments and I am getting them.

< Message edited by MasterDoc1 -- 3/24/2008 8:31:14 AM >

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RE: "The Submissive lie" - 3/24/2008 8:30:44 AM

MontrealPhoenix

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Where is it written that everything we do for our Master has to make us wet? Personally i derive great satisfaction from having pleased him (or would if i had a Master) especially if it was something i didn't feel like doing.

To me, we don't get to pick and choose when and what we'll do, either we're submitting or we aren't...and that includes the less-than-exciting stuff.

Phoenix

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RE: "The Submissive lie" - 3/24/2008 8:32:14 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistresssAria
a "slave" - who is truly acting as a "slave" - would delight in anything their Master asked of them.

Wrong. Scrubbing the toilet is still disgusting, but I do it because it's the dynamic I signed up for and I love him enough to stay true to my word.

It's easy to be submissive when you're doing things you like, the real test is when you get to the things you don't like.

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RE: "The Submissive lie" - 3/24/2008 8:35:21 AM

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I think of it as each tiny little service I can give Him...contributes to the general overwhelming happiness and contentment of being owned. I dont get that happiness and contenment elsewhere. I need Himto get me there.So the little things.. laundry, housekeeping, remembering to remind him its his mother's birthday ...its all service even if its not sexual... I get off on being of service..so yes...to a greater or lesser degree I do get off on following orders.

And as for mindblowing orgasms from doing laundry... yesterday I got hot, damp squirmy and goey while we argued about the existence of God.. I was wet from being backed into a corner using nothing other than pure logic. I went to bed and came (loudly and with intent to wake the neighbours) thinking about that, Right now... getting horny from doing laundry service...looks kinda normal to me.

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RE: "The Submissive lie" - 3/24/2008 8:38:08 AM

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From reading similar threads, there do seem to be many Doms who feel that a sub should automatically enjoy anything that she is tasked with. I even spoke at length with a Dom about this idea over the weekend.

I believe that she wrote what she sees as the truth. Serving can sometimes be humbling (or humiliating) and difficult. As long as you are appreciated for what you do then it makes it worth it in the overall picture. I see nothing disrpectful or rebellious in what she wrote. I see signs of an intelligent woman just wanting to make her point.

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RE: "The Submissive lie" - 3/24/2008 8:40:05 AM

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quote:

No. It is just a big fat lie that submissives just LOVE doing whatever you tell them to.

I don't understand why you think this. Part of submitting (for me, anyway), is to be challenged, and that includes submitting to things I find uncomfortable and do not enjoy. I never lie about that sort of thing. I also do not expect that a dominant will only choose things that I enjoy. That would be boring.

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